Worst Songs EVER Antidote

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Date: Thu, Jul 29, 2004

TENACIOUS D LYRICS

"Kielbasa"

[spoken]
[KG:] Dude, we gotta fuckin' write something new. C'mon.
[strums]
[JB:] I don't like that. So far ba--, off to a bad start.
[strums again]
[JB:] Better, closer, warmer.
[strums again]
[JB:] That's it. Okay.

[sung]
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!

I see you walkin', but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I've been set loose-ah,
I'm shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin' get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!

Dianetics Jr. much better than Krishna,
Dianetics Jr. much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C'mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

[spoken]
Dude, that was TNT.

"Tribute"

[Spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.

Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the
road.
And he said:
[Sung]
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (soul)
[Spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
[Sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun don't shine and the moon don't glow
And the grass don't grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the
world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.
[Sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[Skat]
All right! All right!

"Wonderboy"

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to
Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes.
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...
with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle.
How 'bout the power to move you?

[sung]
History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo.
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Tenacious D. That's right,
[sung]
Me! And KG!
[KG (spoken):] That's me.
[sung]
We're now Tenacious D!
Come fly with me, fly!

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man,
Oh!
[spoken]
Take my hand!
Young Nastyman, and we'll fly!
Bring out your broadsword.
There's the hydra.
Slice his throat!
And grab his scroat.
You take the high road,
I'll take the low.
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice.

"Fuck Her Gently"

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard

"Explosivo"

Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about,
But it's good to go.
What's the name of my girlfriend
I don't know,
But she's built like the shit
And she's good to go, go,
She's good to go,
She's good to go.

We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we're schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin' those tasty riffs
just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!

We were the inventors
of the cosmic astral code.
We've come to blow you away,
We've come to blow your nose.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
We've come to blow the show.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
You know it, you know it!

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about
But it's good to riddle-ah!

[spoken]
I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel
Crusher!

Explosivo.

"Dio"

Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.
Go! Go! Dio! Dio!

"Kyle Quit The Band"

Last week, Kyle quit the band,
Now we're back together, uh.
Misunderstanding, didn't understand.
It doesn't matter, now we're back together again.
A-la la la la la.
Couldn't split up Kato and Nash. (that's true)
Couldn't split up Tango and Cash.
That's also true!
This is our song of exultant joy because
We only came to kick some ass.
Rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
What we gonna do with all the cash?
Smoke hash, and then we thrash.
We'll throw a big ol' bash y'all.
And everyone is invited to the bash.
And everyone you're all invited to the bash!
C'mon Kyle, one time c'mon!
[skat]

"The Road"

The road is fuckin' hard,
The road is fuckin' tough-ah,
There's no question that-eh
It is rough, rough stuff.
It's the fuckin' road my friend
But it's the only road I know.
When I'm lunchin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

The road is fuckin' hard,
It's also really fuckin' tough,
There's no question that
It don't take no guff.
The road is a be-a-itch my friend
But it's the only fuckin' road I know,
When I'm snackin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan.
Why can't I stay in one place
For more than two days.
Why?!
Because I'm talkin' about the road. [5X]
Road!

"Lee"

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,
We're talkin' fuckin' Lee.
I had a friend named Lee,
He cast a spell a spell on me.
If me and Lee and KG could be three,
Flyin' free Tenaciously,
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee,
I'd propose on bended knee
To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee,
If me, and Lee, and KG, (that's me)
Could be three, (could be three)
Plant a tree, (plant a tree)
Just for Lee, (just for Lee)
Just for Lee, (Lee)
Just for Lee!
Lee, Lee, Lee: ["Psycho" Knife Song style, 16X]
Leeee, Leeee, Leeee:
LEE!

"Friendship"

Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?

Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!

"Karate"

With karate I'll kick your ass
Here to Tiennamen Square.
Oh yeah, muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.

Kyle betrayed me
And then he lied tried to hide
And I died deep inside
And you know the reason why.

I'm 'onna kick your ass
From here to right over there.
Oh yeah muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.

"Rock Your Socks Off"

[Dave Grohl (spoken):] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-6-6!

[sung]
It doesn't matter if it is good,
It only matters if it rocks.
The main thing that we do is to rock your socks off.
There's no such thing as a rock prodigy,
'Cause rock 'n roll is bogus, right KG? (right!)
Only thing that really matters is a classical sauce.
And that's why me and KG are classically trained
To rock your fuckin' socks off!
Give 'em a taste KG.
[KG (spoken):] Okay.

