To: stang@subgenius.com
From: Randolph Vance <Locnar@IgLou.com>
Date: Sun, 2 Jun 2002 22:53:23 -0400
Life is many things.
Life is slack. Well, to us that's OBVIOUS!
Life is an adventure, one you might not necessarily come back from.
Death is also an adventure you might not come back from either.
Life is a movie, and you are the actor on the stage, improvising your lines for God the Movie Director. But soon the movie will have an ending. Good, bad or "just plain sucked" ending.
Life is a video game, and you are Pac-Man(TM) being chased around the maze by ghosts, ghosts of your fears and reality. Occasionally you get a power-up and can conquer your demons. But soon, they'll be back. And eventually...GAME OVER.
Life is a song and although you sometimes are off-key, you try your best to sing along. But soon the song will end.
Life is something you constructed. But whatever is constructed will soon be brought down by time, erosion and progress.
Life is a word in the phrase you are reading now. But words soon are forgotten.
Life is bullshit.
Yeah, you heard me. Life is BULLSHIT! EVERYWHERE YOU GO NOW! Oh, but you can only see SOME of the bullshit, that which has taken away some of your little precious slack. There are some BIG BULLSHITS that are evident to EVERYONE.
The bullshit of war, poverty, famine, oppression, suicide, homicide, genocide, insecticide, pesticide.
The bullshit of having to get a job, having to work a job, having to get fired from a job, and having to find another job.
The bullshit of listening to the radio for hours and hours, only to hear the same bullshit songs some Conspiracy-label marked as a NUMBER ONE HIT IN THE NATION, BRITNEY SPEARS, "OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN!".
The bullshit of poor health, deteriorating flesh and death.
The bullshit of money, greed, corporations, politics, impeachment, terrorisim, counter-terrorisim, surveillance, counter-surveillance, covert activities, assassinations, wiretapping, cyber-terrorisim, CARNIVORE (WTC FBI CIA FUK YOU USA!) money laundering, drug smuggling, dummy corporations, rigged elections, oil prices and the mid-east in general, bio-warfare, alien abduction and the threat of nuclear annihilation.
Life is also a LOT of the LITTLE BULLSHITS! Like the bullshit of losing your dry-cleaning ticket and arguing with some old Korean woman (oops, sorry, ELDERLY ASIAN-AMERICAN FEMALE, there's ANOTHER little bullshit, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!)
Like the bullshit of being the ONLY PERSON IN THE DRIVE-THROUGH LANE AND THEY STILL GET YOUR FUCKING ORDER WRONG! (Fucking pinks at McDonalds, some ILLITERATE HISPANIC-AMERICAN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD LIKE "PLAIN!", THAT'S BULLSHIT!)
Like the bullshit of having to renew your license plates and SS ID BADGE to some stupid fucking clerk who wants more proof of insurance.
Life is the bullshit of having to have insurance. FOR WHAT? MATERIAL POSSESIONS WE'LL NEVER HAVE USE FOR ONCE WE LEAVE THIS WORLD?
Like the bullshit of misunderstandings, like when I said "SS ID BADGE", so some of you "UNENLIGHTENED JEWISH-AMERICAN READERS" think I am talking swastikas. FUCK ADOLPH HITLER, FUCK HIM WITH A PINEAPPLE UP HIS TUTU-WEARING ASS! I meant Social Security, which is still in some states used as a DRIVERS LICENSE! That's BIG BROTHER FOR YOU!
Life is the bullshit of the NAZIS, they somehow lost all the battles, yet now have completely won the war. They have taken the control of the United States FROM WITHIN! They laundered all their money, taken from the mouths of the innocent dead. They put BOTH BUSH BABIES into the WHITE house. They control all our government, our media, our utilities, our goods and services, our food, our way of life now. They recruit dumb-ass white boys who won't ever grow up to take responsibility into their ranks, their initiation rights being to KILL or otherwise torture the innocent and defenseless.
They control all the armies, now you will ALWAYS SEE ARMED AMERICAN SOLDIERS WITH MACHINE GUNS IN EVERY AIRPORT AROUND THE WORLD, THANKS TO THE BULLSHIT OF SEPTEMBER 11TH! Like the bullshit of the Phoenix Memo, and a World Leader whose own advisors are so GOD DAMN FUCKING STUPID THAT THEY COULDN'T READ A SIMPLE FBI MEMO AND THEN TURN AROUND AND PUT THE BLAME ON THE FORMER WORLD LEADER!
