From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
Date: Fri, Aug 13, 2004
The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love
and be loved in
return, you stupid fucking pukebrained sacks of jackal
crap.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
I know just what you mean, you hateful asshole. That
near to brought
tears to my eyes. Thank you. (sniff)
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Zapanas <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
Oh yeah right. Great. That always works out great too, doesn't it?
First they start teaching you that great lesson when
you are just
brand new. Earlier than you even learn to talk they
are teaching you
to love and be loved. You lay there not even able to
talk and they
say I LOVE YOU LITTLE BABY and you have no idea what
they mean but
they seem to say it when they are being nice so it seems
to be
something important. Then you learn to talk and it
becomes a mantra.
They say "I LOVE YOU" and you are supposed
to say "I LOVE YOU" back
and if you don't then there is something WRONG. And
they go OUT OF
THEIR WAY to choose emotionally neutral moments to say
it. They don't
say it during moments of great upswelling of affection,
they say it
when you are on your way out the door to go down the
street or
something and it is a complete non-sequiter. That's
the POINT. You
should LOVE them even when there is no reason to love
them, otherwise
it's not REALLY REAL love. It's MYSTICAL. It's the
GREATEST THING
YOU'LL EVER LEARN.
And they even go out of their way to introduce you to
the PARADOXES of
it. When they are mad at you, they say I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.
So what IS
love? Isn't it a feeling? NO! IT'S MYSTICAL! It's
a MAGIC feeling.
It's a feeling you always feel even when you don't feel
it.
Not that I didn't like them, my family I mean. Not
that I didn't feel
affection for them, friendship and loyalty. Love seems
to refer to
those qualities until you start fading into the mystical
qualities of
it. Friendship, affection and loyalty. Even a sense
of the other
person as having worth and value. But no, that's not
good enough.
You are MISSING SOMETHING THERE. Love is like you love
someone even
though you hate them, see? Why can't you get that?
It's like believing in Jesus. It's magic. You have
to say it and
believe it, even though it doesn't have any specific
meaning. BECAUSE
it has no specific meaning. And if you DOUBT that,
there's something
WRONG with you.
Then you get laid. And she looks back at you after
with big dewy eyes
and says "I LOVE YOU". But you've learned
by then that if you love
someone you should want to live with them forever and
ever and ever.
Oh shit.
And she looks back at you as if waiting for the password.
So you bite
the inside of your cheek and say "I LOVE YOU".
And in a new sexual relationship she will say it every
five minutes.
And look at you with big dewy eyes. Waiting for the
pussy password.
And I think "GAH YOUR FAMILY DID THAT SHIT TO YOU,
TOO"
EVERYBODY'S family did that to them. Because it's THE
GREATEST THING
YOU WILL EVER LEARN.
It's not, really, that I am such a grisly cynic about
the whole thing.
In as much as love seems to refer to something like
affection and a
sense of the other person's value, plus a certain genuine
empathy for
them. For that matter I like people in general. For
better or worse
I am probably the nicest person you would ever meet.
I suppose
because I can differentiate between affection and LOVE
with it's
attendant implication of commitment and nest-building
I have affection
for a lot of people, probably more than I would otherwise.
I'll tell you what the greatest thing I could ever learn
would be,
unka nenslo, that would be to be able to RELAX. I haven't
relaxed
since the late 90's and when I did the world noticed
that I did and
tried to kill me. I'd like to learn how not to have
to swim like a
shark because if you don't the world takes away everything
you have
and shunts you off to the slave pool.
The world is not set up to keep you alive. The world
is set up to
kill you. America is. That's what makes us GREAT!
Isn't it cool?
The world is set up so that if you aren't swimming as
hard as you can,
you DROWN. It's done that way on PURPOSE. So we'll
all SWIM HARD.
Isn't it COOL?
Just show me where the boat is. Then I'll talk about
the greatest
thing I ever learned.
