Yeti mini-movie reviews.

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, May 7, 2003

I've watched a few of flix in the last 2 days, one of which everyone
knows about (X-men 2) and the others - probably nobody knows about
(Uzumazki and Volcano High School).
First - X-men 2. What can I say - I expected to hate this movie and
was only mildly annoyed. The annoyance was mitigated by the ability to
watch this movie (a nice DVD rip) in the comfort of my own home only
days after it was released. Well, the movie was actually middling
instead of truly horrible (like the first one). The wirework was a bit
less obvious and a little more stable this time - no more (wobble
wobble) "I'm floating!" (wobble wobble) "I'm jumping". The plot was
barely there, but better than the first. Evil govt. type controls
mutants to attack govt. so he can turn govt. against mutants... Lots of
obvious lead-ins to the 3rd movie, which will obviously be the dark
Phoenix story. Lots of characters introduced from the comic and
immediately abandoned (Collossus), and several characters that do
nothing but show up and stand around (Pyro and Iceman). Oh yeah, Storm
just plain sucked ass. The movie just seemed a bit uneventful for me.
Like I said - a middling movie, but if you liked the 1st, you'll love
this one. I would not have paid to see this movie, and would've been
disappointed if I had. Email me if you don't know where to get new
movies off the net.
Next - Uzumaki (Vortex). This is a Japanese horror movie that was
really quite twisted. It is about a town that is cursed (possibly by a
giant snake under a lake, but who can really tell with some Japanese
flix). Several people are increasingly afflicted with a massive
obsession with the shape of a vortex (inward swirly thingamaBOB). The
story is told in 4 progressive parts - the final part will stay in the
heads of most Subgenii in thier "weird imagery bank". I'd like to say
more about this movie, but there isn't much to say that won't spoil
parts. No titties - but a fair amount of spilled grey-matter, humans
morphing into snails, and animated, sentient hair. Don't miss this one.
Finally, Volcano High School. This is the first of the new-school
action flix I've seen out of Korea. It is very much like a live-action
Japanese comic or anime. We start off with our main character being
expelled from his old school for bad behaviour (he telekinetically
propelled a piece of chalk, blasting a teacher into a wall). He shows up
to VHS as the new guy and quickly finds out it is a much tougher school.
The leader of each of the school's clubs (Hockey, Rugby, Weightlifting,
Judo, etc...) is a powerful fighter, and they are in turmoil - all
battling for possession of "The sacred manuscript" while the
all-powerful principal (who was enlightened by a chicken) is indisposed.
This was a GREAT movie - not a brilliant, thought-provoking film - but
a goddamn good, fun flick. The action is fast, fluid, and imaginative.
The camerawork is superb, and the direction was incredibly slick and
unique. The fx are very convincing for an Asian movie. The dialogue is
funny and clever, and the story was solid. If this is any indication of
the type of flix coming out of Korea nowdays - we'd better start paying
attention - it looks like they picked up the action gauntlet after Hong
Kong dropped it in '97.
X-men 2 is playing now (duh) and you can buy DVDs (which will play in
US DVD players) of the other 2 flix on ebay for about 10 bux each.
Coming soon - reviews of Nowhere to run, The City of lost souls, Dead
or Alive, The acidhouse, The Eye, and Attack the gas station.
Cheers,
Queso

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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

El Queso wrote:
> X-men 2. What can I say

How about NOTHING.

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From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

Grumpy old bitch, heed your own advice.
Queso

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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

You kids, always watching the slam-bang video comics and then acting
all pissy that they aren't Kurosawa and/or Tennessee Williams. I never
see you describe whether or not it was any FUN. You seem to apply the
same ruler to "X-Men 2" type offerings as you would to "Road To
Perdition." You watch those for two different reasons, I would HOPE. I
like story, I like kinetic whizbang. I don't demand that they always
meet a fixed standard or I'll POUT. Get real.

Same prob with Saint Byron Werner. He did the fine rotoscoping for
the first scene really cranking up the initial use of the re-made
"Time Machine." Humbling good work on his part. He cussed the
character of the flick to me for months before I even SAW it. Yeah, it
bit in places, but first, y'can't better George Pal's version, mainly
because most of us remember it as it thrilled many of us when we were
EIGHT! The remake can't match your budding kid memories.

