Subject: Huge Xist Mass on SubSITE!

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Nov 22, 2002 7:50 PM

500 NEW SUBGENIUS PRODUCTS FOR XMAS!

... and we're still adding to the catalog!

http://subgenius.com/scatalog.html

Or just go to the home page and see our new Old School Church look:

http://subgenius.com/

And, did you know there's a new STARK FIST OF REMOVAL online?

http://subgenius.com/bigfist/FIST2002-1/FIST2002-1.html

About 700 rip-splorting artworms are tunneling through the Art Mines
(including fantastic Flash videos by IMBJR), and the best rants from
alt.slack since last issue are spewn throughout -- everything from
movie reviews to sordid true confessions. (There's even a Live
SubGenius portrait gallery you can try to match up with the
confessions!)

The Hour of Slack radio show audio download/stream is updated weekly
and works beautifully on new-fangled computers. Works... on old-fangled
computers.

But the best of all is the new catalog. Just the CAPTIONS and BLURBS in
the new catalog are better than most BIG BUDGET FEATURE LENGTH
HOLLYWOOD MOVIES, although that's not saying much nowadays.

I, Stang, had for the last few years taken a rest from $ubGenius $ales.
Jesus and Magdalen had set us up with Cafe Press for mail order
fulfillment, but I had not really taken advantage of just what-all they
had to offer.

Well, now I have. They and we now have a LOT of what-all to offer.
Along with exploiting the great SubGenius graphic artists like never
before, we have restored an "Old School SubGenius" feel to the catalog
by writing OUTRAGEOUS BLURBS for this industrial-strength new swag. In
fact, EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY OR INTENTION OF BUYING ANYTHING, you
should take a good golly-god damned gander at the sheer audacity of the
copy-writing, newly done just for this catalog by the Old Timey team of
Dr. Philo Drummond and yours, truly Ivan Stang... plus fresh audacity
from Princess Wei R. Doe.

We took the greatest of the old black and white art from the books, the
greatest of the new color art from the Internet, and the NEEDS buried
deep within YOUR VERY HEART and MIND... and we looked at every single
product on which Cafe Press imprints art... and then we did the
obvious.

We are very glad that we finally got around to it.

We always had: MEMBERSHIP * BOOKS, Pamphletss * ARISE Video *
INWO game from Steve Jackson Games

You've seen all those. (The INWO game won't be in print forever,
however, and, for that matter, even our very BOOKS could suddenly go
out of print were the economy to plunge again.)

What's NEW, and I mean REALLY new, are:

DobbsWear Shirts & Jackets
DobbsWear T-Shirts, Ladies' T's
WhizBangs, Weapons, Geegaws & Gimcracks
CHRISTMAS STUFF! (& other seasonal only)
Time Control Devices & Forbidden Science (clocks)
Posters!
For the Kids (clothes, toys, bibs, lunchboxes)
Mugs n Drugs (coffee cups, frosted glasses etc.)
Art Tiles, Ceramic Coasters
SubWear and Under "Things" (now includes many thing & boxers)
Jewelry and OrnaMentality
Stickers & Mystery Attachments
Froptainers and Stashboxes
HeadWear and Brain Protectors (and hats)
"Bob" & X-Day Postcards
SubGenius 2003 Art Calendars
Unusual Drinking Vessels (beer steins)

Below are just a few of these fabulous new gifts for those who want
everything!

(This is not the whole list. This is only a SAMPLER of the new swag!)

*GIMCRACKS and GEEGAWS*

LICENSE to SLACK OFF License Plate Frame
Holy Hieroglyphic-lined frame draws honks from people YOU'D NEVER
THINK. "Power shell" wards off accidents, Acts of God; provides traffic
violation impunity.

Scale Model Replica Xist Escape Saucer
Complete with fully operational miniature Sex Goddess. Designed by Dr.
Howll Robins. Requires no batteries. ACTUALLY FLIES up to 6 miles
depending on throwing strength.

