From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Date: Wed, May 21, 2003
In speaking with many of you, and listening to all these
desperate pleas
for people to give each other money to make it to X-Day,
I have come to
realize that there has been a change in SubGenius Doctrine
that many of
you have either forgotten or were too fropped out to
hear in the first
place.
The OLD doctrine said: "Quit your job for "Bob"!"
The NEW doctrine says: "Get a SECOND JOB for "Bob"!"
Please change your lives accordingly.
Note that nowhere does the doctrine say that you have
to get a job you
hate. It would be perfectly acceptable for you to form
a black-clad
illicit soap manufacturing operation in a condemned
house, for example.
--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.
--Bill Palmer on SubGenii
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ridetheory@yahoo.com (ignatz topolino)
No. No it doesn't and no I won't.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Two Beans <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>
I have a better one. "Mug someone for 'Bob'!"
Less effort if you pick
someone smaller than you that can't defend him/herself.
--
2B
http://www.eyeofthewarp.com/twobeans
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Here's a profitable notion. What with Homeland
Security being taken to the lowest level, why not
hire out as a torturer/interrogator at your local
police department? It used to be that they would
keep such things in-house, but now that government
has come out and said, "Hey, it's not only cool,
it's also *patriotic*!", I'm sure they would be
amenable to subcontracting to private enterprise.
The neat part is that *you* get to choose who to
beat the hell out of and who to give a pass!
Let's say they drag in some teenager for drugs.
You can just tell him to have a nice day and let
him go.
But suppose they bring in some white collar criminal
who ripped off a bunch of old people's pensions, who
would normally get a pass with the help of his
high powered lawyer.
Ooo. Baby. When you're done with him he'll look
like a Maori warrior.
Or, maybe the other way around, assuming the WCC
shines your palm with enough gilders so you can
fart through silk for the rest of your life.
And screw the teenager. He's just a young punk
who would swipe your hubcaps anyway.
Your choice. Just be sure the Church gets a cut.
--
"Innocence is not itself a
constitutional claim."
--Chief Justice William Rehnquist
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
wrote in message news:<6bMya.1626$%e.324106@twister.austin.rr.com>...
> The OLD doctrine said: "Quite your job for
"Bob"!"
> The NEW doctrine says: "Get a SECOND JOB for
"Bob"!"
I KNEW there was gonna be a catch! Goddamned salesmen
ALWAYS have
fine print or accessories in the wings, ready to queer
the deal. What
if I just bought a mouse pad or another shirt, would
that do for now?
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
...and that's how I wound up
with just one soaking wet shoe.
"If you wind up with a boring, miserable life
because you listened to your mom, your dad,
your teacher, your priest,
or some guy on TV telling you how to do your
shit,
then you deserve it."
- Frank Zappa
"If at first you don't succeed,
keep on sucking 'till you do succeed!"
- The Three Stooges' Curly
from "Movie Maniacs" (1936)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>
And here I am on the tip of the cusp of the precipice
of marching into Personnel and going all Jello Biafra
on they ass.
I got six years, seven months, and three days (and a
wake-up)
until I can retire from that monkey cage. ENOUGH, already!
--
Embrace your inner bullying coward.
Drive an SUV.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Do you have a steady supply of snacks for the long haul?
You can gnaw
on a Dobbs Beef Stick for about 3 of those years. They're
really tough
and just chock full of protein. No, its only 30% Bobbie,
but don't
worry, its not cannabalism. Bobbies are not human and
"Bob" paid off
the health inspectors anyway. Chew in confidence.
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Emeth my ass, where's that blueberry syrup?
The other day I asked former Yankees pitcher Jim
Bouton
what he thought of our great victory over Iraq,
and he said, "Mohammed Ali versus Mr. Rogers."
- Kurt Vonnegut
"Thanks for ruining my mileage, Anvil Butt."
- "The Drew Carey Show"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>
Lemme tell ya, I feel like I've been gnawing on Dobbs'
beef stick for most
of my adult life, while at the same time he's been gnawing
on MINE. And I
should've known that he'd win this filthy little Lithuanian
Rules
wrestling match, too. My lower jaw went numb about 20
years ago, and the
salt & spice induced Phantom of the Opera-like rictus
makes it easy to
reach those wisdom teeth way in the back with my Oral-B,
but "Bob" just
keeps smiling away like nothing's happening. If this
keeps up, in ten
years there'll be nothing left of me but a set of brown
teeth encased in
something resembling a dried out tomato peel, firmly
locked onto "Bob"'s
beef stick. And do I get so much as a simple "Ride
'em cowboy," I ask you?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Reverend DJ Epoch <niunyabiz@noway.com>
DON'T DO IT!!!! "BOB"S BEEF STICK IS MADE OUT OF SOYLENT GREEN!!!
