Subject: Is it just me

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Sep 19, 2002 11:12 PM
Message-ID: <Bmwi9.18692$t%6.4075@nwrddc02.gnilink.net>

Or is it true that the horniness of women increases geometrically with size
(unless they're too fat to reach their clitoris or breathe)? Excepting
natural ectomorphs who are still rarer than women who starve into a size 3?

Or is it because I'm in my thirties now, and entering horndoggy hell faster
than a 14 year old guy?

I have never been so boy crazy in my entire life. I want all of them,
please. Somebody send me a rabbit vibe for X-mas. Otherwise the unspoken
psychic pressure of lusting all the men I have to deal with in everyday
life, will, I'm sure, send them over the edge.

It's NOT GOING TO GET BETTER! I'm DOOMED for the next DECADE!!!!!!!

alliekatt, humping doorknobs

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Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 12:10 AM
Message-ID: <FDA6CC37255F994E.012F1CC5063648C9.31F05211A108DEF5@lp.airnews.net>

>>alliekatt, humping doorknobs

Please post pictures to ABS. Soon. Because, well, that conjures up
quite a picture, as (by the way of background) I have been accused of
lusting after knots in the panelling, etc.

The shrunken people that seem to dominate in our society will never
understand the lust that burns under a generous adipose cushion. Nor,
dare I say it, would they ever believe that anatomy is not a problem
preventing the spillage of spunk between consenting uber-persons "of
size".

Hard bodies are just that, speedbumps on an ironing board. Everyone
agrees that a Cadillac offers a better ride than a Civic, and that a 22
ounce steak is more appealing than a 6 ounce one. So I don't see why,
when it comes to that spasm in the chasm that they call orgasm,
everybody is lusting for partners with clearly visible ribs. Might as
well look for a carapace and claws, too, if you ask me.

My grandfather, who was of age during the Great Depression, had a very
handy way of summing the situation up. You see, in his time, bedding
was an extremely expensive commodity. So much so that mattresses were
purchased used, often several times over. The cheap cotton ticking
would rip and wear, exposing the iron infrastructure, posing a danger
during the performance of the Nasty.

He always said of skinny women "The hell with them, I ain't getting my
balls caught in the springs".

Go get 'em girl. And should the need arise, the "reply to" addie on
this post is a working Email addie. The only fuck you'll ever regret is
the one you passed up!

[*]
-----

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Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 12:10 AM
Message-ID: <3D8AA0D6.66CA@succeeds.com>

Alliekatt wrote:
>
> Or is it true that the horniness of women
> increases geometrically with size(unless
> they're too fat to reach their clitoris or
> breathe)? Excepting natural ectomorphs who
> are still rarer than women who starve into
> a size 3?
>
> Or is it because I'm in my thirties now,
> and entering horndoggy hell faster than a
> 14 year old guy?

What you obviously NEED is a 14 year old guy!

And DO NOT call it a "solution to your problem",
(I know a lot of guys are compelled to SOLVE
anything a woman says.) But it is a solution
ONLY to the extreme, nagging, itching, scraping
horniness. Nothing else.

It doesn't even really SOLVE that problem,
only helps alleviate the symptoms for a while.
And it also creates a host of other problems,
which is pretty self evident.

But here's the important part: DO IT ANYWAY!
Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!

Unless you are a total idiot and brag to or
shamefacedly admit to it, or the walking 14-
year-old penis brags it up, YOU WILL GET AWAY
WITH IT. So first of all DON'T TELL ANYBODY!

Second of all, get a 14-year-old walking penis
WITH A MIND. Pound into his little aft-brain
that SEX GOOD. MORE SEX BETTER. LOTS SEX BEST.

And if he doesn't shut his fucking yap he will
get NO SEX EVER AGAIN. He will be punished,
more surely than JHVH-1 ever fucked over some
Philistine sinners. HE WILL NOT NEVER GET NO
MORE UNTIL HIS BALLS TURN PURPLE AND DETONATE
if he SO MUCH AS WHISPERS WHAT HE IS DOING TO
*ANYBODY*.

Make him worship at the idol of pussy. Make
him swear an oath to Connie. Make double
fucking sure that both of you absolutely,
positively know the definition of "ANYBODY."

AND YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH IT.

And the two of you will be banging away until
the bed breaks, and the mattress is shot, and
there are nasty stains on the floor and most of
the rest of the furniture is in disarray and the
cats and dogs are in hiding and you have to play
Ted Nugent at 120dB and spray whole canisters of
Ozium to hide the sound of fnorking and the smell
of pumpkin pulp.

AND YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH IT.

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

--Kino Beman, brand name

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 1:15 AM
Message-ID: <odblou8b9nq2cfguivvm39jeoj34l2ac2s@4ax.com>

On Fri, 20 Sep 2002 04:10:43 GMT, "nu-monet v5.0"
<nothing@succeeds.com> wrote:

>Alliekatt wrote:
>>
>> Or is it true that the horniness of women
>> increases geometrically with size(unless
>> they're too fat to reach their clitoris or
>> breathe)? Excepting natural ectomorphs who
>> are still rarer than women who starve into
>> a size 3?
>>
>> Or is it because I'm in my thirties now,
>> and entering horndoggy hell faster than a
>> 14 year old guy?
>
>What you obviously NEED is a 14 year old guy!
>

FUCK THAT, FUCK THE 14 YEAR OLD GUY

Man you are treading heavily nu-monet v5.0 on some of my fondest
memories.

