500 NEW SUBGENIUS PRODUCTS FOR XMAS!

... and we're still adding to the catalog!

And, did you know there's a new STARK FIST OF REMOVAL online? About 700 rip-splorting artworms are tunneling through the Art Mines (including fantastic Flash videos by IMBJR), and the best rants from alt.slack since last issue are spewn throughout -- everything from movie reviews to sordid true confessions. (There's even a Live SubGenius portrait gallery you can match up with the confessions!)

The Hour of Slack radio show audio download/stream is updated weekly and works GREAT on new-fangled equipment, and works on old-fangled gear.

But the best of all is the new catalog. Just the CAPTIONS and BLURBS in the new catalog are better than most BIG BUDGET FEATURE LENGTH HOLLYWOOD MOVIES, although that's not saying much nowadays.

I, Stang, had for the last few years taken a rest from $ubGenius $ales. Jesus and Magdalen had set us up with Cafe Press for mail order fulfillment, but I had not really taken advantage of just what-all they had to offer.

Well, now I have. They and we now have a LOT of what-all to offer. Along with exploiting the great SubGenius graphic artists like never before, we have restored an "Old School SubGenius" feel to the catalog by writing OUTRAGEOUS BLURBS for this incredible new swag. In fact, EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY OR INTENTION OF BUYING ANYTHING, you should take a good golly-god damned gander at the sheer audacity of the copyrighting, newly done just for this catalog by the Old School team of Dr. Philo Drummond and yours, truly Ivan Stang, plus fresh audacity from Princess Wei R. Doe.

We took the greatest of the old black and white art from the books, the greatest of the new color art from the Internet, and the NEEDS buried deep within YOUR VERY BHEART and MIND... and we looked at every single product on which Cafe Press imprints art... and we did the obvious.

We consider this revised catalog a whole new SubGenius work of art in and of itself.

CATEGORIES:

MEMBERSHIP
BOOKS, Pamphletss
ARISE Video
INWO

You've seen all those. (The INWO game won't be in print forever, however, and, for that matter, our very BOOKS could suddenly go out of print if the economy plunges again.)

What's new are:

Dobbswear Shirts & Jackets
DobbsWear T-Shirts, Ladies'
WhizBangs, Weapons, Geegaws and Gimcracks
Seasonal and Limited
Time Control Devices & Forbidden Science
Posters and Propaganda
For the Kids
Mugs n Drugs
Art Tiles, Ceramic Coasters
SubWear and Under "Things"
Jewelry and OrnaMentality
Stickers & Mystery Attachments
Froptainers and Stashboxes
HeadWear and Brain Protectors
"Bob" & X-Day Postcards
SubGenius Art Calendars
Unusual Drinking Vessels

*FROPTAINERS*
"I may have laid myself to waste, but "Bob" recycled me!" -- iDRMRSR
Does "Bob" smoke the Pipe, or does the Pipe smoke "Bob"? For Fropeshionals Only. Also make fine containers for excroplasm (spirit droppings, spector spoor, shade pellets, etc.) Dumbgrades the language to the lowest conmanure denominator.

Boxes also make handy CD, tape, sandwich storage facilities.

Tote Bag & Head Dump

This sturdy Dobbsheaded all-purpose container will be the envy of thieves and pickpockets wherever you venture. MAGIC! Holds anything non liquid no matter the size or shape.

5X-Day Drill Souvenir Frop StashTainer

Pretend you were there at the famous 5th Destruction of the End of the World by displaying the great Heart Ignition & Stang art on this otherwise unconvincing piece of evidence.

Sanctified Secondary Power-Scrotum
For hauling tons of ashes or huge balls. Unbreakable. Twice as much comes out as was put in!

Blasted Teddy Bear
We don't have to tell YOU what this "teddy bear" is REALLY for. LeMur's hideous blasted Dobbshead is a dead give-away. Monstrous.

"Frop Fields Outside Dobbstown" MunchBucket
Photo taken by Rev. Ivan Stang in Malaysia, at harvest time. Back photo shows Dobbstown as seen from native encampment outside the gates.

" Garden of Eden" Pandorian Lunchbox
Go ahead. Open it. Go ahead. Art by Atom Funway.

Nitrous Oxide Box
Keep your laughing gas in here. For a little while. Stang art on "lid" mimics visual effect of short duration brain damage. Other side shows "Bob" seized up in the Spirit, having an Emaculation.

Copilot "Bob" Frop Locker
Fernandinande LeMur compiled this lovely inspirational illustration from the pieces of dead (or dying) artworks. Let "HIM" be your eyes, while "HE'S" blind in the Vision -- as seen on other side.

*TIME CONTROL* section
"Science Does Not Remove the Terror of the Gods," Dobbs said, and the clock is ticking down towards X-Day... X-Day for the planet Earth, and your own personal X-Day. DON'T BE CAUGHT UP SHORT IN THE RUPTURE, A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT! The truly devoted SubGenius will purchase ALL of these infernal instruments of the devil, these "balls and chains" that keep us tied to so-called temporal reality -- only to ceremonially SMASH THEM!

