From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
Date: Wed, Jul 7, 2004
From the air, America looks, for all the world, as if
it were made of
nothing but farms. A great sprawling collective of
farms, spanning
the continent.
Whenever I fly I find my imagination running away with
this image.
Imagine an America where there was nothing but these
sprawling farms.
Each separated by five or ten miles from the next.
They get up in the
morning, spend the day working these miles and miles
of fields, and
then go to bed when the sun goes down.
They live too far apart to socialize. There are not
cities, there are
no concerts, there are no radio stations, there are
no bars. Just THE
FIELDS. Day after day, all your life. The sun rises
over one end and
sets over the other and that's your whole world.
You would probably never bother to go anywhere. What's
the point? A
farm 10 miles away, another identical farm 100 miles
away, 1000 miles
away another identical farm in an identical sprawl of
fields. Not
-identical- to yours, but not especially different from
it, either.
you COULD go there. It would be something. You could
talk to your
counterpart who runs it.
"Do you find it better to plow in late May or early
June, brother?"
"I find it better to plow in early June, brother"
"Yup. I find it better to plow in early June,
too, brother"
WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?
What are you here for? We're all here to Go.
We're all here to go, that's what we're all here for.
The Earth is
going to be a space station, and we're all HERE TO GO,
into space.
Do I hear any questions about THAT?
Why did you come here? What did you expect to learn?
What do you
expect from ME?
http://mugwump.pitzer.edu/~bkeeley/reality/willwelc.au
The whole Church of the Subgenius is HERE TO GO, into space.
Not because we're a bunch of Captain Kirks, eager to
spread Democracy
to the Universe.
We want the pleasure saucers. We want the best sex
we've ever had,
every night. We want all the frop we can handle, whenever
we want it.
We want holodecks. We want robot slaves. We want pan-galactic
gargle
blasters and triple-breasted whores and we want to fight
epic duels
under skies lit with triple indigo moons.
Because we know the secret of the universe. We know
the meaning of
life.
And the meaning of life is to HAVE FUN.
What? Where is my 30-volume philosophical opus, written
in Latin on
vellum, proving this ineluctably? Which God on which
mountaintop
handed me the stone tables with this secret inscribed
on them? Where
is my mathematical equation?
But that's the thing. It's the one thing that doesn't
HAVE to be
proved. Any more than there's any point proving that
water is wet, or
that when we are thirsty we drink a lot of it.
Because we -are- thirsty, -all the time-.
There is a CON. A conspiracy of idiots. They don't
want to take our
fun away from us. They don't want to take away our
slack.
They want to SELL it to us.
They want to SELL us our own fun. But in order to do
that, they have
to convince us that we can't HAVE fun without THEM.
That we CAN'T BE HAVING FUN if we don't have a 4x4 SUV
or if we aren't
the nauseating parody fo hip-yet-with-a-heart-of-normal
that they
shove down our throats in TV commercials and billboards
and the
internet or any other flat surface we might have to
look at or if we
aren't all hip-yet-urbane like Jerry Seinfeld or if
our friends aren't
a bunch of SOULLESS YUPPIE FUCKS off of "Friends"
or the so-called
"reality" TV shows ... "Bob" knows,
in MY reality, I don't find myself
in carefully-engineered sexual tableaus on a desert
island with a
bunch of SOULLESS YUPPIE FUCKS, ALL THAT OFTEN, so I'm
not sure who
writes these "reality" shows.
In fact we get quite a lot of "reality" shoved
down our THROATS by the
popular media, and we get quite a lot of implicit RULES
about who
really should and shouldn't be having fun and how they
should be going
about it.
And let's face it, MOST PEOPLE BUY IT.
You have to go a long way out in the woods to get the
fuck away from
people trying desperately to be like somebody on TV.
You have to go a long way out in the woods before the
world STOPS
looking like a TV commercial. Before people stop dressing
like a TV
commercial and talking like a TV commercial. Where
soembody can get
fucking naked JUST BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE IT and that
doesn't FREAK
PEOPLE OUT.
Drinks after work at Red Robin or Chi Chi's isn't FUN.
It's a TV
COMMERCIAL for fun. Being there just means you stepped
through the
mirror. Into a COMMERCIAL.
But real life doesn't denoue in neat 30 second blocks.
Then you have
to ask yourself, WHAT NOW? AM I HAVING FUN?
WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?
You've been conned.
The worst thing the conspiracy ever did was when they
learned to
market ANGST. When they learned to MARKET anti-heroes.
Because then it got harder and harder to find the line
between DOING
WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO and being just another ROBOT.
