The Tale of Good King Stang and Chris Lee

From: Christopher Lee <clbundy@indy.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 24, 2002 10:55 AM

The Tale of Good King Stang and Chris Lee
by Rev. Ivan Stang

I shall tell you the story of the Good King Stang
Whose queen was renknowned as the FINEST poontang.

Acrost all the land, for 10 THOUSAND miles around,
None matched the beauty of the babe with the crown.

Among those who admired the bounteous Princess Wei
Was one low life bastard they called Chris Lee.

Chris Lee thought to diddle the thang
That he knew good and well belonged to King Stang.

Now we've seen fuckheads, assholes, shitheads and turds
Geeks, glorps ninnies and nerds.
But the sorriest morphodite you ever did see
Was that Jive Ass Beatnik they called Rev. Chriss Lee.

Chris Lee saw his chance at the X-Day Drills
While the King's brain was muddled on potions and Pils.

Now, MOST faithful Bobbies, Stang was loathe to disparage
But That skunk married Wei in the Short Duration Marriage.

This brash move so raised King Stang's ire
The he resolved to have Lee punished by torture and fire.

First he'd have Lee tied to a Siguaro Cactus stake
Then in a GIANT MICROWAVE OVEN Chris Lee's ass he would bake.

In Lee's rump, Stang would roast a corn on the cob.
He'd serve some to NHGH... but he'd butter some for "Bob."

But even at the trial, Chris Lee showed such sass
That he coarsely winked at Wei as if to make a vulgar pass.

Seeing this made Stang so furiously mad,
It almost blew out the One Royal Nad.

And all the kingdom heard Stang yell,
"That Chris Lee will PAY or SHUT UP LIKE HELL.

His LILLY WHITE ASS I will CHURN LIKE BUTTER
Until a polite apology I do hear him utter.

So untie his feet and untie his hand.
'Cause I'm gonna whip this motherfucker MAN to MAN."

They fought like devils and not like men.
They gouged and they kicked and they bit, but then

Something dreadful happened before the battle was done,
that left all the kingdom and even King Stang stunned.

For, while they'd fought each other, into the setting sun,
That fine Princess Wei, OFF with DOCTOR PHILO DRUMMOND, had RUN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>

But old Philo Drummond, his bladder was weak
And Legume stole his Princess while he took a leak
Legume knew what to do, he got down on his knees
and ate up her pussy like rat eating cheese
She kicked and she thrashed like a beheaded chicken
she moaned and she groaned and got stoned from the lickin'

While you lame motherfuckers sat pulling yer puds
Legume turned her over and stirred up the mud
The Princess she smiled as he greased her with Vaseline
And she got as hot as a match thrown in gasoline
And the Princess said "FUCK all those SubGenius rat-pooters"
"Dr.Legume holds the keys to the cooter"

And as they left on the saucers they laughed at the rest of you
Dr.Legume was ALWAYS the best of you
He aimed his Death Ray at Earth and said, "Die, you weiners"
And the last sound you heard was "Neener neener neener!"

--
Legume
----------
Me TOOL USER! FIVE-FINGER-MAN! Make weapons! Sharp arrow heads! Strong
bow! Trade to beady-eyed hunter types! Chase wives while hunter-types
gone! Make pictures on cave wall, say magic words while wearing scary
bear skull, keep whole tribe guessing!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

And as his greasy finger loomed over the button,
Legume did realize that he could do thithin'.
For he punked out from a challenge layed on alt.slack,
He wanted to save his fifty bucks and his ass.

Dr. K'taden was scared and this he did know,
because Two Beans would make him tap out from Brushwood to that Jupiter moon
named Io.
"Crossface Chickenwing" the words filled him with dread,
Sir Minister Sinister would do what God couldn't.....make Legume dead.

And in that moment where Legume foolishly paused in his attempt to bring
Ragnarok,
he helt his limb twisted behind his back in a unbreakable hammerlock.
Two Beans snuck on board 'Goome's hooptie saucer,
nothing could save Legume...not even his pump-action Mosburg.

2B synched up the submission hold and Legume was powerless to resist,
he squirmed and he cried like a good little bitch.
That out of shape fat fuck raised his free hand despite the pain of the
gout,
and just like everyone predicted.....Legume tapped out!

The Reverend Doktor Bishop Two Beans,
Pope of the East Bay,
Sir Minister Sinister
Master of the Crossface Chickenwing

http://www.eyeofthewarp.com/twobeans
http://www.eyeofthewarp.com/nhgh
http://mp3.com/twobeans

"There, the spark leaps to life. The Golden Age quivers on the brink of
creation. Live, my machine! Live my savior! You have my breath... You have
my dream, my dream."
-The Residents, "Failure / Reconstruction" from the album Mark of the Mole

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Original file name: The Tale of Good Kin.txt - converted on Thursday, 29 May 2003, 16:43