LeMur's Psych 11 Wall Clock
WHO NEEDS TIME, at least, "TIME" as the humans measure it? We need only know what SYMBOL FONT CHARACTER it is. A fine design from Mr. Fernandinande LeMur.

13013 Wall Clock by Heart Ignition

The time changes, and yet it's ALWAYS 13:013 o'clock wherever this TIME-ESCAPE SPECIAL is displayed. DEFY silly rules of human time. Live at "Bob's" pace. Chronometer works, only numbers are changed.

Skull Dobbs Wall Clock

An ever-present reminder of how very, very precious is every Dobbs-given second, as the Clock of Doom ticks inexorably towards X-Day or The Darker Side of the Veil. Waste no Slacktime.

Wheel of Connie Wall Clock

Beloved alt.binaries.slack artist Heart Ignition perfectly captures the orbital, yet ever-changing, nature of "Bob's" love and the center of his gravitational attraction. Guaranteed tick-free.

Sacred Church Logo Wall Clock

The very hands of Time sprout from "Bob's" Third Nostril -- and MOVE BY THEMSELVES, almost too slowly to see. Hellswami Hagen-Brenner's classic comes to life and stays there, , 24-7.

"Garden of Eden" Wall Clock

In Atom Funway's gorgeous study of his original Proto-Connie, contrast erupts as she is beflowered by the scaly Lizard Soul Dobbs. Won't look out of place in ANY kitchen or War Room.

Devil Skull Bomb Clock

E. Bergdoll's portrait of Old God Time. It's all for the Time Being, they say, that cruel taskmaster; and we must defeat this Chrono-Pirate who robs us of precious seconds & centuries.

"Bub" Wall Clock

Time is a wave form. Skip gaily with Blind Surf God "Bub" across the wave-tops, from peak to peak of random Times. Bypass the long slides down and up, the boring or painful parts.

"Flowering Slack" by IMBJR Wall Clock
Until JUST THE VERY NANOSECOND OF YOU READING THIS, Old Man God Time dragged you along with him at his fitful pace. But! Now, leap away from the boring NOW! Skip ahead... or back!

HoS-Final_Clock-200.png
Post-X-Day Commemorative Wall Plaque/Chronometer

FACT: Mechanical stress is measured in units called "moments." For the Unsaved Pink after X-Day, those moments will be strung out forever, with nary one minute of Slack.

Connie & "Bob" Wall Clock
Can't reach the high notes? Forget 'em. The high minutes, high hours, even high DAYS are now yours. With "Bob" and Connie looking over you, Slack is FOREVER.

Wings of Slack (R.Williams) Wall Clock
By popular demand! In two versions. This is the original, by Robert Williams (first seen in Coochy Cooty Men's Comics, now a religious icon.)

Wings of Slack (Paul Mavrides)Wall Clock
St. Palmer Vreedeez' modernized, computer-rendered homage to Robert Williams' treasured original masterpiece of time piece mastery.

*GIMCRACKS and GEEGAWS*

Tree of Life Poster

All Church philosophy in one image by Paul Mavrides & Ivan Stang. 30"x42" fine stock full color print from Psychedelic Solutions Gallery show. Drives belief system TO THE HILT.

Lucky DobbsFace Cloisonné Pin

Fancy 1" metal 3 color ENAMEL pin doubles as tie tack. Small, subtle, slick... like "Bob's" mafia chief and Masonic ringleader friends wear. Let them know that you KNOW... with taste, for once.

Burn in Hell with "Bob" Backpack
Start a fight with the guy standing in line behind you. Art by LeMur.

Magic Dobbshead Virus Transfigurator
Amazing computer accessory magically transforms harmful viruses, irritating spam into gold. Doubles as handy mousepad. Defies gravity -- can be used vertically, horizontally -- even upside down!

Mystic Ur-Dobbs Ikon Mousepad
A complex, fully bedotted Dobbshead resides compressed inside this simple, stripped-down image. But only you'll be the wiser! Mom will worry that you've joined a WORSE cult.

LICENSE to SLACK OFF License Plate Frame
Holy Hieroglyphic LICENSE TO SLACK OFF draws honks from people YOU'D NEVER THINK. "Power shell" wards off accidents, Acts of God; provides traffic violation impunity.

Dobbshead Lip Extender Disk (Stage 1)
Insert disk between toddler girl or boy's lip and gum, increasing size of disk by stages every 6 months until lip is fully extended. Popularized on the show "Ubangi SubGenius."

SubIkon Earlobe Ornament
Punch hole in earlobe with pencil or hole-punch; tie ribbon in hole. Apply alcohol.

Forbidden Science Teddy Bear
Works like a sextant of the Skor or aetheric ocean of all existence. Helps chart your way. Bear towards wherever Teddy points and you'll be fine. LeMurian Science Diagram.

