Subject: Big Thanksful Meat

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Nov 28, 2002 1:08 PM

There will be like 50 hippies, old and young, in my house all day,
stuffing their faces. The Chameleon Club, the core group that organizes
Starwood and stuff, some of them long-time SubGenii, well, for 20 years
now they've had this HUGE ALL-WEEKEND PARTY at Joe's house, but Joe had
to work today so the hippies are all bringing their food to MY house.
Princess Wei and I made the downstairs look like heaven, and in about
one hour, it is going to look like Hell again but will SMELL GREAT what
with all the food overpowering the hippie smell. The plateful of
hand-killed dead mice should go over great -- it's my "Piece de
Resistance."

Tomorrow the party moves back to Joe's. WHEW.

Okay... the doorbell's ringing... I'M GOING IN.... if I don't come out,
TELL "BOB" I LOVED HIM.

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Subject: Re: Big Thanksful Meat
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
<snip>
> The plateful of hand-killed dead mice should go over great -- it's my "Piece de
> Resistance."
<snip>

As tasty as the mice might be, I urge you not to eat them.
Instead, you should preserve them, preferably in an artistic
way: http://www.koerperwelten.com/en/neue_plast.htm

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Subject: Re: Big Thanksful Meat
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <281120021308098710%stang@subgenius.com>, Rev. Ivan Stang
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

> Okay... the doorbell's ringing... I'M GOING IN.... if I don't come out,
> TELL "BOB" I LOVED HIM.

I'm gonna miss you, Dad. Hope you don't get too abused, what with the
broken whipped cream dispensers and all that.

"Yes that's what I said. Unassailable Rectitude."
-- Nenslo

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Subject: Re: Big Thanksful Meat
From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Oh craaap! I went over to my cow orkers place for Thanksgiving only to
find that they put the turkey ON at 4 pm. Twas about 9 that we ate, and
twas over on the other side of town, the side that is dark when this one
is light. Thus through poor planning I could not make the bash, also
because, Bob frig it, I hadda actually show my ass up at work Friday.
Work is shure messing with my Slack, but fortunately I'll be able to
retire soon. I hope it was a good bash. Still want to share Mulholland
Drive with you and the Princess if you can make it.

I can also tell you a couple of stories about MICE. Yes, perhaps when
you moved to Cleveland, they forgot to clue you in on the natural
wonders of Ohio. First of all, there are ants, both the black ones you
can saddle and ride, and the little ones that look like a wave of sand
particles. Then there are those things that sit in the trees and buzz
all August long and drop their creepy looking exoskeletons. And the
little silk worms that invade the oak trees and cover everything with
webs.

But best of all are the mice. Mighty mice, as you will find. You can
only hope to ever see one percent of them. For every one you actually
see and kill, you should know there are 99 more where they came from.
99 more with a whole lot more sense than that one that ran out amongst
the humans.

I recommend you get some green Dcon and roll it up in little balls with
peanut butter. Keep putting out like a half jar of PB daily, until,
weeks later, the previous day's allotment hasn't been touched. Then you
know you are ahead of the game.

But...you will then be finding uneaten Dcon all over the place years
later.

Like I said, Mighty Mice. The Xists may one day torch this planet, but
as long as there is a trace of Cleveland, I'm sure there will still be
mice and ants living here in the carbonized remains of these houses.
They own the land, we just coexist temporarily.

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Subject: Re: Big Thanksful Meat
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Well, I exaggerated, there were only 20 hippies, not 40 or 50. It did
SEEM like 40 or 50. None of the women took their shirts off or
anything. There were FIVE turkeys. About 9 they all moved next door to
where the keg is. The party stays there the rest of the weekend. It's
perfect, I can go next door for a raucous hippie party but it won't
leak back over into my house for the rest of the weekend, except for
the Druids in the guest room.

I can't believe those bastards would WORK the day after Thanksgiving.
Care they nothing for GOD?!?!?

> I can also tell you a couple of stories about MICE. Yes, perhaps when
> you moved to Cleveland, they forgot to clue you in on the natural
> wonders of Ohio. First of all, there are ants, both the black ones you
> can saddle and ride, and the little ones that look like a wave of sand
> particles. Then there are those things that sit in the trees and buzz
> all August long and drop their creepy looking exoskeletons. And the
> little silk worms that invade the oak trees and cover everything with
> webs.

Give me a break. I'm from Texas, remember?

There are NO BUGS in Ohio compared to Texas. I should say, rather, that
your bugs, though plentiful, are so tiny as to be hardly noticeable.
The mouse I slew here was no bigger than my thumb. What crawled out of
my toilet in Dallas was as large as a cat and had to be killed with a
plumber's wrench. Your cicadas are like pillbugs to me. Ours are like
buzzards. Our spiders are part scorpion and our scorpions are part
rattlesnake, and our rattlers are part dinosaur. Your rabbits are small
and have ni horns; your lizards are skinny and likewise hornless; also
hornless are your toads. Your Gila Monsters are like Gila Bunnies. Silk
worms. Hah. Your foolish silkworms are no match for our napalm wasps.

Your skunk population is respectable because it is huge and
all-pervading. But the rest of your varmints are pathetic little
things. To me this is an easy land of gentle breezes, mild temperatures
and sweet rain. The white stuff that comes from the sky is like magical
fairy dust to me.

> Like I said, Mighty Mice. The Xists may one day torch this planet, but
> as long as there is a trace of Cleveland, I'm sure there will still be
> mice and ants living here in the carbonized remains of these houses.
> They own the land, we just coexist temporarily.

That's what the dinosaurs were saying about those pesky little
shrew-like pre-primates, just before the Xist school picnic arrived.

Well, it's open house next door all weekend. If you walk in and there's
a nice schoolmarm who screams when she sees you, that's the wrong
house. If you see the giant hippie that makes you look like a starving
midget by comparison, that's the right house.

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Original file name: Big Thanksful Meat - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44