Beware Surrealanality!

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Mon, Nov 11, 2002 8:10 PM

But what *is* Surrealanality? they ask.

It is the effort of a Normal to act in a Surreal
fashion, usually in an effort to sell a product.

But Normals don't understand or comprehend what
Surreality is, so they are doomed to fail, and
fail miserably. Often with the same results as
someone who has no sense of humor TRYING TO TELL
A JOKE! (such as Pauly Shore or Carrot Top.)

You see, time was when Normals could only parrot
their Normality. They tried as best they could
to eliminate *abnormality*, *humor* and the
surreal from their advertisements, believing it
to be too distracting. But competition was so
fierce that eventually one of them tried injecting
a tiny non-sequitor into their blipvert.

And it sold stuff, because even Normals bash their
little wings off against the glass of the porch
light known as abnormality. Like hunching puppies
whose brains tell them to strive for sex their
bodies aren't ready for. Like a pretty little
flower poking its head up through the fall snow
just before it is mercilessly ground into filthy
slush by the snowplow of the Con.

And so Surrealanality was born. "The effort of
the anal-retentive to be abnormal."

But why is it a threat or menace? BECAUSE, as puny
as their efforts are, eventually they will start to
notice (if not comprehend) REAL SURREALITY.

And in their pathetic Scheistgeist, they will TRY to
embrace it, even if it KILLS them; maybe by giving
it an AWARD, then trying to DISSECT it, so they can
FIND OUT HOW IT WORKS AND USE IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ADVERTISING EVERY PRODUCT FROM PEPSI TO 'N'SYNC!

Thus killing it dead, of course.

And once they have squeezed the life gel out of the
smallest bit of Surreality, it will only whet their
appetite to SMOTHER the rest of abnormality with
their horrid CONventions. EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL
WILL TRY TO BE SURREAL *AND* FUNNY!

And from their it is but a short step until THE VERY
CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS ITSELF BECOMES POPULAR!!!!

Truly endtimes. Ragout.

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

--Kino Beman, brand name

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

"nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote in message

> And so Surrealanality was born. "The effort of
> the anal-retentive to be abnormal."
>
> But why is it a threat or menace? BECAUSE, as puny
> as their efforts are, eventually they will start to
> notice (if not comprehend) REAL SURREALITY.
>
> And in their pathetic Scheistgeist, they will TRY to
> embrace it, even if it KILLS them; maybe by giving
> it an AWARD, then trying to DISSECT it, so they can
> FIND OUT HOW IT WORKS AND USE IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN
> ADVERTISING EVERY PRODUCT FROM PEPSI TO 'N'SYNC!
>
> Thus killing it dead, of course.
>
> And once they have squeezed the life gel out of the
> smallest bit of Surreality, it will only whet their
> appetite to SMOTHER the rest of abnormality with
> their horrid CONventions. EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL
> WILL TRY TO BE SURREAL *AND* FUNNY!
>
> And from their it is but a short step until THE VERY
> CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS ITSELF BECOMES POPULAR!!!!
>

Well yeah, the CHURCH will die, but WE'LL all get rich!! Who cares what
happens after that. I dunno, maybe we can finally open the SubGenius Crazy
House and Home for Wayward Youths with all that dough. Or buy that island
we've always wanted. Or both! Maybe even bribe county officials! Who
knows! The sky's the limit!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

I saw three girls like 15 years old vicinity today in the grocery
store, all three were wearing pajamas and cat in the hat hats.

I had a simultaneous urge to boink them and to go run and hide under
my bed until the world goes away

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Never regret the past; neither curse the rain.

Just keep your umbrella always close to hand, and change your phone number a lot.

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

On Tue, 12 Nov 2002 02:31:57 GMT, batman@batcave.net wrote:

>On Mon, 11 Nov 2002 18:08:00 -0800, Joe Cosby
><joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote:

>>I saw three girls like 15 years old vicinity today in the grocery
>>store, all three were wearing pajamas and cat in the hat hats.
>>
>>I had a simultaneous urge to boink them and to go run and hide under
>>my bed until the world goes away
>
>Isn't the Church of the Subgenius the number two cult right behind
>Scientology...

