From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Date: Tue, Jan 27, 2004
I got a couple of fucking emails from my sister Nenslina
and I thought
you all might like to know just how awful it is to have
a brother like
me. (Yes, it's true there is unfortunately a Nenslo
Junior somewhere
in the world and believe me, I was against the idea.
The female in
question exercised her right to choose. STUPIDLY.)
Just so you know,
the way Nenslina lives in my memory is clomping round
the house in a
bathrobe with a reeking mask of Noxema on her face,
and having
telephone conversations which consisted mostly of "HE
DID? OH MY GOD!
SO WHAT DID YOU DO? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
DID THAT!"
--- Nenslina wrote:
> Nice to hear from you. I'm glad to know you haven't
> changed for the better. That would be
> disappointing.
(I had responded to her birth announcement by telling
her I had no
idea who any of those people were, and didn't care.)
> I accidentally included you in the announcement
of
> my
> granddaughter's birth. At least I didn't
> accidentally
> send you one of those awful chain e-mails.
> You'll hear from me again if someone you know dies,
> since good news isn't an emergency.
And I replied:
You see, THERE'S WHERE WE DIFFER. I don't consider
the information
that our genetic code is being perpetuated to be good
news. I think
it's unfortunate and depressing. Frankly I am APPALLED
at the degree
to which our family, and humanity in general, continues
to blindly
spawn. The fact that I too made that same error is
the single
greatest regret of my life and if my offspring ever
seeks me out that
will be a very sad day for me. When someone I know
(or knew many
years ago) dies, that's not an emergency because then
you never have
to do anything for them again. And that's good news.
I had to spend what should have been the happiest part
of my life with
people who didn't seem to care much for me, going to
their stinky
homes to eat unpleasant meals with them, and I had to
pretend to like
it and them. I don't have to pretend anymore. I don't
have to try to
like people who are strangers to me but who feel I am
somehow
obligated to them just because Papa Nenslo got it at
home one night
early in 1957. An accident of fornication is not, to
me, sufficient
basis for a long term relationship. My blood is VERY
VERY WATERY.
Cousin Nensletta contacted me recently and I asked her
to tell the
family members she was in touch with that I wish they
would just
forget I exist. I will be sincerely grateful to you
if you can show
me this same act of kindness. I understand that I was
included in your
list by accident, and if it happens again I will just
let it pass
unnoticed. I feel it is important that you know exactly
what the
situation is with me, so there will be no misunderstandings
or false
assumptions. I didn't like having a family when I had
no choice in
the matter, and now that I do have a choice I choose
not to have one.
All I want out of life is retroactive nonexistence,
but since that is
impossible, to be forgotten is the next best thing.
And please ask
Mom to make you the executor of her estate, because
I will refuse to
deal with any of that stuff when it becomes necessary.
If for any
reason anyone is fool enough to ask you "What's
the deal with Nenslo?"
feel free to send them this.
I sincerely wish you a most pleasant and enjoyable life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
Jesus, fucking SHUT UP, grampa.
I doubt even nenslo's sister is interested enough in
what it's like to
be nenslo's sister to read all that.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
The bird sings with it's fingers
- One time
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: brothercarp@webtv.net (T F)
Jason Christie you don't know how to STFU do you?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
ALSO SPRACH T F:
>Jason Christie you don't know how to STFU do you?
Holy shit, you're saying you think I'M Jason?
OK, well done, that hurt.
Touche.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to
sleep, and while you're in there some guys come
and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and
take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to
tell
you.
- Jack Handey
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Gee, Nenslo, you make John Trubee, iceknife and Zoogz
Rift seem like
jolly old Santas, heh. My own immediate family was mostly
reptilian
and/or glaring idiots who snatched failure from the
jaws of victory
with a knuckleheaded panache. Its a shame their deaths
left more air
for people who actually watch "5th Wheel"
without being made to do so
at gunpoint, but that's the cosmic drill. Its been all
the more
maddening, as members outside the inner circle of my
experience were
highly functional and well-regarded in their communities.
