Subject: Well, I Voted. God damn it.

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Nov 5, 2002 12:47 PM

Last time I voted, it was FOR somebody. Apparently me and 3 or 4
hundred other people made that mistake. (Although I must wonder if 3 or
4 hundred thousand would have made any difference, either.)

I learned my lesson. This time I only voted AGAINST people. Back to
business as usual. Lesser of two evils instead of that great choice I
chose to exercise last time, the lesser of three evils. Shit, fuck.

I wish we could be narrowing it down to, like, I dunno, the lesser of a
dozen evils.

But you'd still end up with one of the dozen most evil creatures around.

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Yer a sinner. Now you owe yourself a shitload
of money to atone for it. Ya also better do a
cheese flask full of 'Hail"Bob"s' fer the big
guy, lessen he CUT YOU OFF.

And this applies to any of the rest of yew
vermins. If you VOTE, then you owe "Bob"
BIG TIME. Pay up you sucker suckers or kiss
your teat goodbye.

That $30 you shelled out WAY THE HELL BACK WHEN
ain't cuttin' it anymore. And yew can't expect
"Bob" to dig you out of the whole evvytime you
do something STUPID and preverted like voting.

"Bob"s JUSTIFICATION BOX can't help you to slide
off the EAST half of the luck plane FOREVER AND
EVER without you REFRESHING IT with a stipend
of SUPER-TRIPLE-PLUSGOOD Mordida evvy now and
then. Sheeit, even BLACK HOLES GOT THEIR LIMITS.

So git out that CHECK BOOK or MONEE ORDER and
GIT SENDIN'

DO NOT WATE. DO NOT HESISTATE. DO NOT MASTURBATE.

SEND MONEY NOW. You voter you.

--
"A stupid movie WILL NOT make you turn
down a blowjob. Simple as that."
-- nu-monet

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

archetypepopstarserialkiller@hotmail.com wrote:

> Oh, please do tell us why it's wrong to vote?

Nope, ain't gonna. I ain't gonna say WHY it's

WRONG TO VOTE.

Just like I ain't gonna say WHY it's wrong to

NARC YOUR FELLOW SUBGENII FOR SMOKIN' FROP.

And, I'm NOT gonna say WHY it's wrong to

WORK AT A DEAD-END CON JOB MAKING POISON THAT
SICKENS THE EARTH.

And, I'm NOT gonna say WHY it's wrong to

TORTURE SMALL ANIMALS FOR SADIST VIDEOS.

And I WILL BE THE LAST to tell you WHY it's wrong

TO RAPE SMALL CHILDREN UNTIL THEY DIE.

Because I ain't no fucking teacher. And if YOU
don't know WHY it's WRONG by now, then I'm not
gonna change yer mind.

SO GO AHEAD AND DO IT. But just remember that you
had BETTER PAY "Bob" FOR THE PRIVELEGE.

--
"It's like the Roman Empire. Wasn't everybody
running around just covered with syphilis?
And then it was destroyed by the volcano."
--Joan Collins

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

nu-monet v5.0
<nothing@succeeds.com> wrote:

> Because I ain't no fucking teacher. And if YOU
> don't know WHY it's WRONG by now, then I'm not
> gonna change yer mind.
>> SO GO AHEAD AND DO IT. But just remember that you
> had BETTER PAY "Bob" FOR THE PRIVELEGE.

That's the bottom line, that is. Every one of you fuckers owes a
BOTTOMLESS FINANCIAL DEBT to "Bob" for ALL your sins, both exercised
and unexercised.

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: Arbane the Terrible <arbane@attbi.com>

> Oh, please do tell us why it's wrong to vote?

It encourages them.

--
"Remember, the plural of 'moron' is 'focus group'."
-- James A. Wolf

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404Subgenius.com>

<archetypepopstarserialkiller@hotmail.com> wrote

> Oh, please do tell us why it's wrong to vote?

it's like running a contest to see if pooka666 is a bigger clueless retard
than archetypepopstarserialkiller .

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> That's the bottom line, that is. Every one of you
> fuckers owes a BOTTOMLESS FINANCIAL DEBT to "Bob"
> for ALL your sins, both exercised and unexercised.

Which is an excellent opportunity to introduce the
new CHURCH PROGRAM: LET GUILT BE YOUR GUIDE!

LET GUILT BE YOUR GUIDE is simple. As simple as two
empty, cleaned out quart-sized salad dressing jars.

In the FIRST JAR you put your spare change. NOT just
any time, but only when you feel GUILTY! GUILTY about
not being Slackful. GUILTY about giving up your Slack
too easily to the Pinks. GUILTY about NOT BUYING MORE
SLACKFUL STUFF FROM THE SCATALOG! GUILTY ABOUT DOING
THINGS THAT YOU *KNOW* "BOB" DOESN'T LIKE! NORMAL
THINGS! SLACKLESS THINGS! GUILTY ABOUT NOT FEELING
GUILTY WHEN YOU *SHOULD* FEEL GUILTY!

LET GUILT BE YOUR GUIDE!

If you're like me, that first salad dressing jar will
fill up REAL quick. So THEN, you SEND IT IN! You can
either SEND IT IN AS A LUV OFFERING, *OR* YOU CAN SEND
IT IN AND GET *OFFICIAL CHURCH LOOT* IN RETURN!!!

LET GUILT BE YOUR GUIDE!

YES, MAH FRIENDS! YOU *DON'T* HAVE TO FEEL ALL DUMB
ABOUT GIVING GOOD MONEY TO "BOB"--YOU CAN GET *STUFF*
IN RETURN--BECAUSE THAT'S THE KINDA SAVIOR THAT "BOB" IS
--ONE WHO KICKS DOWN--ONE WHO KICKS BACK--AND ONE, WHO
SOMEDAY IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS UP THAT GANGPLANK ONTO
THE PLEASURE SAUCERS!

"BOB" PROMISES AND "BOB" DELIVERS--NOT LIKE THE 'OTHER'
GUYS!

So LET GUILT BE YOUR GUIDE!

WTF! Except for the quarters, you weren't even going
to USE all that change, anyway. It was just piling up
and it would just be a PAIN IN THE ASS--SO SEND IT IN!

Oh, yeah. And you masturbate in the other jar.

I'll tell you about what to do about that later.

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404Subgenius.com>

I voted for ANARCHY by refusing to contribute to this charade and I don't
have to shut up for shit. I have been an anarchy man for almost 20 years and
have consistently cast my ballot for it every year despite it's continued
failure to materialize.

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

I only vote for people who say things I can truly agree with. That
way I am never responsible for having elected someone.

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Subject: Re: Well, I Voted. God damn it.
From: saint bubba <atropos@auracom.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>I wish we could be narrowing it down to, like, I dunno, the lesser of a
>dozen evils.

But you'd still end up with one of the dozen most evil creatures around.
thats what sucks about amerikan politcks. up here in canuckistan we
have a plethora of useless parties to cater to all tastes and
perversions. last time around in the federal election i voted for the
marijuana party due to its simple policies. hell, even the communist
party runs up here in places and gets votes. if only there were a
subgenius party to vote for....all candidates disagreeing with
eachother, blatantly antithetical policies, free pils at the rallies.

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Original file name: Well, I Voted. God damn it. - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44