Bobfish Back Armor
Motorists will be able to see the image from the road, but the armor
will protect you from their bullets!

Creep-Repelling Briefcase
That creepy guy across from you on the subway will stop staring at you
if you stare back at him while displaying this prominently.

Creep-Attracting Briefcase
You'll be the envy of all the creeps on the subway if you prominently
display this baby.

Lucky DobbsFace Cloisonné Pin
Fancy 1" metal 3 color ENAMEL pin doubles as tie tack. Small, subtle,
slick... like "Bob's" mafia chief and Masonic ringleader friends wear.
Let them know that you KNOW... with taste, for once.

Burn in Hell with "Bob" Backpack
Start a fight with the guy standing in line behind you. Art by LeMur.

Magic Dobbshead Virus Transfigurator
Amazing computer accessory magically transforms harmful viruses,
irritating spam into gold. Doubles as handy mousepad. Defies gravity --
can be used vertically, horizontally -- even upside down!

Dobbshead Lip Extender Disk (Stage 1)
Insert disk between toddler girl or boy's lip and gum, increasing size
of disk by stages every 6 months until lip is fully extended.
Popularized on the show "Ubangi SubGenius."

Flying Death Disk of Dobbs
Why wait for X-Day? Based on the same Australian Aborigine magic used
in the famous Death Bone Boomerang, this hex-laden weapon is sent
towards foes by telekinetic levitation or hurling.

Mystic Ur-Dobbs Ikon Mousepad
A complex, fully bedotted Dobbshead resides compressed inside this
simple, stripped-down image. But only you'll be the wiser! Mom will
worry that you've joined a WORSE cult.

Law-Be-Friendly Backpack
Cops love "Bob," and when they see you biking or hiking along with
this, they'll give you no more than a friendly honk and maybe just the
slightest cavity search.

Metro Bloat-Sac
You can hide those great big hot fresh eggs from those THINGS in here
and they won't get all jostled about.

45 Dobbsheads Mousepad
Squash up to 45 small mice on this fine quality mouse-smashing pad.
Washes easily with soap, warm water.

Geography Teaching Aid
Teaches American History and Geography while it works. Almost
completely silent; you'll hardly hear it at all.

Connie-Wheel Pet Bed, Hamster Mattress
This deep-padded sleeping cushion feels like Heaven when your furry
little friend hunkers down on it at nighty-night time. Comfy also for
pet guinea pigs, rats, gerbils, even mice.

Sacred Church Logo Mousepad
CHANNEL "BOB." Let "Bob" guide your mouse-hand. Let "Bob" dictate your
every mouse click. You cannot go wrong with the Living Slack Master
working your strings like a puppeteer.

"Garden of Eden" Marital Aid/Mousepad
Let the Orgozmonic Rays spew and wash over you. Also functions as
Non-Absorbent Menstrual Pad, but not well.

Connie and "Bob" Intercourse Initiator
Trick spouse into using; prepare sex area, nail doors shut and wait.

Hidden Dobbshead Anti-Over-Eating Plate
Helps control urges associated with eating disorders. ("Bob" sees
through plate, catches cheaters!) Doubles as Convex Back Scraper for
the heavily warted. Flies.

Magic Flying Disc
A TOTAL MYSTERY. How can it be heavier than air, and yet float upon the
air? Unknown on all ape planets.

Flying Porno Love Disc / Dog Water Bowl
Keep top up for Love; flip for Rover. Patented Drool Backwash
Retrainers keep sloppiness to minimum.

"Bub" Brand Blind Flying Idiot Detector
Fling this randomly and it's sure to hit an idiot. Try not to get in
its way yourself.

Triple Your Money Back BBQ Apron
Didn't get the Eternal Salvation? Well, you can't say Dobbs ever
welshed on a deal. Stang art goes with the flames of backyard barbeque
-- or hellish underworld, depending on YOUR FATE.

