Subject: My Apologies to Everybody

From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2003 9:29 PM
Message-ID: <3E768479.E9C6AFF9@subgenius.com>

A few people who know me in real life know I once had a genuine OOBE/NDE
following a severe case of pancreatitis. I walked into the light, but
as only a true SubG would be, I was thrown back to this world. Since
then, I have always felt that this world was something created mainly
for my personal torment. I caught on pretty fast, which is what lent to
my sending in the key $30.

Numerous attempts to fell me have occurred since then, all without final
consequence. I figure this is all part of the scheme.

But I never expected to see anything like the WTC thing, or this
forthcoming war. Pretty extreme stuff, huh?

Anyhow, my profound apologies to everyone for involving you in all this
(somehow). That is, if any of you exist at all. It wasn't my choice,
you see, at least not consciously. My plan would have been to have
things continue more or less as they had gone on prior to the whole
floating experience business.

But that would have meant mostly, that PC's and the internet never
happened at all, shit like that. Brittany Spears. Ludakris. Cell
phones with cameras. Bill Clinton. That sort of thing. DVDs. HDTV.
The VCR and the Walkman would have been about it had things gone on by
way of their original time-line.

So, I truly apologize, and advise you all to start duct taping now.
Maybe this time, it's going to truly be the end of it all, and then
everyone can go on more or less as it was.

Oh, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try and encourage me in some way.
That would be on the presumption that like Morpheus in Forbidden Planet,
that all this nonsense is actually a fruit of my ID. Perhaps, as you
are such a creative lot, you can think up a diversion to tempt me away
from that Krel machine. I don't know, that also presumes that you all
exist and goes on to presume that you actually care. Naah, forget it.

[-]
-----
iDRMRSR, 1949-1993, 1993-

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Subject: Re: My Apologies to Everybody
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2003 9:56 PM
Message-ID: <3E768AF7.503C@succeeds.com>

iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> A few people who know me in real life know I
> once had a genuine OOBE/NDE following a severe
> case of pancreatitis. I walked into the light,
> but as only a true SubG would be, I was thrown
> back to this world...

Near Death, Near Life, same-o, same-o.

So yer passin' through this tunnel o' light and
yer a choo-choo and it's all Freudian an' shit
and it means yer a FAG and you wanna suck on yer
mamma's tits again, but only WHEN SHE'S DEAD, and
there's this big guy at the end of the tunnel who's
all glowing and full of love and caring and stuff
and then you see his face and it's the Amazing
Randi and he says "grow up you twit, yer only seeing
things because of oxygen deprivation and yer brain
is dying worse than if you were in a dead lot suckin'
on a Nitrous Oxide ballon that the dumbshit who
sold it to you thought he could rip you off by
fillin' it up with Carbon Monoxide from his
lawnmower instead and it's NOT blending well with
the tequila shooters and equally fucked up MDA you
bought from some derelict who called you a 'rainbow
brother' even though he looks like he's been in
prison for the last 25 years." And yer really
impressed that you could visualize all that shit
that Randi was telling you *while* he was telling it
to you and so you think that he is like, god, or
maybe Ray Bradbury or that guy on NPR.

And then you wake up and some grinning Nubian with
bad teeth is looking at yer eyeballs and saying,
"Okay, dis one's up, let's be movin' him to post-
op before he start in wif more o' dat mumbledy-
shit an' start floppin' 'round." And the light
slowly dawns that you are seriously numb and not
able to move but that you're obviously NOT in a
police station because nobody really seems to give
a shit and you wonder if you were shot or just had
a baby or a head transplant or maybe a root canal
from the bottom up.

And you ponder which tunnel was worse, the one with
Randi or the one with the Nubian; which, in the final
analysis doesn't matter because you are totally fucked
up in both, and it's NOT gonna get any better no matter
WHICH one you're in for the next whatever period of
time until you're in the other again or NOT.

Except only ONE of them tunnels has teevee movies
starring Richard Chamberlain. Heaven, Hell, and Limbo,
yer choice. Same-o, same-o

--
"This hedgehog will live with us!"

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Subject: Re: My Apologies to Everybody
From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2003 10:11 PM
Message-ID: <3E768E79.711184F2@subgenius.com>

nu-monet:
>>snip<<

I thought that was you standing behind Randi.

But that does put it all in perspective. This particular tube, is the
one with the Richard Chamberlain movies. Which reminds me, I haven't
seen SHOGUN for a fuck of a long time now.

[*]
-----

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Subject: Re: My Apologies to Everybody
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2003 11:14 PM
Message-ID: <3E769D1E.11EE@succeeds.com>

iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> nu-monet:
> >>snip<<
>
> I thought that was you standing behind Randi.

If you're ever passing through a tunnel and
you see me on the other side, know that I have
finally reached my goal of creating a horror
that is so great the mind cannot comprehend it,
so it's prolly somewhere in California.

> This particular tube, is the one with the
> Richard Chamberlain movies. Which reminds
> me, I haven't seen SHOGUN for a fuck of a
> long time now.

I would think you MIGHT PAY JUST A LITTLE BIT
MORE ATTENTION, given that Richard Chamberlain
teevee mini-series are the ONLY discriminator
you can use to judge between life and death and
heaven and hell and limbo and sanity and insanity
and color and black and white!

If you aren't looking at a Richard Chamberlain
teevee mini-series RIGHT NOW, you just MIGHT be
halfway through the digestive cycle of some
nasty soul-eating space monster that injects you
with hallucinogenic lymphatic venom to make you
THINK that you are living in a Matrix-style
CONspiracy fishtank where you imagine that you
are really in a Dark City out in space instead
of just a disembodied brain in a scientist's
toilet bowl--a pathetic parody of the disembodied
brain of Mr. Ty-D-Bowl or maybe the disembodied
brain of Rick Ocasec in the "You might think"
music video. Which would really suck.

And videotaped RC TV mini-series DON'T COUNT.
They HAVE to be broadcast. VCRs are the work
of the space monster & co. Just ONE of its
diabolical tricks.

--
Give me thank or kill me.
--nu-monet

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Subject: Re: My Apologies to Everybody
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Mar 18, 2003 11:55 AM
Message-ID: <180320031155588890%stang@subgenius.com>

It's a little LATE to apologize.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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Subject: Re: My Apologies to Everybody
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Mar 18, 2003 10:21 PM
Message-ID: <8cc8cffc.0303181921.5eebe26f@posting.google.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<180320031155588890%stang@subgenius.com>...

> It's a little LATE to apologize.

Yeah, this is a SUBGENIUS list. We know EXACTLY what you mean when
you keep talking about TUNNELS. Its as clear as the lubrifart on your
FACE.

The Muskrat shook his head.
"I have every respect for your deductions," he said,
"but you are wrong, completely and absolutely
and without any doubt."
- Tove Jansson

"It was a kiss that raised him to knighthood."
- "The Dead Zone"

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Original file name: My Apologies to Everybody - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:45