Spooks!

From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jun 17, 2002 10:55 PM

The former owner of my condo here is an ex-person. He has ceased to
be. He sings with the choir invisible. His blackened, ant covered
corpse was taken out of here feet first about a week after his demise.

Naturally, realtors, being so open and honest as they are, implied only
that he was "very ill and could no longer take care of himself". Yeah,
unless like Dr. Phibes, he pumped in a little embalming fluid before he
gasped his last. I guess that would qualify as being able to take care
of yourself.

Really, this doesn't bother me. It didn't bother me too much when, in
the spring, the little red ants formed a cadaveresque silhouette on the
white carpet where the body must have lain. Or when I started to remove
the stick on room fresheners, and then discovered, hell, I better damn
well stick them back up.

But in the last month or so, the garage door has been opening on its
own.

I bought one of those little touch activated bedside lamps. Often, when
I come back here after a period of absence, I noticed SOMETHING HAD
TURNED THE LAMP ON!

The vertical blinds in the front window often ripple from an unseen
draft, kind of like a David Lynch movie.

However, the scariest thing is this. Sometimes, before I retire, I'll
have that famous last cigarette of the evening. There are those
evenings where my throat is tender, and I'll snuff the cigarette out
half way.

The next morning, they've been smoked down to the filter!!!

Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!

[*]
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----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> The former owner of my condo here is an ex-person.
> He has ceased to be. He sings with the choir invisible.
> His blackened, ant covered corpse was taken out of here
> feet first about a week after his demise...
>

Other good indicators of ghosts:

1) Turds left in the toilet mysteriously disappear.
2) The only top-40 stations you can pick up on the radio
are owned by Clear Channel. They suck.
3) City water tastes funnier than usual.
4) Cereal boxes are strangely found to be only half-full
WHILE STILL SEALED!
5) Leftovers in the fridge spoil after only a few months.
6) Light bulbs burn out days faster than normal.
7) The sink seems to always have dirty dishes in it.
8) The postman stares at you funny. A lot of postmen
have ESP and shit and can tell you're haunted.
9) The kitchen floor gets sticky stuff on it that lasts
all day, no matter how many times you step in it.
10) Your hemorrhoids start acting up in the morning.

--
"This hedgehog will live with us!"

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Original file name: Spooks!.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:48