Re: On Getting a Life(stang

In article <07pj8u4abk9m4gkmlkbtrcv95gampp117n@4ax.com>, Modemac <modemac@modemac.com> wrote:

> Okay, I admit it. I have a life. I'm no longer one of those
> 450-pound geeks who spends 90% of my time in my parents' basement,
> doing nothing but chatting online and whacking off to poorly-written
> sex stories. I'm getting married in two weeks, I have a lovely
> fiancee, I work (ugh) full-time, I have a car, and I pay bills. I
> have a life.
>
> And man, that sucks.
>
> Back when I *didn't* have a life, things were so much easier! I was
> able to spend all of my money on cool things like CDs, laserdiscs,
> stereo equipment, and comic books! I didn't have to worry about
> getting my car fixed, or about driving my girlfriend all over the
> place so that she could spend my money on important stuff like
> furniture, curtains, silverware, and clothes! I didn't have to fork
> over 75% of my paycheck each week to pay bills! I could sleep late
> (at least on weekends), I could go out to the movies or to a
> restaurant to eat at any time I wanted, and I could spend five hours
> doing nothing but sitting at my computer and writing an epic treatise
> on the deeper meaning of "2001: A Space Odyssey."
>
> But now I have to pay bills, help my fiancee move to our new
> apartment, visit our parents and relatives on weekends, buy birthday
> presents for family members I didn't even have five years ago,
> entertain guests, and worry about losing weight.
>
> What happened to me? The answer, dear friends, is obvious. I've
> fallen for the trap of the CONSPIRACY!
>
> The CONSPIRACY forces us to get lives! The CONSPIRACY makes us come
> out of our shells and become everyday working "normal" people! It's
> because of THEM that I have to worry about things like a credit card
> bill, saving up to buy a new queen-size mattress, and fixing the
> tranny on the car. The CONSPIRACY has seduced me and pulled me into
> its folds, and I've fallen into the trap of normalcy that we all, as
> SubGeniuses, try desperately to avoid.
>
> Fortunately, though, my inner Yeti refuses to die, and I can still
> find the occasional nugget of Slack even in the midst of this utter
> Pink hell known as "a life." My boss praises me and buys me lunch on
> the average of once a week or so. I can buy movies on DVD -- and
> while my Queen and I may not have the same taste in movies, we don't
> forbid each other from getting what we want. So she has the compleat
> box set of "Black Adder," and I have "Trainspotting" and the
> "Godfather" trilogy. We get to see our friends together, and we can
> still spend online time emailing and chatting with friends. (And the
> sex is great, too!)
>
> And I just got an increase in my credit line, which means I can get
> her something special for our honeymoon that I wasn't able to get a
> week ago. Not only that, but after our wedding we're also going to
> have a pagan handfasting...*and* she'll be coming to X-Day with us so
> that we can have a true SubGenius wedding. She's enough of a latent
> Yeti that I'm convinced she'll enjoy Brushwood. Even if she doesn't
> do much stuff with US, there's still plenty of pagan things going on
> for her to enjoy. So we're still getting our Slack.
>
> But for those of you who don't have lives yet: ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM.
> The CONSPIRACY is doing everything it can to ensure that it won't
> last. Eventually, even YOU will become like me, and you will be
> forced to grow up and GET A LIFE.
>
> But until then, when someone tells you to get a life, you can just
> flip them the bird and demonstrate to them that lives are overrated.

Modemac, this is a WONDERFUL essay! You hit several nails on the heads.

I can add a paradoxical twist, though. I got married at a much younger age than you did, and found myself in the situation you describe, at age 20. Actually it took a few years for it to SINK IN. However, in the midst of this quiet desperation, like yours, indeed BECAUSE of it, I was driven to do something that would forever cut me off from the two car garage, station wagon and retirement fund. I WENT TO WORK FOR "BOB".

When Philo mentioned that word, "SubGenius," and showed me the BEST picture of "Bob," I thought, "HMMMMMMMM. A WAY OUT??!?"