Burn in hell BBQ Apron
Think how fiendish you'll look at the barbecue pit in this Lemurian
design. "When the world goes up in flames, the SubGeniis will have the
weenies."-- Bryan J. Maloney.

SubIkon Earlobe Ornament
Punch hole in earlobe with pencil or hole-punch; tie ribbon in hole.
Apply alcohol.

Forbidden Science Teddy Bear
Works like a sextant of the Skor or aetheric ocean of all existence.
Helps chart your way. Bear towards wherever Teddy points and you'll be
fine. LeMurian Science Diagram.

***********************

*TIME CONTROL* section
"Science Does Not Remove the Terror of the Gods," Dobbs said, and the
clock is ticking down towards X-Day... X-Day for the planet Earth, and
your own personal X-Day. DON'T BE CAUGHT UP SHORT IN THE RUPTURE, A DAY
LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT! The truly devoted SubGenius will purchase ALL
of these infernal instruments of the devil, these "balls and chains"
that keep us tied to so-called temporal reality -- only to
ceremonially SMASH THEM!

LeMur's Psych 11 Wall Clock
WHO NEEDS TIME, at least, "TIME" as the humans measure it? We need only
know what SYMBOL FONT CHARACTER it is. A fine design from Mr.
Fernandinande LeMur.

13013 Wall Clock by Heart Ignition
The time changes, and yet it's ALWAYS 13:013 o'clock wherever this
TIME-ESCAPE SPECIAL is displayed. DEFY silly rules of human time. Live
at "Bob's" pace. Chronometer works, only numbers are changed.

Skull Dobbs Wall Clock
An ever-present reminder of how very, very precious is every
Dobbs-given second, as the Clock of Doom ticks inexorably towards X-Day
or The Darker Side of the Veil. Waste no Slacktime.

Wheel of Connie Wall Clock
Beloved alt.binaries.slack artist Heart Ignition perfectly captures the
orbital, yet ever-changing, nature of "Bob's" love and the center of
his gravitational attraction. Guaranteed tick-free.

Sacred Church Logo Wall Clock
The very hands of Time sprout from "Bob's" Third Nostril -- and MOVE BY
THEMSELVES, almost too slowly to see. Hellswami Hagen-Brenner's
classic comes to life and stays there, , 24-7.

Connie & "Bob" Wall Clock
Can't reach the high notes? Forget 'em. The high minutes, high hours,
even high DAYS are now yours. With "Bob" and Connie looking over you,
Slack is FOREVER.

Wings of Slack (R.Williams) Wall Clock
By popular demand! In two versions. This is the original, by Robert
Williams (first seen in Coochy Cooty Men's Comics, now a religious
icon.)

Wings of Slack (Paul Mavrides) Wall Clock
St. Palmer Vreedeez' modernized, computer-rendered homage to Robert
Williams' treasured original masterpiece of time piece mastery.

***********************

*FROPTAINERS/LUNCHBOXES/BAGS/CASES*

"I may have laid myself to waste, but "Bob" recycled me!" -- iDRMRSR

For Fropeshionals Only. Also make fine containers for excroplasm
(spirit droppings, spector spoor, shade pellets, etc.) Dumbgrades the
language to the lowest conmanure redominator.
(Boxes also make handy CD, tape, sandwich storage facilities.)

Tote Bag & Head Dump
This sturdy Dobbsheaded all-purpose container will be the envy of
thieves and pickpockets wherever you venture. MAGIC! Holds anything non
liquid, no matter the size or shape.

" Garden of Eden" Pandorian Lunchbox
Go ahead. Open it. Go ahead. Art by Atom Funway.

Sanctified Secondary Power-Scrotum
For hauling tons of ashes or huge balls. Unbreakable. Twice as much
comes out as was put in!

Blasted Teddy Bear
We don't have to tell YOU what this "teddy bear" is REALLY for. LeMur's
hideous blasted Dobbshead is a dead give-away. Monstrous.

