Gawdamned Cable TV vampires

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jan 13, 2003 8:50 PM

The local boys called & wanted to hit me up for FORTY DOLLARS A MONTH
for their new digital service. I told 'em I'd go for it only if they
promised me that no one would EVER broadcast "Home Alone," ANY of the
3 "Tremors" flicks or "Elimidate" again and instead, arrange for an 11
p.m. slot wherein I could see some Pacific Rim midget bukkake. "Um,
what's that?" I told him. Silence.
No, you can't expect to remake the world casually, but at least "BOB"
gives you a great TOOL for WHACKING THOSE FUCKERS when they try to
make you wallow in MORE of it. That's the beauty of a "Bob"Gland: its
like water. It can be soft and flowing or REALLY, REALLY HARD. POW.
I'll tolerate some of it because I have real affection for the
Cartoon Network. I mean, they're funding new episodes of "The
Oblongs!" But never mind "Kill me." If you think I'll pay MORE for the
digital version of an infomercial about George Foreman's new
combination BBQ and cock cozy, I'LL kill YOU. Bet it would hold up in
court, too. Okay!

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
Bursting with pontifical goodness

"The President just reminded us that complexity isn't a vice."
- "The West Wing"

"Everything's a dream when you're alone."
- "Swamp Thing"

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From: "Agent Lloyd" <notlikely@noway.org>

Well put. I won't even give them forty a month for BASIC plus "Extended
Tier" 'cause it includes all those FUCKING christian networks. DROP your
cable and give the MONEY TO BOB! Forty bucks a month would buy A LOT of
swag.

-Agent Lloyd

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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

HellPopeHuey wrote:
>
> The local boys called & wanted to hit me up for FORTY DOLLARS A MONTH
> for their new digital service. I told 'em I'd go for it only if they
> promised me that no one would EVER broadcast "Home Alone," ANY of the
> 3 "Tremors" flicks or "Elimidate" again and instead, arrange for an 11
> p.m. slot wherein I could see some Pacific Rim midget bukkake. "Um,
> what's that?" I told him. Silence.
> No, you can't expect to remake the world casually, but at least "BOB"
> gives you a great TOOL for WHACKING THOSE FUCKERS when they try to
> make you wallow in MORE of it.

I occasionally get people calling me offering ME PERSONALLY BY NAME
information on new and improved home mortgage rates. I ask them, "Is
this a SALES call?" and they say "Oh, there's no SELLING involved,"
and they try to explain further, and I say "Aahh, you want to HELP me!
THANK GOD! I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD CALL ME UP TODAY WANTING TO
HELP ME!" and they seem to pretty much get the point about then
except one guy that I had to go further and say my best line "I'd like
to show you the SCARS from the last time somebody wanted to help me...
but they're INSIDE MY BUTT!" He got it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3E23BABE.AC6F9A12@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

>
> I occasionally get people calling me offering ME PERSONALLY BY NAME
> information on new and improved home mortgage rates. I ask them, "Is
> this a SALES call?" and they say "Oh, there's no SELLING involved,"
> and they try to explain further, and I say "Aahh, you want to HELP me!
> THANK GOD! I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD CALL ME UP TODAY WANTING TO
> HELP ME!" and they seem to pretty much get the point about then
> except one guy that I had to go further and say my best line "I'd like
> to show you the SCARS from the last time somebody wanted to help me...
> but they're INSIDE MY BUTT!" He got it.

I've told you before that I was sorry about those scars. I wish you
would quit bringing them up. I APOLOGIZE already.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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Original file name: Gawdamned Cable TV vampir.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47