A Parting Gift

From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Sep 17, 2002 10:26 AM

Well, kids, it's been fun, but I have to tone down the weirdness for a while
for various reasons. Before I go, though, I thought I'd share this with
you...

I was driving along, despairing at the traffic and life in general, and the
scene in "Something Wicked This Way Comes" where Mr. Halloway confronts Mr.
Dark started playing in my head, especially the poem that Mr. Dark so
mockingly quotes:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail;
The right, prevail."

You probably knew this, but those lines are from Longfellow's poem "I Heard
the Bells on Christmas Day." It's sort of sappy, but I like it. However, my
brain wasn't finished yet. It started rewriting the poem. (The traffic was
*really* bad.) By the time I got home, a piece of sacred American drivel had
been turned into a piece of sacred SubGenius drivel. Without further ado, I
give you...

I HEARD THE BELLS ON X-MAS DAY

I heard the bells on X-Mas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet,
the words repeat
Of Slack on earth, SexHurt to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Yeti-dom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of Slack on earth, SexHurt to men.

And in despair I bowed my head;
'There is no Slack on earth,' I said;
'The Con is strong
And mocks the song
Of Slack on earth, SexHurt to men.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep.
'"Bob" is not dead, nor doth He sleep!
The norms shall fail;
The weird, prevail;
With Slack on earth, SexHurt to men!'

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice,
A chime,
A chant sublime
Of Slack on earth, SexHurt to men.

Slack!

St. Marc

(Original poem:

I HEARD THE BELLS ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Revised Version/Carol

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet,
the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head;
'There is no peace on earth,' I said;
'For hate is strong
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep.
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!
The wrong shall fail;
The right, prevail;
With peace on earth, good will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice,
A chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.)

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Original file name: A Parting Gift.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:43