--
Zapanas
Grand Master of the Satanic Conspiracy
http://joecosby.com/
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot
but
don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
- Groucho Marx
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
How about the kind where you're with somebody -- parent,
child, spouse,
sibling, buddy -- so long, and you go through so much
stuff with them,
that you love them, in pretty much all the ways that
word is taken to
mean, but then they get sick or fucked up or whatnot,
and you're
obliged to take care of them, plus you love them...
but because that
obligation has fucked your life up, you hate them? What
do they call
that? *True* love?
If you take care of a fucked up sick person for years
even though you
hate them, is that love?
If you really really like a person, but avoid them after
they get sick,
because you love them too much to watch them suffer,
and you want to
remember them how they WERE, and not grow to hate them
as they get
sicker and sicker and take up more of your time, is
that love?
These questions start coming up as you get older.
That love word has a whole different level of meaning
when you're
having to wipe another person's butt than it does when
you're talking
about What Makes the World Go Round, or what All You
Need Is.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>
Zapanas wrote:
> On Fri, 13 Aug 2004 00:34:08 -0700, nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
wrote:
>
>>The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just
to love and be loved in
>>return, you stupid fucking pukebrained sacks
of jackal crap.
[snip]
> Just show me where the boat is. Then I'll talk
about the greatest
> thing I ever learned.
The problem is that it's a Love Boat.
--
"He who steadily observes the moral precepts in
which all religions
concur, will never be questioned at the gates of heaven
as to the
dogmas in which they all differ."
- Thomas Jefferson
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Zapanas <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
I'll settle for a Pleasure Saucer
--
Zapanas
Grand Master of the Satanic Conspiracy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Zapanas <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
Although don't get me wrong, I do believe in love, very much so.
I have just seen a kind of fuzzy use of the word love
used and abused
too many times to consider the word, itself, innocent
of all charges.
Love is a rare and dangerous thing.
--
Zapanas
Grand Master of the Satanic Conspiracy
http://joecosby.com/
"At the age of six years I wanted to be a chef.
At the age of seven I
wanted to be Napoleon. My ambitions have continued
to grow at the
same rate ever since."
- Salvador Dali
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>
Dunno much about it; I'm a fighter, not a lover.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
[snip]
> These questions start coming up as you get older.
>
> That love word has a whole different level of meaning
when you're
> having to wipe another person's butt than it does
when you're talking
> about What Makes the World Go Round, or what All
You Need Is.
Remind me never to get old. It's too depressing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v7.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
http://www.shanana.com/
But Kyle's grandfather may be right, it may be more
like an endless recording session of Enya's "Sail
Away", while eating gallons of cooked, mashed beets,
and looking forward to your daily enema.
--
X-Day. It's just a Godzilla take-off, but
apparently some do-gooders decided it was
really a sordid cheap laff at the expense
of 9-11 victims by foreigners.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc> wrote:
> Remind me never to get old. It's too depressing.
We all said that, every single one of us. Except the
ones that died
real young and never got a chance to say it.
I pretty distinctly remember turning TEN YEARS OLD (40
years ago) and
thinking, well, so long, childhood.
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a fool I was. Childhood is all the
time, until you
have your own kids.
What's NOT depressing is that NOT EVERYBODY IS COMPLETELY
ABANDONED in
their old age of infirmity or retardation or mental
illness or
whatever. You have to look at the bright side. At least
somebody
somewhere gives enough of a shit to wipe somebody else's
butt for them.
That's what family is all about. First you wipe the
child's butt, then
eventually the child wipes your butt, or hires somebody
to wipe your
butt, or both. You actually get the better deal if you
linger on as a
vegetable for a decade. I only had to wipe my kids'
two butts for a
combined total of maybe 3 years.
I don't understand why you youths think this talk is
depressing. I'm
being pretty funny, in old-person terms.
YOU'LL SEE!! You WILL see, IF YOU SHOULD LIVE SO LONG!
The time will
come when your back not hurting will be a LOT more important
than sex.
