Subject: Urban legend poll

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Feb 11, 2003

What is your favorite urban legend that you've actually been told by someone? I have 2. The kid that drank Coke with Pop-rocks and died, and that Chuck Norris had killed Bruce Lee by pulling his heart out of his mouth. A kid actually told me this one in grade school. It was my favorite of about 4 "how Bruce died" myths.

Cheers,
Queso

P.S. One man, one vote is another fave.
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From: "Ned Wreck" <NedWreck@usenetserver.com>

I like the one where the guy straps the JATO bottle to his chevy and impacts a cliff 100' up after firing it up. That and the one about the Federal Reserve being a branch of the Guv'ment.

Ned

--
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!!! HTTP://WWW.SubGenius.com
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Hard call:

1) If you swallow bubble gum, you'll blow bubbles out your bum.

2) Every bit of black pepper you have ever eaten is still in your stomach.

3) Men can only ejaculate about 50 times total before they are empty. Eek!

4) A women's hymen is what separates her vagina from her rectum.

5) It's important to vote.

--
Rev. nu-monet
High Priest

Church of Kali (Reformed)
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From: "Leonard the Committed" <ccssk@-REMOVETHIS-chartermi.net>

This is'nt my favorite, but I've heard a number of artists names in various places throughout the country:

"Did you hear what happened when Rod Stewart was in town? He had to have cum pumped out of his stomach from all the guy's he blew"
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From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

The one that I like best is the grrl that jilled off with a lobster infected with tiny shrimp and then blew up when they all hatched inside.

Also the little black kid that got molested in the shopping mall men's room and how local government is trying to cover the story up so that sales aren't affected.

And the guy that wakes up in the bathtub of the hotel, in a tub full of ice, with a note pinned to him that he just had his kidney stolen and he should rush to the hospital but would be fine after some quick treatment in the ER.

[*]
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From: "Blackout" <blackout@404subgenius.com>

you sick motherfucker, her name was SUSAN DELUCCI! if you look back in the archives you'll find some posts I made asking an obnoxious discordian woman what the PH level of her cooch was because I was looking for a suitable vessel for the mudshrimp project and didn't want to "waste good eggs".

Anyways here's the whole deal again, knock yerself out.

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.

The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian-XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.

The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes.

You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
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From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Oh I forgot the most important one, the Samoan boy with a colon full of stuff placed there by Stang. Or was it Nenslo.

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Original file name: Urban legend poll.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40