When you find
yourself rebelling against a mindless world and then
you see a TV
COMMERCIAL for YOURSELF. That's when it gets CONFUSING.
That's the great con of cons. Sucking people in who
haven't got the
foggiest idea what they want is relatively easy. But
that's the soft
60% of the market.
The great con of cons is when you market to the people
who HATE you.
When you can sell people THEIR OWN ANGST because you've
convinced them
that their OWN isn't COOL ENOUGH.
The great con began when the con learned to BLUR, to
CONFUSE, that
line. When the marketing con became a feedback machine,
sucking in
what people who were HAVING FUN were doing, twisting
it, distorting
it, into an image of what you NEED TO BUY to have fun,
and SELLING IT
BACK TO YOU.
Life was better before they invented telepathic TV.
But the con is, in the end, very simple. It all depends
on THEM
telling us what is fun. And US being stupid enough
to believe them.
Which is like convincing people that water isn't wet.
Or that they
aren't thirsty.
But after a lifetime of brainwashing, we DO get confused.
We feel
like we're GETTING AWAY WITH SOMETHING because we can
fun around
nekkid if we feel like it. Or like we have to wait
for Stang before
it will be FUN.
But let's face it. What's all this "we" shit.
When somebody talks
about "we" they usually mean themselves.
Never trust anybody who tries to tell you what you're
thinking. What
they are really telling you is "this is what I'M
thinking ... I hope
to God I'm not the only one!"
So why not? This is a church.
I HAVE SEEN THE PINK BOY IN MY OWN SOUL, BROTHERS AND
SISTERS. I have
seen the enemy, and he is me.
I used to hang out with hippies. Or pagans. Or punks.
Or yuppies.
Or politically correct yuppies, who are distinct from
yuppies.
Or whatever.
And I would eventually find myself worrying if I were
HIPPY enough or
am I PAGAN enough or am I PUNK enough until it seemed
like I had
MISSED something.
But it was NO JOKE, because THEY would be thinking the
same thing! If
I got my hair cut TOO SHORT, the hippies were a LITTLE
EMBARASSED to
be around me. If I let it grow TOO LONG, the punks
hated me.
But only a subgenius DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK. You
all are PERFECT,
because you ALL SUCK.
Well not really. I just liked turning a nenslo line
on it's head like
that.
You don't suck at all. But that was what really sunk
into my head in
the little time I was at Brushwood. You really don't
GIVE A FUCK if
anybody approves of you or not. You SUCK by the standards
of the
global fun-marketing DISEASE which really is PERFECT.
And I guess I have been living in the bowels of the
conspiracy long
enough that I couldn't even COMPREHEND a group of people
who don't
GIVE A FUCK whether they are following the RULES for
having FUN.
Sometimes it takes something like that to get me back
in my right
mind.
(thanks to Lupus Yonderboy for his partial rant that
inspired most of
this, and Stang's mini-rant at 7:01 and to all the WSB
stuff I ripped
off)
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
it's not that I'm out of coffee, more like I need a
cup of coffee to get up the motivation to go make
a cup of coffee.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com>
"Joe Cosby" <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
wrote:
>
> From the air, America looks, for all the world,
as if it were made of
> nothing but farms. A great sprawling collective
of farms, spanning
> the continent.
>
> Whenever I fly I find my imagination running away
with this image.
> Imagine an America where there was nothing but
these sprawling farms.
> Each separated by five or ten miles from the next.
They get up in the
> morning, spend the day working these miles and
miles of fields, and
> then go to bed when the sun goes down.
>
> They live too far apart to socialize. There are
not cities, there are
> no concerts, there are no radio stations, there
are no bars. Just THE
> FIELDS. Day after day, all your life. The sun
rises over one end and
> sets over the other and that's your whole world.
Yes but is life in the homogenized 'burbs any better?
Each two story
aluminum-clad colonial stacked next to the other. All
with perfectly
trimmed lawns by "Barefoot Grass." God forbid
anything natural should
intrude on the synthetic living grass. Each town a
repitition of the last
from coast to coast. A McDonalds, A WalMart, a school,
gas station, and of
course even the smallest town must have 3 or 4 churches.
How else would god
know you are there?
Flying makes me feel insignificant. 6 billion humans
on the planet. Has
any one of us ever had a single original thought? Very
unlikely. Finally I
learned to stop thinking about how many people are tromping
around on this
globe. I just refuse to contemplate the reality of
it. Just a survival
mechanism.
> There is a CON. A conspiracy of idiots. They
don't want to take our
> fun away from us. They don't want to take away
our slack.
>
> They want to SELL it to us.
