"BTW, I'm God"

From: P h i n n y <user@user.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003 2:54 AM

Janor came over for a little bit to pick up his bank card.

He told me about some guy that Stang met who thought he was Jesus
Christ reincarnated, but he was like really blasé' about it.

Stang said: "You're Jesus Christ?!? That's pretty fantastic! You don't
seem that excited about it!"

"Yeah, well, ya know..."

So we pictured this guy on The Dating Game:

"Yeah I'm Jeff, I'm single, I like Vietnamese cooking, long walks on
the beach, let's see, I love dogs, I'm a dog person, uh, I love to
travel, I'm the savior of all mankind reincarnate, I like
cross-country skiing...."

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From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>

Hey, if I knew I was Jesus, I'd lowball it too. I mean, look what
happened the last time....

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <2bvj4v0gki9e0nohp61afi4q6jequpm0m2@4ax.com>, P h i n n y
<user@user.net> wrote:

> Janor came over for a little bit to pick up his bank card.
>
> He told me about some guy that Stang met who thought he was Jesus
> Christ reincarnated, but he was like really blasé' about it.
>
> Stang said: "You're Jesus Christ?!? That's pretty fantastic! You don't
> seem that excited about it!"
>

That's not exactly accurate. The guy had very specific plans to get us
all on Johnny Carson that very night so that he could reveal that he
was He Who has Come, and also that marijuana was approved by God. The
way he planned to do this:

He had brought to Dallas, in his airplane luggage, about 3 pounds of
the most unbelievably strong and fragrant pot, grown in Hawaii where he
came from. He brought it so that we would all be busted. That day. You
see, the police had microphones in the walls wherever he went, because
they Knew.

Once we were busted, the powerful SubGenius Foundation lawyers would
immediately get us sprung and use the huge publicity from our famous
bust to get us on The Tonight Show that very night, where Jesus (aka
Rev. Will Small) would explain everything to all America, thereby
ushering in The New Age.

I was able to deflect him from this course of action by explaining
certain secrets about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs to which the Messiah had not
been privy until then.

He told me that he had ascertained while reading the Bible under the
hot Hawaii sun on his pot farm that Anglos were the true Jews. My ears
pricked up at this and I saw a way to get rid of him. "Hey man, there's
a group in Alabama that totally agress with you! The Identity
Christians. They'll LOVE you. You should go check them out!" And he
did.

I told him that, regretably, he couldn't be the Official Jesus of the
SubGenius Church, because we didn't believe he was Jesus, but that he
could be our Official False Jesus. He didn't like that, but asked if we
could simply leave hints of his presence.

So, we put hints of his preence in The Book of the SubGenius -- at the
top of page 110 is a photo of him and some cryptic phrases that are his
key trademark buzz words.

Yes, this guy flew from Hawaii to Dallas to inform "Bob" of His
Presence, BEFORE THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS WAS PUBLISHED. This happened
in 1982. THE PAMPHLET ALONE WAS ENOUGH TO PROMPT THIS GUY'S CHANGE OF
LIFESTYLE.

From the Identity Christians he went to Baghwan Rajneesh. None of them
would be His Spokespeople. Last I heard from him was about 10 years
ago... he was still at it, ready to declare Himself as soon as the
media or some friendly cult was ready.

I taped all of his conversations with me, including the moment when he
informs me that he is Jesus and I bring up the subject of crazy people
with messiah complexes and he says, "Yes, that's very sad. But I'm not
one of those."

THE WILL SMALL TAPE I believe it's called. There's still a copy around
here somewhere.

He was the first of many. In 1988 or so, a jabering Canadian showed up
in Dallas trying to tell me he was so much like "Bob" that in a way he
really was "Bob", and in fact that he had been being "Bob" on a
Canadian radio station. I told him he didn't seem at all "Bob"-like to
me, and that I wished he would pick another name to use for his show
since his material wasn't at all like the SubGenius stuff. He giggled.

And he is still with us today.

Once these guys get a bee in their bonnet about something, hoo boy. Why
couldn't it have been Heaven's Gate, though. Why couldn't it have been
Heaven's Gate.

He left the incredibly strong pot with Dr. Philo Drummond, Hellswami
Satellite Weavers and me; we saw that it was properly disposed of.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: swilliams00023@yahoo.com (S Williams)

>
> He had brought to Dallas, in his airplane luggage, about 3 pounds of
> the most unbelievably strong and fragrant pot, grown in Hawaii where he
> came from.

THAT does it! I'm startin' my own "One True Religion"!!!!!

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Original file name: _BTW, I'm God_.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:42