Flying Death Disk of Dobbs
Why wait for X-Day? Based on the same Australian Aborigine magic used in the famous Death Bone Boomerang, this hex-laden weapon is sent towards foes by telekinetic levitation or hurling.

Scale Model Replica Xist Escape Saucer
Complete with fully operational miniature Sex Goddess. Designed by Dr. Howll Robins. Requires no batteries. ACTUALLY FLIES up to 7 light years depending on throwing strength.

Bobfish Back Armor
Motorists will be able to see the image from the road, but the armor will protect you from their bullets!

Creep-Repelling Briefcase
That creepy guy across from you on the subway will stop staring at you if you stare back at him while displaying this prominently.

Creep-Attracting Briefcase
You'll be the envy of all the creeps on the subway if you prominently display this baby.

Law-Be-Friendly Backpack
Cops love "Bob," and when they see you biking or hiking along with this, they'll give you no more than a friendly honk and maybe just the slightest cavity search.

Metro Bloat-Sac
You can hide those great big hot fresh eggs from those THINGS in here and they won't get all jostled about.

Dobbshead Fleece Vest
You'll be unfleece-able.

Sacred Logo Alien Abduction Atire
You'll be treated right by any probe-happy alien abductors, if you happen to get caught with your pants down in a close encounter of the rectal kind.

45 Dobbsheads Mousepad
Squash up to 45 small mice on this fine quality mouse-smashing pad. Washes easily with soap, warm water.

Drug Abuse Intervention Therapy Aid
Reminds the recovering addict not to start before breakfast. Can be swiveled to verticular position. Works as mousepad in emergencies. (Easy on Mousie's joints!)

Geography Teaching Aid
Teaches American History and Geography while it works. Almost completely silent; you'll hardly hear it at all.

Connie-Wheel Pet Bed, Hamster Mattress
This deep-padded sleeping cushion feels like Heaven when your furry little friend hunkers down on it at nighty-night time. Comfy also for pet guinea pigs, rats, gerbils, even mice.

Sacred Church Logo Mousepad
CHANNEL "BOB." Let "Bob" guide your mouse-hand. Let "Bob" dictate your every mouse click. You cannot go wrong with the Living Slack Master working your strings like a puppeteer.

"Flowering Slack" Inspirational Mousepad
If you meditate upon it long enough, it will begin to spin and draw you into a vortex of Time and Space that is Pure Slack.

"Garden of Eden" Marital Aid/Mousepad
Let the Orgozmonic Rays spew and wash over you. Also functions as Non-Absorbent Menstrual Pad, but not well.

Connie and "Bob" Intercourse Initiator
Trick spouse into using; prepare sex area, nail doors shut and wait.

Hidden Dobbshead Anti-Over-Eating Plate
Helps control urges associated with eating disorders. ("Bob" sees through plate, catches cheaters!) Doubles as Convex Back Scraper for the heavily warted. Flies.

Magic Flying Disc
A TOTAL MYSTERY. How can it be heavier than air, and yet float upon the air? Unknown on all ape planets.

Flying Porno Love Disc / Dog Water Bowl
Keep top up for Love; flip for Rover. Patented Drool Backwash Retrainers keep sloppiness to minimum.

"Bub" Brand Blind Flying Idiot Detector
Fling this randomly and it's sure to hit an idiot. Try not to get in its way yourself.

X-Day Commemorative Saucer Award
Don't let those who came before be forgotten. For those who remember. Who, they are.

Triple Your Money Back BBQ Apron
Didn't get the Eternal Salvation? Well, you can't say Dobbs ever welshed on a deal. Stang art goes with the flames of backyard barbeque -- or hellish underworld, depending on YOUR FATE.

Burn in hell BBQ Apron
Think how fiendish you'll look at the barbecue pit in this Lemurian design. "When the world goes up in flames, the SubGeniis will have the weenies."-- Bryan J. Maloney.

Blasted "Bob" White T-Shirt
An old favorite by young LeMur. Should draw all sorts of the wrong attention.

LeMur's Psych 11 White T-Shirt
The return of an old favorite, long out of print, now alive again and brain-hungry.

"Blasted "Bob" Long Sleeve T-Shirt
Lemurian Art expresses your inner You.

Psychience 11 Long Sleeve T-Shirt
Scientific Personality Detector on your chest. Back shows a rip in reality. Both by Lemur.

Lemurian Science Hex Sweatshirt
Forbidden Science, "for neither shit nor shlugginer."

*FOR THE KIDS*

Spider Baby Bib
Rev. Mike Duggins' insane Spider Dobbs will keep strangers from pestering your precious darling.

SubGenius Worship Bib
Hellswami Satellite Weaver's touching classic religious drawing will catch every drop of Baby's drool and spit-up.

"Trust" Bib
After feeding in this, Baby will enjoy the sweetest dreams come beddie-bye time. Collaged by Heart Ignition from traditional SubGenius Church Image Trademarks.

