NEW CONTEST! "Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.friday
Date: Thu, Mar 20, 2003 9:50 PM

Winners get placement in a post, a neon blue tempra nipple print on a
$20 and/or whatever else she just happens to be willing to give. GO!

"Is that really Stang's penis or an incredible Harryhausean
prosthetic? Nessie is on the move and she can't stands no MORE!
Mreeenk! MreeenkUNGHA!"

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
The native music of Iraq sounds like someone
is abusing a cluster of young pelicans
with chicken tongs. Whew...and I thought rap was bad.

"Charming place...
... an inflamed boil on the buttocks of the world."
- "M*A*S*H*"

"We always rise from our own ashes."
- "Children of Dune"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: NEW CONTEST! "Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"
From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)

In article <8cc8cffc.0303201850.7562dab0@posting.google.com>,
hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey) wrote:

>Winners get placement in a post, a neon blue tempra nipple print on a
>$20 and/or whatever else she just happens to be willing to give. GO!

How about a nipple print on a $2 bill?

Just for reference, here is the current .sig file list:

667 - Neighbor of the Beast

"A cult is a religion without an army."
- nikolai

"A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves."
- Edward R Murrow

"A person playing with fire should not yell when he gets burned."
- Israel Justice Minister Yossi Beilin, on Israeli troops shooting at
protestors

A recent survey of the top 1,000 living English-language authors finds that
more than 80 percent own manual typewriters averaging 43 years in age and
three broken functions, with a per-unit resale value of $4.75 and slipping.
Yet in a questionnaire about their response if brigands should invade their
homes and demand either their beat-up old manual typewriters or their
spouses on pain of death, a whopping 96 percent wrote ''Spouse.''
- New York Times article

"A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I
advice the gun. While this gives a moderate exercise to the body, it gives
boldness, enterprise, and independence to the mind. Games played with the
ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no
character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be the constant companion of
your walks."
- Thomas Jefferson

A wise man once said, "If you are firmly rooted in the Tao, all the forces
of the earth may pull at you, and you will not be moved." Similarly, if you
are freely floating with the flow of Slack, you may make a thousand
journeys, and never feel the effort of a single step. - St. Marc

"Aaahh! My own self-loathing became postmodern and ironic!"
- Lawrence Miles

"Advance and attack! Attack and destroy! Destroy and rejoice!"
- The Daleks

Alice: Our washing machine was taken away yesterday.
Dave: Good heavens. What had it done?

"All I ask of Thee, Lord
is to be a drinker and fornicator
an unbeliever and a sodomite
and then to die."
- Claude de Chauvigny

"ALL MUSIC IS STUPID"
- Friday Jones

Always tell the truth -- or as much of it as seems safe. You will
eventually end up with people around you who you won't have to lie to.
- Ancient Kung Foole Proverb

Am I Cthulhu or Not?
http://ami.iamcal.com/index.php?site=Cthulhu

And they travelled up the hill. And when they reached the top of the hill,
they saw more hills, for these hills before them were the very same as the
hills of Larellieianelalellelelel. And Aragorn said, "Those hills are the
hills of Larellieianelalellelelel." And they walked down the hill. And then
walked up the next hill. And behold, they saw more hills.
- The Fellowship of the Ring (paraphrased by Robot Karate Man)

ANNOY THE ROBOT

"Any sufficiently advanced extraterrestrial intelligence is
indistinguishable from God"
- Michael Shermer

... As long as they're clean they don't have to be perfectly straight.
- Rev. Magdalen

"As unpleasant as you may find it, remember that nuclear winter is
eminently preferable to the brief yet intense nuclear summer that precedes
it."
- nu-monet

"Better a live Judeo-Nazi than a dead saint."
- Ariel Sharon, 1982 interview

Bitterness... true bitterness... takes years to cultivate. A careful
blending of the grapes of many disappointments and deceptions and
heartbreaks, it must be bottled up and put away in a dank, dark cellar,
where it slowly ferments and finally comes into its own as a dark and
full-bodied, poisonous wine, full of bile and seething with contempt.
- poster JimmyOlsen, Fark

Bob: "Duh duh duh dill pickle."
Boss: "Go clean the bathroom Bob!"

Bob: "I eat what I like."

Bondage is knot for everyone

Bound, blindfolded, and buttered, at last Leopold knew the semblance of peace.
- R. Leggatt

"Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious
feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed
in crime, perversion, and insanity."
- HP Lovecraft, letter to Robert E. Howard 10/4/30

"But from a distance you were mine."
- Manufactured Romance, "Long Distance Love Affair"

"But I didn't. I only knew that you'd know that I knew.
Did you know THAT?"
- Dr. Casanova Frankenstein, 'Mystery Men'

"By and large, there are just two types of thinking. It's either positive
or negative - it's either boy or girl, there's nothing else, OK? Nothing
in-between. And a positive thinker is an optimistic, faith-motivated
person who habitually projects positive pictures and attitudes every single
day and in every single situation. And these strong thought vibrations
condition the world around you... A flow of positive outcomes is activated
and positive achievements are manifested when you do them. And when a
negative thought comes to you, just say, "Cancel! Cancel!", and turn it
into something positive. Because there is something positive about
everything, even if it is negative."
- Founder Mary Kay Ash on the power of the positive

Caroline: How do you tell the pubic lice from the other kind?
Mat: The pubic ones are smiling.

"Charles Nizet's writing, directing and cinematography will be a source of
encouragement to untalented people everywhere."
- Joe Dante review of 'Voodoo Heartbeat'

"Cigarettes are known to contain Carbon. You know what else contained
carbon? HITLER!!!!"

"Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from
the last church falls on the last priest"
- Emile Zola

"Coddle your clit and it'll coddle you right back."
- HellPope Huey

"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one,
not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and
why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor
pleases you, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do
not listen, the HELL with you!"
- Conan

Curious Times Top Ten List of Drug Slang:
10. A-Bomb (joint laced with heroin or opium)
9. Mind Detergent (LSD)
8. Devil's Dick (crack pipe)
7. Sweet Jesus (heroin)
6. Gutter Junkie (addict who relies on others to obtain drugs)
5. Fly Mexican Airlines (smoke marijuana)
4. Interplanetary Mission (traveling from one crackhouse to another
searching for drugs)
3. Carpet Patrol (crack smokers searching the floor for more drugs)
2. Hippie Crack (inhalants)
1. Bag Bride (crack-smoking prostitute).
Get with the program at http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov

Deng Xiaoping be thy name
United Kingdom gone
thy will be done in Hong Kong
as it is in China
Give us this day our daily bet
and forgive us our speculations
as we forgive those that speculate against us,
And lead us not into communism
but deliver us from gweilows,
For thine is the sovereignty,
and the power and the authority
Forever and ever
Chow Mein
- Anthony Wong Chau-Sang (song lyrics)

"Do we wanna know what you have planned for several thousand giant
thermonuclear dildos?"
- Iceknife to Friday Jones, 10/1/4 P.X.

Do you ever feel like a total leech on society? Like you're just wasting
space, oxygen, food and irreplaceable resources in exchange for producing
nothing? Like everything you do is a waste of time which will influence no
one and have no visible results, ever? Like you're basically just killing
time waiting to die?
If so, how do you get that big grin off your face? It's starting to hurt my
cheek muscles.
- St. Marc

Don't curse the darkness, light a fuse

Don't follow me - I'm following my bliss

Due to intense mind fog, all thoughts have been grounded

E pluribus hokum - "From many comes bullshit"

"Elements of the movie seem not merely half-baked, but never to have seen
the inside of an oven."
- Roger Ebert on "No Such Thing"

EVOLVE, damn it!

"Failure comes in BOTTLED up frustration, while success is always found in
a CAN!"
- Vince Ricco

For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and
cook.
- Quentin Crisp

From here, there's nowhere to go but Montana.
- HellPope Huey®

Frozen Goat: "Can you think of something creepier than a whispering Dalek?"
Friday Jones: "Yes, actually. A Dalek whisperer."

GENITALS GENITALS GENITALS!
- an Ann Coulter fan

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death, while praying for a fish.

"Give me thank or KILL ME."
- nu-monet

Glaaki hates "Mr. Bubble."

"HAPPY PASSOVER ... and don't forget to nail a baby's foreskin to your
door, to keep God away."
- Reverend Ivan Stang

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Slack
A Harry Potter/SubGenius fanfic
http://www.fridayjones.com/HP_PhilSlack.html

"He may not be gay, but he's certainly fey."
- Friday Jones

He was one of them hip, white college professors
And I was his star student
Until one day, he looked at me with a fraternal/paternal smile
And asked me what I thought about the myth of Negro sexual superiority
And I, in wide-eyed innocence looked up and asked: "What myth?"
- Ancient Kung Foole Proverb by Sam Greenlee
("Blues for an African Princess")

He who laughs last, thinks slowest

"He's a good man but for one three-day weekend of terror."
- defense attorney Steven Feldman, referring to convicted child murderer
David Westerfield

"He's an Everyman. Well, a really rich, godlike Everyman."
- 15-year-old's opinion of Paul McCartney

"HELLO, MY NAME IS YOUR NAME AND I HAVE A SPECIAL DEAL FOR YOU"

"Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual - they're all such LIMITING terms. I
prefer 'omnivorous'."
- Friday Jones

"Humor is how you demonstrate that you don't care about pain."
- Friday Jones

"I am concerned about the size of the president's package at a time when we
have pressing needs and are possibly on the verge of a second war with
Iraq."
- Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine)

"I am going to jump into my grave laughing because the knowledge that I
have the deaths of millions of people on my conscience is a source of
extraordinary satisfaction to me."
- Adolf Eichmann

I believe the children are our future: nasty, brutish and short.