(Exercise and a sensible diet will forestall this, unless
you get some
disease, in which case God has simply singled you out
for UNFAIR PAIN.)
Don't get the wrong idea, my back only hurts occasionally,
like after I
start the mower, or during X-Day Drills, because of
the lazy fucking
Bobbies. The reason I am grouchy toward Bobbies at X-Day
and devivals
is because they sit and watch me while I haul shit around,
so later
that night my back hurts too much for proper fuckery,
and it's all
their fault. That's a pretty good reason to be grouchy.
Not only should
they help me haul shit, but they should exercise for
me too. I want
thirty sit-ups RIGHT NOW. ABOVE AND BEYOND the $30 you
pay to get in.
HARRUMPH!! Where another cult subleader would demand
BLOWJOBS from you,
to me a blowjob from any of you (except Nenslo) would
be AN UNTHINKABLE
WASTE OF TIME! -- so you Bobbies are getting off DAMN
easy.
These kids these days. You just stay offa my lawn, you
kids, if you
know what's good for you.
YOU EVER WATCH SOMEBODY DIE?? Stood there while the
dying motherfucker
finally, FINALLY gives up that last breath? Well, I
have twice and I
expect to be doing that MORE AND MORE. And that's only
if I'm one of
the LUCKY ones who isn't doing the expiring yet!
Now how can you say that's depressing?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Zapanas <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
I don't like death. I went to one funeral when I was
young and swore
I would just never go to another one. Then the next
one was a friend
in the military and attendance was mandatory. At least
they didn't do
that crap where they lay the dead body in a box and
everybody is
supposed to look at it and pretend it is JUST ASLEEP.
Let alone watching somebody die. I guess I will have
to do that
eventually. (After all, I LOVE them, don't I?)
Hospitals make me ill. Even watching sick people in
a movie makes me
ill, physically. I kind of have an exagerrated empathy
thing, whether
I like it or not. I literally feel what other people
are feeling. It
isn't something new-agey, everybody has it, you identify
with somebody
else if they remind you of you in any way and to some
extent you
project yourself into their situation and feel it.
I just have it
worse. It SUCKS.
All these new-age people trying to INCREASE their empathy.
They can
have mine. FREE.
If "Bob" can put enlightenment in toothpaste
tubes I'm sure he can
work out some way to suck my empathy out of my skull
and give it to
somebody more deserving.
--
Zapanas
Grand Master of the Satanic Conspiracy
http://joecosby.com/
@+------------+@
_o)| I am |(o_
/\\| Stealthy |//\
_\_V|____________|V_/_
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> Zapanas wrote:
Some dumb crap in response to some jackass' dopey blabbering.
Shut up.
Who the hell cares.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com> wrote:
> Some dumb crap in response to some jackass' dopey
blabbering. Shut up.
> Who the hell cares.
"The wise man has eyes in his head while the fool
walks in darkness;
but... the same fate overtakes them both." -- Ecclesiastes
2:14
"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your
wine with a joyful
heart... Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all
the days of this
meaningless life that God has given you... all your
meaningless days."
-- Ecclesiastes 9: 7-9
"All things are wearisome... what has been done
will be done again...
even those who are yet to come will not be remembered
by those who
follow." -- Ecc 1:8-11
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Salacia begins to prepare the laptop for 'bronzing'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
Sorry. I got carried away. I didn't think you'd quote
the fucking
bible at me.
I got my Bobbie award today. That really hurt my feelings.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
I had just been reading a wonderful book called "Ken's
Guide to the
Bible," which delineates all the most savage, crazy
and depressing
parts of the Bible. Modemac had added it to the Bulldada
Auction but I
nabbed it. Legume had told me about it years ago. It's
written in a
very droll way and I was wondering who Ken Smith was
so I looked in the
back of the book. Said he was a "professional authority"
who had
co-written the Roadside America books. That's when I
realized, "Oh,
THAT Ken Smith! Rev. Ken Smith! I think he was the one
that booted the
expensive and rare Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer prop
out the window
of the hotel at the 1982 SubCon in Chicago so that it
landed on the
roof of another building, whence it was rescued by Buck
Naked and a
morbidly obese retarded girl he had picked up that day.
