Re: Jesus Return Scenario

From: swilliams00023@yahoo.com (S Williams)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003 10:02 PM

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<120220031154395884%stang@subgenius.com>...
> In article <2102-3E4A18FA-3@storefull-2337.public.lawson.webtv.net>,
> Brown Ray Master <rosswave@webtv.net> wrote:
>
> > "If Jesus were to return to earth today, he would be killed again,
> > except this time by the electric chair. Then in a few hundred years,
> > people will be wearing little electric chairs around their necks...."
> >
>
>
> Was that a Bill Hicks line?

I believe that one was "If jesus had hanged on the gallows, would you
wear a noose around your neck?"

>
> --
> 4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
> Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
> P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
> A subsidiary of:
> The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
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> or email: jesus@subgenius.com
> PRABOB

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From: rosswave@webtv.net (Brown Ray Master)

BRM quoted:

"If Jesus were to return to earth today, he would be killed again,
except this time by the electric chair. Then in a few hundred years,
people will be wearing little electric chairs around their necks...."

>>>Was that a Bill Hicks line?>>>

I gleaned that from a wealth of great quotations out of "Essential Crazy
Wisdom" by Wes Nisker....am thumbing thru now to find the source....in
the meantime, here's another good one from the same book, a la Woody
Allen:

"More than at any time in human history mankind faces a crossroads. One
path leads to dispair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

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From: IMBJR <imbjr@imbjr.com>

On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 23:50:50 -1000 (HST), rosswave@webtv.net (Brown
Ray Master) wrote:

>"If Jesus were to return to earth today, he would be killed again,
>except this time by the electric chair. Then in a few hundred years,
>people will be wearing little electric chairs around their necks...."

I cannot understand the xtian obsession with the instrument of their
flavour's death. I mean, what if the Romans had been into poking
red-hot rods up the locals' bums ...

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From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>I cannot understand the xtian obsession with the instrument of their
>flavour's death. I mean, what if the Romans had been into poking
>red-hot rods up the locals' bums ...
>

Then our sodomy laws would be a lot different today!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"You remind Me a Song I can't name, in time I don't remember, in a place I
don't think I've ever been to."

Grampa Simpson

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From: "Trvth in a can Speaks" <beansanfranks@hotmail.com>

"James T. Rex King of the Monsters" <mshotz@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
news:20030212210843.06772.00000698@mb-cv.aol.com...
> >I cannot understand the xtian obsession with the instrument of their
> >flavour's death. I mean, what if the Romans had been into poking
> >red-hot rods up the locals' bums ...
> >
>
> Then our sodomy laws would be a lot different today!

yum!

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From: rabbs@subgenius.com (Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde)

rosswave@webtv.net (Brown Ray Master) wrote in message news:<2102-3E4A18FA-3@storefull-2337.public.lawson.webtv.net>...
> "If Jesus were to return to earth today, he would be killed again,
> except this time by the electric chair. Then in a few hundred years,
> people will be wearing little electric chairs around their necks...."

Having never been an Xtian myself, I've always wondered about that
phenomenon. Considering how gruesome and painful a death by
crucifixtion is (no matter what they said in Life of Brian), wouldn't
that be the LAST thing Jesus would want to see? It's a very odd way
of showing your love of your savior, by reminding him of all the crap
he went through for your benefit.

On a side note, one of my opera pals was telling me about how
successful he's been raising his kids in a non-religious home. This
was overheard dialogue from the back seat of his car:

daughter: "Oh, look! There's another statue of that guy nailed to a
wall."
son: "That's Jesus. Christians think he's God."
daughter: "What are Christians?"

After my friend told me THAT story, I promptly directed him to check
out Subsite.

--With love, the Rabbs

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

On 13 Feb 2003 07:15:13 -0800, rabbs@subgenius.com (Rabbi Jacklyn
Hyde) wrote:

>Having never been an Xtian myself, I've always wondered about that
>phenomenon. Considering how gruesome and painful a death by
>crucifixtion is (no matter what they said in Life of Brian), wouldn't
>that be the LAST thing Jesus would want to see? It's a very odd way
>of showing your love of your savior, by reminding him of all the crap
>he went through for your benefit.
>

Maybe that's why Jesus never comes back. When he does, he sees all
these people running around with images of him on a crucifix running
around, and he says "shit, they're STILL pissed!"

I mean, it's like walking into a poor black shanty town carrying a
noose.

>On a side note, one of my opera pals was telling me about how
>successful he's been raising his kids in a non-religious home. This
>was overheard dialogue from the back seat of his car:
>
>daughter: "Oh, look! There's another statue of that guy nailed to a
>wall."
>son: "That's Jesus. Christians think he's God."
>daughter: "What are Christians?"
>
>After my friend told me THAT story, I promptly directed him to check
>out Subsite.
>
>--With love, the Rabbs

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game.
Of course, it's a little late for that. I don't suppose I could
offer your soul, huh? Really help me on the green.
I'm just funning."
--Mayor Wilkins "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

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Original file name: Re- Jesus Return Scenario.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47