SubWorship Baby Doll T
Hellswami Hagen-Brenner's touching image will make people want to touch.

Scary Toddler Button-Up Hoodie
Keeps strangers and other suspicious characters away from your precious little bundle of joy.

*HOLIDAYS -- Seasonal, Limited*

We have hijacked the materials that Cafe Press hoards for the Pink holiday called "Xmas," and transfigured them into ceramic necklace medallions, baubles and rearview mirror danglers honoring OUR holiday, X-Day. Unfortunately, since X-day falls on July 5, you must buy your summer holiday SubGenius jewelry IN ADVANCE, during the human holiday season.

Connie Medallion
Worn on a silk cord, Connie's Graven Image will grant you sexual luck powers.

"Thing-o'-My-"Bob" ORNAMENT:
Thing of My "Bob" dangles ever towards the center of the Earth. That's how we know where gravity goes, by where "Bob's" Thing is pointing. It is THE plumb-bob upon which hang ALL gravitational laws.

*HEADGEAR*
Better protect what little you have left up there in the brainpan. There are RAYS that They don't tell you about. We line these hats with an element that We don't tell Them about. Wear one (or all) of these, and you'll be SURE that any voices you hear whispering inside your head are YOUR OWN. NOTE: Ski Caps are seasonal item -- available in Winter only.

You know where to put the cork.

Burn in Hell Cap for Cold Hell
Fernandinande LeMur's eternally burning Dobbshead will warm your forehead on those cold eternities. Should be good for starting conversations, up at the old convenience store in the meantime.

Dobbshead Head Enwraptor
NEW NEW End-o-Humanity Anti-Price:

Bobfish Noggin Drape
The secret sign used by our persecuted forebears to make fun of ancient persecuted Christians.

Sacred Logo Head Launching Cap
Rebel Yell ZOMBIE DISCOUNT!

The SubG Must Have This Slack-Cap
The SubGenius must have this "The SubG Must Have This Slack-Cap" Cap.

The Prairie Squid Hat
Get wanted attention at singles bars -- attracts the kind you like. Gutbustered and Devolved before they're brought to your table.

Bobfish Ski Cap
You'll gag when you smell this gag gift. OR IS IT?!?

Sacred Church Logo Action Headgear
Wear this hat, and you'll appear to constantly be flying through the air with a huge ball of flame exploding behind you, like in the movie trailers.

*UNDERTHINGS*

The SubGenius has always been attracted to the substratum, the underlying garments beneath the fabric of reality.
(Note: The thongs all have "Bob" for a butt.)

Dobbshead Gettin' Shorts
Provocative art by LeMur can be taken as a subtle suggestion, helps hide mess if suggestion is taken up, or not. Can't help those who can't help selves.

Get Blasted Thong
Early LeMur art promises a volcanic evening.

Suitability Testing Thong "Are you Right With "Bob"?"
DON'T MATE WITH A HUMAN! Using them for sex is okay, but do you really want part-human children? Let them go no further if they cannot answer this question.

Target thong
TARGET. Helps direct SubGeniuses to somewhere roughly near the right place. Graphics by LeMur using Funway BobCo fonts using SubHieroglyphs.

*DRINKWARE*

DRUGS TASTE BEST WITH "BOB." Whether it be coffee, fine imported teas, beer, grog, moonshine, hallucinogenic frog squeezin's, pills, or more coffee, when you're washing it down, you want to be looking at "Bob" or Connie. The art we've selected has been sterriblized for infinite stare-ability so that your medicinal fluids go straight to brain centers with opioid blankets of somnambulistic bliss -- like no other advertisement can. NOTE: MOST DRINKWARE HAS MATCHING TILE! (Sold Seperately) Also: MATCHING TILE "zoom-in" shows better detail of corresponding Mug or Stein art than do their "zoom-ins". See Art Tiles & Coasters.NOTE: BEER STEINS are a seasonal item, available only during Winter!

*ART TILES & CERAMIC COASTERS*
Almost every one of these gorgeous ceramic tiles goes with matching drinkware in the MUGS 'N DRUGS section. Or, just use them as coasters. Purchase in bulk and line the shower stall with them -- like a crazy person!

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs Mug Mug
If you urinate at ALL, you're SURE to be interested in THIS. Classic, high quality ceramic white coffee mug emblazoned with The True DobbsHead. Lifelike, gruesome.

True Dobbshead Tile
Go ahead. Buy 10,000 and line your house with them. You know you want to.

Garden of Eden Tile
So pretty that, much like the sun, it can injure the eyes if gazed upon squarely for too long. Hint: squint. Atom Funway art.

Sacred Church Logo Tile
Should be used to line every bathroom for higher Excremeditation. Stays ice-cold at all temperatures.

"Trust" Tile
For the elitist. Be anybody who's everybody and only follow the SMALL crowd.

