Dean Humphries and Jason Christie are the demented afterbirth of ALT.SLACK

From: steelsteal@hotmail.com (E.Bola)
Date: Sat, May 15, 2004

You created them, now you can destroy them.
At least don't hinder the destruction of Bob's afterbirth.
Alt.slack and miscreats you have created usenet terrorism.
You happy about that?
You think that these two pinks takes the heat off of you?
I'm curious if you plan to march right into the abyss and laugh when
your just due is served?

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From: Peter J Ross <gadfly@NOSPAMmeow.org>

Please post more of this kind of thing. I can never get quite enough
cluelessness to satisfy my desires.

[support-group trolling thwarted]
--
PJR :-)

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From: "Bill Cleere" <bcleere@philipkdick.com>

We know that. You don't have to keep proving it.

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From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

steelsteal@hotmail.com (E.Bola) wrote:
>You created them, now you can destroy them.
>At least don't hinder the destruction of Bob's afterbirth.
>Alt.slack and miscreats you have created usenet terrorism.
>You happy about that?
>You think that these two pinks takes the heat off of you?
>I'm curious if you plan to march right into the abyss and laugh when
>your just due is served?

I have been reading alt.slack for ages and have never heard of either
of the two until a bunch of mouth-breathing fanatics started posting
here about them.

On the other hand, I have followed enough of these internet wars to
know all I need to know about them, or about you.

And what I know is this: THE SHIT DOESN'T MATTER. And both you and
they are undoubtedly idiots for being involved in the whole thing.

In real life, when people don't like each other, they argue. If it
gets bad enough, maybe they get in a fight. If it gets really bad,
maybe they poke each other in the nose. If it gets worse than that,
maybe they stick knifes in each other or shoot each other.

Regardless though, there's a denouement. Eventually things escalate
to whatever point seems emotionally appropriate to the people involved
in it.

On the internet that doesn't happen. When someone gets MAD and starts
YELLING AND YELLING at somebody else, it has NO EFFECT. Evidently,
some people don't know how to cope with that. They NEED that feeling
of things coming to a head, of a problem degenerating into a fight or
whatever. They CAN'T just say fuck it and forget it.

So they yell LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER. Then the other
person yells back LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER.

And still nothing happens.

So the two sides lock into a cycle of yelling back and forth all the
LOUDEST AND NASTIEST THINGS THEY CAN THINK OF and neither side can
give it up because they just need that feeling of denouement that
comes in the meat world when people poke each other in the nose or
shoot each other or whatever. And they JUST CAN'T LET GO until that
happens. Which it NEVER will.

So both parties make themselves ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE and devote HUGE
AMOUNTS OF THEIR EMOTIONAL LIVES to this yelling back and forth thing,
often for literally YEARS of their lives.

And they seem to think that this misery they are in the middle of,
well, that's got to hurt the OTHER GUY, doesn't it?

So what it really works out to, it's like two people wallowing in
shit, and both of them are saying "I'M NOT GOING TO STOP WALLOWING IN
SHIT UNTIL -HE- STOPS WALLOWING IN SHIT!"

And feel this is some form of great victory.

And then they crosspost to other newsgroups, yelling "YOU BETTER NOT
HELP THAT GUY, OR I'LL SIT HERE AND WALLOW IN SHIT! JUST SEE IF I
DON'T!" and think this makes them fearsome and terrifying.

The ideal solution to this would be for people in general to grow the
fuck up to the point that they could let some shit that some fool
scrawled on the toilet-stall wall which is usenet GO and get on with
better things.

Of course, that's a completely unrealistic idea, so my idea for a
solution is this:

Everybody on Usenet will agree to have a new device, probably a
USB-plugin device, attached to their computer.

This device will be a heavy box with three attachments.

The first will attach to a collar which the user wears and have a
large sandbag hanging from it. When it is activated, it will smack
the user heavily in the nose.

The second attachment will strap to the user's waist and will have a
knife attached to it. When activated, it will stab the user somewhere
at random.

The third attachment will have a one-shot .45 caliber firing tube and
will shoot the user.

Everybody on Usenet will agree to wear one of these devices. Then
anybody else on Usenet, by simply including a special smiley in their
usenet post, can trigger the device of anybody else on usenet. So if
I want, I can hit the "smack E.Bola in the nose" button in my
newsreader, and when you read the message, your #1 attachment will
smack you in the nose. And I can even vary how hard it hits you by
how many exclamation points and all-caps I use in my message. And
then you can set off MY #1 attachment in return. And so on.

Then everybody will be happy.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
Of is the Frenchwoman on the way a street of long-keeping cheese?

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From: "ghost" <ghost@ghost.net>

You forgot pedophilia.

And Nazism. Can't forget the Nazism.

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From: "Blackout" <blackout@gruntgruntgruntsubgenius.com>

"E.Bola"

maybe Dean Humphries can hold you down while Jason Christie carves his name
into your face with a soldering iron.

keep your fingers crossed, huh?

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From: SnarkyC@yahoo.ca (Snarky)

Hey, he may be a bit on the hysterical side, but at least his heart's
in the right place -- that subject line is sheer mad poetry,
man...Beautiful...

Snarky

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From: Frere Jean Bleu <FrJBleu@ifrance.com>

Well I find your Charlton Heston-esque like smiting, embellished with
a cotton wool beard immensely funny. So yes I'll be laughing my arse
off as you point downward and invoke the wrath of usenet upon thou.

You can laugh back.

Thing is I've been looking for an OBJECTIVE reason behind this Dean
Humphries fellow. It appears to have started in alt.tv.simpsons first
mention on alt.slack was a crosspost in 2000 from Humphries himself.

Fr J B

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From: "Reach The Sky" <gernic2001@FUCKOFFvideotron.ca>

Heh, I remember this Humphries dude from alt.tv.simpsons, he seemed more
like a bening troll yelling snuh everytime he could.

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Original file name: Dean Humphries and J#1AD239.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05