"I don't eat Chinese babies because a half hour later I'm hungry and have
to eat another."
- character on ABC sitcom 'My Adventures in Television'

I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never met you before in my life.
That story sounds like utter bullshit.
I wasn't there and it wasn't me.
I am *not* in denial. Shut up.
- nu-monet

I feel your pain.
I'll give you a dollar if you let me feel it again.
- HellPope Huey

I Found JESUS - He was behind the sofa the whole time!

"I have kept my pants on for too long, and I ask you take them off, chew
them through with your teeth, wrap my belt around my neck and buckle, then
twist my underwear around my ankles and turn me upside down, inside out,
kiss my face like Spiderman to Kirsten Dunst, smell my cunt, and finally,
finally, touch that rose in flower gently screaming mother dearest, when
will call me home?"
- Gabriel Carroll

"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to these
teachers." - Kahlil Gibran

I know that MY penis has been used to do evil. It mauled a group of
children once, in fact. Well, there was a sign up..."Beware of my Penis"
but they were taunting it with a stick .... soon it broke the lead it was
on and it was all over them. **shaking head** The judge said I had to have
it put to sleep. I showed him a picture of my wife, and he said, "Damn,
that should have done it."
- Mark_Stone

I like to make people either think, throw up, or both
- Joe Cosby

"I love you more today than yesterday and only half as much as tomorrow."
- "renjith"?

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the
government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of
taking care of them."
-Thomas Jefferson

"I think that all boys who joined the Boy Scouts and wore shorts had their
naked knees touched by 'bad priests'."
- director Aldo Lada

I was just writing a story about "Bob" and instead of "pipe-smoking", I
accidentally switched the two words around and typed, "smike-poping."
- SubSpecies23

I was talking about the works of the Marquis De Sade with someone who said,
"I just skip the boring part and go right to the sex." And I replied, "I
thought that WAS the boring part."
- nenslo

"I'd rather breathe you in than air."
- Linda Thompson

"I'd rather have the right people laughing AT me than have the wrong people
laughing WITH me."
- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

''I'll give the plant this much: It's impressively bold. It's also evil.''
- Craig Hollingsworth of the University of Massachusetts, on giant hogsweed

"I'm not saying it's safe for humans. I'm not saying it's unsafe for
humans. All I'm saying is it that it makes hermaphrodites of frogs."
- Tyrone B. Hayes of the University of California at Berkeley

"I'm not shy. I'm studying my prey."
-Sunshyn

"I've always wanted to sell out. The problem is nobody wanted to buy me."
- John Waters, 'Crackpot'

iDRMRSR: I'm so proud of being affiliated with at least ONE religion that
doesn't call for the death of all unbelievers at the hands of the faithful.
Modemac: At least not until X-Day, at least. Then we'll not only call for
the deaths of all unbelievers, we'll call for the deaths of most of the
BELIEVERS, as well!

If at first you don't succeed - destroy all evidence that you tried

If electricity comes from electrons ... does that mean that morality comes
from morons?

If I'm an agent of Satan, where's my 10%?

If love of money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?
- Sydney Assbasket

If politicians were as accomodating as the average vagina, we would never
again have to worry about war.
- from "Christina's Paradise" by Blakely St. James

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
- merwench

"If you stop lying about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you."
- Adlai Stevenson

If your only tool is your wit, all of your problems are a joke.
- Col. Sphinx Drummond TWSR

"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute
imagination the like of which has never been seen, atheistic to the point
of fanaticism, there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take
me as I am, for I shall not change."
- Marquis de Sade's Last Will and Testament

In a year holding a three, or seven,
or five, or nine, or maybe not,
Two things, might be people, or armies,
or buildings,
Or anything really, blades of grass,
or stoats, or crapulous charlatans
spouting mimsy,
Might do something nebulous.
Insert made-up-bit here.
- Generic Nostradamus Quatrain from
"The Guardian"

In anticipation, John licked his own lips.
- A. Lloyd

In his house in R'yleh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

IN THE GREAT URINAL OF X-DAY, THERE CAN PEE ONLY ONE.
- Rev. Ivan Stang

It is much better to move in with a fiend than with an enema.
- John Warren

It is my objective opinion that your father was caught in the French
Embassy doing the Naughty Wheelbarrow with a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and
that you type with a strap-on cock whose main appendage is fashioned to
resemble famed song & dance man Jimmy Durante's legendary proboscis. PRAISE
"Bob."
- HellPope Huey

"It is not I who am crazy; it is I who am MAD!"
- Ren Hoek

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the
world could use a few people like that.
- Alan Alda

Jesus paid for our sins - now let's get our money's worth!

John. The President's canary is being held hostage in Syria.
- Art of Fighting 2, NeoGeo

JOIN OUR INTERCOURSE CLUB -- NO DUES, NO FEES, JUST COME

"Knowing is half the battle. Explaining it is the other half."
-Chris Burch

Laugh, and the world laughs with you
Cry, and the world laughs louder

"Laws that forbid the carrying of arms...disarm only those who are neither
inclined nor determined to commit crimes... Such laws make things worse for
the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage
than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater
confidence than an armed man."
-Thomas Jefferson, quoting Cesare Beccaria

Laziness is a lot like efficiency. In fact, laziness usually creates efficiency.

Libertarians are just survivalists who don't know how to survive.
- Niall

Life is a joke. Death is the punchline.

"Life is the one great indulgence; death the one great abstinence."
- Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Bible

"Life is unfair. Kill yourself or get over it."
- Black Box Recorder

Many Bothans died to bring you this information.

"Mass genocide is the most exhausting practice one can engage in. Next to
soccer."
- Loki in "Dogma"

"Maybe some day, if I struggle, and read the right books, and eat right and
not watch moving picture shows, and learn to think rightly, I'll KNOW all
about INTELLIGENCE."
- Rev. Ivan Stang

Melondramatic (adj) - Used to describe a large-breasted woman

Modafinil - The drug of the 24-hour generation

Mosura, ya, Mosura,
dongan kasakuyan in doo mu
rustoritoradoa hanba hanbamuyan
radabanuradan tonjyu kanraa
kasaku yaanmu

My flabber is well and truly ghasted

My reality check bounced

Nearly every society has come up with all kinds of reasons to chop bits and
pieces of genitalia OFF, but not one of them have come up with a reason to
glue/tie/implant MORE.
Making, again, the Church of the Subgenius with its multiple-genitaliad
members (urk) unique, or something.
QUADMAPHRODITES NOW! It's our RIGHT! It's our DUTY! It's our DESTINY!
- Joe Cosby

"Never in all my life have I written a letter to a journalistic
publication, and I certainly do not intend to start now."
- Ed Ames

"Never tell your nightmares to people who have the power or motive to make
them come true."
- lastcrazyhorn

No, you're not a bigot, just DAIN BRAMAGED.
- Lilith

Not what it used to be and it did not used to be much
- Zagat's Survey outtake

Nothing Can Destroy The Creative Spirit!
http://kickme.to/DrLegume

"Nothing valued is here.
This place is a message and part of a system of messages.
Pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us.
We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture."
-Excerpts from 'Expert Judgement on Markers to Deter Inadvertent Human
Intrusion into the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant' - Sandia National
Laboratories

"Now that I've inspired a character in a Godzilla movie, all I really still
desire is for several Ingmar Bergman characters to sit in a circle and read
my reviews to one another in hushed tones."
- Roger Ebert

"Now blessing light on him that first invented this same sleep! It covers
a man all over, thoughts and all, like a cloak; 'tis meat for the hungry,
drink for the thirsty, heat for the cold, and cold for the hot. 'Tis the
current coin that purchases all the pleasures of the world cheap; and the
balance that sets the king and the shepherd, the fool and the wise man
even."
- Sancho Panza, "Don Quixote"

"Nyder is the sort of person who, if you told him to kill someone, it would
just make his Friday .... He's basically just a psychopath."
- actor Peter Miles (UK)

Oh you should never never doubt what nobody is sure of.
- Willy Wonka

On every day and in every way,
the world is samer and samer.
- nu-monet

"On one occasion, at a textile conference in Finland last year, the bogus
WTO official making a presentation removed his clothes to reveal a golden
leotard with a metre long golden phallus containing what he called video
interface which could be used to deliver electric shocks to employees in
the developing world not working hard enough.
A spokesman for the Yes Men said that nobody at the conference seemed to
spot the hoax.
The main complaint made at the time, he said, was from a woman who said the
phallus metaphor was inappropriate because women too can exploit workers."
- BBC article on WTO-spoofers The Yes Men

One's the Pope. One's a chimp. They're detectives.
'The Pope and the Chimp' coming this fall to NBC

"Only chocolate donut ham slammers post to alt.slack"
- Prostata Cantata's QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Outdolence: The act of giving or distributing indolence

"Ozzy {Osbourne} has managed to succeed while remaining insane and
strangely happy despite his various crimes against God and nature."
- Marilyn Manson

Paganism is populated almost entirely by white middle class academia ... A
whopping 75 percent of them participate in grindingly boring
interpretations of deviant sexuality.
- alliekatt

Pandemonium was a word invented by Lewis Carroll, naming the capital of Hell.

"Pardon me, young lady, but might you have a map - for I am hopelessly lost
in your beauty."
- Richmond Recker

People ask me if I've ever been called a Nazi. I answer that no one has
ever had dreams of being tied down and sexually ravished by someone dressed
as a liberal.
- P.J. O'Rourke

"People say it would be terrible if we made all girls pretty. I think it
would be great."
- biologist James Watson

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh "BOB" D'lyeh Wgah'nagl Dhobbz f'htagn.
(In his Great Easy Chair at D'lyeh, Dread Dobbs lays Smoking.)
-one of the Dhol Chants for raising the Elder Gods, from 'Incubustum
Mysteries des Helle, 'Sir Colin Anton Wilson 1706

Practice Feudalism, where your count votes.

