Subject: Excommunicated?

From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Feb 16, 2003

Has anyone ever been kicked out of the church of the Subgenius? If so, for what?

Queso
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

John Wayne Gacy.

But "kicked" wouldn't exactly be the right word.

--
"No giant sea sparrow is known to be
endangered by the eating habits of goats."
-- correction in The New York Times
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From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>

There were some coloreds one time tried to infiltrate the church. We run em off.
--
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi
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From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>

Are you sure this isn't Landover Baptist? Or did you mean Purple?
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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

> There were some coloreds one time tried to infiltrate the church. We run em
> off.

Yeah I hate them green ones.
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From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>

MRvDC wrote:

>>>>Has anyone ever been kicked out of the church of the Subgenius? If so,
>>>>for what?

>>>There were some coloreds one time tried to infiltrate the church. We run em
>>>off.

>> Yeah I hate them green ones.

> "They are directed against a mulititude of people; this is really
> frightening and not only I at the open window but everyone else as well
> would rather look at the river. [etc.]

Congratulations. I would have thought it impossible, but you're managing to be even more boring and predictable than purple himself, precisely by emulating him like that.

Your choice of role models and unoriginality plumb such extreme depths of sadness that I fear your head may implode like a basketball filled with overcooked linguini in a runaway hyperbaric chamber.

You'll be sleeping with the tube worms if you keep that up.

--
Hellpope Huey on NENSLO: He's the black-ops Elephant Man of the Mensa set.
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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

> Has anyone ever been kicked out of the church of the Subgenius? If so,
> for what?

EVERY SubGenius. That's the first thing that happens to genuine SubGenii after joining the church - they use their newly-acquired papal powers to excommunicate themselves, and then form their own heretical sect. Only bobbies remain members of the Church of the SubGenius - they think they are subgenii only because they are failures at being "normal." Thus they are the stupidest living terrestrial bipeds - if you can call that living.
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From: bobdiddley@aol.com (Bobdiddley)

If I remember correctly, Rev. Nicky Deathchick was X-communicated for a while, a few years back. It was all rather obscure, from where I was sitting, but intimations were that it had to do with toying with a rival cult. Or some elaborate performance-art 'joke'. There was a mention of 'straps'. I leave you to your own inference.
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From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

The only CANCELLED Mebership card I ever saw was Ronald Reagans in Revelation X.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
"You remind Me a Song I can't name, in time I don't remember, in a place I
don't think I've ever been to."
Grampa Simpson
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> Only bobbies remain members of the Church of the
> SubGenius - they think they are subgenii only because they are
> failures at being "normal." Thus they are the stupidest living
> terrestrial bipeds - if you can call that living.

Bless 'em, though. Bless 'em.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> The only CANCELLED Mebership card I ever saw was Ronald Reagans in Revelation
> X.

That's right, and that was only a fake prop -- we stamped it cancelled because we didn't want people xeroxing it and thinking that would get them On the Saucers. Reagan paid his $30, fair and square, so anything he does after that DOES NOT MATTER. He has been washed in the smoke of the Pipe and is Justified.

He is reaping his reward from "Bob" even now.

We CAN'T "kick people out" once they've spent that $30. Kick them out of WHAT? Their place in line for the Saucers? That's beyond any petty arguments we bipeds might have with each other.

If we Ministers don't like another Minister, we generally just ignore them. If we find pleasure in it, we might go so far as to bash them verbally and mock them. For instance, you yourself have been kicked out and excommunicated in this manner dozens of times by many different individual SubGenii, as have I. Actually for me it's probably been hundreds of times.

I have bodily thrown a few drunken youths off the stage of devivals, if that's what you mean by kicking people out of the Church. I thus have actually used my foot and booted living individuals "out of the church show" in a completely literal way. But only after I knew I had already been paid for the show. Because usually the shows don't last much longer, once any physical kicking begins.

People have been ostracised from this newsgroup for smugness. You can be smug as hell and get away with it if you're FUNNY, but if you're just smug -- brrrrrrrr. It can be COLD here for the merely smug.

But once you've spent that $30, NO FORCE ON EARTH can wrench you from "Bob's" loving clutches, nor your Destiny aboard those silver ships from beyond, nor that spot in that jar where your living brain will rest for eternity in POWER and GLORY. Coppertop.
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From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>

MRvDC wrote:

> 1. I was not emulating 'purple.'
> 2. I was reading Kafka and was reminded of a particular run of NENSLO posts.

1a & 2a. I know what you were doing.

> 3. I may very well be the world's greatest bore that can only garner
> negative attention. That's a possiblity. I can accept it. But doubt it.
> Because some people enjoy my company. Perhaps they're bores as well. Or.
> Perhaps. They're just tolerating me and following my around
> (cybernetically, at least) because they're all keen on seeing if I can
> outbore myself. BUT> BUT> BUT> *KAFKA* is *NEVER* boring.

3a. You are the world's greatest bore. You don't doubt it, you know it. This is why you quote Kafka rather than cobbling together an original thought. Note that many of the original thoughts expressed here aren't, to say the least, gems, but they generally go unmolested, because THEY ARE ORIGINAL THOUGHTS. Or at least attempts at them.

> 3. You twat.

ERROR: BAD SEQUENCE IN PROTOCOL... REESTABLISHING HANDSHAKE...

> 4. In addition, Kafka is HILARIOUS. Sure. Sure. Sure. All those poser
> Kafka readers bandy Kafkaesque around like its some religious dogma that
> they personally helped pen and they still fail to realize how FUCKING
> HILARIOUS Kafka is.

4a. And so, by quoting Kafka The Hilarious, you escape from the realization that you are the world's greatest bore. Not only that, but in your fantasy world it somehow imbues you with a sense of superiority over those who don't quote Kafka.

> 5. Perhaps if you read Kafka you'd know that.

5a. See? Therefore I am inferior to you, right? How do you know that I haven't read Kafka's stuff? Is it because I don't quote him?

> 6. I couldn't care either way.

6a. Oh yes you could. It's very important to you.

> 7. I'm not entirely sure why I am even giving you the time of day. I
> suppose I am in a generous mood.

7a. Suppose again. Everyone else is.

> 8. If you think that replying to this with yet another cheesedoodle
> usenet geekboy 'flame' will have brought WAR between you and I. Think
> again, Sparky. Go invent some 'archnemesis' for you to do battle with to
> puff up your crippled wounded ego amongst the other ego cripples.

8a. War? I am merely a bringer of Truth. I wipe away the dust and cob webs which obscure the reflections from the Tinfoil Hat of Self Knowledge. There are many like me.

> 9. I sincerely doubt you have any clue what I'll ever end up 'doing' or
> 'being'.

9a. Having a clue of such things would require effort on my part. The expenditure of effort must be balanced with some perceived gain, whether material or spiritual, in order for it to be a worthwhile endeavor. There would be no conceivable gain in such an exercise.

9b. Besides, it's not in my job description.

> 10. And I bet that bothers you. More than just a little bit.

10a. See 9a & b.

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Original file name: Excommunicated_.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40