That is Bach and it rocks
It's a rock block of Bach
That he learned in the school
Called the school of hard knocks!

Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock,
Give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children now to freak your shit out!
All right!

[spoken]
Now I know what a lot of you are sayin':
"I just figured out what I'm 'onna do with the rest of my days.
I'm 'onna get me an oversized guitar, gain forty pounds and be the
next D.
" Well I got sour news for you, jack. It ain't that easy.
For instance, are you willing to make the commitment to wakin' up
at the crack a' noon, for deep-knee rock squats!?
Seven or eight at a time!? In a row?
How 'bout are you willing to make the commitment
to rock-hard tasty abs washer-board style?
Glistening in the sun. How 'bout are you willin' to make the
commitment,
wakin' up, goin' okay, it's gig time, what t-shirt am I gonna wear?
Can't decide: Can't decide: Brain aneurysm!
We've been through so much bullshit just to be here tonight
to rock your fuckin' socks off. And all we ask in return is so
precious little.
All we're askin' you to do is drop trou and squeeze out
a Cleveland Steamer on my chest.

[sung]
2-3-4,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock, give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children won't you freak your shit out!
All right!
[ad-lib hollers & screams]

"Double Team"

[spoken]
Damn, a hard day's rockin'. Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby. Slip out this book:
The Buttress of Windsor. Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?
[sung]
That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!

Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
'Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you're groovin',
Put on a cool '70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.

Me, me and KG,
It's all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That's what I'm offerin' you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.

We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme.

Let's roll!
Oh!
[2-part:] Ahh, oh!

What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!
...Splooge!

[spoken]
That was the one.

[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!
[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!

"City Hall"

All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets.
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall.
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise!

Lots of times when me and KG are watchin'
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot.
A Riot!

We have 'em screaming in the streets,
we have 'em tippin' over shit and breakin' fuckin' windows of small
businesses,
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!

[spoken]
And then after the smoke is cleared,
and the rubble has been swept away,
me and KG will peek out our heads.
We've been watching the riots on a monitor twenty floors below sea
level,
from a bunker.

We did it Rage-Kage, we beat the bastards of City Hall!
[laughs] But now what will we do?
We must rebuild. But who will lead us in the rebuilding process?
Man, it's got to be someone with the know-how
and the elbow grease to lead us to a new land.
No, not me and KG, we don't have the cognitive capacity to lead...
Alright, we'll do it!

[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
We'll lead as Two Kings.

[spoken]
The first decree is to legalize marijuana.
The tyranny and the bullshit's gone on too long.
You old fuckin' shrivs who blocked it's legalization,
you're banished from the land!

[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
Lead as Two Kings.

[spoken]
The second decree: no more pollution, no more car exhaust,
or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!

[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh, yeah,
We'll fuckin' lead as Two Kings.

[spoken]
Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.
(Tube technology.) Chop, chop, let's go.

[spoken]
Third decree: no more... rich people: and poor people.
From now on, we will all be the same... ummm, I dunno,
I gotta think about that...

[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings
Ah yeah, ah yeahhhahahaha.
Ha-ha-ho-hee, ha-ha-ho-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho.

[spoken]
[JB:] Oh my God.
[KG:] Ahh... What?
[JB:] Dude, the red phone is flashing.
[KG:] Oh, yeah.
[JB:] Let me scoop that up. Hello? Two Kings.
[KG:] Who is it?
[JB:] What?! No! No fucking way!
[KG:] What?
[JB:] Rage, there's a potato famine in Idaho, you gotta go down there!
[KG:] Oh my God... what?
[JB:] Dude, I gotta stay here!
[KG:] Why do I have to go?
[JB:] Please! Please!
[KG:] Oh, God, okay.
[JB:] Awesome... is he gone? Alright, emergency meeting of Parliament.
All right Parliament, I know this is fucked up,
but Rage, he can't be King anymore.
Dudes, he's encroaching on my decrees!
Seriously, let's make him "Duke," a kick ass "Duke."
Or "leader formerly known as King," but-- uh-oh he's comin' back...

[sung]
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh yes
we'll really lead as Two Kings.