"Priest Turns Confession Booth into 'Erotic Lingerie Modeling Booth for Boys'"

Q: How many men does it take to tile the typical kitchen floor?
A. Just one, but you have to slice him verrrry thin.
- Spyral

"Reminds me of the MIM Notes (Maoist cult) guy who used to come to our pot
rallies to distribute literature. He said he agreed with us and he thought
that the War On Drugs was a terrible capitalist oppression, especially
against the poor. And when the Revolution comes, he continued, there would
be no more War On Drugs. In fact, he said, nobody would want to do drugs
because there would be no more capitalism causing them unhappiness and
compelling them to do drugs. And what would happen, let's just suppose, we
asked him, if the revolution came and there was no more capitalism, but for
whatever reasons somehow we still chose to do drugs? Well, that would never
happen, he said, but in that case you would probably need to be sent to a
camp as a social subversive to be re-educated!
- Subversive

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient
who doesn't get it.

SEND $1 TO
THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
PO BOX 204206
AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206
www.subgenius.com

SKULLFUCKING: Also known as brainal sex

So, the proper signature delimiter is the way mine is ("-- ") and not
the way yours is ("--"). -- Some Linux Freak

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have
many other fine qualities as well."
- Missy Dizick

"Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully."
- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse

"Sometimes he let his alligator mouth override his hummingbird ass."
- ex-roommate's evaluation of William Gene Myears

[sooner or later everybody will be Chaos Israel.]
- Rev. Clayton Woolard

Stop worrying. Something black and horrible exists right on the edge of
perception. And it loves you.
- TideCrestAjax

Symmetry is for people without tentacles.
- Christian A. Bloom

"The damsel in distress is probably in hock to the dragon."
- Rev. Vagabond

"The future is here. It's just not evenly distributed yet."
- William Gibson

THE HAT IS NOT YOUR ENEMY
- Friday Jones

The Internet is a disease vector for mental illness.
- Gordon Shumway

"The message is that there are no knowns. There are things we know that we
know. There are known unknowns, that is to say there are things we now
know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns - things we do not
know we don't know."
- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

"The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions."
- Susan Sontag

"The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questioners."
- Friday Jones (after Sontag)

"The only way to stop a terrorist is to cut his head off."
- James Woods

The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left.
- A. Davis

"The primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races."
- Harry J. Anslinger, director at the Federal Bureau of Narcotics, 1937

The sexiest thing about British guys is that you can't imagine them having
an orgasm.
- Rev. Magdalen

The sum of society's intelligence is less than the average of its
individual parts.

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is
growing.
- Cole's Axiom

"The VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the
Boston Strangler is to the woman alone."
- Jack Valenti, MPAA

"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like movies in
which the witch takes off her head and throws it at you, and those who
don't."
- Sex & Zen & A Bullet in the Head

There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to change. It is,
"To use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wounds, death,
and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time."
- GEN George S Patton, Jr, AUS

"There is no doubt that I had the tastes of a monk. Prompted soley by
instinct, there was not a pretty girl on the street that I did not try to
kiss and caress."
- The Libertines, Anonymous

"These evil rotting clowns could start a band called Rage Against My Mommy."
- Iceknife

"These protesters are causing provocation to our soldiers on duty in Beit Jala."
- Israeli Defense Force spokesman Olivier Rafowicz, on Israeli troops
using live ammunition to shoot at peaceful protesters

They put the salmon in salmonella
- Zagat's Survey outtake

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but with a whimper.
- T.S. Eliot

This is your brain.
Literally, the period at the end of the last
sentence is your brain.
You have done *way* too many drugs.
- nu-monet v4.0

"To feel strong, to walk amongst humans with a tremendous feeling of
confidence and superiority is not at all wrong. "
- Fred Hatfield

To Know, To Will, To Dare, & To Keep Silent

Took a doggie bag home; the dog refused it
- Zagat's Survey outtake

Toynbee Idea in Movie 2001 -
Resurrect Dead On Planet Jupiter -
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Transported to a surreal landscape,
a young girl kills the first woman she meets
and then teams up with three complete strangers
to kill again.
- Marin County newspaper's TV listing
for "The Wizard of Oz"

VIAGRA - Take The Blue Pill, And Show Her How Deep The Rabbit Hole Goes

"Vini, Vidi, Vini, Penii....I came, I saw, I came, I tried to stick my
weiner in it"
- Hellpope Huey

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual
beings having a human experience."

"We have nothing to fear but the filigree of evil."
- John Starrett

We're all here because we're not all there

Wear black and bring Maalox
- Zagat's Survey outtake

Weaseling your way out of things is what separates man from animals.
Except the weasel.
-Homer J. Simpson

What are the two things mankind will never reach?
The speed of light and page 132 of DHALGREN.

"What did he want?"
"He wanted what all men want."
"He wanted you to dress like Wonder Woman, tie him up with your golden
magic lasso, and force him to tell the truth?"
- Ancient Kung Foole Proverb (from "Back to School")

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

"When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier."
- Rudyard Kipling

Whether or not I am Ironman is not open for discussion.
- Craig

Who needs children when you have a metal dinosaur?
- Whelp

"Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist-shit
twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?"
- Lee Ermey in "Full Metal Jacket"

Why not have an adoption agency set up a desk in front of the abortion
clinic, and as soon as the protesters show up, they can say "Wonderful!
You like saving children? We've got LOTS of children you can take care
of!"
- Friday Jones

Why should I attend the funeral of someone who isn't going to reciprocate?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
- Groucho Marx

With great power may come great responsibility, but until it arrives, any
normal human being would be going, "Yaay! Great Power! Wheeee!"
- Sebastian

Y2KY Jelly - "For when you want to put four digits where only two could go
previously."

"You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You *have* a body."
- C.S. Lewis

"You are one cunt hair away from hillbilly heaven."
- Ron Perlman, Blade II

"You are the center of a Conspiracy of Slack."
- Onan

"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
- Kino Beman, brand name

"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word
alone."
- Al Capone

"You cannot stop me with paramecium alone!"
- Forgotten Worlds

"You could put every article of clothing that I am wearing into a hat, and
still comfortably wear the hat."
- Friday Jones

You laugh at me because I'm different.
I'm laughing at you because you're all the same.

You won all fight. And obtained not only money and peace but also glory.
And at the same time, you defeated your younger brother and knew cruelty
and vanity of violence.
- Violence Fight, Arc

"Your body is a temple. Mine is a toxic waste dump.... but remember, the
toxic waste dumps will still be here when the last temple is ground into
dust."
- John Warren

Your body is a temple.
Mine's an amusement park.

"Your fists of evil are about to meet my steel wall of niceness."
-- Fatal Fury Special, NeoGeo

"Your stupidity is reflected in your facial features. Your face reminds me
of the face of those who frequent a clinic for the mentally retarded. Your
gaze is mindless and unfocused. Your eyes are misleading. Your facial
expressions are incompatible with the matter [being discussed], and your
tone of voice is completely disconnected from the content of your words: a
salient characteristic of the mentally retarded."
-- Arab analysis of the psychiatric condition of George W. Bush

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>Date: Fri, Mar 21, 2003 7:47 PM

Friday Jones wrote:
>

http://walkingdead.net/~phxclench/sigs.htm

--
THE ETERNAL CONTEST

"God adores filthy, downtrodden wretches,
and covers the Earth with his favorites;
but Mother Nature abhores the ignorant
peasant, and seeks ever creative ways of
reducing their profligate numbers."
--nu-monet
***********
"Pleasure me, you ebony wench!"
--James Mason, from the movie
'Mandingo'

----------------------------------------------------------------------"Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"
From: Mr. F. Le Mur <lemurama@attxbi.com>"Always honk when you run over a blind guy." - found on an
envelope in a forgery of my own handwriting.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"
From: Rev. Doktor Lizzardo <lizzardo@subgeniuscom.biteme>

"Treat me good and I'll treat you better. Treat me bad and I'll treat
you worse." -- Motto of the Blue Blazer Irregulars

lizzardo

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.friday,alt.binaries.slack,alt.magdalen
Date: Sat, Mar 22, 2003 12:06 AM
Message-ID: <210320032106249821%lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <friday-ya02408000R2103031844550001@news.earthlink.net>,
Friday Jones <friday@fridayjones.com> wrote:

> In article <8cc8cffc.0303201850.7562dab0@posting.google.com>,
> hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey) wrote:
>
> >Winners get placement in a post, a neon blue tempra nipple print on a
> >$20 and/or whatever else she just happens to be willing to give. GO!
>
> How about a nipple print on a $2 bill?

For that, I'll dump my quote collection on alt.slack, seeing that it's
the only way to get me to post there anymore.

...On second hand, I'll just post the GOOD ones.

**********

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench. A long plastic
hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
There's also a negative side."
-- Hunter S. Thompson

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in
human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
-- Mitch Ratcliffe, Technology Review, April 1992

"Americans pay people to make them crazy "
-- Moishe Feldenkrais

"Do not mistake my sympathy for understanding; do not accept my
understanding as sympathy."
-- St. Thomas Laine the Abbreviated

"Advanced aliens not only don't want to HELP us, they don't even want
to EAT us."
-- Hellpope Huey

"Corporations have been enthroned .... An era of corruption in high
places will follow and the money power will endeavor to prolong its
reign by working on the prejudices of the people... until wealth is
aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed."
-- Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865

"Why of course the people don't want war... But, after all, it is the
leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a
simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a
fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of
the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are
being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and
exposing the country to danger."
-- Hermann Goering at the Nuremberg trials.

