From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 2, 2004
Pra'Bob, the offending tissue is gone. All day I had
to smell the breath of
a kid whose lymphatic tissue had been fried by electrocautery.
Kind of put
me to mind of the cooking scene towards the end of Hannibal.
Autistics branes are wired funny, in case anybody asks.
Normal life, which
almost everybody else perceives pretty much the same,
is rather like a
raucous chaos to an autistic. But then, when you administer
to them mind
numbing compounds designed to relieve pain, even that
familiar chaos is
rendered more chaotic or something.
You and I would enjoy the buzz, but to an autistic,
the additional confusion
of something already confusing is unbearable. So the
poor boy thrashed
around for a couple of hours as his head swam inside
his already swimming
worldview. Finally after sleeping it off for eight
hours or so, he became
his usual sweet self, and then I had reason to believe
the corner was
turned, and there would indeed be a new tomorrow.
Whew. I'm limp as a dishrag. They got an attendant
to sit with my kid all
night, a nice fellow named...you're not going to believe
this...CLEVELAND,
and the two of them were getting nicely acquainted when
I left for the Condo
of Solitude. Tomorrow I should be able to get him home.
I should also mention that my kid is in one of those
huge city hospital type
places. The kid in the bed next to him was about 18
(this was a pediatric
ICU) and I gather he was rushed to the ER unconscious
after swallowing a
bottle of his mom's heart medicine thinking it would
get him high! He was
in there to be monitored to make sure the crap wasn't
going to stop the
idiot's heart.
The family got upset with my kid's noisemaking and wanted
their kid moved to
a private room, and when they refused to do that, the
family got all huffy
and signed the fellow OUT, "Against Medical Advice",
presumably to let his
heart stop at home, where the pils are more freely available.
Where do
people like this come from?
As I left (mind you, this is PEDIATRICS!!!) they rolled
in another teen
patient...two cops...and the kid was in HANDCUFFS.
Yeah, that's life in the big city kiddies ward. Soon
they'll have to be
mixing pr0n tapes in with the cartoons in the play rooms,
by popular demand.
One other note. Of course, this being a HOSPITAL, you
can't smoke inside.
But I was fucking going apeshit for some nicotine.
By the cafeteria, they
have one door that leads to an alley where they pack
up vomitus and putrid
pathology discards, marked SMOKING AREA. It was cold,
smelly, and isolated.
But there we were, four or five stalwart smokers, puffing
away whilst other
people inside were getting their cancer treated, possibly
watching us fume
away.
A glorious moment of self-choice, by Dobbs. Like whistling
in a graveyard
or something.
What a fucking day.
[*]
-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
iDRMRSR wrote:
> Pra'Bob, the offending tissue is gone...
> What a fucking day.
In such circumstances I'd like to think I'm stoic.
Perhaps it's my near infinite capacity to imagine
*worse* to most any situation--including death by
pointy teeth and claws, or being cornholed by a
rhinocerous in a pit full of flaming squid, as
gleeful medical residents gamble for my garments.
It makes even a hospital seem like a cheery and
pleasant place. Now granted, if you are jonesing
for nicotine that does sort of make the seconds
multiply by a factor of 2.37, but even so, you
aren't being menaced by the all-too-common
hospital zombies, radioactive mutants or Ken Doll
government clones with orders to kill all lifeforms
lest the infection spread.
Besides, if you are lucky, you might catch some
of their co-ed nurses aides giving blowjobs to
patients who seem to suffer from nothing worse
than painful priapism and moustache overgrowth,
as I'm sure you've seen ample evidence of in the
many cinematic productions that male SubGenii
always seem to have in their VCRs.
Yes indeed, in truth hospitals are alleged to,
on occasion, do that *healing* thing that properly
should be done by acupuncturists, chiropractors,
anthropods or other such witch healers and Italian
shaman spirit guidos and psychic sturgeons who all
contribute to the reduction of excess DNA from the
species.
Just remember: If you can walk, or be wheeled,
out the door, you have WON!
--
"At the sound of the beep you will forget
the first part of this message <beep>."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Unclaimed Mysteries <theletter_k_andthenumeral_4_doh@unclaimedmysteries.net>
iDRMRSR wrote:
> Pra'Bob, the offending tissue is gone. All day
I had to smell the breath of
> a kid whose lymphatic tissue had been fried by
electrocautery. Kind of put
> me to mind of the cooking scene towards the end
of Hannibal.
