alt.slack FAQ

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Date: Sat, Jan 17, 2004

Alt.slack FAQ

Newbies

1 First timers after posting their first post must run around naked in
their neighbourhood city block 5 times . Carrying a dog named Fifi.
Screaming at the top of their lungs, "J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is beautiful
and a great actress." for 6 times.

All the regulars have done this

2. Newbies your first post will be on what your real name is, where
you live, your sex, your sexual preference, if you have a fetish for
God's, what your blood type is, what your genetic code is, your
psychological makeup, family history, medical history, past life
history (who you were before in past lives), your hobbies, what kind
of music you like, your favorite sports, your resume, any mental
disorders, genetic diseases, your social security number, what kind of
car you drive, tax information, a short biography of your life, any
relevant information I did not include, stool sample, blood sample,
semen sample (for men), one of your ovums (for women), and your religion

You do that and I will have no problems with you.

3. Once you do this you will become a pre regular. A pre-regular has
to post regularly for a time span of 6 months to a 1 year. 1 or 4
posts in 6 months will not make you a regular.

Regulars

1. The regulars can post on topic, off topic, on the side topic, off
the side topic. Just be entertaining and amusing.
2. The regulars can post "How great of an actress "Bob" is or what big
tits "Bob" has." Anybody who bitches about this anymore not being on
topic will have their sexual organs shrink up (for guys) or breasts
(for the gals) shrink up or start to feel the effects of gravity. This
can be instantaneous or takes time. This punishment will be done the
way I want it to be done.
3. What is on topic is myriad of things anything SubGenius including
the
show "Critter Gitters." Anything sexual can be talked about because I
decree it. Also, "Bob" is a sex god, so it's on topic.

Benefits of being a regular

They get a check of $250,000 a month and a new car of their choice
once a year because they are just that damn good. It's good to have a
benevolent Nenslo on your side. They get the check because they make
Nenslo happy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

alt.slack FAQ

From: Klyf Fenderson <news2TURNIP@klyfonline.com>
Date: Sat, Jan 17, 2004 4:25 AM

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:

> Newbies
>
> 1 First timers after posting their first post must run around naked in
> their neighbourhood city block 5 times . Carrying a dog named Fifi.
> Screaming at the top of their lungs, "J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is beautiful
> and a great actress." for 6 times.
>
> All the regulars have done this

Do we ever have to stop?
C'mere Fifi.

> 2. Newbies your first post will be on what your real name is, where
> you live, your sex, your sexual preference, if you have a fetish for
> God's, what your blood type is, what your genetic code is, your
> psychological makeup, family history, medical history, past life
> history (who you were before in past lives), your hobbies, what kind
> of music you like, your favorite sports, your resume, any mental
> disorders, genetic diseases, your social security number, what kind of
> car you drive, tax information, a short biography of your life, any
> relevant information I did not include, stool sample, blood sample,
> semen sample (for men), one of your ovums (for women), and your religion
>
> You do that and I will have no problems with you.

Hmm. Someone updated the FAQ since I was last subbed to alt.slack. Time
for some catching up:

Real Name: Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" S<=>=-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane
Fenderson (Any other name is to humor the "local humans" in my vicinity.)
Where I live: Slightly South of Drunken College Student HellMale, so
far. I likes the wimmins. Don't remember my blood type. Psychological
makeup: Usenet. Had a family, once. Yep, got one of them medical
histories. Past life: Some pathetic shmoe who died as a pawn to the
military/industrial complex. If I had any real hobbies, would I be
posting to alt.slack? You've actually read this far? Is something wrong
with you? I'm really not worth knowing. Objects in the mirror may be
closer than they appear. Close cover before striking. Use only in a
well-ventilated area. If lightheadedness or dizzyness occurs, discontinue
use.

> 3. Once you do this you will become a pre regular. A pre-regular has
> to post regularly for a time span of 6 months to a 1 year. 1 or 4
> posts in 6 months will not make you a regular.

Oh, I fucked that all up. Does that make me irregular?

> Regulars
>
>
> 1. The regulars can post on topic, off topic, on the side topic, off
> the side topic. Just be entertaining and amusing.

Yeah, like that's gonna happen. *snerk*

> 2. The regulars can post "How great of an actress "Bob" is or what big
> tits "Bob" has." Anybody who bitches about this anymore not being on
> topic will have their sexual organs shrink up (for guys) or breasts
> (for the gals) shrink up or start to feel the effects of gravity. This
> can be instantaneous or takes time. This punishment will be done the
> way I want it to be done.

