Subject: A Fleeting WInk from Dame Fame

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Date: Thu, Mar 6, 2003 9:19 AM

I'm poking around in Border's the other day. I find the latest reprints
of 1949 sf classics and then browse. First I go to the Humor section to
make sure the SubGenius books are there. The Book of the SubGenius is;
I secretly autograph it like always, with a Mystery Note. (Once I got a
letter from a guy saying, "Uh, did you actually sign a book at a Barnes
& Noble in Dallas near Northpark, with a weird note?" 'cause he had
found my note in the book he bought.)

If I DON'T find The Book in a Borders, it ruins my day and I work
harder.

As you can surmise, it's usually there; elsewise I'd have gotten more
work done by now.

Anyway, I then mosey over to the Music and Media secdtion looking to
see if they have Grace Slick's autobiography. I'm interested in that
for reasons that are PURELY salacious. It isn't there, but here's a
book called

"RADIO ON" by Sarah Vowell.

Now I recognize this name Sarah Vowell because she once wrote a review
of our 1996 Chicago show in which she bitterly denounced Janor and
yearned for Susie the Floozie, showing unusual familiarity with the
Church radio outreach. Also, she has become more notorious since then,
as she has put out some books of smart-ass essays, and she does
whimsical NPR bit, I understand. Also, I saw a picture of her once and
she is a WEIRD LOOKING WRITER-GIRL and therefore of interest to me for
sick and perverted reasons that probably don't have to be explained to
any of my fellow weird looking writer-boys.

I pick up the book and skim the intro... the book is like a diary of her
radio listening for a year, and observations... and THERE'S MY NAME!

"As you can imagine, I heard a lot of crap -- numbing, malevolent
examples of the worst kinds of filth. This is why I often joked to
myself that the book's title would be Amber Waves of Pain. Eventually,
however, I settled in with some friendly voices: Ian Brown and Ira
Glass redeemed public radio; Reverend Ivan Stang of the Church of the
SubGenius became a beloved weirdo; writers Bill Wyman and Jim DeRogatis
routinely bit the evil hands that fed them; and Courtney Love, more
than anyone, screamed how I felt."

Needless to say, despite being lumped in with Courtney Love, I bought
the book, and skimmed it immediately in the parking lot to see what
other good or bad things she might have to say about me and my poor
tiny little humble ego (I call him "Fred.").

There was a BUNCH! Dr. Legume and Susie were mentioned as well. I had
just cracked open a new OCR program and needed to see how it and my
scanner worked in OSX so here 'tis.

Excerpts from Sarah Vowell's "RADIO ON" A Listener's Diary
1996, St.Martin's Griffin

****

February 11, 1995. l2:OO p.m. WZRD FM. Church of the SubGenius: Hour of
Slack

The Church of the SubGenius, a religious parody group that worships a
godhead named J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, airs a lovably wicked weekly broadcast
of "sermons," media criticisms, musings, and just plain noise. This
week, the Reverend Ivan Stang ponders his oppressively multimedia
lifestyle after he "decided to surf the Internet, flush "Bob" Dobbs
down the digital sewer, and take advantage of the virtual
global-village idiots of the damned.... The other day," he continues,

this information overload just all avalanched at once. I was late to
pick up my kids. I was charging the video batteries up so I could tape
the school play.... I was listening to the CD player and the answering
machine at the same time and trying to read the e-mail and pay the
electric bill and the phone bill, when the family phone downstairs rang
and the dogs started barking because the UPS man had come at the same
time as the postman. And then the paper started spewing out of the fax
machine and a tornado warning came on the TV.

****

March 25, 12:00 PM WZRD 88.7 FM Church of the SubGenius: Hour of Slack

SubGenius Reverend Susie the Floozie, who has "a metric ton of Jezebel
spirit bursting out of a ten-pound bag," delivers this interpretation
of her religious archenemies, the fundamentalists: "Fundamental is
right. You take out the fun, then you take out the mental, and all
you're left with is the DUH. The carrot they dangle in front of you is
the promise of inheriting the kingdom of God. Well, I'm not sticking
around waiting for that old fart to die!"