Great Googly Dobbs I STILL remember that smell draining
through my head
from 40 years ago. There is nothing like it.
> Autistics branes are wired funny, in case anybody
asks. Normal life, which
> almost everybody else perceives pretty much the
same, is rather like a
> raucous chaos to an autistic. But then, when you
administer to them mind
> numbing compounds designed to relieve pain, even
that familiar chaos is
> rendered more chaotic or something.
>
> You and I would enjoy the buzz, but to an autistic,
the additional confusion
> of something already confusing is unbearable.
So the poor boy thrashed
> around for a couple of hours as his head swam inside
his already swimming
> worldview. Finally after sleeping it off for eight
hours or so, he became
> his usual sweet self, and then I had reason to
believe the corner was
> turned, and there would indeed be a new tomorrow.
>
> Whew. I'm limp as a dishrag. They got an attendant
to sit with my kid all
> night, a nice fellow named...you're not going to
believe this...CLEVELAND,
> and the two of them were getting nicely acquainted
when I left for the Condo
> of Solitude. Tomorrow I should be able to get
him home.
>
> I should also mention that my kid is in one of
those huge city hospital type
> places. The kid in the bed next to him was about
18 (this was a pediatric
> ICU) and I gather he was rushed to the ER unconscious
after swallowing a
> bottle of his mom's heart medicine thinking it
would get him high! He was
> in there to be monitored to make sure the crap
wasn't going to stop the
> idiot's heart.
>
> The family got upset with my kid's noisemaking
and wanted their kid moved to
> a private room, and when they refused to do that,
the family got all huffy
> and signed the fellow OUT, "Against Medical
Advice", presumably to let his
> heart stop at home, where the pils are more freely
available. Where do
> people like this come from?
>
> As I left (mind you, this is PEDIATRICS!!!) they
rolled in another teen
> patient...two cops...and the kid was in HANDCUFFS.
>
> Yeah, that's life in the big city kiddies ward.
Soon they'll have to be
> mixing pr0n tapes in with the cartoons in the play
rooms, by popular demand.
>
> One other note. Of course, this being a HOSPITAL,
you can't smoke inside.
> But I was fucking going apeshit for some nicotine.
By the cafeteria, they
> have one door that leads to an alley where they
pack up vomitus and putrid
> pathology discards, marked SMOKING AREA. It was
cold, smelly, and isolated.
> But there we were, four or five stalwart smokers,
puffing away whilst other
> people inside were getting their cancer treated,
possibly watching us fume
> away.
>
> A glorious moment of self-choice, by Dobbs. Like
whistling in a graveyard
> or something.
>
> What a fucking day.
Is there an acceptable SubG alternative to the newagey
practice of
sending waves of "good vibes" or (shudder)
<<<HUGS>>> to iDRMRSR and
the young'un?
Perhaps if everyone would __________.
I'll start:
1) THINK ABOUT BOWLING LIKE HOWARD SPRAGUE.
2) SHUT UP.
3) SHUT UP REAL HARD.
and so on.
--
It Came From C. L. Smith's Unclaimed Mysteries.
http://www.unclaimedmysteries.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> One other note. Of course, this being a HOSPITAL,
you can't smoke inside.
> But I was fucking going apeshit for some nicotine.
By the cafeteria, they
> have one door that leads to an alley where they
pack up vomitus and putrid
> pathology discards, marked SMOKING AREA. It was
cold, smelly, and isolated.
> But there we were, four or five stalwart smokers,
puffing away whilst other
> people inside were getting their cancer treated,
possibly watching us fume
> away.
>
> A glorious moment of self-choice, by Dobbs. Like
whistling in a graveyard
> or something.
I've noticed that smokers these days are all TAN and
HEALTHY looking
from being outdoors all the time, whereas the nonsmokers
are relatively
wan looking. Their smirks of superiority look so sickly.
(This said as
a "die hard" (and "doe-hard") dedicated
smoker who happens to have been
between cigs for 7 or 8 years, but due only to health
reasons, believe
me. I remain a belligerent supporter of smoker's rights
to give
smirking assholes cancer.
