My Date With Eris

From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 30, 2002 12:23 AM

There are two kinds of discordians, the kind that
blather endlessly about it but are a mile wide and
an inch deep, never doing anything creatively
disruptive. The other kind are not that great in
expressing their inner chaos, but live by the axiom
"Ahhh! A banana! Quick, urinate on me!"

She was told I was a SubGenius. "Aha, he'll want to
fuck something then", she replied, "I'd better wash
my armpits." Our mutual friend told me that at their
last meeting, he had been injured *and* arrested,
though the charge was later dropped. He was still
somewhat in lust with her.

She decided to test me right off the bat. "Take me
to a (grocery store) and give me $10." Once there,
I saw what she was about, purchasing a large package
of frozen hamburger patties, so I made a quick and
discreet purchase which I hid from her.

When we returned to the parking lot, she opened the
package and began to systematically put patties under
car windshield wipers--watching discreetly to see if
I would object or become embarrassed. I did neither,
as my purchase, a plastic bottle of mustard, was
entirely appropriate to the situation. A dollop per
patty. "www.noketchuponmineplease.com", she said.

The rest of the evening was a blur, save that she
vigorously fellated my left thumb, stretched at arm's
length, and I was not permitted to watch. My offer
to shrimp her toes was turned down on the grounds that
one either knew how to lick webbing or one didn't, and
she wasn't going to teach me on the first date.

--
When a robot says, "I love you", don't
believe it--it's just lying to get sex.
--nu-monet

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Original file name: My Date With Eris.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:43