"The saving of our world from pending doom will come not from the
action of a conforming majority but from the creative maladjustment of
a dedicated minority."
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"FUCK IT."
--J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"For the great enemy of truth is very often not the lie--deliberate,
contrived, and dishonest--but the myth--persistent, persuasive, and
unrealistic."
--John F. Kennedy, Yale commencement, June 11, 1962

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and
have tremendous impact on history."
--Dan Quale

"The right of the people to freedom of speech does not include the
right to be taken seriously."
-- Thomas Jefferson

"For the first time in history of a civilized nation we have full gun
control and registration, our streets will be safer, the police will do
a better job of protecting its citizens, and the world will follow our
lead into the future".
-- Adolph Hitler - 1935

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are
not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is
not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.... This is not a
way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening
war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

"The Perfect Society has Secret Police to make sure everything stays
perfect."
-- Adam Smith

"There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a
trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also
true."
--Neils Bohr

"If reality doesn't make you LAUGH, then TAKE THE GODDAMN CLOWN NOSE
OFF!"
--Popess Lilith

"What is Zen? Duh!"
--Popess Lilith

"What is Tao? D'oh!"
--Rev. Jesus Christ

"To be a SubGenius is its own reward: to be... other... is its own
punishment."
--Doktor Onan Canobite

"My mother got knocked up by "Bob" and all I got was a wretched
existence and THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT!"

"Whatever you do,
or dream you can,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
magic and power in it.
Begin it now."
--Goethe

"If it is with outer seriousness, it must be with inner humor. If it
is with outer humor, it must be with inner seriousness."
--Robert Frost

"I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in
grammar."
--Friedrich Nietzsche (1889)

"When there's nothing you can do you don't have to do anything"
-- Orson Bean

"When the light mixed with the darkness, it made the darkness brighter.
When the darkness mixed with the light, it dimmed the light. The result
was neither light nor darkness, but rather gloom."
-- The Secret Book of John, from Marvin Meyer's The Secret Teachings Of
Jesus: Four Gnostic Gospels, p.65, pub. A.D. 1986

"The truth puts people to sleep."
-- Werner Erhard

Martyrdom - it's just a stone's throw away!

"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the
intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful
to these teachers."
-- Kahlil Gibran

Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by
means of language.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Without God, people might get more specific.
-- Andrei Codrescu

Why so happy to laugh with your mouth shut?
You should laugh like a flower, without a care.
Love that leaps from the soul is not the same thing
As love you hang round your neck by a string.
-- Rumi

"The physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge they cannot
lose"
--J. Robert Oppenheimer, 1947

"There is no place for dogma in science. The scientist is free, and
must be free to ask any question, to doubt any assertion, to seek for
any evidence, to correct any errors."
--J. Robert Oppenheimer, Life Magazine, October 10, 1949

Men rule us because they are willing to be violent. They are too stupid
to realize that our capacity to be violent exceeds theirs. Women have
to stop being afraid of that potential, and learn instead to exercise
it with wisdom and justice.
-- Pat Califia, Doc and Fluff

Herr God, Herr Lucifer,
Beware,
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
-- Sylvia Plath, "Lady Lazarus," in Ariel.

"Symbol systems cannot simply be rejected, they must be replaced. Where
there is no replacement, the mind will revert to familiar structures at
times of crisis, bafflement or defeat."
--Carol Christ, "Why Women Need the Goddess"(in Womanspirit Rising)

"What I hope for you, for all my sisters and daughters, brothers and
sons, is that you will be able to live there, in the dark place. To
live in the place that our rationalizing culture of success denies,
calling it a place of exile, uninhabitable, foreign."
-- Ursula Le Guin, Commencement Address, Mills College, 22 May, 1983

"The so-called dark side is not wholly an evil or negative place or
force; after all, some things remain in the shadows because we've
placed them there out of fear or squeamishness."
-- Jay Kinney

--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ridetheory <ridetheory@notmail.com>

"I view life at an 18-degree angle."
-- Ernie Kovaks

"A good cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
-- Spike Milligan

"It is difficult to tell if a maxim means something, or something means
maxim."
-- Robert Benchley

"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten
four-year-olds."
-- Laurie Anderson , on turning 40

iggy topo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: NEW CONTEST! "Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"
From: Rev. Doktor Lizzardo <lizzardo@subgeniuscom.biteme>
>hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey) wrote:
>
>>Winners get placement in a post, a neon blue tempra nipple print on a
>>$20 and/or whatever else she just happens to be willing to give. GO!
>
>How about a nipple print on a $2 bill?
>
>Just for reference, here is the current .sig file list:

>667 - Neighbor of the Beast

There is a motorcycle racing team called Army of Darkness. They have
a "sister" team called "Neighbor of the Beast." Just thought you
should know.

Here's a collection of Frank Zappa quotes I got from a Zappa site a
few years back. Any typos or other inaccuracies are their fault, not
mine. Oh, and I don't remember why they formatted it this way.

lizzardo

---------------

%%
Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending
over.
%%
You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual
roto-plooker....and you're gonna have to pay for it.
%%
He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his
own
steaming desires... uh.. the guy was a wreck
%%
And now....you are going to dance...like you've never danced before!
%%
Bring the band on down behind me, boys.
%%
Not a speck of cereal.
%%
Nothing but the best for my dog.
%%
You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!
%%
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47!
%%
Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
%%
They're serving burgers in the back!
%%
Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny.
--
Beebop tango introduction
%%
I have a message to deliver to the cute people of the world...if
you're
cute, or maybe you're beautiful...there's MORE OF US UGLY
MOTHERFUCKERS
OUT THERE THAN YOU ARE!! So watch out.
%%
Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?
%%
You're an asshole! You're an asshole! 
That's right! You're an asshole! You're an asshole! Yes yes!
%%
Number one ain't you...
You ain't even number two.
%%
We could jam in Joe's garage, 
we didn't have no dope or LSD, 
but a coupl'o'quarts o'beer, 
would fix it so the intonation, 
would not offend your ear.
%%
Who are the brain police?
%%
This is the exciting part. 
This is like the Supremes 
see the way it builds up? 
Feel it?
%%
A prune isn't really a vegetable... 
CABBAGE is a vegetable...
%%
Here's one for mother
%%
Only thirteen, and she knows how to NASTY
%%
ARE YOU HUNG UP?
%%
Diamonds on velvets on goldens on vixen 
On comet & cupid on donner & blitzen 
On up & away & afar & a go-go 
Escape from the weight of your corporate logo!
%%
Don't it ever get lonesome?
%%
Eddie, are you kidding?
%%
I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow...
%%
Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.
%%
Never try to get your peter sucked in France.
%%
Kill Ugly Radio
%%
I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of
times I wish I could say I'm not white.
%%
Help! I'm a rock!
%%
Another day, another sausage...
%%
I want a garden!
%%
Don't mind your make-up 
you'd better make your mind up.
%%
On a personal level, Freaking Out is a process whereby an
individual casts off outmoded and restricting standars of
thinking, dress, and social etiquette in order to express
CREATIVELY his relationship to his immediate environment and
the social structure as a whole.
--
from the liner notes of Freak Out.
%%
Great googly-moogly - you're gonna do it too!
%%
Information is not knowledge, 
Knowledge is not wisdom, 
Wisdom is not truth, 
Truth is not beauty, 
Beauty is not love, 
Love is not music 
and Music is THE BEST
%%
Gee, it's so hard to find a place to park around here.
%%
Playing guitar is like fucking -- you never forget it.

...

Unless you're really, really stupid.
%%
There are more love songs than anything else. 
If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
%%
If classical music is the state of the art, 
then the arts are in a sad state.
%%
Beauty is a French phonetic corruption of a short, cloth neck
ornament, currently in resurgence.
%%
Don't cry... 
Gotta go bye bye... 
Suddenly die die... 
Cop kill a creep! 
Pow pow pow
%%
Modern music is a sick puppy.
%%
Some Scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is
so plentiful, is the basic building block of the
universe. I dispute that. I say there is more
stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic
building block of the universe.
%%
Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the
ass.
--
As quoted in Whole Grains, an early 1970's book of quotations
%%
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say. 
%%
The person who stands up and says, ``This is
stupid,'' either is asked to `behave' or, worse,
is greeted with a cheerful ``Yes, we know!
Isn't it terrific!''
%%
The more BORING a child is, the more the parents,
when showing off the child, receive adulation for
being GOOD PARENTS -- because they have a TAME
CHILD-CREATURE in their house.
%%
The worst aspect of `typical familyism'
(as media-merchandised) is that it
glorifies _involuntary_homogenization_.
%%
Gail has said in interviews that one of the
things that makes our relationship work is
the fact that we hardly ever get to talk to
each other.
%%
The language and concepts contained herein are
guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the
place where the guy with the horns and pointed
stick conducts his business.
%%
My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a
happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or
her as far away from a church as you can.
%%
I like having the capitol of the United
States in Washington, D.C., in spite of
recent efforts to move it to Lynchburg,
Virginia.
%%
He [Barney Frank] is one of the most
impressive guys in Congress. He is a
great model for young gay men.
%%
Children are naive -- they trust everyone.
School is bad enough, but, if you put a child
anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're
asking for trouble.
%%
It would be easier to pay off the national debt
overnight than to neutralize the long-range
effects of OUR NATIONAL STUPIDITY.
%%
Nuclear explosions under the Nevada desert? 
What the fuck are we testing for? 
We already know the shit blows up. 
%%
Politics is the
entertainment branch of
industry.
%%
Star Wars won't work. Star Wars won't work.
The gas still gets through; it could get right on
you. And what about those germs, now?
Star Wars won't work.
%%
Washington, D.C.: a city infested with
statues -- and Congressional Blow-Boys
who WISH they were statues.
%%
Thanks to our schools and political leadership,
the U.S. has acquired an international reputation
as the home of 250 million people dumb enough to
buy 'The Wacky Wall-Walker.'
%%
Stupidity has a certain charm --
ignorance does not.
%%
The real question is:
Is it possible to laugh
while fucking?"
%%
The single-child yuppo-family that uses the child
as a status object: `A perfect child? Of course!
We have one here -- he's under the coffee table.
Ralph, stand up! Play the violin!'
%%
Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when
put to
the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted
instead
for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay
through
the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around,
and
then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
%%
In every language, the first word after "Mama!" that every kid learns
to say
is "Mine!" A system that doesn't allow ownership, that doesn't allow
you to
say "Mine!" when you grow up, has -- to put it mildly -- a fatal
design flaw.