You think you're developing too much of a life now, wait until your first CHILD. Then not only does your TIME become devoted to that "life" -- somebody else's life in truth -- but your MIND does too! You actually WANT to do nothing but take care of the little snot-nosed, puking, wailing, shit-butted tyke or tykes!

YET -- and this is a BIG YET -- at age 26, when Ydnax was about 3 months old, I sat there holding a milk bottle in his mouth with one hand while pasting up the SubGenius Pamphlet #1 with the other hand... it was frustrating, but worth it. Well, to me anyway. I am not sure what the first Mrs. Stang would say about that.

The early years of the Church's growth, a growth encouraged through crude manure fertilizers instead of the fancy stuff we have now, using instant print shops and postage instead of computers and modems, happened at the same time in my life as the most critical child-rearing and life-getting aspects were at their peak. AND while I was holding down technical jobs.

So you CAN HAVE BOTH. But it about like to drove me totally nuts. Having a life is tricky, but try having TWO! One "real" life AND one "nutty hobby" REALER one! Takes a lot out of you.

Nonetheless, it can be done and might well be worth the effort. I guess if I had died or blown my brains out at some point along in there, it would have been a sad ending. Luckily nothing ended except the SHIT. The first wife is off having her own new life, the two kids grew up and APPEAR to be JUST FINE and then some, and though I have to do so on a low budget, I now get to work my ass off on more or less what I WANTED to work my ass off on all along. Admittedly I have to spend a certain amount of time doing plain chimpanzee labor like filling orders and SuBSITE editing and repairing machines and washing the dishes and free lance multimedia jobs. My blessengs yield a much higher count than my money, so it balances out enough.

Modemac, I remember meeting you personally for the first time back in 1996 at the first Middle East Club devival, and I am SO DAMN GLAD that we invited you to Cleve's party afterward even though the van was packed full. 'Cause it sounds to me like you're a guy who keeps growing up and getting younger all the time. You have changed a shitload in these 8 years and I am sure you will keep changing, all the while remaining the Human Cartoon we know as Modemac... "straight man" of the Gods, so to speak. You have only become MORE "Modemac-like." This is GOOD.

I'm GLAD I could never afford all those rock and roll albums when I was younger. Now I am getting them all for FREE just as a reward for waiting for X-day a little longer.

I was just telling my mother in law this very morning. She was marvelling at some TULIPS that have BUSTED UP RIGHT THROUGH THE ASPHALT of my driveway. These tender baby green things have, simply by inexhorable pressure, and despite recent freezing storms and snow, punched upwards through a couple of inches of man-laid asphalt. "SLOW AND STEADY," I told the Queen Mom. "That's my philosphy about getting rich. Slow and steady wins the race." She asked, "But is that the philosophy that you started with, or did you switch to that later?" I had to admit that now that I was almost 50 I had indeed had to drop the "Get rich quick" philosophy if I was going to have a "get rich" philosophy at all. And I still do. It would provide the perfect punchline to my art project. Also, the "poor" thing? Been there, done that.

Also, imagine being in your twenties and getting THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS out, and having your VERY TOP NUMBER ONE HEROES in life tell you that you had done well! It would all be downhill from there unless you decided to set even higher goals. Such as VAST WEALTH -- HOARDS OF GOLD AND TREASURE AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE! So that's been my new goal, though you'd hardly think it to look at my daily routine. "SLOW AND STEADY," that's the ticket.

Anyway, thanks, Modemac, for a very thought provoking article. I got some great big quasi-sadistic big chuckles out of it.

And friends, you'll have more than a few good chuckles if you go to www.subgenius.com, click on $ and order the amazing audio CD called "BEST OF ESO/HOUR OF SLACK"! I gave Rev. Geo a copy in return for making a shitload of devival posters and just listen to what he has to say!

Rev. Geo?

Uh, Rev. Geo?

Anyway, ORDER THAT CD!! I built 26 sets of shelves while editing down that material to the very unkleenest and funniest of Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Prof. Chas and my own fevered fucked up brainmouth-buttflap. That's a lot of editing.

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Original file name: StangRe- On Getting a Life - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44