alt.slack, you heard it here first

From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>
Date: Mon, Jul 19, 2004

This is all over the international media but so far is curiously absent
stateside. Maybe it's just because of differing news cycles.

"President George Bush has promised that if re-elected in November he
will make regime change in Iran his new target."

"...leaked reports from the US September 11 Commission show definite
links between Iran and the September 11 terrorists."

Etc., etc.

http://www.sundayherald.com/43461 or just google-news for "regime
change" or even "iran."

--
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad
reputation."
- Henry Kissinger

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v7.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

There is far more to this than meets the eye.

Just yesterday, also, the Jerusalem Post announced that
Israel has just completed its rehearsals for the attack
and destruction of the Iranian nuclear facilities, that
would most likely also require the use of ground forces.
They suggested this would occur immediately after the
Russians had delivered nuclear material to Iran.

And, there are seven (out of twelve) US Aircraft Carrier
groups afloat, the most since WWII. But hey, they're
just doing a naval exercise. Right.

As someone once said to me: "Someone left the cake out
in the rain. Now it's all fucked up."

--
Baksheesh makes the world go round.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>

I'm telling you, man, they're forward-deployed so they'll be out of the
country when the nukes start flying.

--
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power."
- Abraham Lincoln

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

There's a thought.

1. Move the healthiest young men and women into the middle east.
2. Nuke America
3. Bring them back
4. Nuke everything outside America
5. INSTANT DARWIN!

Someone tell me I'm finally being TOO paranoid.

Over the last couple years, every time I try to tell myself I'm being
TOO paranoid, I found out I wasn't being paranoid enough.

But GOD. This time I've got to be being TOO paranoid.

please?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
There's No 'My Kid Has Cancer' In Team

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>

No, it's even worse than you think. What's happening is that, instead
of moving the healthiest young men and women, they're going to move the
men and women of the US military.

Other than that it's pretty much the same as what you outlined.

--
"Every honest researcher I know admits he's just a professional
amateur. He's doing whatever he's doing for the first time. That
makes him an amateur. He has sense enough to know that he's going
to have a lot of trouble, so that makes him a professional."
- Charles F. Kettering

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ankara" <uh-huh@somewhere.com>

this is the speech that william faulkner gave on acceptence of the nobel
prize
for literature in 1950: (if you dont see why I put it here..ignore it)

"Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long
sustained
by now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit.
There is only one question: When will I be blown up? Because of this,
the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the
human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing
because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat.

He must learn them again. He must teach himself that the basest of all
things is to be afraid: and, teaching himself that, forget it forever,
leaving
no room in his workshop for anything but the old verities and truths of the
heart, the universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and
doomed - love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and
sacrifice. Until he does so, he labors under a curse. He writes not of
love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anything of value,
of victories without hope and, worst of all, without pity or compassion.
His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars.
He writes not of the heart but of the glands.

Until he learns these things, he will write as though he stood among
and watched the end of man. I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy
enough to say that man is immortal simply because he will endure: that when
the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless
rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then
there
will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still
talking.
I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will
prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an
inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of
compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's,
duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure
by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and
hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have
been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the
record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure
and prevail."

-------------------
Ankara

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Frere Jean Bleu <FrJBleu@ifrance.com>

Joe Cosby<http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl> wrote:
>There's a thought.
>
>1. Move the healthiest young men and women into the middle east.
>2. Nuke America
>3. Bring them back
>4. Nuke everything outside America
>5. INSTANT DARWIN!
>
>Someone tell me I'm finally being TOO paranoid.
>
>Over the last couple years, every time I try to tell myself I'm being
>TOO paranoid, I found out I wasn't being paranoid enough.
>
>But GOD. This time I've got to be being TOO paranoid.
>
>please?

Another paranoia thing, that monstrous fence around Israel. Is it to
keep the Palestinians out or the Israelis in?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com>

"Cardinal Vertigo" <vertigo@alexandria.cc> wrote:
> This is all over the international media but so far is curiously absent
> stateside. Maybe it's just because of differing news cycles.
>
> "President George Bush has promised that if re-elected in November he
> will make regime change in Iran his new target."
>
> "...leaked reports from the US September 11 Commission show definite
> links between Iran and the September 11 terrorists."
>
> Etc., etc.
>
> http://www.sundayherald.com/43461 or just google-news for "regime
> change" or even "iran."
>
> --
> "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad
> reputation."
> - Henry Kissinger

A brilliant move! Bang the war drum once again to silence critics just in
time for the elections. Plus provide full employment for everyone of under
26. That should put and end to all the "I don't have any medical insurance
at my minimum wage job" whiners. Military service for everyone with family
income under $500k per year.