****

Octobor 21. 12:00 p.m. WZRD. Church of the SubGenius: Hour of Slack

Unexplained collage: a man (you know those voices that sound as if
they're wearing a tie?) says, "This is a program about knives. How to
sharpen them, set them, adjust them, replace them, align them, maintain
them, analyze them, sharpen them, set them, adjust them [where have I
heard this before?] replace them, align them, maintain them, analyze
them. In short, everything you ever would want to know about keeping
the knives in John Deere forage harvesters in cutting trim."

Cut to another man, speaking matter-of-factly: "I can recall his
headless body was found dangling from a chandelier. So, mistakes will
happen, won't they? Now, if you'll forgive me, BOING! Now, if you'll
forgive me, BOING! Now, if you'll forgive me, BOING! Ah ha ha ha! Aha
ha ha ha ha ha!"

Woman: "Program complete. Enter when ready. I don't think wine will do
it. I don't think acid would do it. Some other time maybe. My mind has
expanded as far as it can go. Any more, and it'll pop, you know what I
mean?"

When a man asks, "How are you feeling now?" another man responds, "I
put that gun in your mouth, soldier."

"There is nothing like being at the heart of it all," exclaims a woman:
"The dead center. The pulsating vortex. The gravity spot. Where the
very air sings with the electric current of split-second
decision-making. It is there that you will find the unparalleled
intensity of comrades-in-arms on the front lines before the masses.
Where are they? Who are they?"

And Ivan Stang answers, "Uhhhhhhhhhhh . . ."

****

Oct. 28. 12:23 p.m. WZRD. Church of the SubGenius: Hour of Slack

Finally, roughlyfive-sixths of the way through the year, do I hear Hank
Williams.Too bad some weirdo had to die to get Hank to the people.
Eulogizing SubGenius preacher Doctor Legume, who's evidently now with
"Bob," Reverend tang plays the frenzied gumption of "I'll Never Get Out
of This World Alive."

****

November 11. 12:00 p.m. WZRD. Church of the SubGenius: Hour of Slack

The Reverend Stang is talking up his show's international Internet
access. The other day, a friend said that soon, anyone with a minimum
of equipment will be able to function as a one-person radio station,
broadcasting through their computers to the world. I love the "In My
Room" implications of this, thrill to the notion that someday I could
listen in on some Australian teenager's musical collage or live
concerts of someone's Alabama aunts or secret diary readings by
twelve-year-old girls.

*****

Decembor 30. 12:00 p.m. WZRD. Church of the SubGenius: Hour of Slack

Maybe they'll burn him at the stake. That's what religions do to
heretics, don't they? All year long, Church of the SubGenius clergyman
Ivan Stang has been preaching on and on about getting some slack in the
name of "Bob." Slack this. Slack that. But Stang is a backslider of the
worst sort - a workaholic, an overachiever. His travel schedule alone
must be grueling. This year, he's everywhere, like some kind of
subcultural gadfly, attending various SubGenius devivals, touring with
the cartoon metal band Gwar, appearing at the Chicago Underground Film
Festival, hosting book-signings, turning up in interviews, and running
the Church's Internet and radio ministries.

Stang begins today's show with a ranting collage of impressions of all
the people who want something from him, from the SubGenius T-shirt they
ordered three weeks ago, to the bands who want him to air their songs.
The way I see it, he's stressed out. Which means he doesn't practice
what he preaches. Slack, my ass. I bet he even wears a wristwatch.

((Boy, did she have that right. Talk about not being the kind of person
you're preaching to. I did attempt to go without a watch for a while in
the middle of the 90s in order to alleviate the incessant feeling of
too much to do too soon, but all that did was make me late for things.

I repented and moved to Cleveland. ))

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: A Fleeting WInk from Dame Fame
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Mr. F. Le Mur wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

> I've been using your handwriting samples for some DNA based voodoo
> expirements.
>> Is it working?

That one nut itched a little extra, but that might have been just dry
skin.

> Is being the Sacred Scribe a "job" or is it just manifest destiny?

More like a blow job.

Back to document index

Original file name: A Fleeting WInk from Dame Fame - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44