Wheel-O-Connie Tile
Beyond "Bob," or, rather, within "Bob," at the HEART of "Bob," pulling his strings and writing his checks, is Connie. And this is the art of Heart Ignition.

Who's Your Daddy? Tile
Hey, just asking. Art by Heart Ignition.

Connie and "Bob" Grog-Stein
You should probably buy a marching pair of these. There are two different matching tile coasters.

"Bob" - Anti"Bob" Stein
Hangs onto your brain like a maddening jingle that WON'T GO AWAY!

Clip-Art Connie Stein
She lights up your life. Her and the beer anyway. IMBJR treatment of Funway Connie.

45 Dobbsheads Drug Tankard
Gives you PLENTY to muse upon as you glag down MORE and MORE and MORE. BACK TO SCHOOL SALE. Art by Heart Ignition.

Bobloop Stein
This is the way you'll feel after a couple. Art by Byron Werner.

45 Dobbsheads Frosted Mug
Imagine it with light shining through from behind... or inside!

Bobloop Stainless Steel Travel Mug
Spillproof, but sure not idiot-proof, or we'd be out of business.

Garden of Eden Stein
Eye-bleedingly fine Atom Funway art makes alcoholism fun.

Sacred Heiroglyphs Stein
Stang's Fave (also Stang's idea). Drawings by LIES, Hagen-Brenner, Hal Robins

Sacred Church Logo Alcohol Empowerer
Secret lining "tweaks" alcohol molecule, making it stronger, healthier.

Frosted Churchly Logo Mug
Banishes hate everywhere.

Logo Travel Mug
Bust cold's ass with heat! Or vice versa. Deradiates water, irradiates harmful chlorine.

The Stainless Steel SlackRat's Cannister
Hidden secret compartment beneath lid is perfect place for smuggling stolen dinosaur eggs, DNA.

Bent "Bob" Lemurian Drinkware
Fernandinande LeMur distorted this so that you could stare at it while distorted.

Bond2 Mug
If you put two of these drinking vessels side by side, and invoke the Dobbshead, the cups themselves will "unwind" and recombine just like the heads in the Lemur artwork.

CoPilot "Bob" Mug
Fernandinandinarian art in the Lemurian style.

SubGenius Astrological Science Drinking Device
You don't NEED a reason to spend your money. You didn't have a very good reason when you spent it on that CRAP and those TAXES. You threw it away. Throw it away HERE this time.

Blasted BobSlack DrugMug
Get blasted with "Bob" and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. An F. Lemur classic.

Bent "Bob" Drinkware
Get Bent with "Bob" and wear this on your head. After your head has shrunk to fit due to whatever you put into it using this fine quality Ware by LeMur.

PreScriptural Ritual Goblet
The medicine goes down much smoother this way, when you're in the Spirit. Photo is a tabletop miniature by Rev. Ivan Stang depicting "Bob's" Emaculation.

*UNUSUAL DRINKING VESSELS*

Stainless Steel HieroScience Cannister
The BobCo Font Hieroglyphics, arranged by Fernandinande LeMur in an advanced type of "hex," keep liquids warm for minutes longer than normal cheap non-hexed plastic mug.

LeMurStein #1
Scientific hex art on exterior keeps beer much colder; increases alcohol content in brain; lowers apparent alcohol level in breath and blood.

Copilot "Bob" Stein
With this stupefying artworm by Lemur crawling on its sides, this deep drug holder will help the process of making you stupid go much much faster, and with fewer side effects.

"Bob's" Cross-Eyed SlakStein
For just getting totally blitzed. Fucked up art by LeMur, and old favorite around Hierarchy households. For the elite outcast.

PreScripture Stein
Plow straight through crowded bars with this. Front art depicts the moment of "Bob's" Emaculation. By the time you reach the bottom you'll know sort of how he felt, minus the enlightenment.

Consciousness Test Large Mug
Stare at it. Don't stop. If it starts rotating, you're "clear."

Copilot "Bob" Large Mug
Sets the mood the the whole day. Art by LeMur.

Mystic Symbols Frosted Mug
Imagine the shadows this will throw, when bright-glowing radioactive Liquid Frop fills it. LeMur art.

*SUBGENIUS PROPAGANDA STICKERS: DRIVE YOUR HOMETOWN INSANE.* Send 'em to friends... leave 'em in bar restrooms... drop 'em out of planes!
Ouchless. Great for cars, boats, farm implements, band equipment, briefcases, bombs, doors of abandoned refrigerators... even your own face.

Lucky Dobbshead Sticker (Rectangular)
Think globular, act loco. Put "Bob's Beaming Presenceship EVERYWHERE.

SubGenius Logo Sticker
THIS'll set off their "cradar"! Better than nanosex.

SubGenius Bobfish Sticker
Be anybody who's everybody and only follow the SMALL crowd.

Sacred Church Logo Sticker (Rectangular)
Used since ancient times to repel or attract soul/sex vampires/partners.