*urrrrrp*

> 3. What is on topic is myriad of things anything SubGenius including
> the
> show "Critter Gitters." Anything sexual can be talked about because I
> decree it. Also, "Bob" is a sex god, so it's on topic.
>
> Benefits of being a regular
>
> They get a check of $250,000 a month and a new car of their choice
> once a year because they are just that damn good. It's good to have a
> benevolent Nenslo on your side. They get the check because they make
> Nenslo happy.

Oh, such motivation. If I make Nenslo happy, it'll be just like a MaryKay
sales person. Woo.

--
Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" S<=>=-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane Fenderson
Remove 'TURNIP' from address when replying.

"It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am MAD!"
--Ren Hoek

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> Benefits of being a regular
>
> They get a check of $250,000 a month and a new car of their choice
> once a year because they are just that damn good. It's good to have a
> benevolent Nenslo on your side. They get the check because they make
> Nenslo happy.

Guess I must be doing rather poorly then. All you ever sent me was a
tattered copy of "20 Cases of Dismemberment and Their Outcome Under
British Law." Cheap bas'tard. I hate you, Nenslo.

HellPope Huey
Some things smell so bad,
you can take a PICTURE of the stench.

Sometimes I end up with something extremely spicy hot,
with an indescribable half-fish half-acorn flavor
and the ability to generate
600 cubic feet of pootilicious fartissimo.
- Saint Alliekatt

"It smelled like slow death, malaria and nightmares in there."
- "Apocalypse Now"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: krisweir@aol.com (Kris Weir)

but..
but...

Nenslo really *is* right

isn't he?

(he is)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: FrJBleu@ifrance.com (Frere Jean Bleu)

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> Newbies
>
>
> 1 First timers after posting their first post must run around naked in
> their neighbourhood city block 5 times . Carrying a dog named Fifi.
> Screaming at the top of their lungs, "J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is beautiful
> and a great actress." for 6 times.

This assumes one lives in a city and aforementioned city has a
block.....Pass
>
> All the regulars have done this
>
> 2. Newbies your first post will be on what your real name is
Jean, John, Ionnes, Yani, Ian, Sean, Ewan, Gio, Johan etc

>, where
> you live,

Australia (Terror Australis clench) and France (Unaware of a clench
there)

>your sex,

I'm in no way objective enough to rate my sex, I can seek out
independent and way more qualified references of third parties if
pushed.

>your sexual preference,

I prefer my partner of the moment to be alive, conscious and
preferably in possesion of all limbs (hopefully only two legs).

> if you have a fetish for God's,

I have no fetish for God's comma....... his/her/its colon perhaps

> what your blood type is,

Kinda red coloured, it's usually accomapnied by some form of cutaneous
pain when I see it.

>what your genetic code is,

Yeti...... I think. As a new SubG I'm trying to grasp the esoteric
concept of the yeti thing.

> your psychological makeup,

Hmmm dunno about this one all I know is that those guys in the white
coats Army recruiting calling in more guys in white coats to laugh at
the results.

> family history,

I had ancestors...... they died, however they stuck around long enough
and had sex. So much so, that an unbroken chain exists between me and
some sort of deep sea fungus.

> medical history

I got sick a few times and got better.

>past life history (who you were before in past lives)

Somebody insignificant..... nothing has changed this reincarnation.

>your hobbies,

see sex

> what kind of music you like

Pink Floyd, Radiohead, New Order.

> your favorite sports

Baby Harp seal culling should be a sport, those Canadians sure know
how to have fun. Apart from that not much.

> your resume

I work as little as possible.

>, any mental disorders

I'm posting here and see below

>, genetic diseases
Three nipples, MPD, schizophrenia etc etc etc..... how much space have
you got?

> your social security number
No such thing

>, what kind of car you drive
Holden downunder.... Renault in France

> tax information
You pay tax and then the government spends it on really cool shiny
fighter planes and big business kickbacks.(One and the same)

> a short biography of your life,
I was born, I fucked around for a bit and then I became an ordained
SubG

> any relevant information I did not include
I'm a medium average 36 yo Gen x

>, stool sample
http://www.deeplake.com/southpark/mr_hanky.shtml

> blood sample,
Mick Blood of the Sydney indie band Lime Spiders sample here

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/jfiles/files/m410720.ram

> semen sample (for men), one of your ovums (for women)

http://www.cnrc.navy.mil/nucfield/today/current.htm

>
, and your religion

SubG....... Praise Bob etc etc
>
> You do that and I will have no problems with you.