Small, sordid world, isn't it.
After the SubCon those guys asked me if I could point
them to my agent,
Jane Browne, and a year later they had a much better
contract with
Fireside Books than we ever got, and no doubt a much
better business
relationship with the editor there, SINCE THEY'RE NOT
ME.
nenslo wrote:
> I got my Bobbie award today. That really hurt
my feelings.
"Most delicate"? It was only MEANT to confuse
you a little, make you
wonder what the fuck I meant by that. You know, like
you're always
doing to me! (Whether you meant to or not.)
I hope you at least appreciate Princess Wei's nice lettering.
Now, when you get the VHS tape of Dobbsedeliasteses,
which actually
should have come at the same time, that's when I add
injury to insult
-- if you actually watch the whole thing, that is. HINT:
There are no
Dobbsheads in the last 17 minutes and the music is some
nice
instrumental jazz.
In the first 5 minutes however there is a shot with
more Dobbsheads in
it than there are stars in the sky or atoms in all the
sand on all the
beaches in the world, and they all have YOUR FACE!!!
Your pores and
wrinkles anyway.
Spekaing of those pores and wrinkles on that Photoreal
Nensletic
Dobbshead, last night I was arranging for PROFESSIONALS
to print the
ARISE! DVD case paper insert, as opposed to my $60 Epson
printer and
counterfeit ink. I had to send the art file to this
company, and it had
to be CYMK.
Well boy howdy Nenslo, when I converted that cover art
from RGB to
CYMK, god damn did it FUCK IT UP GOOD. Lovely glowing
magenta became a
flat metallic dead-looking purple. And the Dobbshead
became downright
EVIL looking. Really dark and evil. I futzed around
with color and
brightness in CYMK mode for a long time just trying
to get Dobbs to
stop looking so old and evil. I managed to do it but
the soft trippy
pastel color background got injured.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "kevbob" <kevbob@ecsis.net>
"nenslo" <nenslo@yahoox.com> wrote in
message
> The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to
love and
be loved in
> return, you stupid fucking pukebrained sacks of
jackal
crap.
you are absolutely right, and i find it great to know that.
i think it may have taken me too long to have finally
accepted that truth,
hopefully it wasn't too late though.
everything is a little bit better nowadays.
not a whole lot, but just a little bit,
but all of it, not just some.
so, i guess, it means that it's a lot,
a little bit everywhere sure does add up.
the funny thing, to me (well, that goes without saying.
i've been amusing only myself for ever),
is that i had been harboring a thought of doing "i
love you"
posts,
but hadn't gotten around to doing them.
thank you nenslo,
thank you for posting your brilliant anecdotes,
your perceptions,
your thoughts to alt.slack.
thank you for caring enough to do so,
even though on occassion you have protested to some
extent
that you really don't care.
it might be that you had protested too much.
i love you nenslo.
--
i am teh kevbob.
i had ants infest my Bunn.
now i drink instant!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: spiffy <thatsright@excite.com>
nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com> wrote:
>The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to
love and be loved in
>return, you stupid fucking pukebrained sacks of
jackal crap.
WHAT A SAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GET
OVER
YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
Hey, that was my tribute to both Gypsy Boots and Nat "King" Cole. But I agree.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
nenslo wrote:
> I got my Bobbie award today. That really hurt
my feelings.
In Stang's Bobbie Awards announcement he listed mine
as
"Most Forgotten Award Category Award", and
when the award
came in the mail I opened the envelope and pulled out
the
anti-wrinkle cardboard, thinking that that was the award.
I half laughed, but didn't know what to think. Was this
blank piece of t-shirt package cardboard a joke or did
Stang actually FORGET to stick the award in the envelope?