From the time Mr. Developing Nation was forced to read _The Little Red
Book_
in exchange for a blob of rice, till the time he figured out that
waiting in
line for a loaf of pumpernickel was boring as fuck, took about three
generations. ...

Decades of indoctrination, manipulation, censorship and KGB excursions
haven't
altered this fact: People want a piece of their own little
Something-or-Other,
and, if they don't get it, have a tendency to initiate
counterrevolution.
%%
If it sounds GOOD to YOU, it's bitchen; and if it sounds BAD to YOU,
it's
shitty.
%%
The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the
exact
mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
%%
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
%%
Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that
makes
America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we
have tolerated the last eight years?
%%
Lord have mercy on the people in England for the terrible food
these people must eat. And Lord have mercy on the fate of this
movie and God bless the mind of the man in the street.
%%
<PRE>
Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a
woman?"
FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"
</PRE>
%%
If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll
gonna murder you in your sleep....
--
As quoted in Whole Grains, an early 1970's book of quotations
%%
I'm not a man for all seasons but I'm doing something right. 
--
Frank Zappa during the Senate PMRC hearings.
%%
Ugly as I mights be, I am your futum!
%%
There is no hell. There is only France.
%%
``Conducting'' is when you draw ``designs'' in the nowhere -- with
your stick, or with your hands -- which are interpreted as
``instructional messages'' by guys wearing bow ties who wish they
were fishing.
%%
Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring
production
deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
%%
The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval
aroma
-- like the days when everything used to sound like that.

Some people crave baseball -- I find this unfathomable --
but I can easily understand
why a person could get excited about playing a bassoon.
%%
Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get
on with it, so long as it doesn't cause a murder.
%%
Politics is the showbiz of industry.
%%
Let's just admit that public education is mediocre at best.
%%
Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible.
%%
The last election just laid the foundation of the next 500
years of Dark Ages
--
From 1981
%%
Look, just because you have got that fuckin' thing between
your legs it doesn't make any diference. If a girl does
something stupid I am going to call her just as I would a
guy.
%%
A world of sexual incompetents, encountering
eachother, under disco circumstances... Now can't you
do songs about that?
%%
A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on
unsuspecting air molecules,often with the assistence of
unsuspecting musicians.
%%
There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so
powerful,
that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing
it.
%%
fuck that! when did mediocrity and banality become a good
image for your children?
%%
Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million
people
think you are?
%%
Life is like highschool with money.
%%
Information doesn't kill you...
--
Senate Hearing on "Porn Rock", 1985 during an exchange with
a Born Again Christian.
%%
Where ever you're going, don't walk the first.
If you do, people will think you know where you're going.
%%
A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes
in when people who take drugs treat them like a licence to behave
like an asshole.
%%
Flatulence can be cruel!
%%
Speed: It will turn you into your parents.
--
1970 public service announcement regarding drug (namely, speed) use
%%
Sopranos!? That's why God made the rocket launcher and grenade!
--
Zappa & I were talking about the difficulties of getting
good performances of music each of us write. I asked him
if had had as many problems with sopranos and I had had.
That was his response!

I got to drive him around Columbus
Ohio in April 1984 for the week he was at Ohio State
participating in the 1984 National Conference of the
American Society of University Composers. We spent lots of
hours together during that week and stayed in touch
thereafter. -- E. Michael Harrington
%%
There were 45 men in the jail cell, the toilet and shower
had never been cleaned, the temperature was 110 degrees so
you couldn't sleep night or day, there were roaches in the
oatmeal, sadistic guards, and everything that was nice.
--
Zappa 1969 interview

This had happened during the days of Studio Z in Cucamonga (1963).
Frank was released on bail (his father took out a bank loan
to pay for it). Frank had been busted for "conspiracy to
commit pornography," after making a silly recording of
suggestive sexual sounds (giggling edited out) for someone
who had asked him to provide a "special" tape recording
for a stag night. That someone turned out to be Detective Willis
of the San Bernadino Vice Squad. Their conversation was
recorded by a hidden microphone and this was used as
evidence at Zappa's trial.

More info from "ZAPPA - A Visual Documentary by Miles",
Omnibus Press, 1993, ISBN 0.7119.3099.6
%%
Winos don't march.
%%
Reporter: 
This is a personal thing, I think that if you wanted to make top ten
hits
and sell millions of records, you could.

Frank Zappa: 
Yeah, but who wants to go through life with a tiny nose and one glove
on?
%%
I was writing all kinds of positive and negative canons
and weird inverted this and retrograde that and getting as
spaced-out mathematically as I could and I was going
"Wait a minute (laughs), who cares about that stuff?" I
had always liked rhythm and blues so here I was stuck
between the slide rule and the gut bucket somewhere and I
decided that I would opt for a third road someplace in
between.
--
From an 1972 interview to Martin Perlich. On giving up writing serial
music.
%%
It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner.
%%
I knew Jimi (Hendrix) and I think that the best thing
you could say about Jimi was: there was a person who
shouldn't use drugs.
--
From the second of two FZ interviews which were transcribed from an
imported CD called "The Frank Zappa Interview Picture Disk".
Conducted sometime in early to mid 1984.
%%
Sometimes you got to get sick before you can feel better.
%%
The emotion of every player is the most important thing, what
stands behind this chord or tone. If you leave that out, the
music does not touch you.
--
Interview from Keyboard June 1980. He outlined his expectations
of keyboardists, and discussed plenty of other topics
pertinent to the keyboard chair in his band
%%
It's better to have something to remember than nothing to reget...
%%
Why do people continue to compose music, and even pretend to teach
others how to do it, when they already know the answer?
Nobody gives a fuck.
%%
If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to
your
mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you
how to
do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT.
--
From the Real Frank Zappa book.
%%
A mind is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it not open.
%%
You've got to be digging it while it's happening 
'cause it just might be a one shot deal
--
From Waka/Jawaka
%%
There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate
involved.
--
Zappa on the Tonight Show, C.A. 1988
%%
Heaven would be a place where bullshit existed only on television.
(Hallelujah! We's halfway there!)
--
Television. Sometime probably in 1988. The Real Frank Zappa Book p.
234
%%
Don't expect anything,don't expect fun, don't expect friends..
if you get something...it's a BONUS
%%
Golly, do I ever have alot of soul!!
--
A reference from "We're only in it for the money"
regarding his ability to strum, sing dance, and make merry fun all
over
the stage!
%%
Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands
--
European Zappa distributors Music For Nations on the occasion of some
anniversary of theirs.
%%
Everyone in thes room is wearing a uniform, and don't kid yourself
--
Live at the Circle Star, from 20 Years on the Road, when notified
there were
"cops in uniform" in the audience.
%%
Children are naive-they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if
you
put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're asking for
trouble.
--
Zappa expressing his opinion pertaining to raising a child. He was
saying
that institutions such as schools and churches, which have the power
to
control and brainwash your child, are totally over rated, and
shouldn't
always be recognized as a genuinely good thing.
%%
The ONLY thing that seems to band all nations together, is that their
governments are universally bad....
--
F.Z. in German television interview
%%
If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.
%%
Whoever we are, whereever we're from, we should have noticed by now
our behaviour is dumb, and if our chances are expected to improve,
it's
gonna take a lot more than trying to remove, the other race, or the
other
whatever, from the face of the planet altogether
--
Dumb All Over, You Are What You Is
%%
Nobody looks good bent over. Especially to pick up a cheque.
--
Guitar Magazine 1984
%%
The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden
history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of
knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is
because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could
be in the Garden of Eden if you had just keep your fucking
mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions.
--
Playboy Interview, April 1993
%%
When we talk about artistic freedom in this country
We sometime lose sight of the fact that freedom is
often dependent on adequate financing.
%%
If you want to get laid, go to college, but if you want an education,
go to the library.
--
Quoted in the Pittsburgh Press in the summer of 67.
%%
A lot of things wrong with society today are directly
attributable to the fact that the people who make the
laws are sexually maladjusted.
--
from "I Seem To Be a Verb" by R. Buckminster Fuller, 1970.
%%
The gorilla is on an island,eats bananas and has a good time all day
long.
He plays out there in the bushes. Some Americans find out about the
gorilla
and they hear how BIG he is - you know.They're very impressed with the
size
of the beast. So they catch the gorilla & they stick him in a boat &
bring
him back to the US.
They show him off to everybody & make a bunch of money.
...Then they kill him !
--
The song King Kong.1968 tour Wisconsin.
%%
Well, you know I've been here many times, and only certain
hours of the day when I'm here am I asleep; the rest of the
time I'm actually awake.
--
I have a filler on a dat with zappa being interrogated by
a couple of swedish fans/state officers(who knows)...in which
they are arguing over the pornographic contents of his
work. he tells them he has been spying on them, and claims
that their porno industry is bigger than that of the US.
it's pretty funny.
btw-this is from thew '88 tour.
%%
I can gross out anybody in this room.
--
Said during a concert at Mount Holyoke College in the early 1970s.
%%
Anything played wrong twice in a row is the beginning of an
arrangement.
--I saw this in an email .sig at someone who sent in a comment to
"Elephant Talk"- the King Crimson email newsletter.
%%
Outdoors for me is walking from the car to the ticket desk at the
airport
--
Regarding secondhand smoke in "The Real FZ Book"
%%
My music is like a movie for your eear
%%
Here I stand hoping against hope that it's a chick with a low voice
--
At a concert in Beloit, Wisconsin 1968 or 69 a guy in the
audience yelled out, "Eat me Zappa".
%%
Don't clap for destroying America. This place is as good as you want
to make it.
--
Zappa introduced "Billy the Mountain" by revealing that Billy and
Ethel took a vacation trip across the united States, destroying it in
the
process. This was Zappa's response to the applause and cheers from
the
audience. Cleveland Colliseum, 1971
%%
If it can be conceived as music, it can be executed as music, and
presented to
an audience in such a way that they will perceive it as music: "Look
at this.
Ever seen one of these before? I built this for you. What do you
mean, 'What
the fuck is it?' It's a goddam ETUDE, asshole."
%%
This is a really nice place. Don't fuck it up.
--
Chrysler Hall, Norfolk, Virginia in the Spring of 1984.
A very genteel place to see fine compositions performed live.
Usually the opera folks hang out there.
%%
The whole Universe is a large joke.
Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke.
So why take anything too serious.
--
In September 1992 on SFB 3 when he gave an interview about the Yellow
Shark.
%%
You can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want sometimes, so
you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.
--
On a postcard from Rykodisc
%%
Kid's heads are filled with so many nonfacts that when they get out of
school they're totally unprepared to do anything. They can't read,
they
can't write, they can't think. Talk about child abuse. The U.S.
school
system as a whole qualifies.
--
Discussing the state of the education system in America -
Playboy magazine, April 1993.
%%
We haven't got'em whipped on this one yet. You got a bear by the tail
here,
uh? Jeezis!
--
Bill of Rights ground into 'hoopla' by a woman (presumably a senator's
wife). from sleeve MOP -1985.
%%
There are fourty people in this world, and five of them are
hamburgers.
--
It was in a book of "Rock quotes" that I read in college, 10 years
ago.
None of the quotes were put into any context.