That is a common myth which we aren't really trying very hard to
dispell. In fact with a global membership of over 20 million members
I think Subgenius is quite a way ahead of Scientology. Scientology's
claimed membership of 800 thousand is certainly respectable and I have
no problem with considering them on a par with us, although there have
certainly been some serious questions as far as the 800 thousand
number Scientology reports, one of which is "why exactly are 100
thousand of your members all named 'Bubba Jones'?"

But to me it goes beyond the total head count. What really counts, in
my opinion, with the Chrurch of the Subgenius is the number of our
members who have signed the controversial "Unto The Death" loyalty
pact, which gives us the legally-recognized right to demand that they
commit suicide in a manner of our choosing on our command, which makes
for some really good entertainment at slow parties. I think this is a
demonstration of not only the intensity of loyalty of the Subgenius
Junior Cadre, but also of our overall power in being able to buy
enough Supreme Court Justices to get this one approved as being
clearly guaranteed by the 23rd amendment.

Of course it isn't the power of the Chruch that really matters, all
that matters is that we can bring the wisdom of Dobbs to as many
paying customers as possible. For that is our selfless mission.
Would you like to purchase a pamphlet, sir?

>or is this urban myth like 15 years old vicinity girls
>suddenly wanting to boink with strangers?

Me wanting to boink with them does not necessarily imply their wanting
to boink with me.

Sadly enough.

Maybe I can get something snuck in about that as 'gauranteed by the
34th amendment'

>Besides, then they would be
>blackmailing you. Have you ever been at the mercy of a 15 years old
>vicinity wearing pajamas and cat in the hat hat in public type person?
>It's compelling. How many of you would make that bargain?
>

In a heartbeat.

They're so cute when they're being sadistic.

>I thought I was going to be burned at the stake for living with
>Geraldine when I was 43 and she was 17.
>http://www.angelfire.com/ut2/muw

There are many many pictures on this web page.

>But nobody ever said a word except her father. He wasn't too happy.
>Even he finally realized it was a damn good relationship.
>
>But that was quite some time ago. It was remarkably enjoyable.
>

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

<cavedog@da.cave> wrote in message
news:do93tuchav8lh3qfsudsph427h16498ag9@4ax.com

>> Well yeah, the CHURCH will die, but WE'LL all get rich!! Who cares
>> what happens after that. I dunno, maybe we can finally open the
>> SubGenius Crazy House and Home for Wayward Youths with all that
>> dough. Or buy that island we've always wanted. Or both! Maybe
>> even bribe county officials! Who knows! The sky's the limit!
>
>>
>
> And setting yourself up for someone else to formulate and plot
> against. A popular movement has a very strong chance of failing, once
> they have won.

What part of "We'll be RICH" don't you understand? There won't be anything
to plot against because we will be LIVIN IT UP on a island somewheres!!
Yeehaw! And it won't be just Stang, neither. Every one of us will have our
own little action figure complete with fabulous royalty checks! Which will
be worth a lot more in some backwards island economy!

What, you thought this was some kind of "movement"? Like the black panthers
maybe? Shyeah right!

>
> You see, you can't just kick out the old boss, you have to take his
> place. And keep it.

Nuh uhh!

And if you say "Wuh huh" back to me, then I say "Nuh uhh" TIMES INFINITY to
YOU! So THERE!

--
So, the proper signature delimiter is the way mine is ("-- ") and not
the way yours is ("--"). -- Some Linux Freak

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <do93tuchav8lh3qfsudsph427h16498ag9@4ax.com>,
<cavedog@da.cave> wrote:

>
> And setting yourself up for someone else to formulate and plot
> against. A popular movement has a very strong chance of failing, once
> they have won.
>
> You see, you can't just kick out the old boss, you have to take his
> place. And keep it. And how do you propose to do that, without
> resorting to the same methods?
>
> It's a pickle.

GET A JOB, corny dog.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <do93tuchav8lh3qfsudsph427h16498ag9@4ax.com>,
<cavedog@da.cave> wrote:

> You see, you can't just kick out the old boss, you have to take his
> place. And keep it. And how do you propose to do that, without
> resorting to the same methods?

The only Conspiracy you ever have a chance of beating is the one that's
IN YOUR HEAD. The rest can go fuck themselves--nay, are already in the
process of fucking themselves to oblivion. Fight the good fight "Bob"'s
way by blowing it all off.

Her Ladyship Lilith

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Original file name: Beware Surrealanality!.txt.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47