Animal 13

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Aug 28, 2002 1:01 PM

So I hear in all seriousness from a friend that kfc stopped calling itself
"Kentucky Fried Chicken", because the animal that it makes kfc from is, in
fact, NOT a chicken, but a genetically engineered creature with no beak, no
feathers, and 4 legs. And that they call it "Animal 13".

What I want to know is, why the HELL aren't they selling them as pets? I
can just imagine a burglar trying to break into my house, and then seeing
one of THEM running from room to room across the hallway.

alliekatt

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From: dkr. Xenu v.0.7 <noway@out.com>

You are not the first one to tell of this. I think it is some sort or
urban legend.
most likely they stopped is because the attention span of most
americans is to short to handle the entire phrase, so they shortened
it to KFC

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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

My fav is the tale of some guy in California (Burbank?)
(Pasadena?), who just had a few chickens as a hobby.
One of his chickens had an enormous egg, from which
sprang a giant rooster. An unlike most mutants, which
are sterile, the rooster was *very* fertile, and its
giantism gene was dominant. Sucker was over 3 feet
tall.
Dubbed the "Were-chicken of (?)"(*), after it killed a
large dog that broke into its pen, soon huge offers of
money came pouring in from KFC and Tyson Foods--

TO KILL THE BEAST!

Why, because chicken is marginally profitable at best,
and with chickens the size of small children, the price
would crash.

But there was no end to the story, for no one knew if he
took them up on their offer, or made off with the rooster
or some of its eggs, to parts unknown, in the hope of
making an entire flock of were-chickens!

(*)As mentioned in the comic strip "Odds-Bodkins"

--
"Even a man who goes to church
And says his prayers at night,
May become a Were-chicken when
The Chicken-bane blooms,
And the moon is clear and bright."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>

Alliekatt wrote:
>
> So I hear in all seriousness from a friend that kfc stopped calling itself
> "Kentucky Fried Chicken", because the animal that it makes kfc from is, in
> fact, NOT a chicken, but a genetically engineered creature with no beak, no
> feathers, and 4 legs. And that they call it "Animal 13".
>
> What I want to know is, why the HELL aren't they selling them as pets? I
> can just imagine a burglar trying to break into my house, and then seeing
> one of THEM running from room to room across the hallway.
>
> alliekatt

They tried that once with S.P.A.M.s, but as soon as yer resident
toddler grabs two opposite corners and tugs, splat, you have nothing but
a skin and a steaming rectangular chunk of protoplasm. And the STENCH!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Chas. 'Mark' Bee wrote:
>
> They tried that once with S.P.A.M.s...

I like them giant metal balls they grow
Vienna Sausages in. The balls are covered
with little holes where the Vienna Sausages
squirt out like hair on a head, just using the
internal pressure of the Vienna Sausage thingy
growing in the ball, and then the tubes of
Vienna Sausage are trimmed and put in them
little cans. They pump this gooey yellow
nutrient stuff that's made from really old
french fry oil into the top of the ball to
feed the Vienna Sausage thingy and bloat it
up so it'll grow too big for the ball.

Every now and then the enough of the holes in
one of them giant balls gets jammered up and
the resulting explosion is like when an old
steamboat boiler went kaflooie.

'Cept there's burned Vienna Sausage meat
everywhere all over the dead bodies of the
workmen and stuff, which is pretty gross. The
government won't let them use the burned Vienna
Sausage meat anymore, like they used to, so
they sell it to be reprocessed into plastic for
tampons and stuff, after its good and fermented.
Like how they make white glue.

--
"It's like the Roman Empire. Wasn't everybody
running around just covered with syphilis?
And then it was destroyed by the volcano."
--Joan Collins

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Original file name: Animal 13.txt.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:41