Subject: Re: I have an urgent question

From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, May 1, 2002

Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com> wrote:

> But now I'm hearing this is all just a joke?

Oh, SURE--Eternal Salvation, what a joke! Slack in abundance--what a laugh! Conspiracies to make you normal--HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Having your face peeled off to feed the ravenous needs of Elder Gods for your suffering--how hilarous can it get?!?

Wait. That last one WAS kinda funny.

CAN YOU BE SO SURE it's "all just a joke"?!? No? Then SEND IN YOUR $30 TODAY!

PS: Yes, "Bob" will let you eat ALL the bacon you want.

Her Ladyship Lilith
--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/
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From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

Or it's the other way around, I forget.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
IF YOU WERE BORN AFTER TODAY'S DATE IN 1981, YOU CANNOT BUY ALCHOHOL
IF YOU WERE BORN AFTER TODAY'S DATE IN 1984, YOU CANNOT BUY CIGARETTES
IF YOU WERE BORN AFTER TODAY'S DATE, YOU CANNOT BUY ANYTHING.
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From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@safe-mail.netnoise>

i've got a can o' "Bob" grease in my freezer.

--
"Two wrongs may not make a right but a few dozen maybes can make a really."
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From: Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com>

Damn, is THAT why my Bob is so squeaky? How often should I grease him?
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From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@safe-mail.netnoise>

you should definitely grease his palms frequently.
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com> wrote:

> Why is it every time I hear the phrase "Elder Gods" I picture Granny from
> the Beverly Hillbillies totin' a lightning bolt? It could be worse though
> I used to picture her naked and with an enema bag.

OK, picture her naked, with an enema bag, hundreds of slimy tentacles where her crotch should be, black insectoid eyes, a palp for a mouth sucking up the disemboweled intestines of Jethro, and a stench that'd make the French pass out. That's not quite an Elder God--more like one of their MINIONS--but it might give you a better idea of the HORROR.

Her Ladyship Lilith
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com> wrote:

> Holy crap you knew my mom?

I knew her biblically, son, and I have the scars to prove it. Why did you think I had to change my sex anyhow?
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From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

You forgot to mention the debeaked praire squid and the face-fucking bats.

Again.

---
Reverend DJ Epoch
"Objects in mirror don't give a damned HOW close they are!"
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Damn it, that was going to be a SURPRISE. You should see the look on a new minister's face when you hand them a vial of face-fucking bat sperm antidote pudding and a debeaking tool and say, "You'll need these, trust me." Why, it makes the whole ordeal worthwile.

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Original file name: Re- I have an urgent.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40