"Frop Fields Outside Dobbstown" MunchBucket
Photo taken by Rev. Ivan Stang in Malaysia, at harvest time. Back photo
shows Dobbstown as seen from native encampment outside the gates.

Nitrous Oxide Box
Keep your laughing gas in here. For a little while. Stang art on "lid"
mimics visual effect of short duration brain damage. Other side shows
"Bob" seized up in the Spirit, having an Emaculation.

***********************

*HEADGEAR*
Better protect what little you have left up there in the brainpan.
There are RAYS that They don't tell you about. We line these hats with
an element that We don't tell Them about. Wear one (or all) of these,
and you'll be SURE that any voices you hear whispering inside your head
are YOUR OWN. NOTE: Ski Caps are seasonal item -- available in Winter
only.

You know where to put the cork.

Burn in Hell Cap for Cold Hell
Fernandinande LeMur's eternally burning Dobbshead will warm your
forehead on those cold eternities. Should be good for starting
conversations, down at the old convenience store, in the meantime.

Bobfish Noggin Drape
The secret sign used by our persecuted forebears to make fun of ancient
persecuted Christians.

The SubG Must Have This Slack-Cap
The SubGenius must have this "The SubG Must Have This Slack-Cap" Cap.

The Prairie Squid Hat
Get wanted attention at singles bars -- attracts the kind you like.
Gutbustered and Devolved before they're brought to your table.

Bobfish Ski Cap
You'll gag when you smell this gag gift. OR IS IT?!?

***********************

*UNDERTHINGS*

The SubGenius has always been attracted to the substratum, the
underlying garments beneath the fabric of reality.
(Note: The thongs all have "Bob" for a butt.)

Dobbshead Gettin' Shorts
Provocative art by LeMur can be taken as a subtle suggestion, helps
hide mess if suggestion is taken up, or not. Can't help those who can't
help it.

Suitability Testing Thong "Are you Right With "Bob"?"
DON'T MATE WITH A HUMAN! Using them for sex is okay, but do you really
want part-human children? Let them go no further if they cannot answer
this question.

Target thong
TARGET. Helps direct SubGeniuses to somewhere roughly near the right
place. Graphics by LeMur using Funway BobCo fonts using SubHieroglyphs.

***********************

*DRINKWARE*

DRUGS TASTE BEST WITH "BOB." Whether it be coffee, fine imported teas,
beer, grog, moonshine, hallucinogenic frog squeezin's, pills, or more
coffee, when you're washing it down, you want to be looking at "Bob" or
Connie. The art we've selected has been sterriblized for infinite
stare-ability so that your medicinal fluids go straight to brain
centers with opioid blankets of somnambulistic bliss -- like no other
advertisement can.

NOTE: MOST DRINKWARE HAS MATCHING TILE! (Sold Seperately)

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs Mug Mug
If you urinate at ALL, you're SURE to be interested in THIS. Classic,
high quality ceramic white coffee mug emblazoned with The True
DobbsHead. Lifelike, gruesome.

45 Dobbsheads Drug Tankard
Gives you PLENTY to muse upon as you glag down MORE and MORE and MORE.
BACK TO SCHOOL SALE. Art by Heart Ignition.

Bobloop Stein
This is the way you'll feel after a couple. Art by Byron Werner.

Bobloop Stainless Steel Travel Mug
Spillproof, but sure not idiot-proof, or we'd be out of business.

Garden of Eden Stein
Eye-bleedingly fine Atom Funway art makes alcoholism fun.

Sacred Church Logo Alcohol Empowerer
Secret lining "tweaks" alcohol molecule, making it stronger, healthier.

Frosted Churchly Logo Mug
Banishes hate everywhere.

Bond2 Mug
If you put two of these drinking vessels side by side, and invoke the
Dobbshead, the cups themselves will "unwind" and recombine just like
the heads in the Lemur artwork.

