Subject: Dear Nu-Monet

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 12, 2003

People in olden times were really, really stinky. I mean, TOTALLY, hideously stinky. They smelled so bad that they carried around perfumed handkerchiefs so they wouldn't have to smell each other when they got close. They didn't bathe because they thought bathing was a tool of satan, and they wore heaps of wool cloth because letting people see your shape was also a tool of satan, so you can just imagine the stink.

Anyway, of all their stinky parts, their genitals had to be SUPER stinky. I mean, they didn't have any talcum powder or anything! I don't even think they had toilet paper. And I'm not just talking about the women walking around menstruating into rags, I'm also talking about the men walking around dripping, sweating, and farting into codpieces.

So anyway, given the total stinky putrescence of our forefathers, how could they stand to have sex with each other? Obviously they did it somehow, because here WE are, but how???

--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.
--Bill Palmer on SubGenii
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Magdalen wrote:

> So anyway, given the total stinky putrescence of
> our forefathers, how could they stand to have sex
> with each other? Obviously they did it somehow,
> because here WE are, but how???

There are actually several disgusting answers to that question, among which are "doggy style" (which until very recently was the preferred modus operadi in Russia, and still is, throughout Asia); perfumes among the French and the French by-products; saunas among the peoples of the colder climes and native Americans; the almost entirely clothed copulation; and most of all, alcohol, without which the species would have surely perished.

Last but not least is the blessed gift-from-"Bob" known as "sinus fatigue", in which your sense of smell can only take so much before it conks out-- and, if you've been smelling something really strong or skanky, also preventing you from smelling the lesser of evils, too. Body recovery people will put oil of wintergreen on their facemasks for this reason. Sinus fatigue can take minutes or even hours to recover from, and is a "Bob"-send.

Noteworthy, to this day, if you travel by air to cities outside of the first world, you'll note that each will have a distinctive odor unlike anything American. You can only notice it for an hour or so before your nose gives up.

And you can't understate how STEEENKY it could be even not that long ago. Old Paris with streets clogged with garbage, mass creamations of the dead during plagues and barbarism, open cesspits and in more recent years industrial foulness that defies cleanliness with unnatural amounts of stinkiness.

--
"It's like the Roman Empire. Wasn't everybody
running around just covered with syphilis?
And then it was destroyed by the volcano."
--Joan Collins
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Quin" <quin00@earthlink.net>

Olden times?
What about right now? Adventure down to any one of the "mart" stores K-Mart, Walmart, Target-Mart. Take a walk around the Mall. Or, stand in line to pay for gas just about anywhere in America, and you can receive some rather pungent scents that might make you take a step back, or perhaps a total stanky encounter where you find yourself gagging in olfactory shock! It is weird to stand too close to so many different people stinking of fuel oil, gasoline and wet fur. If you do any traveling at all, you will find every city in this nation has it's own distinctive odor. I say odor, because rarely do you encounter anything these days that gets the attention of your nose that does not stink. Observe the content of commercial TV and the proliferation of body deodorants, designer fragrances, and air fresheners. Marketing scientists are telling consumers they all stink. It is a 6 billion dollar industry. And they do stink. And so do our cities. But not as bad as France.

-Quin

Back to document index

Original file name: Dear Nu-Monet.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40