Actually, I'm kinda sorry you feel as you do, but the
fact that your
sister is dumb enough to write to you when you have
made it clear that
you are so nensloid is a prime clue as to how it came
about. Its not
at all hard for me to grok.
I DO have 2 sisters of merit, but we all share bafflement
at how we
sprang from the loins of the People Under The Stairs.
A self-centered
and worthless lot they be, arr. You wanna talk about
hating your
family and wishing mutant wasps would plant eggs in
their chests?
Let's have some coffee, we'll compare notes, eieieieie!
Those who upend the lives of others through their pettiness,
idiocy
or incompetence should be ground into dog food and fed
to small
yapping dogs you hate, as the flavor would surely rival
that of crusty
socks and wren bladders soaked in Geritol.
Worse yet, you DID give in to your filthy lusts and
cause some
wretched woman to squirt your larvae from her loins.
Talk about
zombie-eyed children stalking the streets with bloody
feet, in hopes
of driving a large knife into their Mediocretin parents!
Your kid may
easily have something along the lines of your advanced
intellect and
know where all the key nerve bundles are, so s/he will
probably know
exactly where to twist the knife for maximum effect.
Keep your back to
the wall!
An advanced case such as yourself should be made to
watch David
Spade's video abortion "Joe Dirt" over and
over until you dehydrate
from puking. Actually, that's a great weight-loss device.
I took off
25 pounds in just one viewing. Anyway, SHUT UP.
--
HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
Its a major SubGenius goal
to leave a brown streak on the white carpet of
the Pinks.
There is no reciprocity. Men love women,
women love children, children love hamsters.
- Alice Thomas Ellis
"Welcome to Robot Hell!"
- "Futurama"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
HellPopeHuey wrote:
> I DO have 2 sisters of merit, but we all share
bafflement at how we
> sprang from the loins of the People Under The Stairs.
A self-centered
> and worthless lot they be, arr. You wanna talk
about hating your
> family and wishing mutant wasps would plant eggs
in their chests?
> Let's have some coffee, we'll compare notes, eieieieie!
My cousin Mike tried for years to achieve his goal of
becoming manager
of a fast food outlet. He went to Hamburger U, the
McDonald's
training center, worked in every different store he
could, but never
got to be a manager because he just didn't have what
it takes. He
just wasn't bright enough to manage a burger joint.
I have a nephew
who spends hundreds of dollars a gallon on iridescent
paint for his
car. My cousin Bruce is a BAPTIST PREACHER. That's
as low as I am going.
> Worse yet, you DID give in to your filthy lusts
and cause some
> wretched woman to squirt your larvae from her loins.
I told her not to.
>
> An advanced case such as yourself should be made
to watch David
> Spade's video abortion "Joe Dirt" over
and over until you dehydrate
> from puking. Actually, that's a great weight-loss
device. I took off
> 25 pounds in just one viewing. Anyway, SHUT UP.
>
So you're down to 575 now? GOOD FOR YOU! Advice taken.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
"Joe Cosby" <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
wrote:
> Jesus, fucking SHUT UP, grampa.
>
> I doubt even nenslo's sister is interested enough
in what it's like to
> be nenslo's sister to read all that.
Seconded. Not even Cliff Yablonski would spend that
kind of energy telling
his family members, who give a shit because they think
they have to, not to
give a shit. And any enlightened Zen master who has
spent most of his life
training himself not to give a shit, can still have
a happy relationship
with family and not give a shit at the same time, which
saves massive
amounts of time being bitter about nobody else understanding
how or why they
don't give a shit, because he's at peace with the sound
of shit happening.
alliekatt
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rev. Nickie <nickie@subgenius.com>
Indeed. I am disapointed in Nenslo for this attitude,
becase it
reminds me of what a newly-moved-out teenager would
act like. Happy
relationship or not, it seems like a big pose to act
all standoffish
and go to any trouble to POINT IT OUT.
-RevNickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
If you think the made up stuff you quoted above is my
attitude, you
have a right to be disappointed. BUT IT'S NOT. A pose
is when you
really care what people think about you but pretend
not to. What do
you call it when you want people to stop bothering you
because the
twenty years you spent in their company was awful, and
you really
don't like them? When you consider that what I really
wanted to say
was WHAT THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET YOU PEOPLE
TO LEAVE ME
ALONE?!?!? I did pretty well.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
ALSO SPRACH nenslo:
>What do
>you call it when you want people to stop bothering
you because the
>twenty years you spent in their company was awful,
and you really
>don't like them?
What do you call it when you say you want people to
stop bothering you
but then you spend hours on usenet being bothered by
them when they
aren't even there?
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Alliekatt wrote:
> >
> > I doubt even nenslo's sister is interested
enough in what it's like to
> > be nenslo's sister to read all that.
Oh sorry, I keep forgetting I am holding a fucking gun
to your head
forcing you poor helpless victims to read every word
I write.
> Seconded. Not even Cliff Yablonski would spend
that kind of energy telling
> his family members, who give a shit because they
think they have to, not to
> give a shit. And any enlightened Zen master who
has spent most of his life
> training himself not to give a shit, can still
have a happy relationship
> with family and not give a shit at the same time,
which saves massive
> amounts of time being bitter about nobody else
understanding how or why they
> don't give a shit, because he's at peace with the
sound of shit happening.
Way to make shit up, man.
If that "enlightened Zen master" was me, that's
what I would be doing.
You go get yourself actually enlightened and THEN come
back here and
tell me what an enlightened Zen master actually does,
thinks and feels
you big old expert you. I don't care who does or doesn't
understand
why I just want them to stop pestering me with their
uninteresting and
inconsequential breeding dramas, I just want them to
stop and I will
do what it takes to accomplish that. I have tried courtesy,
I have
tried absence, now I am trying absolute honesty. I
am not an
enlightened Zen master, I am an asshole. I have spent
my life learning
to be okay with being an asshole because that's what
I really and
truly am. I keep telling people if they don't want to
get shit on them
then stay away from the asshole. And they go "Oh,
isn't that cute how
funny he is trying to be since nobody really thinks
things like that
about themselves and we're sure he would love to HOLD
OUR NEW BABY."
I just want the stupid boring normals who, as I said,
believe I am
obligated to donate my time and interest to them just
because somebody
fucked somebody once, to stop. Seriously, you wouldn't
believe what
RETARDS some of my relatives are. You think you would,
but you
wouldn't. You'd go "Oh my god Nenslo, I sure owe
you an apology.
Those people are idiots." Most of them believe
that spawning more of
their browless burgerflipping kind is an act of virtue,
a wonderful
gift they are giving to the world. Hooray! More grubby
squalling
brats to crap up the world with their idiocy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
"nenslo" <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> Way to make shit up, man.
With tits and a pussy.
> I am not an
> enlightened Zen master, I am an asshole. I have
spent my life learning
> to be okay with being an asshole because that's
what I really and
> truly am. I keep telling people if they don't want
to get shit on them
> then stay away from the asshole.
Smacks of Werner Erhard. Or a nasty old cunt wasting
time on dumb shit like
being an asshole in order to get people to leave him
alone. If you're happy
being alone, go live in a shack on a mountain. But
then who the FUCK would
you gripe at? Being happy is SO alien, you'd rather
gripe and insist that
griping makes you happy. You don't know what it's like
not to have any
reason to gripe about shit.
And they go "Oh, isn't that cute how
> funny he is trying to be since nobody really thinks
things like that
> about themselves
Terrific, you're so repetitive and predictable that
your family thinks you
being a nasty cunt is lovable grouchy old uncle Nenslo.
Great going, if you
had an injun name it would be Record Always Skipping.
