From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Feb 6, 2003
Which kind of makes me feel like the Christopher Walken character "Gabriel" in the 'Prophecy' movies(*). Am I supposed to rebel against heaven(**) now?
(*) no, not the one with the mutant bear.
(**) or something. Do I get any followers?
--
"A stupid movie WILL NOT make you turn
down a blowjob. Simple as that."
-- nu-monet
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From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>
I love the part where the mutant bear smashes the guy
in a sleeping bag
into the tree. SPLAT!
Queso
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From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>
I love the part where he snatches up that old indian and rips him apart!
"K'taden!"
--
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi
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From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
>(**) or something. Do I get any followers?
never follow a man with two footnotes for four lines of text.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
Love and a .45 will get you further than love alone
- Al Capone
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
> never follow a man with two footnotes for
> four lines of text.
Well, FINE! I don't wan't followers who think I'm a
mutant bear EITHER. What the hell would they be good
for, anyway, giving me offerings of salmonberries and
honey?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
Take, and eat these salmonberries ... for this is my blood.
Take, and eat these leaves ... for this is my body.
Now we must all go roll in the dirt. Amen.
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From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infi.net>
"MUUU-TANT BEAR, SOOO-PERSTAR..."
Paul E. Jamison
--
"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett
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From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
You keep asking him theological and hypothetical questions.
He wants to answer questions about peoples' love lives
and office conundrums and delicate points of etiquette
and stuff like that. Just forget He's Jesus Christ
and pretend He's Dear Abby, only not Pink.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Like how are the kittens?
And, as far as "hypotheticals" go, why should I ask Jesus if I should wear the blue socks or the brown socks today? Six dozen of one, half of the other. So I make a choice that influences nothing, changes nothing, big deal. Why ask Jesus?
How about questions that are more tangible? Major directional changes, not petty nonsense or cosmological? Should I become a Marine drill sergeant or a ballet dancer type questions.
But even those are only little ripples in the pond in the lives of "everyone." If you want to get some advice on how to make a big splash--yet not something overtly good or evil--you pretty well have to shoot for leveraged neutrality, i.e. "Money."
Why not something overtly good or evil? Because that has a tendency to transcend the self, to become larger than life. It stops being a product of "Me" and becomes mythological. And this is a question from a mere mortal to a god or god by-product, not from a god to another god.
So that's why I gave Jesus a "money question", where I presented some rather deep and abiding possibilities, which could tilt either way, towards good or evil, or a combination of the two; yet would always reflect facets of their manager--Me. These are the majorly things I might do if I had the money.
Each day when I wake up I would once again ask myself, "How would I spend some of my vast fortune today?", or "How will I manage today what I have spent some of my vast fortune on?"
So though this is not a theological or cosmological question, it *does* make an inquiry to Jesus that *only* Jesus can answer, from Jesus' point of view. I'm not asking for orders, I'm asking opinion and advice.
*Because*, no matter what Jesus says, I will still understand that it will be up to me to decide what to do each day, whether or not this conforms to what Jesus said or not; or what I *thought* he said; or even whether I continue on the course I would now project for myself or go off on a wild hare.
I *could* wake up and say, "I know Jesus wants me to give my fortune to the poor and live in poverty, or at least sock away a goodly portion of my change into Fannie Mae or whatever; but I WANT to invest heavily into Space Elevators AND IT DOESN'T MATTER if I get even wealthier or lose my shirt, I WILL HAVE DONE IT MY WAY in an effort to change the course of human destiny. But I still appreciate his input."
Why? Because he is a god or godlike entity. He does
not have a human perspective, no matter how much he
would like to pretend he does. And no matter *how*
he chooses to treat my question, it will still be "an
answer from Jesus", *not* some Joe Schmoe, who
might either be wise or foolish, but only has the perspective
of a mortal.
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From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>
> delicate points of etiquette and stuff like that.
Just forget He's
> Jesus Christ and pretend He's Dear Abby, only not
Pink.
Subgenii may not be interested in that. Asking Dear
Abby is the mark of a submissive con dupe, generally.
Maybe Bold Surrealists generate boldly surreal questions
- the efficient deity will be able to adapt as needed.
;)
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From: "lisa not lenny" <airbiscuitcircuis@yahoo.com>
in the meantime..........
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/030207/170/37y7r.html&e=3&ncid=996
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From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
> Subgenii may not be interested in that. Asking
Dear Abby is the mark
> of a submissive con dupe, generally. Maybe Bold
Surrealists generate
> boldly surreal questions - the efficient deity
will be able to adapt as
> needed. ;)
Oh yah, YOU guys don't need any help with your sex or work lives. All that complaining about your co-workers and mates is just for EFFECT. All you guys are really concerned with are metaphysical questions. Suuuure.
Not that Jesus makes any legally binding claims to actually
be able to help you with those problems. But he will
tell you What Jesus Thinks® about them, for entertainment
purposes only.
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Well, considering that, SO FAR, Jesus has answered about ZIP from ANYBODY, with the rest of the scant posts being from Magdalen telling us WE AREN'T DOING IT RIGHT, I think what we have here is one of two things:
1) Either Magdalen isn't passing on our prayers to the Lord, and is just bullshitting us about the rest.
or.
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From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Or I tell him the questions and he says "Come on!
That's just silly! Why won't they ask me REAL questions
about their actual lives??" I think His feelings
might be a little hurt that you guys think He's only
useful for theology.
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
You mean questions either so unimportant or whose answer is so blindingly obvious as to be answerable by one of yer bots?
I can't believe that Jesus has been reduced to doing the Counselor Troi bit: "The reason the aliens are firing their main guns at us is because they are *angry* with us, Captain!"
What the HELL kind of questions are we supposed to ask him? We can ask what color shirt to wear today, but NOT *why*, because that's a *theological* question?
Oh the heck with his obstinence. I'm gonna start my
OWN answer service, and I WILL answer theological and
hypothetical questions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Well He liked telling nenslo that stealing money was
wrong.
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From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
> I'm gonna start my
> OWN answer service, and I WILL answer theological
and
> hypothetical questions.
Okay. If I start drinkin' my own urine like that last
guy, will it help me to become Prime Minister of India?
--
HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
Y'gotta bring more to the table than just your
tits
"He's sexy in a weird, greasy sort of way."
- Sam Ronkel
"Melon balls...I hope that's an appetizer and
not a disease."
- "Dharma & Greg"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
He wasn't the last guy and it wasn't his urine. He actually kept a couple young, virginal girls on his staff for his morning quaff. And I double dare you to go out offering young girls money for their pee.
Deputy Bubba'll thump you a good few for that.
Original file name: I guess Jesus doesn'.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40
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