>
> They want to SELL us our own fun. But in order
to do that, they have
> to convince us that we can't HAVE fun without THEM.
Remember you are only really living when you are on
vacation at "Disney
World." Hurry kids! we will be late for the 3
hour line that forming! If
we rush we can ride on two rides today!
When we are 3 we know how to have huge fun running through
a sprinkler in
the back yard. 12-16 years of school makes sure our
innate instincts for
creating our own fun is drained out of us. The 40 hour
work week demands
obedience from the robots.
X Day has shown that SubGeni can reclaim what "the
man" has beaten out of
us. (even if we are now "the man")
> That we CAN'T BE HAVING FUN if we don't have a
4x4 SUV or if we aren't
> the nauseating parody fo hip-yet-with-a-heart-of-normal
that they
> shove down our throats in TV commercials and billboards
and the
> internet or any other flat surface we might have
to look at or if we
> aren't all hip-yet-urbane like Jerry Seinfeld or
if our friends aren't
> a bunch of SOULLESS YUPPIE FUCKS off of "Friends"
"I can't get me no satisfaction"
> And let's face it, MOST PEOPLE BUY IT.
A take out a big mortgage to do so...
> The great con began when the con learned to BLUR,
to CONFUSE, that
> line. When the marketing con became a feedback
machine, sucking in
> what people who were HAVING FUN were doing, twisting
it, distorting
> it, into an image of what you NEED TO BUY to have
fun, and SELLING IT
> BACK TO YOU.
Part of it is stupidity and the weakness of not being
willing to say "FUCK
IT" I want to be weird and I don't care about
the neighbors. You need to
have a pair to reclaim what you like. The can't sell
what we refuse to buy
no matter how often they repeat their mantras. "McDonalds
I'm lovin' it"
"Every kiss begins with Kay" This I love.
But it should really be "Ever
Fuck begins with Kay" message: women are whores
who must be bought. No
diamond, No fucky.
> But after a lifetime of brainwashing, we DO get
confused. We feel
> like we're GETTING AWAY WITH SOMETHING because
we can fun around
> nekkid if we feel like it. Or like we have to
wait for Stang before
> it will be FUN.
>
>
> But let's face it. What's all this "we"
shit. When somebody talks
> about "we" they usually mean themselves.
>
> Never trust anybody who tries to tell you what
you're thinking. What
> they are really telling you is "this is what
I'M thinking ... I hope
> to God I'm not the only one!"
>
>
> So why not? This is a church.
>
> I HAVE SEEN THE PINK BOY IN MY OWN SOUL, BROTHERS
AND SISTERS. I have
> seen the enemy, and he is me.
Amen. The Con may be me.
>
> I used to hang out with hippies. Or pagans. Or
punks. Or yuppies.
> Or politically correct yuppies, who are distinct
from yuppies.
> Or whatever.
>
> And I would eventually find myself worrying if
I were HIPPY enough or
> am I PAGAN enough or am I PUNK enough until it
seemed like I had
> MISSED something.
>
> But it was NO JOKE, because THEY would be thinking
the same thing! If
> I got my hair cut TOO SHORT, the hippies were a
LITTLE EMBARASSED to
> be around me. If I let it grow TOO LONG, the punks
hated me.
> But only a subgenius DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK.
You all are PERFECT,
> because you ALL SUCK.
>
> Well not really. I just liked turning a nenslo
line on it's head like
> that.
>
> You don't suck at all. But that was what really
sunk into my head in
> the little time I was at Brushwood. You really
don't GIVE A FUCK if
> anybody approves of you or not. You SUCK by the
standards of the
> global fun-marketing DISEASE which really is PERFECT.
>
> And I guess I have been living in the bowels of
the conspiracy long
> enough that I couldn't even COMPREHEND a group
of people who don't
> GIVE A FUCK whether they are following the RULES
for having FUN.
Agreed. Even doing something that turns out lame is
better than sitting a
waiting for someone else to entertain you. Be weird,
be wrong, be an ass,
but be something.
Question: if a subGenius is having fun and not hassling
anyone, can what
they are doing be wrong?
> Sometimes it takes something like that to get me
back in my right
> mind.
When I came back and told all my 'alternative' friends
about X Day they
really lit up at the prospects. Hopefully I can bring
some of them into the
fold. Looking forward to next year already.
--
Anachron
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sister Decadence <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com>
On Thu, 08 Jul 2004 03:37:53 GMT, "Anachron"
<AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com> wrote:
>Part of it is stupidity and the weakness of not
being willing to say "FUCK
>IT" I want to be weird and I don't care about
the neighbors. You need to
>have a pair to reclaim what you like. The can't
sell what we refuse to buy
>no matter how often they repeat their mantras.