> and we're sure he would love to HOLD OUR NEW BABY."
> I just want the stupid boring normals who, as I
said, believe I am
> obligated to donate my time and interest to them
just because somebody
> fucked somebody once, to stop.
So maybe I'm the fuckin' Zen master, because I know
for a fact that I'm much
happier and more peaceful than you, especially since
family is the biggest
reason anyone goes ballistic to start with. I am REALLY
fucking glad I'm
not you.
Moving to the other end of the country saves TONS of
wasted mental energy on
trying to make family pretend that you live 2000 miles
away. Really. If I
hadn't, I would have gone on a murder spree in the old
hometown, what with
my mother's incessant hypochondria...the fact that I
got a fetus scraped out
when I was 18 and that was the deep South...seeing my
smart female friends
decide to breed instead of lead...having to endure whispers
and sneers of
close family...being told how to dress...how to eat...that
I was too
fat...that I should do something with myself...that
I should have a
family...living a life without apology is much easier
when everyone around
you SHUTS UP because they're NOT THERE and can't come
over and see what they
can judge and scoff at with other FAMBLEE members, secretly
hoping you fail
so the underachieving breeders can give you their couch,
pity you, save you,
and validate the old FAMBLEE.
Yes I would be griping 24-7 if I had not made them all
SHUT UP permanently
by LEAVING. Otherwise, bitching would be wasting precious
time of my life
being miserable and annoyed when I can use the same
time to be happy and
busy. It is called moving far enough away from home
that a Christmas card
is major contact. It is a viable solution for those
persons challenged in
doing and helping family who are stupider than they
are, tiresome, boring,
repetitive, and shitting their drawers and drooling
in the years that they
should have already died of lung cancer.
This is also why I chose not to leave flipping them
all off, because in
their older years as they drift further south, I can
now use them as free
vacation villas, saving hundreds on rental by enduring
a couple of boring
family dinners. Nyah, nyah, nyah. Of course from what
you tell us, your
family are so white trash that you won't even get that.
All the more reason
to up stakes and fuck off.
> Seriously, you wouldn't believe what
> RETARDS some of my relatives are. You think you
would, but you
> wouldn't. You'd go "Oh my god Nenslo, I sure
owe you an apology.
> Those people are idiots." Most of them believe
that spawning more of
> their browless burgerflipping kind is an act of
virtue, a wonderful
> gift they are giving to the world. Hooray! More
grubby squalling
> brats to crap up the world with their idiocy.
Just like Record Always Skipping!
alliekatt
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
nenslo wrote:
> I got a couple of fucking emails from my sister
> Nenslina and I thought you all might like to know
> just how awful it is to have a brother like me.
So it's like in the movie, "Twins", where
you got
all the good Danny DeVito mutantcy, and all she got
was the Arnold normalcy.
Life is unfair.
--
"President Bush is a patriot
and a good Christian."
-- Hellpope Huey
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
wrote:
> Life is unfair.
It also smells like some slightly tainted foreign fruit,
maybe
resembling that gagsome durian fruit candy Andreux keeps
sending me,
sort of sickly sweet and gamey all at the same time.
Well, actually
that could be a brain tumor or a neighbor's bad cooking.
I'll look
into that and get back to you when I have more facts.
However, I am rather enjoying the cookies, IRC, sex
and the new
episodes of "Malcolm In The Middle." I don't
think those are either
fair or unfair. Dey just IS! Lawsy me, ah sho' does
luv dat 'Bob"
fella!
--
HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
Its a major SubGenius goal
to leave a brown streak on the white carpet of
the Pinks.
There is no reciprocity. Men love women,
women love children, children love hamsters.
- Alice Thomas Ellis
"Welcome to Robot Hell!"
- "Futurama"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
HA! I just got an email from my sister APOLOGIZING
for having
bothered me, THANKING ME for my good wishes and extending
me hers.
You fucking dopes can KISS MY ASS.
Original file name: WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE#1AD22D.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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