Daily alt.slack Anthropomorphization Description #2

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2003

Today, alt.slack reminds me of a whiny, sniveling, attention vampire
that self-righteously labels itself an "activist" that gloms onto
one cause or another in order to satisfy it's need to rattle a
tambourine and shout nonsensical, poorly composed rhymes at
disinterested passers-by.

--
"There cannot possibly be a god in heaven watching all of this calmly."
-- Revi Shankar

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From: "rev. norel pref" <norelpref@heavyconfetti.com>

True, since a vampire by legend transforms into a bat, that could be seen as
anthropomorphic. And through use of radar, could be viewed (or not viewed,
but sensed) as palindromic.

Some of the best times of my life were spent getting drunk and going to
Pentecostal revivals, banging a tambourine assiduously upon my knee
(bruising up oh so blackly), foaming at the mouth, spinning in the aisles
and spewing "poorly composed rhymes" through dem tongues 'o fire. Of
course, this was years before I found Bob. Or before he found me.

Now all I have left are poorly composed alliterative and assonant blank
verses to comfort me. That and this newsgroup. And ABS....

---a disinterested passer-by

"hypocrisy is the greatest luxury...."
---Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

This sounds like most Devivals, except there are bigger amps, much
filthier rhymes, far more high-tech "tambourines" and a lot more
urination. A LOT more. Sometimes for both distance and accuracy.

HellPope Huey
"Mr. President,
when did the hamster in the wheel in your head die?"

I first began to suspect that I was going mad
the night I woke from a troubled reverie
to discover that my hairpiece,
missing from its customary stand on my bedside table,
was in the kitchenette,
locked in an amorous cinch with my pet hamster, Stanley.
- Gerald Bowen

"I've never been hot for my dog;
he's just so ugly its hard to tell
when you're petting the wrong END."
- Father Huey

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From: bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley)

>Today, alt.slack reminds me of a whiny, sniveling, attention vampire
>that self-righteously labels itself an "activist" that gloms onto
>one cause or another in order to satisfy it's need to rattle a
>tambourine and shout nonsensical, poorly composed rhymes at
>disinterested passers-by.

Hey hey! Ho ho! This lack of slack has got to go!

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From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

Today, alt.slack remined me of a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man stalking a
bunch of blind people with no arms and no legs so they will make him their
King!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

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From: "Dunter Powries" <fech@redcap.spedlins>

Today alt.slack reminded me of what either alt.flame or alt.tasteless would
be like if you had to pay $30 to read them and then feel stupid for having
wasted fifteen minutes reading them and maybe even responding to a post!

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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

The possessive form of "IT" does not have an apostrophe. The
apostrophe denotes that something was deleted, and "it's" means "it
is." WOULD YOU PLEASE FUCKING LEARN THIS YOU GODDAMN MORON?

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From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Its going to take at least two nenslo's to teach me that.

--
"There cannot possibly be a god in heaven watching all of this calmly."
-- Revi Shankar

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "rev. norel pref" <norelpref@heavyconfetti.com>

Today, alt.slack reminds me of a whiny, sniveling, attention vampire
> that self-righteously labels itself an "activist" that gloms onto
> one cause or another in order to satisfy it's need to rattle a
> tambourine and shout nonsensical, poorly composed rhymes at
> disinterested passers-by.

English 501 anal-retentive rewrite:

Today, alt.slack reminds one of a whiny, sniveling, attention-seeking
vampire, self-righteously labeling itself an "activist," championing one
cause or another in order to satisfy the need to rattle a tambourine and
shout nonsensical, poorly composed rhymes at disinterested passers-by.

"Ad hominem attacks and finding fault with grammar in a usenet post are the
tactics of a scoundrel who hasn't the wit to create a meaningful repost."

Not to mention lack of imagination. Note the fragments. I. Am. Using.
Very. Good.

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From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

>>Ad hominem attacks

But we are not HOMINEM, we're SubG's, ya leeberal white-whine guzzler, you!

[*]
-----

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From: "rev. norel pref" <norelpref@heavyconfetti.com>

Point well made. That is, my previous point, now reinforced by your
predictable reply.

For what it's worth, I haven't touched a drop o' wine or any other kind of
mind numbing intoxicant since nigh on fifteen years. As for white-whine,
well, I defer to you as the expert on that particular elixir.

"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> >>Ad hominem attacks
>
> But we are not HOMINEM, we're SubG's, ya leeberal white-whine guzzler,
you!
>
But are we not men? Hence Hominem? Better check yer taxonomy, Mendel.
Just 'cause we paid our 30 clams and are guaranteed salvation or triple our
investment, does this genetically set us apart from the normals, who appear
to be of the same structure as us? We are different in terms of culture,
not chromosomes, at least thus far. So I hold to my dead latin statement
and with necrophiliac abandon, will continue to use it until I use it up.
Which is....right now.

seabiscuit duly flogged.

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From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

NP:
>>Just 'cause we paid our 30 clams and are guaranteed salvation or triple
our
investment, does this genetically set us apart from the normals, who appear
to be of the same structure as us?

Well, I would hope that a $30 payment would retroactively induce mutations
in our DNA. Either that, or what I prefer...SubG's join up because, them
being already mutants, they recognize their kinship and pay up. In any
case, I prefer to believe, without a priori knowledge, that we are indeed
different on a molecular level.

Why, we've got the proteins necessary for our visual cortex to envision the
face of BOB. There's a chemical you won't find in other NORMAL skulls no
matter how hard you look. See, there's a difference right there. If our
makeup weren't different, we wouldn't have the necessary chemicals floating
around in our heads to hold together that smiley piped face.

Oh, and I didn't accuse you of being a drunk. You're so liberal, I think,
that the reference to white wine went right past you entirely. That's OK.

Conservatism for me is merely an instinctive response after growing up in a
pro-Goldwater household. I can't stop myself. Nothing personal. If I fell
down and got dazed and amnesiac, I would simply attempt to seek out a
Republican for aid by inclination. And since I strongly do not want to
associate with people who are different from ME, ummm, I'm actually rather
lonely.

Oh well. I've got to get back to exploitation, so I will close this off.

[*]
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Original file name: Daily alt.slack Anth#1AD1F2.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05