SubGenius Astrological Science Drinking Device
You don't NEED a reason to spend your money. You didn't have a very
good reason when you spent it on that CRAP and those TAXES. You threw
it away. Throw it away HERE this time.

Bent "Bob" Drinkware
Get Bent with "Bob" and wear this on your head. After your head has
shrunk to fit, due to whatever you put into it using this fine quality
Ware by LeMur.

PreScriptural Ritual Goblet
The medicine goes down much smoother this way, when you're in the
Spirit. Photo is a tabletop miniature by Rev. Ivan Stang depicting
"Bob's" Emaculation.

*UNUSUAL DRINKING VESSELS*

Stainless Steel HieroScience Cannister
The BobCo Font Hieroglyphics, arranged by Fernandinande LeMur in an
advanced type of "hex," keep liquids warm for minutes longer than
normal cheap non-hexed plastic mug.

LeMurStein #1
Scientific hex art on exterior keeps beer much colder; increases
alcohol content in brain; lowers apparent alcohol level in breath and
blood.

Copilot "Bob" Stein
With this stupefying artworm by Lemur crawling on its sides, this deep
drug holder will help the process of making you stupid go much much
faster, and with fewer side effects.

"Bob's" Cross-Eyed SlakStein
For just getting totally blitzed. Fucked up art by LeMur, an old
favorite around Hierarchy households. For the elite outcast.

PreScripture Stein
Plow straight through crowded bars with this. Front art depicts the
moment of "Bob's" Emaculation. By the time you reach the bottom you'll
know sort of how he felt, minus the enlightenment.

Consciousness Test Large Mug
Stare at it. Don't stop. If it starts rotating, you're "clear."

***********************

<b>*SUBGENIUS PROPAGANDA STICKERS: DRIVE YOUR HOMETOWN INSANE.*</b>
Send 'em to friends... leave 'em in bar restrooms... drop 'em out of
planes!
Ouchless. Great for cars, boats, farm implements, band equipment,
briefcases, bombs, doors of abandoned refrigerators... even your own
face.<p>

Lucky Dobbshead Sticker (Rectangular)
Think globular, act loco. Put "Bob's Beaming Presenceship EVERYWHERE.

SubGenius Logo Sticker
THIS'll set off their "cradar"! Better than nanosex.

SubGenius Bobfish Sticker
Be anybody who's everybody and only follow the SMALL crowd.

Sacred Church Logo Sticker (Rectangular)
Used since ancient times to repel or attract soul/sex vampires/partners.

Wings of Slack Sticker (Rectangular)
Rovel will flip over this one -- smells like salvation itself. For
financial/spiritual luck.

Connie-Bobface Sticker (Rectangular)
Up "Bob" creek without a Connie? This is the RECTIFIER.

*POSTERS*

SUBGENIUS PROPAGANDA POSTERS: DRIVE YOUR ROOMATES, SPOUSE, KIDS,
PARENTS INSANE!

Line the dorm room, rumpus room or padded room with SUBGENIUS FINE ART
blown up to outlandish size on high quality paper... so that you will
not forget for ONE SECOND about the ONLY THING MORE IMPORTANT THAN
"BOB" -- YOUR SLACK!

Dobbshead GiantPoster
Relish for HOURS the Genius Ignorancy of "Bob"! Muse upon the MEANINGS
of each Industrial Dot -- for each individual dot projects its own
fathomless energy. LET DOBBS WATCH YOU BACK.

Lucky True Dobbshead Small Poster
7 out of 6 doctors prescribe for crippling indecision. Creates
hallucinations if you stare at it long enough.

Connie BobFace Small Poster
You'll scream and scream and scream. Not for sissies.

Hagen-Brenner Dobbstown Large Poster
For the Differently Saned. It fairly screams, "BELIEVE ME OUT OF IT!"
Try to guess who the big heads are.

