Horrible Realization/Doctrinal Change

My list of Priorities shifted again during a conversation with Doc Frop, when I suddenly remembered what had been left OFF the list.

Sex and "Bob" are now no longer even in the Top 10.

These are ranked by Immediacy of Need:

CURRENT LIST OF PRIORITIES:

1. Air Breathing
2. Water Drinking
3. Peeing
4. Eating Food
5. Sleeping
6. Shitting
7. Slack
8. Money
9. 'Frop
10. Your Back Not Hurting
11. Sex
12. "Bob"

This list has ben developed by pure untainted cold mathematical logic over a number of years. Yet, Peeing and Shitting had been left off the earlier versions of my list. (So, ironically, had Slack and Your Back Not Hurting!)

Shitting and Peeing came up, or went down, so to speak, yesterday, when Dok Frop and I were discussing how lucky we are that in our 40s we can still pee and shit freely, and how we should count out blessings, because look at some of our peers whose health has declined, and who no longer know those dear Freedoms.

When we were younger, we had simply tacked Shitting and Peeing onto Eating and Drinking, respectively, as if excretion automatically followed intake. However, we now know that, for instance, Shitting does not necessarily follow Eating, but that it had better, SOON.

Notice that Shitting follows Sleeping. Technically, one could go without shitting longer than one would want to go without sleep. I suppose that's a toss-up, though

Some might argue that 'Frop is too far down on the list, or that it's a sad statement on our morals that it's even on the list.

But, GET REAL. The ONLY reason that Money is on the list at all is that you need Money to get the 'Frop.

Some would argue that Sex should precede 'Frop. Think about it, though. Sure, if somebody offered you the choice of either the Sex Goddess or the 'Frop, you would go for the Sex Goddess. BUT!! After 5 months you're gonna be tired of that Sex Goddess and DYING for some 'Frop. 'Frop will get you through times of no sex better than sex will get you through times of no 'Frop, to paraphrase the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. If you wanted to get technical about it I suppose some would replace "'Frop" with "booze," "pot," "PILS," "science fiction," "rock music," "TV," or some similar form of dope. But the basic niche on the List is the same.

Plenty of young fools will call it laughable that even "Your Back Not Hurting" ranks above Sex in my list, but, well, you'll see. You'll see.

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Original file name: The Priorities List Change - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44