The fact that anyone in the administration would even mention this makes me
question either my sanity or theirs. Somebody need to be locked up. Here's
the plan; send an anonymous email to George telling him that Cheney and
Halliburtion are supporting Al Qaeda. Maybe he will work for regime change
here.

--
Rev. Anachron

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: beefjerkyisgood@hotmail.com (Paul Casino)

OFF TO IRAN WE GO SKIT

BUSH, CHEENEY, RUMMY in Oval Office.

BUSH: I'm telling you, I swear I saw it on the Discovery Channel or
something.

RUMMY: There is so such place as IRAO.

BUSH: It was on channel 59. Isn't channel 59 the Discovery Channel?

RUMMY: Look, let's get back to the topic. We got this intellegence
report that says Iran had terrorists after 9/11. Or before 9/11.

CHEENEY: Both, probabally.

BUSH: (pushes intercom button on phone) Gretchen?

SECRETARY: (over speaker) Yes, Mr. President?

BUSH: Find out what channel 59 is on TV.

SECRETARY: (over speaker) Yes, Mr. President.

BUSH: (to Cheeney and Rummy) She's gonna find out for us.

DOOR OPENS. COLIN POWELL enters. BUSH, CHEENEY, RUMMY all look at each
other, roll their eyes.

COLIN: Hey.

CHEENEY: Here's the latest intellegence report on Iran.

BUSH: (to Cheeney) Hey, did you know that his name means "asshole"? I
read that. In a magazine. Colin means asshole. Do you think anyone
ever told him that? Should I tell him that? I should tell him that.

COLIN: This intellegence report is shady at best.

CHEENEY: Oh, what's the problem NOW? What's the BIG, HUGE PROBLEM NOW?
What's it gonna be THIS time?

COLIN: For starters, this was written on a bar napkin from Red
Lobster.

RUMMY: So, what? You just ignore it, then?

COLIN: It was written in crayon.

BUSH: Rummy couldn't find a pen. They gave me those crayons for the
back of my menu.

RUMMY: (whaps BUSH upside the head, whispers) Ixnay onay hetay lanpay!

COLIN: I know exactly what you just said. It's not like pig latin is
hard, or anything. What plan?

RUMMY: There is no plan.

COLIN: Then why did you just say "nix on the plan" to him?

RUMMY: (stares blankly)I have no idea what you're talking about, sir.

COLIN: Alright, you did the whole Iraq thing behind my back and sprung
it on me at the last minute, fine. This is par for the course. But
look, all this "intellegence report" says is I...R...A...and then a
stain of some sort. And underneath that is says "IS BAD NOW."

CHEENEY: Well how much more cut and dry does this have to be for you,
Colin?

BUSH: Call him an asshole. Because he is one, that's why it's
like...funny on two levels. Because his name means that. And I don't
think he knows.

(Battle Hymn of the Republic plays. Cheeeney stand up from his chair,
and on to a soapbox brought out by a midget in a rainbow wig. And
american flag unfurls behind him for no apparent reason.)

CHEENEY: DAMNIT, I have had a baker's dozen strokes and so many heart
attacks that major medical journals are considering re-naming them
"Dick Cheeney Specials!" It's obvious that GOD is trying to kill me
and CAN'T. And if GOD can't kill me, then that means I can do whatever
I FUCKING well please. I'm in charge around here and I say the best
way to get re-elected is to go to war and keep people afraid to change
presidents in the middle of a major military action! If we time this
right, we can be on the eve of war on ELECTION NIGHT, and who's gonna
want to change people in charge then? NOBODY! It's FOOLPROOF!

BUSH: Even I get it.

CHEENEY: Even HE gets it!

(Music ends, Cheeney sits back down, midget takes away soap box and
flag goes back up.)

COLIN: I can't believe I took this job, Spike Lee is gonna kick my ass
next time he sees me.

BUSH: Shut up...ASSHOLE! HA! I called him that! I called him an
asshole like I said I would! High Five! High Five! No? Nobody?

SECRETARY: (over speaker) Mr. President, channel 59 is Nickelodeon.

ENTER J.R. "Bob" DOBBS, holding a chair and a whip. He is followed by
a snarling lion. "Bob" holds the chair out in front of him and cracks
the whip once.

"Bob": I have no idea WHAT I did that pissed this thing off.

FADE OUT...and we're fucked.

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Original file name: alt.slack, you heard#1AD1EC.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05