45 Dobbsheads by HI - Large Poster
One of the most-stolen pieces of art in SubGeniusdom, this incredible
tour-de-eslack by Heart Ignition took weeks to paint, and will take you
months to comprehend.

"America After X-Day" Large Poster
For Revelation X, Philo Drummond & Ivan Stang aetherically downloaded
the Word of Dobbs and, among other prophecies, scried this astounding
map. Illustrated by Rev. Ken Pastore of Sosodada.

Connie and "Bob" Poster
Grace your home with this, and you will have happiness forever -- the
happiness of knowing that somewhere, "Bob" and Connie are having a
great time... even if you are completely alone.

Sacred Church Logo Small Poster
SCARE GRANDPA WITH IT!

The Pledge of the SubGenius Small Poster
Looks great, centered between your Doktorate of the Forbidden Sciences
and All-Inclusive Excuse above the Sacrificial Altar.

LeMur SinDobbs SineWave Small Poster
King bull sulverback of alt.binaries.slack, Mr. Fernandinande LeMur,
produced this simple but literally hypnotic variation on His Face and
Dots.

***********************

*T-Shirts!*

You'll be able to sell these for thousands of dollars when the
Tribulation Times come. But you won't -- you'll trade e'm for boxcars
of food or Church Air. Dollars will be worthless -- but these shirts,
sweats and jackets have DOBBSHEADS: tomorrow's replacement for money.

Sacred Church Logo White T-Shirt
Thousands of desperate men and women have lived and died for what this
symbol stands for. YOU can help make that number rise into the millions
with the mere purchase of this quality high tech voodoo..

DOBBSHEAD
ACQUIRE THE COURAGE TO KILL YOUR ENEMIES! Possesses its own weird vibes
and PstenchAura. Repels bad luck, draws financial success and sex luck.
No bullet can pierce this Ghost Garment.

C-Whupped T-Shirt
This Heart Ignition revision of the classic Connie and "Bob" portrait
will get you instant success in sex with the desired sex in singles
bars, jazz clubs, pagan rituals, comics cons, etc.

Clipart-Connie T-Shirt
You can lick breast size issues with Connie brand Chest Perfecters.

Connie and "Bob" T-Shirt
The glory that is the Love between "Bob" and Connie shines through in
this wonderful, Norman Rockwell-like portrait of normality so normal
it's intensely, freakishly abnormal.

ConnieBobFaceT-Shirt
By the hecks of dammit, you'll love this. If you're odd. Disturbing
even to normal *SubGeniuses,* not to mention normal Normals.

DobbstownHagenT-Shirt
As the Church is overrun with Pinks worshipping false idols, the True
SubGenius flees for... where?

PrairieSquid_T-Shirt
Show 'em you're no amateur when it comes to squid-farmin'. "Every
Church has its pew." -- SubGenius Spice

SpiderDobbs T-Shirt
"You gotta ask yourself: do you feel lucky? Well? Do you, Pink?" That's
the question this garment asks of approaching panhandlers, Pinks and
busybodies.

TRUST-
"Moral relativism is the One True Truth." -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Psychience 11 Long Sleeve T-Shirt
Scientific Personality Detector on your chest. Back shows a rip in
reality. Both by Lemur.

***********************

*FOR THE KIDS*

Spider Baby Bib
Rev. Mike Duggins' insane Spider Dobbs will keep strangers from
pestering your precious darling.

SubGenius Worship Bib
Hellswami Satellite Weaver's touching classic religious drawing will
catch every drop of Baby's drool and spit-up.

"Trust" Bib
After feeding in this, Baby will enjoy the sweetest dreams come
beddie-bye time. Collaged by Heart Ignition from traditional SubGenius
Church Image Trademarks.

Spider-Dobbs Kids T-Shirt
Hideous! And kids love hideous crap.

Dobbshead Kids Shirt
Allows your kid to easily fend off, beat up all bullies.