Or is this a Beefheart quote?
%%
If something goes wrong and you tend to smile it away, then
you have someone to blame.
%%
Drop out of school, before your mind rots from exposure to our
mediocre
educational system. Go to the library and educate yourself if you've
got any
guts...
--
Quoted from an article on FZ in the June 1995 issue of
"SLUG" magazine. Article titled "Zappa behind the Sneer.
I think the magazine may be a local (Salt Lake City) publication.
%%
Never stop until your good becomes better, and your better becomes the
best.
%%
Now imagine a Moebius vortex inside a spherical constant, and you've
got my cosmology.
--
1992
%%
The people of your century no longer require the service of composers.
A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur
turd
in the middle of his runway.
--
from the Them Or Us The Book
%%
THE VERY BIG STUPID is a thing which breeds by eating The
Future. Have you seen it? It sometimes disguises itself as a
good-looking quarterly bottom line, derived by closing the R&D
Department.
--
from The Real Frank Zappa book.
%%
For my taste, these solos (of some 50s blues guitarists) are
exemplary because what is being played seems honest and, in a
musical way, a direct extension of the personality of the men
who played them.
--
January 1977.
%%
We play the new free music,
music as the absolutely free,
unencumbered by American cultural suppression
%%
It's not pretty, also you can't dance to it.
%%
There's no single ideal listener out there who likes my orchestral
music, my
guitar albums and songs like 'Dyna-Moe-Humm.'
%%
It's all one big note.
%%
Ladies and gentleman, watch Ruth. All through the show, Ruth
has been thinking...Ruth has been thinking? ALL THROUGH THE SHOW???
--
17 November 1974, Philadelphia
%%
We'll get back to the wimp, and his low-budget concepshum of personal
freedom, in just a moment
--
Thing-Fish.
%%
You can tell what they think of our music by the places we
are forced to play it in. This looks like a good spot for
a livestock show.
--
April 1968, Chicago,
Mothers of Invention open for Cream
%%
I'm not going to be Bill Clinton and say I never inhaled. I did
inhale. I liked tobacco a lot better.
%%
Interviewer: 
The notion of a "guitar solo" has preconceptions based on it;
people automatically refute it because it's supposed to be
self-indulgent or
"for musicians." It's almost like things become iconographic and
somehow lose
their value for outsiders.

Zappa: 
Well, who's fault is that? That's what _writers_ do. Musicians don't
do that.
The average person doesn't sit around thinking about "iconographic
problems
of a guitar solo."
--
Interview for Musician magazine, by Matt Resnicoff, November 1991.
Reprinted in July 1995 Issue.
%%
Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph.
--
In an interview with Joan Rivers who had just asked him why he gave
his
children such odd names, Frank gave the reply above.
%%
I write the music I like. If other people like it, fine, they
can go buy the albums. And if they don't like it, there's always
Michael Jackson for them to listen to.
--
Frank was talking about his music from the Yellow Shark.
%%
I never set out to be wierd. It was always the other people who called
me wierd.
--
To the Baltimore Sun, October 12, 1986
%%
I don't want to spend explaining myself whole my life.
Either you get , or you don't!
%%
Government is the Entertainment Division of the military-industrial
complex.
--
from the Real Frank Zappa Book
%%
Why doncha come on over to the house and I'll show 'em to ya?
--
Senate hearing on pornography in music, when Tipper said ...
"I'd like to see what kind of toys your children play with."
%%
Throwing objects such as this are capable of damaging
expensive musical equipment and musicians. Any more of this
and there will be no more music.
--
FZ, Autumn 1981 at Northrup auditorium in Minneapolis,
Minnesota. After someone threw a plunger on stage about
two-thirds of the way through the show, he stopped the band
with a wave of his hand speaking in the general direction
that the dangerous object was thrown, while holding it in
his hand.
This did not prove to be an amusing act and Franks mood
hardened.
- It was, however, an evening of excellent, serious
musicianship around the release of 'Shut up and play
your guitar'
%%
Music is the most physically inspiring of all the arts.
--
Said as he gave the keynote address at the American Society
of University Composers in Columbus Ohio in 1985.
%%
And all the rest of whom for which to whensonever of
partially indeterminate bio-chemical degredation. Seek the
path to the sudsy yellow nozzle of
their foaming nocturnal parametric digital whole-wheat
inter-faith geo-thermal terpsichorean ejectamenta.
--
From board tape at Zappa concert, outdoors, at Blossom Music Center,
Akron, Ohio, summer 1984. This quote was in the middle of a spoken
section
of "The Mud Club" in which a dude walks into the club with a blue
Mohawk and
proceeds to "work the floor, work the wall, work the monitor system. .
. ."
The band was having monitor feedback problems at the Blossom concert,
and
there are numerous references to P.A. equipment throughout this
ramble.
Other than that, the quote is meaningless, I guess. But great
imagery!
%%
You get nothing with your college degree
--
from Roxy & Elsewhere
%%
With the power of soul you can do anything you wanna do.
--
I guess he was takling about the feeling of his music.
It was in a guitar magazine.
%%
Weedley-Weedley-Wee
--
Specifically, the small fret guitar-playing technique that
musicians have a tendency to display while in pursuit of a
cross between a waitress and a hoover vacuum...
This, of course, from his book.
%%
Beware of forest fires...Don't fuck too hot-a-gal in it might
jest set em on fire.
--
From a series of bootlegs that were recorded i n the 3 European tours
that
I travelled with during my illustrious military career in Pirmasens
W. Germany....11/76-6/79...most of the quotes came from the live
titties
and beer versions with fz and skinny little terry ted bozio.
Definitely
in Paris, Stutgart and outside of Kaiserslaughtern ( K-Town )
%%
It was 11 o'clock upon a friday nite...you know that me an' her were
feelin'
outasite....yeah 20 reds and a big ol' pile of weed...ya know we drank
some
wine and then we LSD'd...well Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my
bike...she
said fire it up because you know what I like...then she burned her leg
on the
tailpipe then and said shiter-ree and puked again....
--
From a series of bootlegs that were recorded i n the 3 European tours
that
I travelled with during my illustrious military career in Pirmasens
W. Germany....11/76-6/79...most of the quotes came from the live
titties
and beer versions with fz and skinny little terry ted bozio.
Definitely
in Paris, Stutgart and outside of Kaiserslaughtern ( K-Town )
%%
Playing guitar with this band is like trying to grow
WATERMELON IN EASTER HAY.
%%
Always get a second opinion.
--
His personal physician did not diagnose prostate cancer
before it was too advanced to treat with any success.
%%
Freak me out, Frank!
%%
I think "when" is a very important thing, but "what the fuck!" is also
a
very important thing to ask. Just keep asking "what the fuck?" I
mean,
why the fuck bother? See what i mean? The important thing is, deal
with
the "when". "When" will open a lot of shit for you.
"What the fuck" really makes it easier to deal with it when you
understand
the "when".
%%
It's fucking great to be alive, ladies and gentlemen,
and if you do not believe it is fucking great to be alive,
you better go now, because this show will bring you down so much
--
from Just Another Band From L.A.
%%
All right, Zubin, hit it!
--
Frank's onstage cue to conductor Zubin Mehta during their
collaborative
effort with the L.A. Philharmonic orchestra in 1970
%%
The crux of the biscuit is: If it entertains you, fine. Enjoy it. If
it
doesn't, then blow it out your ass. I do it to amuse myself. If I like
it,
I release it. If somebody else likes it, that's a bonus.
--
What he's talking about is obvious. He said this in an interview with
Playboy magazine on May 2, 1993.
%%
You can tell what they think of our music by the places we are forced
to
play it in. This looks like a good spot for a livestock show.
--
The Mothers of Invention were opening for Cream in April of 1968 in
Chicago.
The place was very large and did look like it had been used for
displays of
cattle and other such animals.
%%
It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm
wrong.
The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him
right...
Why do you necessarily have to be wrong jus because a few million
people think
you are?
--
Why they don't play my stuff on the radio 
From the Real Frank Zappa Book (1989 Poseidon Press)
%%
The Future is scary! (Yes, it sure is!)
%%
It makes me wanna dance.
--
From a FZ interview about some music he had composed (on the
synclavier).
It was written in 17/35 (or something like that).
%%
This is Frank Zappa saying, Don't do speed. Speed turns you into your
parents.
--
this used to play OFTEN as a public service announcement(PSA)
on radio station WHFS at 102.5 FM in bethesda,MD.USA during
the early '70's. it was followed by a nearly inaudible
whisper, "...but grass and acid are o.k.", which may have
been frank, or one of the mothers.
%%
I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating
shit
anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina,
in 1973.
--
From The Real Frank Zappa book.
%%
Rain is good for you... 
Rain is bad for electrical equipment...
--
Outdoor concert, Jones Beach, NY, Circa 1984
%%
You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an
airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
%%
Nobody looks good in brown lipstick
%%
Get yer ass out there and register to VOTE!
%%
Whenever your down, just think about how you got there.
%%
Anything over a mouthful is wasted.
%%
The family was from Arkansas. The Dad (Dink) was a furniture salesman
in
San Bernardino, but, back in the way-bak-when, he used to play 'bones'
or
'spoons' in a minstrel show. To relive the golden days of yesteryear
he
would, from time to time, force his children to accompany him (Ronnie
on guitar, Kenny on trombone) in a living room replay of a minstrel
routine
called "Lazy Bones.