Like the bullshit of the PENTAGON, AND DID A PLANE REALLY CRASH THERE?
http://www.asile.org/citoyens/numero13/pentagone/erreurs_en.htm
Like the bullshit of the former world leader, whose only crime was listening to his little head. Well, that and some shady land deals, investments and mysterious deaths, but then hey, who doesn't have skeletons in their closets. There are things about YOUR OWN SELF YOU SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT OTHERS TO KNOW ABOUT!
But if you are wanting to live in the public eye, hey, you then have to deal with the little bullshits of paparazi and reporters digging around your garbage. IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU, YOU'LL EAT YOUR OWN GARBAGE! DO IT! RIGHT NOW! Just a credit card receipt, bill, or something private. Get in the practice of that. You'll soon have to do it a LOT! But don't worry, it'll all go through you.
(*-NOTE to our young yetis and otherwise retarded pinks, DON'T EAT POISON OR SHIT THAT WILL KILL OR OTHERWISE REALLY HURT YOU! THAT'S JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID! The authors and publishers of this book WASH OUR HANDS OF YOU and leave you to your own bullshit stupidity if you fail to heed this simple advice, hence by reading this, you understand you forfeit your right to sue us BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)
Life is the bullshit of warning labels, and of people so stupid, they stab themselves in the ear with a knitting needle, so they can see what it feels like, then having knitting needle manufacturers FOREVER WARN YOU "DO NOT STICK THIS IN YOUR EAR!" Like you needed a REMINDER NOT TO DO THAT?
The bullshits go on and on, big and small.
And the biggest bullshit of all is that TIME MOVES FORWARD! Or so we believe and understand from our perception of reality. But for all you know WHEN YOU DIE, you could travel BACK to a past life, get out some aggrssions as a caveman, howling and chasing after monoliths. Live out your days as a knight, especially if you are into this bullshit rennasaince recreations.
OR BULLSHIT RECREATIONS IN GENERAL! If you liked the Civil War SO MUCH, THEN GO BACK THERE AND LIVE THAT LIFE OUT! BUT STOP FUCKING TRYING TO RE-CREATE IT IN OUR TIME! DO YOU WANT TO SEE RE-CREATIONS OF PEARL HARBOR? OR HOW ABOUT NORMANDY? OR VIETNAM? OR THE GULF WAR? OR THE WAR ON DRUGS? OR THE WAR ON TERRORISIM?
AT THAT RATE, IN A CENTURY, SIX-YEAR OLD CHILDREN WILL BE SALUTING THE BULLSHIT GLOBAL FLAG OF OPPRESSION AND THEIR ONLY HOLIDAY (HOLY-DAY) WILL BE THE 11TH OF SEPTEMBER, THE DAY THEIR WORLD ALL BEGAN! WHEN THERE WAS A CAMERA WATCHING AND RECORDING EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAID AND DID! WHEN FREEDOM OF SPEECH BECAME ONLY FREEDOM OF SILENCE OR FREEDOM OF DEATH!
Or maybe not.
But TIME AND REALITY ARE YOUR ALLIES! YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE ONCE YOU ARE PROPERLY HEAD-LAUNCHED OFF THIS MORTAL COIL!
If you want to go back in time, to anywhere, anyplace, HEY, okay. That will be either your own Heaven or your own Hell, depending on how good a life you led of course.
If you are a racist nazi skinhead bastard who loves to kick animals and beat up on people, ONCE YOU DIE, WHENEVER TIME IT BE, YOUR UNWORTHY PINK SOUL WILL BE TAKEN BACK TO THE CONCENTRATION CAMPS! AND THEY WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU, TO THEM YOU'RE JUDEN! AND THEN YOU REALLY WILL DIE!
If you're a klansman, you'll come back as an 1860's black woman, to be raped and murdered by your fellow brothers underneath all those same white sheets. But they won't see the white man inside! Your own hatred and fears now have made you what you hated and feared the most.