Wings of Slack Sticker (Rectangular)
Rovel will flip over this one -- smells like salvation itself. For financial/spiritual luck.

Connie-Bobface Sticker (Rectangular)
Up "Bob" creek without a Connie? This is the RECTIFIER.

*POSTERS*

SUBGENIUS PROPAGANDA POSTERS: DRIVE YOUR ROOMATES, SPOUSE, KIDS, PARENTS INSANE! Line the dorm room, rumpus room or padded room with SUBGENIUS FINE ART blown up to outlandish size on high quality paper... so that you will not forget for ONE SECOND about the ONLY THING MORE IMPORTANT THAN "BOB" -- YOUR SLACK! On second thought, "Bob" comes first.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Posters that may be displayed sideways in this catalog for layout purposes can actually be turned so that they display right-side-up on your wall, doghouse or body.

Dobbshead GiantPoster
Relish for HOURS the Genius Ignorancy of "Bob"! Muse upon the MEANINGS of each Industrial Dot -- for each individual dot projects its own fathomless energy. LET DOBBS WATCH YOU BACK.

Lucky True Dobbshead Small Poster
7 out of 6 doctors prescribe for crippling indecision. Creates hallucinations if you stare at it long enough.

Connie BobFace Small Poster
You'll scream and scream and scream. Not for sissies.

Hagen-Brenner Dobbstown Large Poster
For the Differently Saned. It fairly screams, "BELIEVE ME OUT OF IT!" Try to guess who the big heads are.

45 Dobbsheads by HI - Large Poster
One of the most-stolen pieces of art in SubGeniusdom, this incredible tour-de-eslack by Heart Ignition took weeks to paint, and will take you months to comprehend.

"America After X-Day" Large Poster
For Revelation X, Philo Drummond & Ivan Stang aetherically downloaded the Word of Dobbs and, among other prophecies, scried this astounding map. Illustrated by Rev. Ken Pastore of Sosodada.

True Dobbshead Small Poster
Makes your enemies want to leave the room. Better than an aquarium full of Sea Monkeys.

Connie and "Bob" Poster
Grace your home with this, and you will have happiness forever -- the happiness of knowing that somewhere, "Bob" and Connie are having a great time... even if you are completely alone.

Sacred Church Logo Small Poster
SCARE GRANDPA WITH IT!

45 Dobbsheads Poster
Makes your enemies want to leave the room. Better than an aquarium full of Sea Monkeys.

The Pledge of the SubGenius Small Poster
Looks great, centered between your Doktorate of the Forbidden Sciences and All-Inclusive Excuse above the Sacrificial Altar.

LeMur SinDobbs SineWave Small Poster
King bull sulverback of alt.binaries.slack, Mr. Fernandinande LeMur, produced this simple but literally hypnotic variation on His Face and Dots.

*T-Shirts!*
You'll be able to sell these for thousands of dollars when the Tribulation Times come. But you won't -- you'll trade e'm for boxcars of food or Church Air. Dollars will be worthless -- but these shirts, sweats and jackets have DOBBSHEADS: tomorrow's replacement for money.

DOBBSWEAR

Sacred Church Logo White T-Shirt
Thousands of desperate men and women have lived and died for what this symbol stands for. YOU can help make that number rise into the millions with the mere purchase of this quality high tech voodoo..

"Bob" AntiBob shirt
White 100% cotton T. Elaborate original frame by Dr. Hal Robins. Color scheme illustrates scientific principle of Doppler effect -- blue as it approaches, red while receding.

+(USED above

DOBBSHEAD
ACQUIRE THE COURAGE TO KILL YOUR ENEMIES! Possesses its own weird vibes and PstenchAura. Repels bad luck, draws financial success and sex luck. No bullet can pierce this Ghost Garment.

C-Whupped T-Shirt Tall 200.png
This Heart Ignition revision of the classic Connie and "Bob" portrait will get you instant success in sex with the desired sex in singles bars, jazz clubs, pagan rituals, comics cons, etc.

clipart_connie_T-Shirt200.png
You can lick breast size issues with Connie brand Chest Perfecters.

Connie and "Bob" T-Shirt
The glory that is the Love between "Bob" and Connie shines through in this wonderful, Norman Rockwell-like portrait of normality so normal it's intensely, freakishly abnormal.

ConnieBobFaceT-Shirt-200.png
By the hecks of dammit, you'll love this. If you're odd. Disturbing even to normal *SubGeniuses,* not to mention normal Normals.

DobbstownHagenT-Shirt.png
As the Church is overrun with Pinks worshipping false idols, the True SubGenius flees for... where?

Garden-of-EdenT-Shirt-200.png
Atom Funway's beloved portrayal of Boys and Girls in their Original Slack.

PrairieSquid_T-Shirt-300.png
Show 'em you're no amateur when it comes to squid-farmin'. "Every Church has its pew." -- SubGenius Spice

SpiderDobbs T-Shirt-300 .png
"You gotta ask yourself: do you feel lucky? Well? Do you, Pink?" That's the question this garment asks of approaching panhandlers, Pinks and busybodies.