Then I looked in the envelope again and found the award.
Well it entertained ME a little.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Revi Shankar wrote:
> "nenslo" <nenslo@yahoox.com> wrote:
> > "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> > > > "The wise man has eyes in his
head while the fool walks in darkness;
> > > but... the same fate overtakes them both."
-- Ecclesiastes 2:14
> > >
> > > "Go, eat your food with gladness,
and drink your wine with a joyful
> > > heart... Enjoy life with your wife, whom
you love, all the days of this
> > > meaningless life that God has given you...
all your meaningless days."
> > > -- Ecclesiastes 9: 7-9
> > >
> > > "All things are wearisome... what
has been done will be done again...
> > > even those who are yet to come will not
be remembered by those who
> > > follow." -- Ecc 1:8-11
> > >
> >
> > Sorry. I got carried away. I didn't think
you'd quote the fucking
> > bible at me.
> >
> > I got my Bobbie award today. That really
hurt my feelings.
>
> WELL. I was more caught up wondering: "Did
he actually search for something
> appropriate, and found those three verses (how
much time did that
> take?) -OR- does he just KNOW that much of the
bible?" I mean really. Is
> Stang a (choke) Bible scholar? I really need an
answer here.
I have read the juicy parts with the monsters and flying
saucers and
earthquakes many times. Also I own many comic book versions
of this
collection of beautiful stories.
My dad is maybe what you might call a Bible scholar.
He doesn't believe
a word of it, but he knows the material and its history
far better than
most preachers I ever dealt with. Half his library is
about the Bible
and just exactly HOW full of shit it is. He also has
one of those
gigantic gold-bound editions of Manly P. Hall's Secret
Wisdom of All
Ages... you better believe that sumbitch came in handy
round about 1982
and a half.
If you met my dad now, or my mom back when she was healthy,
you'd go,
"Hmm, I see now. Yes, yes, it all makes perfect
sense now."
I might mention that my dad TEACHES BIBLE CLASSES AT
A METHODIST SUNDAY
SCHOOL on Sundays. He takes great delight in unearthing
the most insane
sections of the Bible, the ones the preachers rush past
or gloss over,
like where children are mutilated by God for teasing,
and springing
them on these nice townsfolk who want to learn more
about The Good Book
without actually having to, you know, READ.
There's a used bookstore in the town square run by a
nice little old
literary Texas lady who loves to get my dad talking
about religion and
philosophy and I suspect might have even more on her
mind. My dad looks
sort of like Sean Connery but with a strange South Carolina
accent
instead of a brogue, and eyebrows like an Emperor Moth's
antennae. He
doesn't drink (anymore), and can read, which makes him
a regular Doc
Savage compared to most of the folks in this particular
town. He is
whence I get my bullshittery. My mom is whence I got
my
anti-bullshittery. Their looks however skipped a generation.
I might also mention that my son got in trouble in high
school for
using the school photocopier to print up atheist pamphlets
that he
liked to use to bug his religious friends.
My grandfather, a part-time but fairly successful mystery
writer,
wanted to write the ultimate religion-bashing novel
(specifically he ws
mad at the Catholics for personal reasons). And he did
write a novel --
I have the ms -- but it didn't fly like his mystery
novels did . It
lacked the MAGIC INGREDIENT -- SLACK. Too bad the old
guy didn't live
to see Book of the SubGenius.
*I* wanted to make the ultimate religion-bashing MOVIE,
but I have
obviously totally blown any chance of ever being entrusted
with a
multimillion dollar project.
But my son is in Hollywood, you see, already the indispensable
do-everything editor at a fancy-ass commercial production
house.
SLOW BUT STEADY WINS THE RACE. Evolution is not rushed.
We Stangs shall
regain our rightful place on the Throne of All the Russias,
if it takes
another 20 generations, 30 more world wars and an entire
race of
artificial "super-men."
Original file name: Gentle Reminder.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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