IF YOU THINK FLYING PLANES INTO BUILDINGS AND OTHER SUCH BULLSHIT WILL GRANT YOU FAVOR WITH ALLAH, ALLAH WILL TAKE YOU BACK A THOUSAND YEARS AND LET'S SEE HOW FAR YOU GET ALONG WITHOUT ALL THE WESTERN CONVIENCES YOU HAD BEFORE! BEFORE YOU DIE IN THE DESERT THAT IS, BLINDED IN A RAGING SANDSTORM AND TOTALLY DEHYDRATED! TO BECOME THE DUST OF SAND OF NOTHING! NOT EVEN A SKELETON TO SHOW THERE WAS ONCE SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT HE WAS SERVING THE WILL OF ALLAH! AND DUST YOUR SOUL WOULD FOREVER REMAIN SHOULD YOU CHOOSE SUCH TOTALLY INSANE BULLSHIT LIKE A JIHAD!
THE REAL BULLSHIT IS THE TERM "HOLY WAR"! THERE IS NOTHING HOLY ABOUT WAR IN ANY WAY!
WAR IS A BULLSHIT BECAUSE THERE ARE JUST TOO DAMN MANY PEOPLE ON THE PLANET AND ONE GROUP HATES THE OTHER AND BOTH SIDES WANT EACH OTHER DEAD! IS THAT HOLY? DOES ANY SO-CALLED LOVING GOD WANT TO SEE THAT? THE WORLD IS IN SATAN'S BELLY AND WE ARE SLOWLY BEING DIGESTED, OUR OWN HATEFUL LUSTS FOR DESTRUCTION ONLY NOURSISHING HIM!
But just the same if you live a good and sane life, you can create your own Heaven as well.
If you are a sci-fi geek, you can come back into any show or movie you wish, whatever time, place and setting, if you want to be a Vulcan, a Klingon or a Romulan or an Andorian, or if you want to be a Jedi Knight or a Stormtrooper, or JUST SOME WEIRD ALIEN IN GENERAL! If you want to have THREE BREASTS or THREE HUNDRED, or be a shapeshifter, you can be ANYTHING YOU WISH.
(*-NOTE the position of "Q" as seen in Star Trek is something that you CANNOT be, not just yet. Master the force you must, before the powers of the continnum trusted in you. Needless to say you have to come back to Earth and live out several hundred different lives, doing episodes of The Twilight Zone, The Prisoner and Night Gallery, all of which exploring your various fears, lusts, desires and sitcoms before the Continnum will let you do whatever you want. But sometimes we do get successful students, like J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, for example. He used the powers the Continnum gave him and he GAVE US ALL ENLIGHTENMENT! PRAISE BOB!)
Life is a video game, and when you reach GAME OVER, just go back and hit the reset button. Load up your game from a savefile. See if you can get past that wizard on Level 49. Eventually you will. And when you play that super-Defender-Stargate multi-controller game, have plenty of tentacles to work all the buttons and controls.
Life is a movie. Sometimes the movie is good, sometimes it's a piece of shit. Soemtimes the movie just makes no sense to you or anyone else. When the movie ends, hit REWIND and see if you can give the movie a happier ending.
Life is a word. Sometimes the word is good, sometimes bad. If you live by words, you'll die by words. If you are bothered by words, JUST IGNORE IT! THEY'RE JUST WORDS! Let your words carry your memory forever, instead of making everyone forget who you once were.
Life is death. And death is life. This is all just part of the cycle of the planet. When you "die", what really happens? Do you want to see the white light? The white light is there only because someone told you there was a white light. All a deer sees late at night is just a white light. And what happens when he gets closer to the light? Don't be a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming Hummer, or the frog caught in the headlights of a hunter. When you see the light, MOVE BACK QUICKLY! GET OUT OF THE LIGHT! Otherwise you might end up a trophy on someone's wall, or worse, someone's DINNER!
Believe in anything you will, but remember that you are still a mortal sitting down and reading this and soon your life, however you lived it, will come to an eventual end. What does all the bullshit of the world matter to us if we are all going to die someday anyway?
Life is about love and living. Death is about hate and dying.
Life is a usenet posting, and the eventual follow-up threads.
Gov. Rocknar - Locnar@Iglou.com - http://www.subgenius.com
"The flame of freedom burns bright and is a flame that will never die! God bless America!"
Original file name: Rocnar's Life rant.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:39
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