Escape from AntiSlackLand

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 27, 2004

Yes people, I have just returned.

How similar it is to America, friends.

You know how it is when you drive south, right? You start seeing cars up on
blocks, nasty dogs wandering around the streets, Wal-Mart urban sprawl
eating the view, the stars and bars in truck windows, greasy food that will
kill you in one meal, litter and garbage, wacko NRA paramilitary types who
make me glad I'm not black, and fuckin' road signs put up by the local
mega-goofy protestant snake handlers that tell you that THE WAGES OF SIN ARE
DEATH.

And whenever I drive south and see that shit, I think, OH SHIT, I'M IN THE
SOUTH. Except that the South gave birth to "Bob" and is therefore forgiven.

Well, where I was, I started driving north. And I started seeing cars up on
blocks, nasty dogs wandering around the streets, Sainsbury's urban sprawl
eating the view, the red hand flag in windows and on street lights, greasy
food that will kill you in one meal, litter and garbage, wacko paramilitary
types who make me glad I'm not Catholic, and fuckin' road signs put up by
the local mega-goofy protestant snake handlers that tell you that THE WAGES
OF SIN ARE DEATH.

And I thought, OH SHIT, I'M IN THE NORTH. Northern Ireland, that is.

Stick 1.5 million Slackless, welfare loser crips and bloods who are WHITE,
into REALLY BAD boring housing, decorate it with barbed wire, and splash a
dingy raincloud over the lot, and you have England's most laughable
financial liability, with the majority of residents consisting of the white
demographic that the stupidest, most racist white people here in the US
claim pride in being: Scots-Irish, or Ulster-Scot: the stupidest subrace of
white people alive on this earth, but amazingly capable of spitting out the
occasional SubGenius po'bucker. Except that currently, most NornIron
mutants have no "Bob" and end up drinking the Slack away.

And I thought to myself, Self, wouldn't this be the most hilarious place to
bring down the Xists and replace King Billy or IRA murals with a big ass
mural of "Bob" and JHVH-1...to buzz the wacky protestants with bulldada...to
preach louder than ever the word of "Bob".

I mean, really. This place is as ripe for pulling a stunt as Texas was in
1977. And it would be funny as HELL. Getting a bunch of drum-banging
po'bucker Orangemen in bowler hats to listen to the word of "Bob", whether
they want it or not. And lo, they shall listen, for whoever takes this
mission shall be AMERICAN, and will be GOD to start with, for they all grew
up watching Knight Rider, the Dukes of Hazzard, and Starsky and Hutch.

And lo, they yet take themselves seriously.

alliekatt

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Original file name: Escape from AntiSlackLand.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05