TRUST-8x-T.png
"Moral relativism is the One True Truth." -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Wheel-O-Connie_T-shirt.png
Famous alt.binaries.slack artist Heart Ignition gets to the heart of heat that keeps "Bob" a-mutatin' and holds him to his eternal orbit.

KIDS:
Spider-Dobbs Kids T-Shirt
Hideous! And kids love hideous crap.

Dobbshead Kids Shirt
Allows your kid to easily fend off, beat up all bullies.

Dobbshead Infant/Toddler T-Shirt
TOO WEIRD when applied to infants. Gramps and Gramma will go nuts. They'll LOVE it!

Prairie SKwids T-Shirt
Hey, kids! Join the Prairie Squid Farmers' Club! Don't tell Mom and Dad what it REALLY means.

SubWorship Kids T-Shirt
The teachers will have LOTS of questions the first day your tyke wears this to kindergarden.

"Bob" Bib
The Living Slack master is also the Greatest Drool Catcher. And -- he LOVES it!

"Bub" Bib
"Bub" and Baby babble bulldada.

Wheel o' Connie Fropper's Jersey
NOT FOR KIDS! That's why they'll want it.

All-Star Slacker's Uniform
This is what all the Slackest teens do their Slacking off in.

FLEECE PULLOVERS, JACKETS

Burn in Hell w/ "Bob" Fleece Pullover
LeMur's art design makes for a nice conversation starter down at the diner or liquor store.

Confrontational Asshole Jacket
Tells everyone you meet they'll burn for eternity. LeMur art.

POSTCARDS:

Howdy from Dobbstown Postcards (8)
Even if you're still just a $1 Whizmaster, one of these mailed from Malaysia will convince the family that you've gone totally over the edge! Photo by Stang.

2nd Pattern Postcard
Nitrous-style background makes brain feel washed in liquid Slack. Art by Stang.

bd_Bond2 Postcard
Romantic! In some screwy way.

As "Bob" is My Copilot Postcard
Fly the friendly skies. Art by F. LeMur

bd_AerialBobPostcard
Dobbs rips his way through the earth and out the other side... of YOU.

bd_Bent1 Postcard
"Bob's" Bent and you will be too, after suficient exposure to his Word and this LeMur art.
.
Burn in Hell Postcard
Let distant family members, friends know how you feel about them. Works perfectly well for enemies, too. LeMur art.

Are You RIGHT w/ "Bob"? -- 8 Postcards
(bd_dobbs30)
The external question.

"Bob" Dobbs Head HeadCards (Pack of 8)
A subtle hint for beloved ones near and far. Wouldn't you love to find this romantic card on the pillow some night.

bd_SinBob02 Postcard
God knows the DOTS of "Bob" are maddeningly psychedelic unto themselves, but... THIS!! Fernandinandinarian/Lemurian Variation.

BobHell_Postcard
EarthFirstPostcard
Froptruck Postcard
Praying BobPostcard
Presc7-Postcard
Saucerland Postcard
Smite-Him_Postcard
True Pipe Postcard
X-Day Morn Postcard
X-Day Postcard

"Like the Jehovah's Witness WATCHTOWER artists on acid." -- that same old nobodyThis calendar tells the inspiring story of X-Day, in beautifully printed high-resolution paintings -- well, Bryce-Poser computer models. But they're beautifully printed.

Rev. Stang's 2003 SubGenius Calendar
Rev. Ivan Stang's computer painstakingly rendered out all his 3D computer art at huge sizes, the machine betting that someday precisely this sort of use for Stang's pictures would come along. Ignore months after July.

*JEWELRY and OrnaMentality*

SlackBlasted Badge of Courage
Follow where "Bob" leads. Art by LeMur.

3rd Fist Ornament
Stang art commemorating the day "Bob" beat up a bunch of spaceships.

Bent "Bob" Desk Doohicky
Just leave it sitting on your desk, and stare at it a lot. Can also be worn. Ancient pic by F. LeMur.

Princess Wei X-Day Tree Ornament
Adorn your Xday Tree with the Queen of ALL the UFOs, Princess Wei "R." Doe.

Chocolate Triceratops Necklace Pendant
The pictured 10-Headed Triceratops of the Apocalypse is chocolate, not the necklace itself. Art by Stang.

X-Day Clean-Up Commemorative
The fate of all the Unsaved and the Pink is depicted in this prophetic painting by Rev. Ivan Stang.

Bent "Bob" Dog Tag
LeMurian craftsmanship makes this dog tag stand out.

X-Day -- The Final Bauble
Every SubGenius dreams of this day. Mural on Dobbstown wall, by Ivan Stang.

X-Day Morn Charm
On our holiday, all the Normals get a present... from outer space! The sweet vengeance of X-Day as foreseen by "Bob" (art by Stang).