Man........ sucking up to Nenslo....I'm off to a woeful start.

Fr. J B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Rev DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:

> Regulars
>
>
> 1. The regulars can post on topic, off topic, on the side topic, off
> the side topic. Just be entertaining and amusing.

Ok, we know of (at least) three posters whom the group as a whole have
categorized as "Mental pygmies". What is the penalty for their failure to
be entertaining and/or amusing? (Hopefully something involving
vivisection.)

"Bob" has lost some of his lustre since he stopped buying his suits at
Armani and started buying off-the-rack at F-Mart. And a yellow power tie
with black pinstripes? PuhhhLEASE! Stang says he's salvagable, but YOU
try getting him booked on "Queer Eye for the Yeti Guy". You'd have better
luck getting Maddonna to french kiss Bobcat Goldthwait.

We need more discussions on "Organic hamster farming". Discuss.

>
> Benefits of being a regular
>
>
> They get a check of $250,000 a month and a new car of their choice
> once a year because they are just that damn good. It's good to have a
> benevolent Nenslo on your side. They get the check because they make
> Nenslo happy.

Ok, looks like it's time to fire my agent and find someone more
competent. Getting discount coupons to Mrs. Winner's and a Schwinn
electric scooter with the front wheel missing fall far short of what was
in the signed agreement. Why the hell do they have to put this stuff in
fine print that can only be read with an electron microscope??

--
______________
-- The Church of Our Lady of Prepetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
-- Rev. DJ Epoch - proprietor and janitor

Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Rev DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com> wrote:
>> You'd have better luck getting Madonna to french kiss Bobcat
Goldthwait.

Sometimes, grasshopper, it is not the destination, but the journey
which matters most.

HellPope Huey
The Church of the SubGenius is not a cult;
its a walk-in psych ward.

"I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill
live in poverty.
Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23%
who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
- Jerry Garcia

My mind is up on blocks right now.
- Rev. Epoch

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Klyf Fenderson <news2TURNIP@klyfonline.com>

The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.
--
Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" S<=>=-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane
Remove 'TURNIP' from address when replying.

This signature intentionally left blank.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Revi Shankar" <me@privacy.net>

A journey of 1000 miles sometimes ends prematurely and horribly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Klyf Fenderson <news2TURNIP@klyfonline.com>

"Watch that first step, it's a doozy."

--
Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" S<=>=-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane
Remove 'TURNIP' from address when replying.

This signature intentionally left blank.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Doktor DynaSoar <targeting@OMCL.mil>

"That's one small step for man, one WHOOPS! Fuck!
SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSshshshshshshshshsshssssssss..........."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Rev DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

When you're walking down the street,
and you feel it in your feet,
Then you know
you got a hole
in your sole.

--
______________
-- The Church of Our Lady of Prepetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
-- Rev. DJ Epoch - proprietor and janitor
`
Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site:
http://revdjepoch.net
`
Some assembly required, and in case of prizes, duplicate ties will be
awarded.
`
"Fist fucking jehovah's witnesses is no substitute for healthy diet and a
regular exercise program." -- Blackout
`
"if you stand on my instep, lean into my face with your salami-breathed
bad manners and bellow "HOWYADOIN' THERE, BUCKO?," you ultimately have
no one to blame but YOU for the pineapple suppository."
- HellPope Huey

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Klyf Fenderson <news2TURNIP@klyfonline.com> wrote:
> HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subgenius.com> wrote:
> > > Rev DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com> wrote:
> >
> >>> You'd have better luck getting Madonna to french kiss Bobcat
> > Goldthwait.
> >
> > Sometimes, grasshopper, it is not the destination, but the journey
> > which matters most.
>
> The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.

Sometimes it also begins with an alarm clock, a screaming baby, a
barking dog, bad coffee, a burning gut, a flat tire and subsequently,
gunfire. By then, who gives a fuck? I'd french kiss Bobcat myself if
it meant I could have just stayed in bed and called in sick to work,
claiming severe diarrhea. No one ever comes by to check and see if
that's true. "Hello, the boss sent me to check your bowels." Nope,
that one is a pretty safe bet.

HellPope Huey
I am like opium:
fragrant, euphoric and constipating

He has the worst golf handicap since Edward Scissorhands.
- Rev. Epoch

"If you're not careful, the media will have you hating
the people who are being oppressed,
and loving the people
who are doing the oppressing."
-Malcolm X

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Original file name: alt.slack FAQ.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05