This sounds like something an alt.slack pest would do

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Fri, Oct 11, 2002 8:12 PM

http://www.nypost.com/news/nationalnews/49101.htm

October 11, 2002 -- Police in Morrisville, Pa. have
seen a lot of weird things on the job, but nothing
prepared them for the guy who limped into the station
house - with a nail and a firecracker in his penis.

The unidentified man from nearby Trenton, N.J., told
the stunned cops he had inserted the objects himself,
but refused to say why. He asked them to take him to
the hospital.

The bizarre incident quickly sparked ribald humor
among officers.

"He probably wanted to go off with a bang," one
quipped.

--
"I'd just like to say I'm sailing with the Rock
and I'll be back like Independence Day with Jesus,
June 6, like the movie, big mothership and all.
I'll be back."
--Executed Serial killer Aileen Wuornos

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>October 11, 2002 -- Police in Morrisville, Pa. have
>seen a lot of weird things on the job, but nothing
>prepared them for the guy who limped into the station
>house - with a nail and a firecracker in his penis.
>
>The unidentified man from nearby Trenton, N.J., told
>the stunned cops he had inserted the objects himself,
>but refused to say why. He asked them to take him to
>the hospital.
>
>The bizarre incident quickly sparked ribald humor
>among officers.
>
>"He probably wanted to go off with a bang," one
>quipped.
>
>

When I was in the Army at Ft. Hood (why do all the weirdod get stationed at Ft.
Hood?), our medics would work in the Post Hospital emergance room to get "hands
on" experiance.

On day in the chow hall, one of them sit down at our table and tells this story
of a guy on his honey moon who has a coke bottle stuck up his ass. Seems the
Bottle created a suction that trapped it.

The Doctor shoved a oxygen hose up the gus wazoo to introduce positive
pressure. That and some K-Y and it came out with no troubles.

Today he would have been kicked out of the Army, but in the 80's it was
business as usual.

Makes me wonder how we can beat the Iraqi's.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"You remind Me a Song I can't name, in time I don't remember, in a place I
don't think I've ever been to."

Grampa Simpson

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

James T. Rex King of the Monsters wrote:
>
> ...this story of a guy on his honeymoon who has
> a coke bottle stuck up his ass...

I've heard that ER glass rectum suctions are so
common that someone developed a tool specifically
for that purpose. It's designed to punch a small,
smooth hole in the glass, with even the fragment
punched out smooth and unlikely to cut.

Every home should have one.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>I've heard that ER glass rectum suctions are so
>common that someone developed a tool specifically
>for that purpose. It's designed to punch a small,
>smooth hole in the glass, with even the fragment
>punched out smooth and unlikely to cut.
>
>Every home should have one.

Cool! That reminds me! I am officaialy middll aged as of today! I bought a
little tool to cut out the large quanties of hair that insist on growing out of
my ears! I would have done it, but they can get up to an inch or so long and
then they fell like I have bugs crawling in & out of my ears!

I can now say I have more hair growing in my ears then I have left on my head!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

On Fri, 11 Oct 2002 20:12:48 -0400, nu-monet v5.0 wrote:

> "He probably wanted to go off with a bang," one quipped.

I KNEW there was a reason I never became a cop. It's the teeth-grindingly
banal, muscle-headed "quips" they come up with. Ironically, that's the same
reason I've tried to avoid going to prison.

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Original file name: This sounds like some.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:41