[spoken]
[KG:] Uh, dude?
[JB:] Rage.
[KG:] I went all over Idaho...
[JB:] Yeah?
[KG:] Uh, plenty of potatoes everywhere.
[JB:] What? There was no famine?
[KG:] Yeah, there was no famine, no.
[JB:] Dude.
[KG:] I don't know what's uh...
[JB:] A toast...
[KG:] A toast...
[JB:] Long live the "D."
[KG:] Long live the "D."
[clinking of glasses]
[JB:] Long live me. I'm sorry, I poisoned your wine.
[KG:] What?
[JB:] For the good of the land.
[KG:] You p-- I poisoned yours... huh heh, as well.
[JB/KG:] Noooooooooo!!!!!
No!

[sung]
City, city, city, city, city, city, shitty.
Shitty, city, shitty, shitty, city, city, shitty.
Hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall.

People inside me are askin' me to smoke up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is talkin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is rockin'.

People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em GO! OH!

[spoken]
[JB:] Don't, cut that part out.

[KG:] We've got it.

[JB:] Um, do you believe in God?
[KG:] I believe, I believe.
[JB:] You do?
[KG:] I believe in God. I believe in God.
[JB: (laughs)] Y'do--
[KG:] I believe in God.
[JB:] Do you?
[KG:] I believe in God.

Malibu Nights
[KG (spoken):]
Yeah, but you didn't fuckin' come out with this (one)--! [cuts off on
"one"]
[KG starts playing]
[JB (spoken):] I got some lyrics.
[sung]
Malibu nights, tangerine dreams,
Malibu neighs, Malibu dreams,
Malibu, makin' a poo.
Stinky poo, lookin'd view.
Because it's time for my breakfast,
It's time for some cheese.
It's time for the stink,
time for the breeze,
time for the... hah-or-eeee!

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Worst Songs EVER Antidote

Wayne Newton
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast

The love between the two of us was dying
And it got so bad I knew I had to leave
But halfway down that highway when I turned around I saw
My little daughter running after me
Crying

CHORUS
"Daddy, don't you walk so fast
Daddy, don't you walk so fast
Daddy, slow down some 'cause you're makin' me run
Daddy, don't you walk so fast"

Now it broke my heart to tell my little daughter
That her daddy had to run to catch a train
She had no way of knowin' I was leavin' home for good
I turned around and there she was again
As she said to me

"Daddy, don't you walk so fast", my daughter cried
"Daddy, don't you walk so fast
Daddy, slow down some 'cause you're makin' me run
Daddy, don't you walk so fast"

If only for the sake of my sweet daughter
I just had to turn back home right there and then
And try to start a new life with the mother of my child
I couldn't bear to hear those words again
She cried and said

"Daddy, don't you walk so fast", my daughter cried
"Daddy, don't you walk so fast
Daddy, slow down some 'cause you're makin' me run
Oh, daddy, don't you walk so fast"

(Daddy, don't you walk so fast) my daughter cried
(Daddy, don't you walk so fast)

FADE
Ah, daddy, slow down some 'cause you're making me run

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

--Kino Beman, brand name

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Honest, Stang, my little iDRMRSR unit has me converted to be a raging FAN of
rap!

Once when I was in Chicago, a black serviceperson was chanting something,
and I amazed him by identifying the song and the rest of the lyrics. When
he found out I was from Cleveland, he asked me about Bone Thugs and Harmony,
and I knew what he was talking about. I told him my favorite was T.I., who
is presently in jail in Florida, his hit Rubber Band Man (wild as the
Taliban, 9 in my right 45 in my other hand).

It was one of those moments when two diverse cultures were able to share a
meme at last.

There's also an Outkast tune, Caroline, with lyrics like:

You try to tell me that your shit don't stink,
But roses never smelled like POO POO, roses never smelled like POO POO

Every time he gets in the car, the local rap station at the end of the FM
dial goes on and I'm sitting there singing along, best I can, despite the
almost unintelligible dialect. Thank goodness for GOOGLE, because that way
I can get the lyrics.

Pure poetry if you ask me.

[*]
-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: urpansoph@aol.com (Ur Pansoph)

<< You try to tell me that your shit don't stink,
But roses never smelled like POO POO, roses never smelled like POO POO >>

Perhaps more correctly, "You know you like to thank that your shit don't stank.
. . 'cause your roses really smell like poo-poo."

<<. . . a raging FAN of rap!>>

Actually, Tenacious D isn't rap. It's more of an eclectic parody of heavy
metal/power pop stuff.
Rescue horrible Dave Matthews playlists by inserting
"Fuck Her Gently" into the mix. . .

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Original file name: Worst Songs EVER Antidote.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05