X-Day Good Luck Piece
Keep this close to your heart, next to your Ordainment Card, and on the Day of Rupture, you will be taken up to the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses.

LeMur Psych 11 Magic Science Tile
Gaze into this mandala for ALL the answers. No time limit.

Blasted "Bob" Anti Drug-Education Plaque
Does "Bob" smoke the Pipe, or does the Pipe smoke "Bob"? The eternal question, unanswered by LeMur.

Bent "Bob" by LeMur Tile Coaster
Pinwheels of Slack ... actually, an artist's conception of the mysterious Bobyon subatomic particle.

R U RITE w/ "BOB" Interrogation Rm Tile
As soon as the Revolution comes, we can use these to line the rooms in which we interrogate the Normals we capture.

Sin-"Bob" Op Art Lemurian Dobbshead
Every full moon, "Bob's" dots change. From F. LeMur in the SubGenius Office of Op Ops.

Triple Your Money Back Tile
Although Rev. Stang made most of this tabletop model set-up, and photographed it, the actual face part of Dobbs was painted in by Nenslo, during a live sitting.

Earth First
The idea of writing a message on the planet in forest fires came from Popess Lilith and/or Nenslo, but the use of the slogan is Rev. Stang's, as are these particular forest fires.

Praying "Bob" Tile
You know, once X-Day finally happens, these old prophetic tiles will be worth a fortune. Only, money will be a joke. These will be worth a fortune in OTHER BULLDADA.

Prescriptures Tile
Part of a series by Stang depicting "Bob's" Emaculation. Stang is envious of the lurid artwork created by Jehovah's Witnesses and Hare Krishnas, and these are his attempts to catch up.

Saucer Landing Tile
Rev. Ivan Stang spent hours sculpting these tiny resin models, painting them, lighting them, suspending the flying objects, and then photographing and photoshopping the final picture.

"Smite Them" by Stang
A stylized X-Day scene, reminiscent of a similar moment in the George Pal movie version of "The War of the Worlds." The Dobbshead tripods are of course based on the H.G. Wells original.

"The True Pipe" by Stang - Trading Tile
The Book of Revelation has nothing on Revelation X, which predicts the Queen of ALL the UFOs riding triumphant astride a 10-Headed Chocolate Triceratops into the ruins of Cleveland.

"X-Day Morn" Trading Tile
Mix, match and trade the whole series with all your friends! There are 143 trading tiles in all. This is #142. Miniature diorama by Ivan Stang.

"X-Day-Final" Trading Tile
The last of the series of 143 X-Day theme trading tiles. You are a loser unles you have them ALL.

Princess Wei Trading Tile
Trading Tile #1 of a new series of 100 trading tiles devoted solely to calendar style photos of Princess Wei "R." Doe, Queen of ALL the UFOs. This one is by ardent admirer Rev. Ivan Stang.

"Earth First" Postcards (8)
The promise of X-Day is presented with an ecological theme in this Ivan Stang matte painting. Popess Lilith first had the idea of "earthwriting" in forest fires.

Triple Your Money Back Postcards (8)
When the faithles say, "Well, what happens if you die and "Bob" DOESN'T get you the Eternal Salvation, huh??", well, you just show them this. (Nenslo painted the face on Stang's models.)

Frop Fields of Dobbstown Postcards (8)
The light happened to be JUST RIGHT when Rev. Stang snapped this shot of a Habafropzipulops harvest outside of Dobbstown. Note Tibetan Holy Man graves, used as fertilizer.

Praying "Bob" Postcards (8)
Artist's Hint #3: The SubGenius Foundation has tried to create a computer simulated Dobbs. Because he still looks imperfect, he is generally posed with his face turned away or silhouetted.

Saucer Landing 7 AM X-Day Postcard (8)
One of Stang's first X-Day tabletop model dioramas, using painted clay figurines and pie pans. Careful lighting hides the fishing wire which suspends the rather heavy models.

X-Day Final Postcard (8/pack)
A reprint of an X-Day postcard that was popular in the '30s following the "War of the Worlds" radio hoax. This painting by Ivan Stang was based loosely on H.G. Wells as well as Dobbs.

R U RITE w/ "BOB"? T-Shirt
Shiny, jolly, candy-like, the question posed on this LeMur shirt invites the person approaching you to answer, "YES! I AM right with "Bob"? What do I have that I can GIVE you, right now?"

LeMur "BOND 2" T-Shirt
You should probably get two of these, one for your friend, so, you'll, you know, LOOK right when your heads start doing this. An F. LeMur mutation of some dead guy's clip art.

Female hard-on -- throbbing pink veiner

BOOKS:

"You'll pay for a subscription to what you really think."

, or killfile me.

GOD is MAD AS HELL, and He is NOT going to take it any more. GOD, is FED UP. WE, however, are satisfied as hell, and apparently WILL take it, ever more.

Back to document index

Original file name: CafePress SubGenius Blurbs.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44