Second, the first half of that movie was elegant and engaging
character-wise. You had a FEEL for who people were and their Victorian
environment was lush and accurate, with heavy DUST on things as befits
a world with no vacuum cleaners or air filters. It also ended rather
well, with a touch of simple charm. I think that to be a plus, not a
call for a sneer. The art direction & set dressing made the STORY
better because the attention to detail sketched out the right world.
The actors for sure sashayed through it well. It wasn't a GREAT film,
but the heavy-handedness of the Eloi/Morlock aspects don't take
anything away from the great library scenes. Eh?

People lose a lot of their sense of wonder soon enough; don't
voluntarily throw it away OVERHAND. Give things their due, why
dontcha. Don't be afraid, its not a POD.

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
Brought to you by
Zapp Branningan's Big Throbbing Space Thrills

"EVERYTHING IS HORSESHIT..... except for Jesus!"
- a wino encountered in the French Quarter

"I don't want to go to Heaven... I like heat."
- "Princess O'Rourke"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

HellPopeHuey wrote:
> You kids, always watching the slam-bang video comics and then acting
> all pissy that they aren't Kurosawa and/or Tennessee Williams. I never
> see you describe whether or not it was any FUN.

Not so at all - re-read my Volcano High review. Also - this is my first
movie review here, gimme a break on form.

You seem to apply the
> same ruler to "X-Men 2" type offerings as you would to "Road To
> Perdition."

2 shitty studio pix - what is the difference?

>You watch those for two different reasons, I would HOPE.

Not THOSE 2.

I
> like story, I like kinetic whizbang. I don't demand that they always
> meet a fixed standard or I'll POUT. Get real.

I expected crap with X2 and I got crap a BIT better than expected.

>
> Same prob with Saint Byron Werner. He did the fine rotoscoping for
> the first scene really cranking up the initial use of the re-made
> "Time Machine." Humbling good work on his part. He cussed the
> character of the flick to me for months before I even SAW it. Yeah, it
> bit in places, but first, y'can't better George Pal's version, mainly
> because most of us remember it as it thrilled many of us when we were
> EIGHT! The remake can't match your budding kid memories.

Well, the remake was crappy.

>
> Second, the first half of that movie was elegant and engaging
> character-wise. You had a FEEL for who people were and their Victorian
> environment was lush and accurate, with heavy DUST on things as befits
> a world with no vacuum cleaners or air filters. It also ended rather
> well, with a touch of simple charm.

That was good. Nothing like the remake. You ARE talkin' bout the
original here, right?

I think that to be a plus, not a
> call for a sneer. The art direction & set dressing made the STORY
> better because the attention to detail sketched out the right world.
> The actors for sure sashayed through it well. It wasn't a GREAT film,
> but the heavy-handedness of the Eloi/Morlock aspects don't take
> anything away from the great library scenes. Eh?
>
> People lose a lot of their sense of wonder soon enough; don't
> voluntarily throw it away OVERHAND. Give things their due, why
> dontcha. Don't be afraid, its not a POD.

I don't hold new popcorn flix to the standard of Gilliam's Brazil (my
fave). I hold them to the standard of "Will it suck so bad it angers me,
or just the usual amount?" X2 was the usual suck - the first one sucked
so bad it pissed me off. Movies that fall into the irredeemably sucking
category are things like Independance day and The Rock. Giganticly
budgeted movies without an ounce of style or cool. It's like an obese,
hydrocepahlic, vomitting retard running around in an Armani suit and a
Rolex - sure he's dressed nice, but he's a retard.
Queso

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com> wrote:
> You seem to apply the
> > same ruler to "X-Men 2" type offerings as you would to "Road To
> > Perdition."
>
>>>>>>> 2 shitty studio pix - what is the difference?
>
> >You watch those for two different reasons, I would HOPE.
>
>>>>>> Not THOSE 2.

Heh, man, I'd never watch a movie with you present. You'd snort and
squirm and groan and I would have to rabbit punch you in the head a
few times.

I get jaded as quintuple FUCK too much of the time and even I, yes
*I* found things to enjoy about both of those. They each served their
ACTUAL INTENT pretty damned well. I'm sorry you got no pleasure from
either as I did, but you should consider not entering into every new
venture with a fixed standard so firmly in place, you don't get ANY
goodie off it. You don't wanna wind up like Mr. NENSLO, do you????