Prairie SKwids T-Shirt
Hey, kids! Join the Prairie Squid Farmers' Club! Don't tell Mom and Dad
what it REALLY means.

SubWorship Kids T-Shirt
The teachers will have LOTS of questions the first day your tyke wears
this to kindergarden.

"Bob" Bib
The Living Slack master is also the Greatest Drool Catcher. And -- he
LOVES it!

"Bub" Bib
"Bub" and Baby babble bulldada.

Wheel o' Connie Fropper's Jersey
NOT FOR KIDS! That's why they'll want it.

All-Star Slacker's Uniform
This is what all the Slackest teens do their Slacking off in.

***********************

FLEECE PULLOVERS, JACKETS

Burn in Hell w/ "Bob" Fleece Pullover
LeMur's art design makes for a nice conversation starter down at the
diner or liquor store.

Confrontational Asshole Jacket
Tells everyone you meet they'll burn for eternity. LeMur art.

***********************

POSTCARDS:

Howdy from Dobbstown Postcards (8)
Even if you're still just a $1 Whizmaster, one of these mailed from
Malaysia will convince the family that you've gone totally over the
edge! Photo by Stang.
.
Burn in Hell Postcard
Let distant family members, friends know how you feel about them. Works
perfectly well for enemies, too. LeMur art.

Are You RIGHT w/ "Bob"? -- 8 Postcards
The external question.

"Bob" Dobbs Head HeadCards (Pack of 8)
A subtle hint for beloved ones near and far. Wouldn't you love to find
this romantic card on the pillow some night.

Frop Fields of Dobbstown Postcards (8)
The light happened to be JUST RIGHT when Rev. Stang snapped this shot
of a Habafropzipulops harvest outside of Dobbstown. Note Tibetan Holy
Man graves, used as fertilizer.

Praying "Bob" Postcards (8)
Artist's Hint #3: The SubGenius Foundation has tried to create a
computer simulated Dobbs. Because he still looks imperfect, he is
generally posed with his face turned away or silhouetted.

Saucer Landing 7 AM X-Day Postcard (8)
One of Stang's first X-Day tabletop model dioramas, using painted clay
figurines and pie pans. Careful lighting hides the fishing wire which
suspends the rather heavy models.

***********************

Rev. Stang's 2003 SubGenius Calendar
Rev. Ivan Stang's computer painstakingly rendered out all his 3D
computer art at huge sizes, the machine betting that someday precisely
this sort of use for Stang's pictures would come along. Ignore months
after July.

"Like the Jehovah's Witness WATCHTOWER artists on acid." -- that same
old nobody
This calendar tells the inspiring story of X-Day, in beautifully
printed high-resolution paintings -- well, Bryce-Poser computer models.
But they're beautifully printed.

***********************

*JEWELRY and OrnaMentality*
*HOLIDAYS -- Seasonal, Limited*

We have hijacked the materials that Cafe Press hoards for the Pink
holiday called "Xmas," and transfigured them into ceramic necklace
medallions, baubles and rearview mirror danglers honoring OUR holiday,
X-Day. Unfortunately, since X-day falls on July 5, you must buy your
summer holiday SubGenius jewelry IN ADVANCE, during the human holiday
season.

Connie Medallion
Worn on a silk cord, Connie's Graven Image will grant you sexual luck
powers.

"Thing-o'-My-"Bob" ORNAMENT:
Thing of My "Bob" dangles ever towards the center of the Earth. That's
how we know where gravity goes, by where "Bob's" Thing is pointing. It
is THE plumb-bob upon which hang ALL gravitational laws.

3rd Fist Ornament
Stang art commemorating the day "Bob" beat up a bunch of spaceships.

Bent "Bob" Desk Doohicky
Just leave it sitting on your desk, and stare at it a lot. Can also be
worn. Ancient pic by F. LeMur.

