Can't Start Smoking!

From: "Rev. Nickie" <nickie@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Sep 25, 2002 1:34 PM

With all the discussions about smoking, maybe you can all help me.

For ten years now, I have tried unsuccessfully to become addicted to
cigarettes. I try to smoke them at bars, and occasionally manage to have
one while driving, but I can't even get through a pack in one week, and
they all get fucked up and stale. I'm serious! Ten Years!

Any recommendations?

Love,
Rev. Nickie

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Nickie wrote:
>
> With all the discussions about smoking,
> maybe you can all help me.
>
> For ten years now, I have tried unsuccessfully
> to become addicted to cigarettes. I try to smoke
> them at bars, and occasionally manage to have
> one while driving, but I can't even get through
> a pack in one week, and they all get fucked up
> and stale. I'm serious! Ten Years!
>
> Any recommendations?
>

Try using them as a substitute for something, like
money or sex or food. Make it feel as neurotic
as possible, like "I've already eaten too much, but
not as much as I want, because of *them* (snarl.)
I guess I'll have a cigarette instead of what I
really want!"

Or, "Nobody loves me, but I'll show them! I'll keep
puffing on these damn things until I look cool and
die! And everybody will be sorry that I'm gone, but
I will look real cool in the coffin holding a cig."

Or, "I'm not gonna get drunk tonight. I'll be sure
to smoke a whole cigarette in between drinks so as to
space them out."

--
"La Cucaracha, la Cucaracha,
Ya no puede caminar,
Porque no tiene, porque le falta,
Marijuana que fumar."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Nickie" wrote:
>
> With all the discussions about smoking, maybe you can all help me.
>
> For ten years now, I have tried unsuccessfully to become addicted to
> cigarettes. I try to smoke them at bars, and occasionally manage to have
> one while driving, but I can't even get through a pack in one week, and
> they all get fucked up and stale. I'm serious! Ten Years!
>
> Any recommendations?
>

HEROIN

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Original file name: Can't Start Smoking!.txt - converted on Thursday, 29 May 2003, 19:15