Subject: Sure, he's the Son'O'God and all but is he funny?

From: Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002

Last night I dreamed I was the joke writer for Jesus. He opened in Vegas that night and so far all I had was "hey you folks enjoying the bread rolls? Oh yeah eat me baby eat me.." He was threatening to damn me to hell on the spot unless I came up with some material suited to "the comedy stylings of Mr. Jesus H. Christ" as he kept reffering to himself in a fake announcer voice while wiping blood off his palms. I realise all this means I am deeply disturbed but that's old news, what's really bothering me is I still can't come up with any good jokes for the Saviour/Zombie. Any help on this?
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From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

You might try a submission to

http://www.slowwave.com/

They do dream-inspired comics. Very funny stuff.

--
"I used to not like my mole. But I think once
I lived with it and accepted it, I think that
helped me accept myself."
-- Cindy Crawford
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

I don't know about you, but MY Jesus is funny. He likes to shake people's hands and then slip a finger through his stigmata to tickle their palms.

Her Ladyship Lilith
--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com> wrote:

> I am deeply disturbed but that's old news, what's really bothering me is I
> still can't come up with any good jokes for the Saviour/Zombie. Any help on
> this?

Jesus and Satan decided one day to see which was the best computer programmer. (Don't ask.) So they decided to have a timed contest with God as the referee. They had one day to come up with a killer app. They both got to work and were coding at a furious pace. In the last five minutes they were nearly done when--POOF!--there's a power surge, and both computers lose power. Satan panics, and sure enough, when the computer comes back up, there's no sign of his code. But Jesus manages to compile and run his program at the last possible moment. Satan is furious and screams, "He cheated! How could he possibly have done that?!?" God smiles and says...

"Jesus saves."

You may now make rude noises.
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From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@safe-mail.netnoise>

A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes by and asks if he's O.K.

The drunk replies by asking, "Do you know who I am?"

The stranger says "No. Who are you?"

The drunk proudly says "I'm Jesus Christ...and I can prove it! Come with me!"

They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?"

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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Original file name: Sure, he's the Son'O.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40