Bent "Bob" Dog Tag
LeMurian craftsmanship makes this dog tag stand out.

X-Day -- The Final Bauble
Every SubGenius dreams of this day. Mural on Dobbstown wall, by Ivan
Stang.

X-Day Good Luck Piece
Keep this close to your heart, next to your Ordainment Card, and on the
Day of Rupture, you will be taken up to the Escape Vessels of the Sex
Goddesses.

***********************

*ART TILES & CERAMIC COASTERS*
Almost every one of these gorgeous ceramic tiles goes with matching
drinkware in the MUGS 'N DRUGS section. Or, just use them as coasters.
Purchase in bulk and line the shower stall with them -- like a crazy
person!

True Dobbshead Tile
Go ahead. Buy 10,000 and line your house with them. You know you want
to.

Garden of Eden Tile
So pretty that, much like the sun, it can injure the eyes if gazed upon
squarely for too long. Hint: squint. Atom Funway art.

Sacred Church Logo Tile
Should be used to line every bathroom for higher Excremeditation.
Stays ice-cold at all temperatures.

Wheel-O-Connie Tile
Beyond "Bob," or, rather, within "Bob," at the HEART of "Bob," pulling
his strings and writing his checks, is Connie. And this is the art of
Heart Ignition.

LeMur Psych 11 Magic Science Tile
Gaze into this mandala for ALL the answers. No time limit.

Bent "Bob" by LeMur Tile Coaster
Pinwheels of Slack ... actually, an artist's conception of the
mysterious Bobyon subatomic particle.

R U RITE w/ "BOB" Interrogation Rm Tile
As soon as the Revolution comes, we can use these to line the rooms in
which we interrogate the Normals we capture.

Sin-"Bob" Op Art Lemurian Dobbshead
Every full moon, "Bob's" dots change. From F. LeMur in the SubGenius
Office of Op Ops.

Triple Your Money Back Tile
Although Rev. Stang made most of this tabletop model set-up, and
photographed it, the actual face part of Dobbs was painted in by
Nenslo, during a live sitting.

Earth First
The idea of writing a message on the planet in forest fires came from
Popess Lilith and/or Nenslo, but the use of the slogan is Rev. Stang's,
as are these particular forest fires.

Praying "Bob" Tile
You know, once X-Day finally happens, these old prophetic tiles will be
worth a fortune. Only, money will be a joke. These will be worth a
fortune in OTHER BULLDADA.

Prescriptures Tile
Part of a series by Stang depicting "Bob's" Emaculation. Stang is
envious of the lurid artwork created by Jehovah's Witnesses and Hare
Krishnas, and these are his attempts to catch up.

Saucer Landing Tile
Rev. Ivan Stang spent hours sculpting these tiny resin models, painting
them, lighting them, suspending the flying objects, and then
photographing and photoshopping the final picture.

"X-Day Morn" Trading Tile
Mix, match and trade the whole series with all your friends! There are
143 trading tiles in all. This is #142. Miniature diorama by Ivan
Stang.

"X-Day-Final" Trading Tile
The last of the series of 143 X-Day theme trading tiles. You are a
loser unles you have them ALL.

Princess Wei Trading Tile
Trading Tile #1 of a new series of 100 trading tiles devoted solely to
calendar style photos of Princess Wei "R." Doe, Queen of ALL the UFOs.
This one is by ardent admirer Rev. Ivan Stang.

***********************
And at the new BULLDADA TIME CONTROL LABORATORIES (formerly Connivin'
Ivan's SubGenius Multimedia Sales Shack), don't miss the new, exotic
7-Bladed Windbreaker
and the truly obscure SubGenius Flexidisk

plus our various Hour of Slack, music, and Media Barrage CDs and videos.

http://subgenius.com/scatalog.html

PRAISE DOBBS FOR HE IS TRULY THE SAINT OF SALES

Back to document index

Original file name: Huge Xist Mass on SubSITE! - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44