Announcing our new Religio-Philosophic Instructress

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jan 21, 2003 3:00 PM

SubGenii with questions of a religious or philosophic nature, or in
need of instruction on how to live a better life, are requested to
direct their inquiries to the new Religio-Philosophic Instructress of
the Church of the SubGenius, Sri Jai Ma Magdalen Avadhut. She is an
expert on Islam because she read a book about it once. She is an
expert on Buddhism because she heard a hippy tell a zen story once,
the one zen story that hippies know, and it really enhanced her
awareness of how people don't act the way she thinks they ought. She
is an expert on Hinduism because she has a copy of The Higher Taste
that a Hare Krishna gave her at the airport and she really wants to
try one of those recipes sometime. She is an expert on Wicca because
she has a little tin box with a picture of the moon on the lid that
she keeps earrings and a couple of old wheat back pennies in and she
bought it at that weird store at the mall that sells candles and tarot
cards and that one girl that works there calls herself Morticia and
says she's a real witch. She is an expert on Shinto and the New
Religions because she used to have some Hello Kitty stickers that
smelled like strawberry but she can't find them now, though they must
be in her office somewhere. She is an expert on all aspects of
Chinese Philosophy including Mohism, Neo-Mohism, and Eclectic
Siniticism because she tried to watch that movie Raise the Red Lantern
once because she heard it was like a chinese Gone With the Wind and
she liked Gone With the Wind - all those pretty dresses! - but she
fell asleep in the middle of it, Raise the Red Lantern I mean, and
when she woke up the tape had gone all the way to the end and rewound
itself. You can count on her to have all the answers, you bet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>

"nenslo" <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote in message
news:3E2DA6CD.942EADB4@yahooX.com...
> SubGenii with questions of a religious or philosophic nature, or in
> need of instruction on how to live a better life, are requested to
> direct their inquiries to the new Religio-Philosophic Instructress of
> the Church of the SubGenius, Sri Jai Ma Magdalen Avadhut.

Don't forget me, I'm Alliekatt and I say that I am the resident SubGenius
instructress on corporate transformational seminars extablished by an
ex-hippie car salesman who became disenfranchised with Scientology and
experienced enlightenment while stuck in traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge
and subsequently became a charismatic asshole for the rest of his life while
hiding out in Germany from Hubbard's hitmen.

So get off it, or kill me!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3E2E410E.B8EA331C@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

> chaosisrael wrote:
> >
> > you are mean, petty, and an utter bore.
>
> Exactly.

I don't care what the rest if you uptight fucks think, I have been
jacking off to these two fighting. Like, a couple of times a day. I
only look at the newsgroup a couple of times a day.

They're both so innocent, so sweet, so... childlike, and you know how I
am about... CHILDREN... ehhh....ehhhh.....I envision those two human
skeleton ghost monster toddlers grappling, in a graveyard, Magdalen all
glowing with this blue light of niceness, purity, goodness, Nenslo
radiating this horrible red twisted perversion, with a huge throbbing
brain and rotting sharp teeth, even though they're both some kind of
fucking vegetarians or something; and then suddenly they start
retransforming as one starts to best the other, and Nenslo becomes all
good and bluish and angelic, and Magdalen turns into this Goth Vampire
Scorpion Monster Girl... back and forth... blood and tombstone pieces
flying everywhere... faster and faster...

EEEUUURGHHHH splort

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in news:220120031018210658%
stang@subgenius.com:

> In article <3E2E410E.B8EA331C@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
> wrote:
>
>> chaosisrael wrote:
>> >
>> > you are mean, petty, and an utter bore.
>>
>> Exactly.
>
> I don't care what the rest if you uptight fucks think, I have been
> jacking off to these two fighting. Like, a couple of times a day. I
> only look at the newsgroup a couple of times a day.

<< snip the pornographic details of wild yeti lust.. >>

>
> ....even though they're both some kind of
> fucking vegetarians or something

If becoming a vegetarian makes you that freaking nasty and angry...

... I NEED TO EAT WAY MORE RED MEAT!

"Don't just eat that hamburger, EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT!"
It's for your own good!

_________________
-- Reverend DJ Epoch
-- The Church of Our lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel

Divine Southern Redneck Clench Recruitment site at:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Reverend DJ Epoch wrote:
> AT!
>
> "Don't just eat that hamburger, EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT!"
> It's for your own good!

That's just it... I did eat the hell out of it. And left the rest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote in news:3E2FA910.773DA73E@yahooX.com:

> That's just it... I did eat the hell out of it. And left the rest.
>

You left the good parts then. Too much onions, not enough sweet relish, and
way too much horseradish.

--
_________________
-- Reverend DJ Epoch
-- The Church of Our lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel

Divine Southern Redneck Clench Recruitment site at:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Error" <Xerror@Xpriest.Xcom-No-XXX>

In article <3E2FA910.773DA73E@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

> That's just it... I did eat the hell out of it. And left the rest.

Like making Holy Water - You boil the hell out of it

--
The Reverend Error
Subobscurus Veneficus Ex Trux Turpis Templum
Subservio - Pipe Sucking "Bob" club
http://www.melteyemedia.com/subg/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

On Thu, 23 Jan 2003 19:11:30 +0000, "Rev. Error"
<Xerror@Xpriest.Xcom-No-XXX> wrote:

>Like making Holy Water - You boil the hell out of it

Boiling holy water is a Sin.

Every time you boil holy water, the Baby Jesus pees his pants.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

The Godzilla Rule: knocking over one building is an accident
and two could be an oversight,
but three is a rampage.


Back to document index

Original file name: Announcing our new Religi.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47

This page was created using TextToHTML. TextToHTML is a free software for Macintosh and is (c) 1995,1996 by Kris Coppieters