_________________
-- The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
-- Reverend DJ Epoch, prop. and janitor
Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site
at:
http://revdjepoch.US
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>In speaking with many of you, and listening to all
these desperate pleas
>for people to give each other money to make it to
X-Day, I have come to
>realize that there has been a change in SubGenius
Doctrine that many of
>you have either forgotten or were too fropped out
to hear in the first
>place.
>
>The OLD doctrine said: "Quit your job for
"Bob"!"
>
>The NEW doctrine says: "Get a SECOND JOB for
"Bob"!"
>
>Please change your lives accordingly.
>
>Note that nowhere does the doctrine say that you
have to get a job you
>hate. It would be perfectly acceptable for you
to form a black-clad
>illicit soap manufacturing operation in a condemned
house, for example.
can I just blow off truck drivers in the parking lot at Denny's?
That way I get to be my own boss.
And I get to go out and meet people. I'm kind of a People Person.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
Capt. Dobbs:
Suppose every one thought the same way you do?
Capt. Yossarian:
Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: KRONOS <null@void.com>
joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com wrote:
> I'm kind of a People Person.
You Dick!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote:
> can I just blow off truck drivers in the parking
lot at Denny's?
> > That way I get to be my own boss.
> > And I get to go out and meet people. I'm
kind of a People Person.
Well, it could be worse. You could be hustling door
to door with
those Freddie Herbie "Run From Fear" buttons
that promote the National
Necrophiliac Nec-work. But Joe, blowing truckers, SHEESH,
even here on
alt.slack...tsk tsk. Next you'll start parroting the
dullest segments
of McLuhan barf you can find. Girlfren', PLEASE!
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Here comes another steaming pile of good news
" If you sit by the bank of a river long enough,
you'll see the bodies of your enemies float
by."
- ancient Chinese proverb
"I apologize for my underwear;
I didn't know I was gonna be arrested."
- "NYPD Blue"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
"Rev. Magdalen" wrote:
> In speaking with many of you, and listening to
all these desperate pleas
> for people to give each other money to make it
to X-Day, I have come to
> realize that there has been a change in SubGenius
Doctrine that many of
> you have either forgotten or were too fropped out
to hear in the first
> place.
>
> The OLD doctrine said: "Quit your job for
"Bob"!"
>
> The NEW doctrine says: "Get a SECOND JOB for
"Bob"!"
No, the new doctrine says "Do whatever any other dumbass tells you."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
>> No, the new doctrine says "Do whatever
any other dumbass tells
you."
Coming soon: The Nenslo biography! "The Man Who
Ate Too Many Tequila
Worms and Just Look At Him Now." I pity the poor
fool who does that
cool-guy pistol-finger thing at Nenslo; there's gonna
be some truly
unique wetwork done then.
Besides, I understand all too well from whence he comes.
I live in a
state where the governor is a genetically-modified opossum,
but as he
is also a Babdist minister, he keeps getting voted in
despite the
DUMBASSES listening to THIS dumbass telling them to
DO and put UP with
MORE DUMBASSSED THINGS until they can't pay their BILLS.
If you make
your OWWN mistake, okay, you are a ShorDurDumbass, but
if you let
someone ELSE tell you to be one and you go "yuck
yuck why sure, boss,"
well shit, I dunno.
Anyway, that's secondary Subclaptrap 'cause I have
a decent computer
now and I am surprisingly getting regular trim, so I
am HAPPIER'N ALL
GIT-OUT. Between 11 am and 4 pm. The rest of the time,
I am fighting
off the NensBugs like anyone else. FACE DOWN AT FOLK
CITY ANYWAY,
YEEHAWWWW!!!
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
I'd write a book explaining it all,
but it would be a less welcome Xmas present
than a fruitcake.
If God lived on earth, people would break His windows.
- Jewish proverb
"This is a carburetor...take it apart, put
it back together.
Repeat until you're normal."
- "King of the Hill"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: clayton_woolard@hotmail.com (Clayton Woolard)
"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote:
> The OLD doctrine said: "Quite your job for "Bob"!"
"Doctrine"?
> The NEW doctrine says: "Get a SECOND JOB for "Bob"!"
"Job"?
> Please change your lives accordingly.
"Lives"?
> Note that nowhere does the doctrine say that you
have to get a job you
> hate. It would be perfectly acceptable for you
to form a black-clad
> illicit soap manufacturing operation in a condemned
house, for example.
You have gorgeous elbows. Please send haiku.
--
C.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
clayton_woolard@hotmail.com (Clayton Woolard) wrote:
> You have gorgeous elbows. Please send haiku.
My elbows grind your nipples
Tears of Pleasure abound
I am at peace
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
5-Star Purveyor of the Full Monty Python
Just because you throw pearls before swine
doesn't mean you aren't a pig yourself.
- Saint Nu-Monet
"Get a neck, Frankenstein."
- Selma
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