The kids often found this to be an inconvenience, as they were
fascinated by,
and constantly perfecting new techniques for, The Manly Art Of
Fart-Burning.
Kenny explained to me that it was scientific - that it demonstrated
(this is
a real quote) "Compression, ignition, combustion and exhaust."
--
Kenny & Ronnie Williams (later "immortalized" in "Let's Make The
Water
Turn Black")

From "The Real Frank Zappa Book" Chapter 4
%%
I can't think of anything I like more than audience participation
--
From the Mothers of Prevention
%%
To me, cigarettes are food
--
Response to an assertion that his nicotine habit conflicted with his
anti-drug
stance
%%
May you'll never hear a vloerbedekking again.
--
The beginning of "Theme from Lumpy Gravy," performed in Rotterdam,
The Netherlands. Vloerbedekking means "carpet" in Dutch. It must be
one of
the Frank's made up musical terms translated into Dutch, just like
putting
eyebrowes on something.
%%
It's not ordinary and it's not mundane,but it does not involve golden
showers
and appliances
--
He was talking about his sex life with Gail in 1980. This information
comes
from a book I picked up the other day entitled Frank Zappa: in his own
words
%%
Ooooh the way you love me baby, 
I get so hard now I could die. 
Ooooh the way you squeeze me lady 
red balloons just pop behind my eyes
--
Magic Fingers, 200 Motels
%%
You see, when I was a kid I used to save up for a month, so I could
get
an R&B album and, the same day, the completed works of Anton
Webern.
Maybe that means something. Maybe that tells you something about my
music.
--
Excerpt from the book "Rock and Other Four Letter Words", copyright
1968.
%%
Seeing a psychotherapist is not a crazy idea, it
just wanting a second opinion of ones life.
%%
All year long you people manufactured this crap, and one night a year
you've
got to listen to it!
--
Frank introducing "psychedelic music" to the audience of the National
Academy
of Recording Arts & Science dinner in New York (1968) at which the
Mothers were invited to play
%%
Did anybody dance?
--
Said after performing the highly, shall we say, evolved "Black Page
#2" on
"Zappa In New York". (And as you probably already know,
this was the song that alerted FZ to the existance of his stunt
guitarist to
be,Steve Vai, after recieving a sheet music transcription of the song,
made by young master Vai.)
%%
....and then they put them on their heads,they were having a
good time,the girl was in the water,she didn't even see what
was going on with her UNDERPANTS.But wearing the pants,it
looked just like a tiny little PARTY HAT!
--
Establishing the tradition of the JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS
whilst in Alberquerque,New Mexico.(The Man From Utopia,1983)
%%
I'd like to know who's Plunkin' the monkeys?
--
It was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
I can't remember the year maybe 10 years ago?
They were talking about AIDS and how AIDS all got started, he had 3
theory's.
First Frank said something about AIDS being a government test gone
wrong
Then maybe it was an Alien (ET) test or mistake and finally they
talked
about the theory of AIDS coming from a monkey and then
Frank said " I'd like to know who's plunkin' the monkey's?"
%%
This is Frank Zappa suggesting you Un-Load yourself...
Don't do Smack or Downers.
--
Public service announcement on KMET rock radio in
Southern California during the Early Mid-Seventies.
%%
You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you
want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe
filled with whipped cream.
%%
May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face.
--
to Mrs. Gore about parental advisory labels on album covers
%%
Bad facts make bad laws
--
Said during the PMRC hearings.
%%
Well, you know people, I'd rather have my own game show than enough
votes
to become president.
%%
The drummer's playing in 4/4, the Saxophone player is playing 5/4,
the guitar player is picking his nose....
%%
A true Zen saying, nothing is what I want.
--
From Roxy & Elsewhere, Dec 1973
%%
Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy
--
Speaking at a ProChoice rally in Los Angeles around 1989-90.
%%
Anything can be music
--
Answer to critics accusing him of not doing actual music on Uncle Meat
%%
Did everyone hear the great news today? Jimmy Swaggart; under
investigation.
One day every one of those cocksuckers will get caught.
--
Hypocritical television evangelists; "Make A Jazz Noise Here" was the
album.
The live performance was either in Boston or Poughkeepsie.
%%
Seriousity is something to be laughed at.
--
FZ responding to Ivo Niehe from Dutch television after being told that
Europeans take Frank's music very serious.
%%
Get smart and i`ll fuck you over-Sayeth The Lord
About the basics of Christianity and it`s perpetuation of ignorance as
a
way of life
%%
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then
this guy
asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to
join
the master race. How's that for a religion?
--
Concert at the Rockpile, Toronto, May 1969
%%
My music makes the mind think
--
Time magazine Dec.20/93, page 73
%%
Yeah, I tell them to change the channel if they see
some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number
at the bottom of the screen asking for money.
--
on being asked by Tipper Gore if there was anything
on the TV he _didn't_ allow his kids to watch ...
%%
Think I'll go out and get a little action.
--
Pamela Zarubica described this as something Zappa would say
when beginning an average day. This time her husband was
visiting and FZ scared the crap out of him... he was
compared to Dr. Zhivago. I read this little story
in MOTHER! the Frank Zappa Story.
%%
This tree is ugly and it wants to DIE...
--
graphic art work on the "Absolutely Free" cover
%%
Producing satire is kind of hopeless because of the literacy rate of
the American public.
--
A quote in response to criticism of "Jewish Princess" ("People"
magazine,
circa 1979)
%%
...I think (Abbey Road is) the best engineered, best mastered rock
and roll album ever produced...except that I take exception to stereo
placement.
--
From "Frank Zappa talks about Faves, Raves, and composers in their g
raves" - some English publication, I think.
(2 & 3 from the book, "The Lives and Times of Frank Zappa and the
Mothers",
some Brit thing again (got it at Blue Meanie Imports in San Diego
fifteen
years ago.)
%%
DENSE, PUTRID VAPORS from a SMOKE GUN (we rent it)
--
From another Zappa graphic, this time a poster advertising a concert:
"Therapeutic Abortion with the Mothers..."
%%
For some real personal satisfaction, try yelling out your own names.
--
At a concert in Boston, Massachusetts to some fans (my friends) who
kept
yelling out Frank's name.
%%
I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?
--
In response to Tipper Gore's allegations that music incites people
towards
deviant behavior, or influences their behavior in general.
%%
I didn't know such things existed, a guy walking in front
of the stage with a fucking t-shirt to sell to somebody,
well you live and learn...
...us regular folks know this exquisite little inconvenience
by the name of COMMERCIALISM
--
from bootleg recording "Project/Object" intro Stinkfoot
%%
The manner in which Americans "consume" music has a lot to do with
leaving
it on their coffee tables, or using it as wallpaper for their
lifestyles,
like the score of a movie -- it's consumed that way without any regard
for
how and why it was made.
--
From "The Real Frank Zappa Book" (ch. 11)
%%
Never stop and keep going
--
Giving advice to young musicians. early 80's interview with
pennsylvania state police officer whom is also a zappa fan.
originally to be shown to local high school students of the
area but frank ended up on the subject of politics and you
can just imagine why the kids never seen this video.
%%
Well Mike, I'm abnormal.
--
When FZ appeared on the Mike Douglas show (solo, playing guitar with
recorded backup), Mike said "Your latest album is called Zoot Allures.
How do you come up with such names for your records?" (or something
equally
banal!) Frank's succinct reply is printed above.
%%
So long as somebody gets a laugh out of it, what the fuck?
--
From Guitar Player's "Mother of All Interviews" part 2, summing
up...well ,
everything!
%%
All right kiddies, we'll play "wipe-out" for you in a moment.
--
Frank's comment to the crowd at a 1968 concert in Dallas, Tx
%%
People who think of videos as an art form are probably
the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a
revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
--
Zappa on videos (obviously) from Viva Zappa - Biography
%%
People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly
'strange names',
but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given
them,
it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.
--
From the Real Fran Zappa Book - Mr. Dad chapter
%%
The formal structure of "You Didn't Try to Call Me" is not
revolutionary, but it is interesting. You don't care.
--
Liner notes for "You Didn't Try to Call Me" on "Freak Out!"
%%
"Wowie Zowie" is what [Pamela Zarubica] says when she's not
grouchy...who would guess it could inspire a song? No one
would guess. None of you are perceptive enough. *Why are
you reading this?*
--
Liner notes for "You Didn't Try to Call Me" (yes, really) on "Freak
Out!"
%%
Carl Orestes Franzoni...is *freaky* down to his toe nails.
Some day he will live next door to you and your lawn will die.
--
Liner notes for "Hungry Freaks, Daddy" on "Freak Out!"
%%
Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to
our mundane educational system. Forget about the Senior
Prom and go to the library and *educate yourself* if you've
got any guts. Some of you like *pep rallies* and plastic
robots who tell you what to read. Forget I mentioned it.
*This song has no message.* Rise for the flag salute.
--
Liner notes for "Hungry Freaks, Daddy" on "Freak Out!"
%%
Of course you realize you won't be able to hear the organ
once we turn the guitars on.
--
Introduction to "Louie, Louie" on "Uncle Meat"
%%
My, you sure are slow here in Texas aren't you?
--
During a 1968 Dallas, Tex. tour, Frank was conducting the Mothers by
flipping
the bird to the musician he wanted to perform. He turned to the
audience and
using both hands, he swept his fickle fingers wildly into the air.
The crowd
of several thousand at the convention center sat silent. "My you sure
are
slow here in Texas, aren't you?" he yelled and the punks went crazy!
%%
Meanwhile at the Fornebu duty free shop
--
Phrase used between songs during the march 1988 concert in
Skedsmohallen, near Oslo, Norway. Fornebu is the Oslo airport.
%%
You think our music- the Monkees music is banal and insipid?"
--
Frank replying to Mike Nesmith on an episode of "The Monkees"
on which Frank and Mike pretended to be each other for several
minutes before the opening theme.
%%
If there is a hell, it waits for them, not us!
%%
There's no question in my mind -- the beer, the ballons and the
bunting
all start with "B" for some cosmic reason.
--
Words that star with B and remind him of the Republican party. The
Real
Frank Zappa Book. Page 238
%%
Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts
in a nightclub is potentially dangerous.
--
I can't remember the exact details but it was during
one of his trials. One of the prosecuting lawyers quoted
some of his lyrics which pertained to newts in a nightclub
and said he found this image disturbing. Frank responded
with the above. I like it as a sentence.
%%
Ever try to have a conversation with someone on drugs? It just doesn't
work...
--
Sometime during the summer of 1987, when asked by a DC
reporter, "what are your feelings on the war on drugs?" His
first response was to criticize the inherent invasion of
privacy, followed by the above statement against drug use.
%%
You wouldn't know a revolution if it bit you on the dick.
--
In response to a young crowd member continually shouting
"Revolution" between songs at a late 60's gig.
The gig was at Middle Earth in Indianapolis, Indiana.
%%
Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on
--
from The Real Frank Zappa Book,
In other words, don't kiss ass.
%%
No one has forced Mrs. Baker or Mrs. Gore to bring Prince into their
homes.
--
PMRC Hearing 1985
%%
It began with lyrics, but even looking at the PMRC fund raising
letter in the last paragraph, at the bottom of the page, it starts
looking like it's branching into other areas when it says 'We realize
that this material's pervaded other aspects of society' and it's like
'What, you gonna fix it all for me?'
%%
Mr Zappa, I am astounded at the courtesy and soft voiced nature
of the comments of my friend, the Senator from Tennessee. I can
only say that I find your statement to be boorish, incredibly and
insensitively insulting to the people who were here previously, that
you could manage to give the First Amendment of the Constitution of
the United States a bad name, if I felt you had the slightest
understanding of it, which I do not.
--
- Senator Slade Gorton
%%
You don't have the slightest understanding of the difference between
government action and private action, and you have certainly destroyed
any case you might otherwise have had with this Senator.
--
Senator Gorton, to which Frank Zappa responds with
"Is this private action?"
%%
I think you should leave it up to the parent, because not all
parents want to keep their children totally ignorant.
--
Frank Zappa in response to a question from Senator Hollings.
%%
Well, you and I would differ on what's ignorance and educated.
--
Senator Ernest Hollings to Zappa
%%
Yes, Ladies and gentleman, even in this agricultural enviroment, We're
gonna'
play a love song
--
This was about 1974 in Harrisburg Pa. at the Farm Show Arena, a week
after
the Farm show had left town... Frank never admitted to playing there,
and I
can't say as I blame him. But, I will never forget what a magical
night that
was.
%%
Tax the FUCK out of the churches!
%%
The concept of the rock-guitar solo in the eightees has
pretty much been reduced to: Weedly-weedly-wee, make a face,
hold your guitar like it's your weenie, point it heavenward,
and look like you're really doing something. Then, you get
a big ovation while the the smoke bombs go off, and the
motorized lights in your truss twirl around!"
--
The Real Frank Zappa Book.
%%
If there's ever an obscene noise to be made on an instrument,
it's gonna come out of a guitar! On a sax you can play sleze,
on a bass you can play balls.but on a guitar you can be
truely obscene! Lets be realistic about this, the guitar can
be the single most blastomphous device on the earth!
the guitar makes a stink noise. thats why I like it!!
%%
The first hyphen in MAH-JUH-REEN could be used for erotic
gratification
by a very desparate stenographer.
--
Sydney australia, 1974, second night. on Mystery box III
%%
I feel it's better to sing about these things ourselves and perform
them
with the people who it happened to than to have some jounralist one
day say
'then in 1971, one time when they were at the mudshark hotel...' But
people have problems with things of a glandular nature in connection
with
things of a musical nature. They say why, music is way up here, and
glands
are way down there and they can't get 'em together, but then they are
hypocritical because they take a band that doesn't sing about such
things
directly and couches their language a little and does it with a little
choreography and say that that's great and that's real rock and roll.
I
maintain that there's no difference, we're just honest enough to get
up and
say 'this is this and that's that and here you are and respond to it'
and
the response is 'why... I'm hip, but of course I am offended'.
--
from the Vitamin Deficiency bootleg.
%%