> What a fucking day.
Well worth your agony to the rest of us, for this excellent
report!
THANKS!
Would a toy woof woof be appropriate?
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
wrote:
> smirking assholes cancer.
Due regard for the draining trials of our buddy aside....
I like the
idea of a specific cancer. What a title! Smirking Asshole
Cancer!!
"I'm sorry, sir, but we have diagnosed you as
having Smirking Asshole
Cancer. Because you are a smarmy, self-centered, blow-dried
marketing
executive who makes life more miserable for others,
your tumor growth
is 24 times that of any other case I have seen in a
while. You not
only don't have 6 months to live, I would not set my
TiVo for anything
past about mid-April, you wretched fuck. There are a
few medications
that might make you more comfortable as you wither,
but they're pretty
potent, so I'm going to tangle up the mound of DEA paperwork
and see
to it that they are witheld longer than really necessary.
I know you
are the one who got rap played over all of the burger
joint
commercials, so it seems only fair. Have a nice day,
disease bag." Ah,
the compassion of the overloaded SubGenii!!!!
--
HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
The buffet is awful on Monster Island
"The groundhog saw Janet Jackson's boob
and there will be 6 more weeks of masturbation."
- Jon Stewart
Too bad the only people who know how to run the
country
are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
- George Burns
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
HellPopeHuey wrote:
> Due regard for the draining trials of our
> buddy aside.... I like the idea of a specific
> cancer. What a title! Smirking Asshole Cancer!!
I kinda pictured it as:
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that your Smirking
Asshole Cancer has metasticized. Soon your entire
body will be covered with Smirking Assholes. They'll
make sort of a 'schmuck-schmuck' sound as they Smirk
at other people. Not just adult men, but women and
even children, too. You will be publicly ostracized
and most likely driven out of town by people who just
don't understand that it's NOT YOUR FAULT! Oh, dear
lord, why can't we just accept people like you as
just being different? Why must we brutalize and
terrorize you poor innocent victims? For that's what
you are, my friend, a...STOP SMIRKING AT ME, GODDAMMIT!
YOU WORTHLESS FUCK, YOU MEANT TO DO THAT! GET THE HELL
OUT OF MY OFFICE! BAH! YOU DISGUSTING, SMIRKING
ASSHOLE COVERED ASSHOLE SMIRKER!"
--
"Money can't buy you happiness,
but when you're poor, you can't
buy shit, and nobody will loan
you happiness."
--nu-monet
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Stang:
>>Would a toy woof woof be appropriate?
Yes, at this point, it would be appropriate...for EITHER one of us!
I sprung my poor victim of medical horror this morning
and took him to his
home, where he immediately prescribed himself several
days of watching HIS
OWN videos. He's doing well.
I, on the other hand, so worn from the whole experience,
felt kinda like I
had just walked between the two WTC towers as they were
collapsing and
simply coughed twice and went on my way. Able to begin
the magic process of
"putting this all behind me".
But of course, this transition state released SO MUCH
ENERGY that when I got
back here I collapsed in a deep mid afternoon sleep.
You'd think someone
had just yanked out MY tonsils.
I'm going to seclude myself here and try to avoid all
stimulation for 24
hours to enable my nerve endings to find each other
once again.
The trouble with kids is, you love them so much. I
think medicine would do
all parents a service if they would deploy Y shaped
IV tubes. One end in
the kid, the other into the parent. Then double up
the drug dose. It would
be more humane that way.
Then, we could really share the experience, rather than
just sitting outside
the thing and trying to imagine what it must be like.
Well, thanks to the
favorable tilt of the luck plane, we're temporarily
in a relatively safe and
comfortable position.
And not having to drive through freezing rain either!
(Or should I say...SO
FAR).
[*]
-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Unclaimed Mysteries <theletter_k_andthenumeral_4_doh@unclaimedmysteries.net> wrote:
> Is there an acceptable SubG alternative to the
newagey practice of
> sending waves of "good vibes" or (shudder)
<<<HUGS>>> to iDRMRSR and
> the young'un?
The mailing of money in the form of checks is our way
of sending
"healing energy." That's our metaphysical
"hug." You'll notice we
don't hug much.
Original file name: The Amazing Tonsils #1AD137.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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