You guys could get a free blowjob with every flick and you'd bitch
about the wet spot. No wonder "Bob" keeps robbing you blind with the
same trick every week.

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
Brought to you by
Zapp Branningan's Big Throbbing Space Thrills

"EVERYTHING IS HORSESHIT..... except for Jesus!"
- a wino encountered in the French Quarter

"I don't want to go to Heaven... I like heat."
- "Princess O'Rourke"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

El Queso wrote:
> Your wife interrupts you because you have nothing to say.

Ooh ouch. You hurt my widdle feewings. Why that's almost as cruel
and scathing as calling me "grumpy." Please tell me more of your
opinions regarding movies about teenagers in leotards who fly around
and shoot lightning bolts out of their fists. I really want to know
what you think because I don't know anyone else RETARDED ENOUGH to
waste their time on that infantile tripe, much less have opinions
about it or write long reviews of it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

nenslo wrote:
> El Queso wrote:
>>
>>Your wife interrupts you because you have nothing to say.
>
> Ooh ouch. You hurt my widdle feewings. Why that's almost as cruel
> and scathing as calling me "grumpy."

But you ARE grumpy.

Please tell me more of your
> opinions regarding movies about teenagers in leotards who fly around
> and shoot lightning bolts out of their fists.

I think they...

I really want to know
> what you think because I don't know anyone else RETARDED ENOUGH to
> waste their time on that infantile tripe, much less have opinions
> about it or write long

Long???

>reviews of it.

Since you are 1 step removed and only whining about the commentary, I'd
say that makes you about the same as any other talkback nerd on any
other message board or newsgroup. Take a laxitive Nenslo, yer all pouty.
Queso

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

El Queso wrote:
> Since you are 1 step removed and only whining about the commentary, I'd
> say that makes you about the same as any other talkback nerd on any
> other message board or newsgroup.

Of course you'd say that. You're an idiot.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

and of course you'd say THAT. You're a grumpy old man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

nenslo wrote:
> El Queso wrote:
>
>>nenslo wrote:
>>
>>>El Queso wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>Since you are 1 step removed and only whining about the commentary, I'd
>>>>say that makes you about the same as any other talkback nerd on any
>>>>other message board or newsgroup.
>>>
>>>
>>>Of course you'd say that. You're an idiot.
>>
>>and of course you'd say THAT. You're a grumpy old man.
>
>
> Yeah well you suck.

and you are boring and aged...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:

> Sadly, LIFE EXPERIENCE and INCREASE OF KNOWLEDGE does that to people -
makes them worthless and deserving only of death.

Yeah, I sure miss being younger and MORE stupid so I could enjoy
things again. No, wait, I still do once in a while. "BOB" IS RIGHT,
YOUR STUPIDITY WILL SAVE YOU, STAY AS STUPID AS POSSIBLE!!!

Also, I hate to say it, but Nenslo is right AGAIN. Both of us have
been around the block 6x and we know too much, so we should be
expunged. KILL ME, KILL ME NOW!!!! Aw, you pussies, I knew you
wouldn't. You guys couldn't pour expresso out of a boot.

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
Love Slave of the Gorilla-Queen of Prime-VIII

When we got into office,
the thing that surprised me the most was
that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy

"The name of Madonna's new album is
'Buy This CD Or I'll Make Another Movie.'"
- Craig Kilborne

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

nenslo wrote:
> El Queso wrote:
>
>>and you are boring and aged...
>
> Oh, I'm AGED. What a vicious attack.

It wasn't meant to be vicious, just a statement of the obvious.

Yes, I am terribly hurt by the
> implication that I am not one of your ignorant inexperienced juvenile
> peers. And that does make me automatically boring

No, being aged doesn't automaticaly make you boring. You are aged AND
boring.

because I have
> tragically lost interest in a thousand identical-sounding rock bands,
> and fantasies about the travails of teenagers who are alienated
> because they are so superior to everyone else. Sadly, LIFE EXPERIENCE
> and INCREASE OF KNOWLEDGE does that to people - makes them worthless
> and deserving only of death.

Go take a nap.
Queso

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Original file name: Yeti mini-movie reviews.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05