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

"Frivolity is a stern taskmaster"

I saw that somewhere, so someone is bound to have said it or
written it, unless I imagined it.

--
John Starrett

"We have nothing to fear but the scary stuff"

---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Enrich Friday Jones' sig-quote file stash!"
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com

With a SubGenius child,
there's every chance a towel pinned around the neck
will lead to ACTUAL FLIGHT from the top of the garage.

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
With a SubGenius child,
there's every chance a towel pinned around the neck
will lead to ACTUAL FLIGHT from the top of the garage.

"To me, Art is just some guy's name."
- "The Magnificent Obsession"

"10% bitch, 90% infidel"
- t-shirt idea from Colin Quinn

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infi.net>

"Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
-- The Patrician, via Terry Pratchett

Paul E. Jamison

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Dunter Powrie" <pech.red@cap>

"War should be the politics of last resort. And when we go to war, we should
have a purpose that our people understand and support."
-Colin Powell

"There's only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and
the kids upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed
the troops, I've got an additional responsibility to hug and that's me and I
know what it's like."
- George W. Bush

"... going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion."
-Jed Babbin

"War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength."
-George Orwell

"I've got nothing to say and I can't stop saying it!"
-Dunty Powrie

"Help! I'm talking and I can't shut up!"
-Dunty Powrie

"He multiplieth words without knowledge."
-Job xxxv. 16.

"I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have,
beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognizably wiser than
oneself. "
-Marlene Dietrich

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jarto <stevejouanny@hotmail.com>

"You don't kill people you don't know. Thats a rule" - Dumb And
Dumber

"He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks." - Nicholas de
la Rochefoucauld.
-./._.\

Jarto

"Conversation is polite interrogation" - Jarto
"You are nothing but a wayward puddle of fawning
buzzard gizzards" - bobot in IRC

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

"I don't like pokies, myself. I'd rather stay at home, watch TV and shove
dollar coins up the cat's arse."
- Dave Hughes, The Glasshouse

nikolai
---
in a kind of laconic way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

"nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au> wrote in message news:<newscache$8hq6ch$fz8$1@bartleby.maths.monash.edu.au>...

> "I don't like pokies, myself. I'd rather stay at home, watch TV and shove
> dollar coins up the cat's arse."
> - Dave Hughes, The Glasshouse

Okay, now that one is pretty good, I do allow, but I'm thinking more
of quotable things you write YOURSELF. Not other people's witty-cisms,
but home-brewed SUBGENIUS-isms, like this here, except maybe
better-like:

I watched "Godzilla 2000" WITHOUT ANYONE FORCING ME TO DO SO.
I told you I was ill.

Okay, go.

--

HellPope Huey® hellpopehuey@subgenius©.com
My world is WAY like Robert DeNiro at the end of "The King of
Comedy."
I'm onstage telling the AWFUL TRUTH and people are LAUGHING.
Oh well, that's show biz!

"We make up so much stuff on the show,
I don't know what's real anymore."
- "The Daily Show"

"My head was built with paradox-absorbing crumple zones."
- "Futurama"

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Saint Bucky of the Vector Equilibrium" <someone@microsoft.com>

ah, what the hell.

--
"Nothing is real." -- John Lennon
"Nothing unreal exists." -- Mr. Spock

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

"There is NO sanctuary!" -- Logan 5, "Logan's Run"

--
_________________
-- Reverend DJ Epoch
-- The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel

Divine Southern Redneck Clench Recruitment site at:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

First they came for the Mutes
and I did not speak out
because I was not a mute.

Pastor Ivan Stangmoller, just now

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>

First they came for the paedophiles,
Then they came for the mass murderers,
Then they came for the arsonists,
Then they came for the regular murderers,
Then they came for the bank robbers,
Then they came for the armed burglars,
Then they came for the carjackers,
Then they came for the gang rapists,
Then they came for the a buncha other vicious thugs,
Then they came for the Dell dude, because all the
others needed somebody to rape.

No skin off my nose.

--
"It's like the Roman Empire. Wasn't everybody
running around just covered with syphilis?
And then it was destroyed by the volcano."
--Joan Collins

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com> wrote in message news:<Xns934943B7BD421nunyabiznowaycom@129.250.170.81>...

> "You can lead an aardvark to the river, but you can't make it wax your
> underwear." -- Rev. DJ Epoch (during a rather unsavory flu-induced
> overtemp episode)

You can lead a Pink to water, but if you can get him to float on his
back, you'll have a better chance of hitting him with your first shot.

"A lie can travel halfway around the world
while the truth is still putting on its shoes."
- Mark Twain

"Welcome to the outside of the disease."
- "ER"

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Original file name: NEW CONTEST! _Enrich.txt - converted on Thursday, 29 May 2003, 16:37