Let nature take it's course, Katt.

He will love it and learn and mature immensely from it.

You KNOW what you are getting out of it (HINT: there are better
alternatives to doorknobs)

>But here's the important part: DO IT ANYWAY!
>Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!
>

oh, well I can roll with that part, anyway.

>Second of all, get a 14-year-old walking penis
>WITH A MIND.

Oh BUH. You're just being cruel now.

Looky, Katt. His breath will smell of pot and lemon drops. And that
will be his most redeeming feature.

If you can't deal with that part, hang it up.

>Pound into his little aft-brain
>that SEX GOOD. MORE SEX BETTER. LOTS SEX BEST.
>

Oh.

Well I can roll with that part.

>And if he doesn't shut his fucking yap he will
>get NO SEX EVER AGAIN. He will be punished,
>more surely than JHVH-1 ever fucked over some
>Philistine sinners. HE WILL NOT NEVER GET NO
>MORE UNTIL HIS BALLS TURN PURPLE AND DETONATE
>if he SO MUCH AS WHISPERS WHAT HE IS DOING TO
>*ANYBODY*.
>

Well if you want to get all complicated.

Ideally you just lock him in a closet for a week or two. Reverse
psychology is cool and everything but I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

After you let him out just be sure he understands if he ever TELLS
anybody, you will make sure everybody in TOWN knows he was COMPLETELY
PUNKED OUT by a crazy woman and the rest of his life will be a living
hell and everyone will think he's a pussy.

>And the two of you will be banging away until
>the bed breaks, and the mattress is shot, and
>there are nasty stains on the floor and most of
>the rest of the furniture is in disarray and the
>cats and dogs are in hiding and you have to play
>Ted Nugent at 120dB and spray whole canisters of
>Ozium to hide the sound of fnorking and the smell
>of pumpkin pulp.
>
>AND YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH IT.

pumpkin?

sometimes I just think I'm following right along with you then BAMMO
where the fuck did he go?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.
I'm frightened of the old ones.
- John Cage

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 9:34 AM
Message-ID: <3D8B24E8.269B@succeeds.com>

Joe Cosby worte:
>
> nu-monet v5.0 wroted:
>
> >And the two of you will be banging away until
> >the bed breaks, and the mattress is shot, and
> >there are nasty stains on the floor and most of
> >the rest of the furniture is in disarray and the
> >cats and dogs are in hiding and you have to play
> >Ted Nugent at 120dB and spray whole canisters of
> >Ozium to hide the sound of fnorking and the smell
> >of pumpkin pulp.
> >
> >AND YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH IT.
>
> pumpkin?
>
> sometimes I just think I'm following right along with
> you then BAMMO where the fuck did he go?
>

And *that's* what you get for missing staff meetings.

Just be sure to bring a pumpkin for the next one.
You'll really be screwed if you don't.

--
"This hedgehog will live with us!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: Modemac <modemac@modemac.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 8:52 AM
Message-ID: <le6mouoemb50pa35v5n7e88l3ri5nqgnsj@4ax.com>

On Fri, 20 Sep 2002 03:12:33 GMT, "Alliekatt"
<alleykatzen@hotmail.com> wrote:
>I have never been so boy crazy in my entire life. I want all of them,
>please. Somebody send me a rabbit vibe for X-mas. Otherwise the unspoken
>psychic pressure of lusting all the men I have to deal with in everyday
>life, will, I'm sure, send them over the edge.

You have just guaranteed that someone will pay for you to come to
X-Day next year. (Not me, I'm married.)

--
First Online Church of "Bob"
http://www.modemac.com/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Is it just me
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 20, 2002 11:32 AM
Message-ID: <7cHi9.1142$7i2.443@nwrddc02.gnilink.net>

"nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote in message
news:3D8AA0D6.66CA@succeeds.com...
> Alliekatt wrote:
> >
> > Or is it true that the horniness of women
> > increases geometrically with size(unless
> > they're too fat to reach their clitoris or
> > breathe)? Excepting natural ectomorphs who
> > are still rarer than women who starve into
> > a size 3?
> >
> > Or is it because I'm in my thirties now,
> > and entering horndoggy hell faster than a
> > 14 year old guy?
>
> What you obviously NEED is a 14 year old guy!

Ah shit, if only I liked them that young. I like men, but I _really_ like
'em over 40 which means if I go for that option, I'll have to have more than
one. Wear one out, go next door, wear out the next one.

I think it was Mark Twain who said that women were the ones built for
multiple partners, not men. Then he went on to logically explain why.

There are only two demographics I know of occupying this planet, proven to
make that option near-unnecessary, given that they get HORNIER as they get
older. The first is Homo Correctus Yetinsyn, and the second is Homo
Hibernisapiens Paddyus, and there is a considerable amount of debate on how
much latent Yeti DNA is present in the second to make such unusual
performance possible.

I, personally, prefer to ask no questions.

alliekatt

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Original file name: Is it just me - converted on Friday, 16 May 2003, 16:50