Subject: Local insanity. Horeding and looting.

From: "Melchior Pants" <undeliverable@somemail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003 1:47 PM
Message-ID: <uFw2a.8781$37.1038817@cletus.bright.net>

The pinks in the shitty little town where I live have all gone completely
bitch-cakes. After some under-informed jackass on TV told us all to seal our
windows with plastic "to keep the radiation and disease out", everyone here
decided that just wasn't good enough. (I don't know what YOUR house is like,
but making my windows air-tight would be the least of my problems.)

I witnessed about 500 people in our local Conspiro-Mart buying anything
remotely resembling fallout gear. Long-johns, dust masks, raincoats,
generators, batteries, SUNBLOCK. WTF? Sunblock?! Just what the hell is
that going to do for you? Block just enough radiation to give you a nice
tan? Or course the store manager was "featuring" items that looked like they
might be useful. Nothing like profiting from panic.

One crazy woman had about 40 rolls of tin-foil in her cart. I told her
"Yes, you DO have a gigantic head, but it still won't take all 40 rolls to
make you a tin-foil hat, and I should know." She seemed a bit confused by
that, but I can't really say that surprises me; she had also managed to score
about 20 boxes of Twinkies and a great big tarp. Way to go. I was thinking
she would try and pay in food stamps, but alas, she put it all on her credit
card. Won't Visa be surprised when the world ends, and they never get paid.

Ohh well. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all with a big rubber dick. When the end
times come, I'm ready for them. Somehow I don't think that Platteville,
Wisconsin is very high up on the targets list, though.
--
Melchior Pants
ICBM Address - 42o 44' 9" N, 90o 25' 27" W
Elevation : 972'
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Assassins do it from behind.

The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

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Subject: Re: Local insanity. Horeding and looting.
From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003 2:20 PM
Message-ID: <Xns932091FF24B73CortezLegume18465086@216.166.71.239>

Melchior Pants wrote:
> Ohh well. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all with a big rubber dick. When the
> end
> times come, I'm ready for them.

Me too. I have a concrete bunker, with a shotgun, a fast motorcycle, and a
hot tub inside.

Party on, End Times.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
----------------------------------
Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Local insanity. Horeding and looting.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.discordia
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003 4:07 PM
Message-ID: <3E4AB859.36D4@succeeds.com>

Melchior Pants wrote:
>
> The pinks in the shitty little town where I live
> have all gone completely bitch-cakes. After some
> under-informed jackass on TV told us all to seal
> our windows with plastic "to keep the radiation
> and disease out", everyone here decided that just
> wasn't good enough...

WEEEEEEEE! A GOVERNMENT SPONSORED PANIC!

Oh goody! The great thing about this is that the
government only wants the panic to go SO FAR, i.e.,
so people support their war. So what you need to
do is to turn it into a FULL-FLEDGED CHAOS!

Oh, man, an opportunity like this doesn't come
around very often, WHEN EVEN THE POLICE CAN'T TELL
YOU TO SHUT UP!

1) Go to THE BIG STORE and loudly yell, "Tommy!
Hurry home! I HEARD IT'S ALREADY STARTING! Grab
as many "*'s" as you can and HURRY UP!" (If
someone in authority stops you, say "a television
show" is almost on, so you want to get home.)

(*) Bananas are good. Other perishables are
funny too. Imagine what hoarders will do
with 40 lbs. of rotting bananas.

2) Make fake 8.5x11 posters that declare: "(Your City)
is now under UNITED NATIONS MARTIAL LAW. The following
activities are now prohibited under THREAT OF ARREST:

* Posession of firearms
* Public assemblies of three or more people
* Violations of curfew from 6pm to 6am

The UN Police will arrive by armored convoy later today
at which time they will assume control over all government
activities. Remain in your homes until told otherwise."

Then sprinkle these pieces of paper about town.

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

--Kino Beman, brand name

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Original file name: Local insanity. Horeding and l - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:45