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Illustration by Rev. Ignatz Topolino
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EXCITING NEW "DO IT YOURSELF" FORMAT
Welcome to the As-It-Happens Issue. I, your editor, Rev. Ivan Stang, was unexpectedly called away to the secret Stang Ranch in Texas due to an illness in the family. Under these unusual circumstances I nonetheless put this long delayed STARK FIST ENCYCLOPEDIA online LARGELY UNEDITED. That is, the feature articles and responses, mostly archived from the alt.slack newsgroup, had only partially been chopped down, censored, or otherwise cleaned up. We included downloadable zipped collections of the various text files so that anyone who wanted to help trim this amazing material down could do so. REV. JARTO immediately did all but 5 sections; those have been finished by HELLPOPE HUEY and Rev. CARDBOARD BOX.
I, Stang, now returned from X-Day 6 (DARN IT!!), have uploaded the revise articles -- but the simple INDEX PAGES for each section remain SOMEWHAT UNREFINED! I now have to leave for Starwood, and I also have to tweak up the new 6XDay section! BUT -- what remains to be done here -- the index pages clickable below -- COULD EASILY BE DONE BY ANY SUBGENIUS. You don't even have to know HTML, to speak of. (I don't, to speak of.) Just save the index pages "AS SOURCE" (or "AS HTML") and take a look at it. Unless you're the extra-slow kind of SubGenius, you'll instantly see how HTML works and how childishly easy the code is to understand. You can can then re-arrange, retitle and credit all the articles. You can even set it up so that your favorites, starring YOU, are all at the top, in huge headlines! Email finished HTML to I, STANG (stang@subgenius.com) for a truly UNIQUE REWARD. I will attempt to continue to tweak the material myself as time allows.
(Bookmark this page! Return links from the sub-section indexes below might not be installed yet.)
From the Unusual Gaggle of Idiot Savants at alt.slack (culled by Stang, edited by Rev. Jarto, Hellpope Huey (+ Rev. Cardboard Box)):
INFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS: Dear SubGenius _______
Building up to and throughout the war, alt.slack was like a beehive. Not everybody agreed. Imagine that.
WAR -- Before
WAR -- During
Photo of "Bob"-tized Saddam mural, right, is NOT RETOUCHED. The photo came from a collection of news photos from the war. (See details.) Dunno why the beard was added, but that's a Dobbs Pipe if ever there was one. Some SubSoldier evidently saw the obvious comparison between Saddam and Dobbs, both huge scary heads that everyone is looking for, but no one can locate. The Wizard of Oz also fits into this category.
SubGenius Responses to the Human's Other "News"
SLACK-OFF SECTION: Movies-Books-Music-Breakfast Cereals
Forbidden Science
Health and Medicine
Sex
Stang Reports 2002
Stang Reports 2003
New Products (including DVDs!)
The Devivals of 2002
2003 Devivals
Church History Nuggets
Obituaries
4-Fisted Tales of "Bob", EpicPoems
Truly Miscellaneous from Alt.Slack -- a Cross Section
Legume Art Antics
The SubGenius Kooks Gallery (restricted access - no kooks allowed - trusted friends may want to email for details)
IF YOU WANT TO HELP:
TEXT_EDITING_INSTRUCTIONS
NEW GRAPHICS: ART MINES TUNNEL 19
6 Months of the Best of the Most Altered from Alt.Binaries.Slack
Including hideous WAR section
ULTIMATE PROOF that SLACK ABUSE provokes the SPAZZEST in COMPUTER GRAPHICS
LeMur, IMBJR, Heart Ignition, Espira. All Yr Faves • Guaranteed Breathtakingly Obsessive • Includes new False Dobbsheads Stash
Don't panic, Old SUbSITE is still there. We WILL be gradually removing chunks of it from the Web, staring with the older devival photos and art mines sections. But if you're concerned about missing one of the 9,000 files, you can now BUY Old SubSITE on CD-Rom.
ADULTS ONLY: earn the Church $ per click by checking out these two SPECIALTY PORN SITES:
XXXSPACEGIRLS.COM
and WWW.HORRORSEX.COM
DO YOUR PART FOR DECENCY! KEEP THIS SICK PORNO BANNER OFF OUR HOLY RELIGIOUS WEBSITE for only $100/month! Or rent your own ad space to replace it. Write to jesus@subgenius.com for details.