Re: The East Side

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jun 17, 2002 11:00 AM

In article
<1B27AD040CC6BFA8.323FE56D0C5A3388.490BF23FD8B62E55@lp.airnews.net>,
iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:

> So I wuz driving around my East Side neighborhood. This part of the
> town is so diverse, it's a melting pot of all kinds of ethnicities and
> income levels. There's cardboard lean-to's next to great Tudor
> mansions, and so on. Sikhs, Sri Lankans, and Satanists, the whole
> freakin spectrum.

Just like Washington, DC!

>
> Also, a lot of new buildings here and there, condos and such. As I am
> trying to remain open to the idea of settling in one place or another,
> I'm occasionally on the lookout for a new joint, just the right price,
> since there is such a good mix of places here.
>
> Went by this new development, which really looked nice. I saw their
> sign and it had a number on it. Drove a little closer, trying to
> remember the number so I could call it to inquire about them. Dang nice
> places.
>
> Shit, that wasn't a PHONE number, it was the PRICE!

Are you talking about that condo development down at Euclid Hts Blvd
and Lee? The people at the block party who knew who "Bob" is were
talking about that place. The guy checked it out and said it was TRULY
FUCKED, for the huge prices they were asking. I know from working for
condo builders that those places are made with BALSA WOOD. I would
think the old houses would be much cheaper, plus you can STOMP AROUND,
HOLLER and play war movies at TOP VOLUME ALL NIGHT, which I frequently
do for no other reason in the world than that I NOW CAN. I promise, the
plumbing doesn't break any more than in the brand new places.

Did you know that Cleveland Hts claims to be "the most integrated city
in America"? The city gives you special homeowner loans if you move
into a 'hood where you're a minority. Except that it's a LIE. I'm a
SubGenius surrounded by Normals, but did I get the minority loan? HELL
NO! You're a spherical man surrounded by cylindrical people, but did
they give you a special break on that condo? NAY.

Come to think of it, I'm not sure what the majority on this street
would be. You could say "white," but are Hasidic Jews really "white"?
Do queers qualify as truly "white"? I always thought of "white" as
being, you know, NORMAL white. WHITE-MAN white. Country club white. In
fact, if you want to get right down to it, which probably no one does,
if ya ast me, the only people qualified to decide who is "white" and
who isn't would be white MEN of NORTHERN European descent -- but not
too far north -- yes, MEN, and they have to have a name like SMITH. And
they can't be Catholics either.

With your goofy last name of "Sister" I'm not sure if I would qualify
YOU as that much of a proper White Man.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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From: "Rev.Geo" <geovoice@earthlink.net>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:170620021101083200%stang@subgenius.com...

> Come to think of it, I'm not sure what the majority on this street
> would be. You could say "white," but are Hasidic Jews really "white"?
> Do queers qualify as truly "white"? I always thought of "white" as
> being, you know, NORMAL white. WHITE-MAN white. Country club white. In
> fact, if you want to get right down to it, which probably no one does,
> if ya ast me, the only people qualified to decide who is "white" and
> who isn't would be white MEN of NORTHERN European descent -- but not
> too far north -- yes, MEN, and they have to have a name like SMITH. And
> they can't be Catholics either.

Amen Boboluya!!

What really scares the billyboojeesus outta me is the fact the FD I work for
has to take care of those condos, the ones on Edgehill, AND the new evil Con
houses on Mayfield in the Lil Italy area. They ALL are made of balsa wood,
and what's worse, if your too fat, YOU CAIN'T EVEN GET IN THE FRUGGIN DOORS!
They're so small, you'd be lucky to shove a poodle in sideways!!

Sheesh, pink realty suxs!

Rev.Geo

Oh yeah, and a far as integration goes out there, yeah, right:)

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From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Stang:
>>With your goofy last name of "Sister" I'm not sure if I would qualify
YOU as that much of a proper White Man.<<

Well, my official addy is actually in Parma. Any man whiter than that,
believe me, hides under a white hood and bedsheet.

Oh, and I think the $$$ condos were up by the shopping center. Many
caterpillars moving, leaving small villages behind, in this area. Well,
I was funnin' everybody a little. Them ones at EH & L seemed kinda
cute, about twice what they are worth, though.

My Pink Boss lady told me that corner was the biggest crack dealer lot
in the area at one time. Her daughter wuz waiting for a bus there or
something and got a street kiss from some guys wearing stockings over
their heads. Kinda shook her up. Being a west sider, I kinda worry
about stuff like that.

But you see in Parma, there've been three shootings in the past two
years within a half mile radius. On that side of town the drug of
choice is Red Eye, and the favorite indoor sport is domestic violence.
Oh, yeah, and that priest that offed himself worked at the church I was
married in.

I'd call that right about even. Neither side beats the other. Well,
the East Side definitely shows signs of more Slack. Fact is, I've
experienced MORE SLACK in my all white undecorated interior than I ever
thought possible. Time for more EGG SALAD...

[*]
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From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"iDRMRSR" wrote

> in my *************undecorated************interior

YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW

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From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Blackout:

> in my *************undecorated************interior

YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW<

Oh shit, sorry. I get so used to seeing Dobbsheads I dang near forgot.
Let me amend that, my undecorated interior EXCEPT for that byootiful
steel Blackout Dobbshead.

It's getting so hard to tell the real Dobbsheads from the ones that I
see all the time, I think I may have given up!

Ummm, I don't wanna start anything, but you see, my great great great
grandpappy was a sharpshooter in the Union Army. His unit was involved
in the Battle of Chickamauga. Came all the way from a farm in Ohio to
kick some Confederate hiney.

Well, I took a trip down there just to say, gramps, one of yer offspring
made it here. Bought a genuine Union Army uniform button, too. Coulda
been his. I'm gonna hang it on the wall with my Dobbshead, unless
convinced otherwise.

Blackout, yer so good at metalworking, I bet you could get a paying
daytime job doing that stuff all day...

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Original file name: Re- The East Side.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:48