From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Oct 15, 2002
I've been bored lately so I decided that I need a new hobby. I don't have any experience at stalking, but I've recently started parcticing. I started out with inanimate objects, like the footstool in the livingroom, and once I felt at ease with that I moved on to practice stalking my dog. Thing is, he's always too happy to see me and just wants to play.
Anyway, once I get my stalking chops together I'm going to have to decide who to stalk. Candidates that I've already rejected include:
Stang. He's too busy with other stalkers. Not to mention that he's way beyond my level of experience.
Legume. Eh, I'm sort of ambivilant about bald guys that carry big sharp knives.
nenslo. He'd probably wind up stalking ME.
Then there's the women I've scratched off my list:
iDRMRSR. A distinct possibility, but I think at this stage I might get stalking him confused with chubby chasing.
Alliekatt. No, she's an Irishwoman from what I gather, and with a pint or two in her, she'd just talk my ear off.
Rev Magdalen. HOLY MOTHER/WIFE OF JESUS! Nuf said.
So I'm at a loss now. Whom should I become psychotically obcessed with?
Thanks in advance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
I just got a video capture card and have been futzing with it for a week now. So I'm right out. Once I get the damn thing working I WILL be the king of the vampires.
--
"Men are so frustrating. I have to keep
telling them what I want them to do ALL
DAY, and they NEVER get it right."
--actual conversation between
two women, overheard as I was
assisting the complainer to do
something she could have done
herself...(sizzle)
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From: <banner> spice </banner> <SGSpice@safe-mail.net>
From <3dabc306$1_6@Usenet.com>, Dr. Artemia Salina extrapolated....
>Anyway, once I get my stalking chops together I'm
going
>to have to decide who to stalk.
stalking as in following someone around and being creepy,
or stalking as in rubbing your eye-stalks all over
them?
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From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)
>So I'm at a loss now. Whom should I become psychotically
obcessed
>with?
Annie Sprinkle
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
"You remind Me a Song I can't name, in time I don't
remember, in a place I
don't think I've ever been to."
Grampa Simpson
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From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
>iDRMRSR. A distinct possibility, but I think at
this
>stage I might get stalking him confused with chubby
chasing.
Chubby chasing has ALREADY been attempted. You have no idea how many of them I have to shake off in public places. Guys in elevators that ask me, if I don't mind saying, exactly how much I weigh. Creaming themselves when they find out.
Too bad I'm not Italian, or I could get a part on the Sopranos.
But I guess I don't mind the chasing. It's the WHALE RIDERS that I fear the most:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/n_o_day.html
[*]----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Klyf Fenderson <blargh3@yahoo.com>
Artemia Salina hired a bunch of monkeys to write Shakespeare, but instead, they came up with this:
> So I'm at a loss now. Whom should I become psychotically
obcessed
> with?
Me, of course.
Like there's really any other option.
--
Rev. Klyf 'Not Max Cannon' S<=>=-M257 the Not-Quite-Sane
Fenderson
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ERROR: This signature exceeds the widely accepted limit
of 4 lines.
Please consider shortening your signature. Otherwise,
you will probably
annoy your readers.
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From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>
you could always stalk that Artemia Salina person. let us know how it goes.
nikolai
---
watching letterman and listening to el queso. heh heh
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com> wrote:
> Anyway, once I get my stalking chops together I'm
going
> to have to decide who to stalk. Candidates that
I've already
> rejected include:
>
> Stang. He's too busy with other stalkers. Not to
mention
> that he's way beyond my level of experience.
COME ON. All Stang's "stalkers" are pussies. Even when he pissed off the White Supremacists and they made noises about pulling a Berg on him, he didn't get ONE stalker out of that bunch. Besides, he likes baiting stalkers--it's his #1 way of venting his spleen! You don't want to deprive a man of his HOBBY, do you?
> Legume. Eh, I'm sort of ambivilant about bald guys
that
> carry big sharp knives.
You should be more worried about his lawnmower.
> nenslo. He'd probably wind up stalking ME.
Or he'd just dump a 55-gallon barrel of bile on you.
> Then there's the women I've scratched off my list:
>
> iDRMRSR. A distinct possibility, but I think at
this
> stage I might get stalking him confused with chubby
chasing.
Plus the fact that he's utterly male, and not even transgendered.
> Alliekatt. No, she's an Irishwoman from what I
gather, and with
> a pint or two in her, she'd just talk my ear off.
Or pound you into the sand. Either way.
> Rev Magdalen. HOLY MOTHER/WIFE OF JESUS! Nuf said.
On the other hand, just think about how bright her Halloween would be if some weird guy started showing up at odd places to stare at her.
> So I'm at a loss now. Whom should I become psychotically
obcessed
> with?
Here's the crux of your problem: You're attempting to be RATIONAL about this. A successful stalker does not let rationality hamper him/her; in fact, rationality generally doesn't EXIST for a good stalker, kind of the way that common sense doesn't exist for Dubya.
It'd help if you got really obsessed about some random, preferrably non-existent, quality of a person, and then chase after a random person who has that quality.
Come back when you're ready to follow a person for no good reason at all.
Her Ladyship Lilith
--
--=8=-- \m/ --=8=-- http://lilith.foolspress.com/
--=8=-- \m/ --=8=--
When I lick myself, it's usually just a little reward
for a job well done.
-- Joe Cosby
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From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)
I agree with this post.
Try stalking the color blue. Or the number eleven. Or the concept of giddiness.
I myself prefer to stalk the dead because they squish so when you catch 'em.
--
Outdolence: The act of giving or distributing indolence
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
> Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>>Come back when you're ready to follow a person
for no good reason at
>>all.
It's funny you should say that. I once wrote off to Rev. Mag asking for a price break on the $30 Church membership, and she said exactly the same thing to me.
> I agree with this post.
>
> Try stalking the color blue. Or the number eleven.
Or the concept of
> giddiness.
>
> I myself prefer to stalk the dead because they
squish so when you catch
> 'em.
I dunno, I kinda fancy Legume's lawnmower right now.
Well anyway, I appreciate everyone's help on this. I've gone ahead and bought a pair of bib overalls and a rusty steak knife, so I'm just about all geared up. Anyone know where I can buy a bombed out '82 Pontiac Le Baron Station Wagon that's filled to the dash board with fast food wrappers and empty soda cups?
Original file name: Who (or Whom) Should.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40
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