Subject: Ask The Lord Jesus Christ

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 5, 2003

The Lord was pleased with the idea of doing a regular alt.slack advice column for you guys, but He doesn't want to answer any namby-pamby questions about "what is it like to be Jesus" and "how many fishes were there" and "what kind of wine was it". He wants to give you advice about stuff like how to live your lives, whether what you did was moral or immoral, and whether or not your website is stupid, stuff like that. So whenever you have a quandry or pickle that only divine wisdom can solve, then go ahead and Ask Jesus.

--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.
--Bill Palmer on SubGenii
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Joe Cosby wrote:

> "Well, why the fuck do you think it asked you
> to insert the CD-ROM if it didn't need the CD-ROM?"

A good alternative to futzing with the Win98 CD-ROM, is since all those .cab files only take up about 112Mb, copy them to a /Win98 subdirectory on your hard drive. Then, when it asks for the CD-ROM, just point it towards that subdir.

Especially when you are just starting out with a clean HD, this does save a little hassle. And you can delete them anytime you like without worry.

--
Give me thank or kill me.
--nu-monet
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From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

ok sorry, but this one is serious this time.

Dear Jesus:

Do red death beams shoot out of your eyes like cyclops in the X-Men if you want them to?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic to it."
- Goethe
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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Dear Jesus, If you're so smart, why don't you SHUT UP.
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

So, let me see, that would put you, Magdalen, in the same position that Rev. Stang is in, so far as "Bob" is concerned? And we should be real careful about quotes from Jesus that are actually in quotation marks as compared to the "Well, Jesus told me this..." or, "This is what he meant" bit.

Because if I start seeing quotes attributed to Jesus to the effect that "vegetarianism is next to godliness", "Nenslo sux", or "you don't need to wash your hands before you eat", I'm gonna get real slanty-eyed suspicious that you're doing the Paul bit. Or the Yoko bit. Whatever.

And I'm also gonna be a little bit cynical if Jesus starts telling us that we shouldn't be so scatological and stop keep calling each other fags and stuff.

Other than that, I'll start off by asking a theological question, and hope that Jesus takes a whack at it:

"Since humans share so much of their genetic code with animals, what are the distinguishing elements of a human?"

--
"I don't trust common sense."
--Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

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Original file name: Ask The Lord Jesus C.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40