"McDonalds I'm lovin' it"
>"Every kiss begins with Kay" This I love.
But it should really be "Ever
>Fuck begins with Kay" message: women are
whores who must be bought. No
>diamond, No fucky.
I love that you said this. Doc Frop and I are constantly
disgusted
by those commercials. Also the ones with the guy yelling
about how he
loves his wife and THEN, when he gives her diamonds,
she babbles about
loving HIM. Absolutely a repulsive, archaic idea.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sister Decadence <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com>
"Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com> wrote:
>Question: if a subGenius is having fun and not hassling
anyone, can what
>they are doing be wrong?
Evidently, according to some! Seems the pagans were
disappointed we
didn't "bother" them. I say we had too much
Slack to fucking bother
them. We did whatever we wanted, it just didn't meet
THEIR
preconceived ideas of our behavior based on other years.
Oh, we
changed? *gasp!* How could we let them down?
Okay, so, it's off your point and making another.
Doc Frop can cloud
Yeti minds and I am clouded RIGHT NOW.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
"Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com>
wrote:
>Part of it is stupidity and the weakness of not
being willing to say "FUCK
>IT" I want to be weird and I don't care about
the neighbors. You need to
>have a pair to reclaim what you like. The can't
sell what we refuse to buy
>no matter how often they repeat their mantras.
"McDonalds I'm lovin' it"
>"Every kiss begins with Kay" This I love.
But it should really be "Ever
>Fuck begins with Kay" message: women are
whores who must be bought. No
>diamond, No fucky.
http://joecosby.com/pic/debeers.jpg
(covering head with cast-iron skillet and running for the hills ...)
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
You can't be a Real Country unless you have A BEER and
an airline-it helps if
you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very
least you need a BEER.
- Frank Zappa
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Blackout" <blackout@schlubgenius.com>
"Joe Cosby" wrote > a bunch of crap about
x-day but didn't even MENTION the
beeyooteefull buttsex we had together even ONCE.
FUCK YOU JOE COSBY, SEE IF I EVER GIVE YOU THE TAPIOCA INJECTION AGAIN.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>
That was you?
I guess I'm engaged to marry a goat for no good reason.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
"... an age that infantilizes us, while stealing
our innocence"
- Andrei Codrescu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
Joe Cosby wrote:
[snip. MAN!]
Someone lets Cosby out of his cage for a weekend and
he gets all reflective and stuff. No wonder they keep
him locked up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl> wrote:
> From the air, America looks, for all the world,
as if it were made of
> nothing but farms. A great sprawling collective
of farms, spanning
> the continent.
Camoflaged missle silos
>
pb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com>
"Sister Decadence" <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com> wrote:
> Evidently, according to some! Seems the pagans
were disappointed we
> didn't "bother" them. I say we had too
much Slack to fucking bother
> them. We did whatever we wanted, it just didn't
meet THEIR
> preconceived ideas of our behavior based on other
years. Oh, we
> changed? *gasp!* How could we let them down?
This will be easy to remedy. Next year: witch burnings!
Wonder if they
would go along? Why burn a G.I. Joe when you have a
nice juicy pagan
instead? They are so considerate to supply a pagan-size
caldron up front.
I hear they are very tasty when marinated in a sauce
of their own herbal
remedies.
--
Anachron
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Does it have to be BURNING of whole WITCHES? Must we
be extremists?
Wouldn't merely the WARMING of a few of those famously
COLD WITCH
TITTIES suffice?
In fact, the reason that many of the previously obnoxious
SubGeniuses
were not bothering the pagans this year was because
they were off in
private tents, busily FONDLING and CUDDLING those selfsame
pagan witch
bosoms and suchlike organs! Apparently many pagan husbands
and
boyfriends were not doing enough bird-dogging this year.
Hell, Philo
practically spelled it out right in front of everybody
but they just
sat there laughing uncertainly like they didn't know
what we meant with
all that "La, La, La" stuff.
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardboard Box <try@tacnukebubblebath.tripod.com/cgi-bin/tnb.pl?mail=Usenet>
"Anachron" <AnachronNospam@neo.rr.com> committed the following:
> Be weird, be wrong, be an ass,
> but be something.
.sig
--
Rev. Cardboard Box, just a guy with Asperger Syndrome
boxedproduct.blogspot.com
"Be weird, be wrong, be an ass, but be something."
- Anachron
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Unclaimed Mysteries <theletter_k_andthenumeral_4_doh@unclaimedmysteries.net>
Cardboard Box wrote:
Sig
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