Pink Leftists Were Sorely Confused

Date: Tue, Mar 5, 2002 1:06 AM

From: "Philo at Hotmail" <philodrummond@hotmail.com>

Hey I particpated in a little prank this weekend at that bastion of free
speech, Berkeley's People's Park. It was great, classic, old-time fun.

I was asked by a junior contingent of the SF Cacophony Society to dress up
in my best gray suit and 'pretend' I was a right-wing conservative
businessman. Along with Ed Holmes, also known as Bishop Joey of the First
Church of the Last Laugh, and Puzzling Evidence posing as a media drone and
some others we took the stage as the Bay Area Patriots Association (BAPA).

A little PR, and the park was full of left wing radicals there to make sure
we didn't get a chance to make our points. Sure enough, as soon as we
started spouting our "join together in one symbolic patriotic expression of
unity" the lefties started to literally foam and spew. They couldn't stand
to let us express our right to free speech. They had signs and banners. They
were fuming, some were leaving, most were just screaming loud enough to
drown us out. It was absolutely hilarious. I felt so empowered by their
weakness.

Then as our actual Marching Band of miscreants, Extra Action, moved in,
(about 35 Cacophonites in all) along with Extreme Elvis, a nude 300 pound
Elvis Impersonator who rolls himself in flour and stands way too close to
people, the crowd realized they had been hooked. We got 'em. They ate it
hook, line and sinker. They were slapping their foreheads. It was absolutely
priceless. I took 111 pictures, some of which I will post to A.B.S.. What a
great day. Those Berkeley pinks are so extreme that they have lost all sense
of practical reason.

As Ed Holmes said it, "That's why I live here, it's the World's Greatest
Social Circus".

Philo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

If you can almost forget -that-, my hat is certainly off to you.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

If I have an infrared mouse, I want the little
light to be a laser, or better, some kind of death-ray that blasts
people to atoms but leaves their credit cards intact.

Otherwise, what's the point?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Col. Sphinx Drummond" <sphinx@subgenius.com>

> Those Berkeley pinks are so extreme that they have lost all sense
> of practical reason.

But they were cool for being there. They usually just get to be a fool guy's
tool but you let them be a cool guy's fool.

-Col. Sphinx Drummond TWSR

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Bryan Maloney <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> Conservatives are the same way here when leftists want to speak.

So what? They don't pretend to be "enlightened" or "informed" or "open-
minded", thus they are SUPPOSED to be knee-jerk idiots! Leftists, on the
other hand, like to tell each other self-congratulatory lies about how
"sophisticated", "enlightened" and "with it" they are. Exposing
conservatives to be, at heart, conservatives, is nothing. Exposing
leftists to be, at heart, CONSERVATIVES, is funny.

I think you need some of Elvis's flour rubbed upon thee.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

You guys desperately need to take that act to Madison Wisconsin, Ann
Arbor Michigan, Northhampton Mass, Olympia Washington, Eugene Oregon,
maybe even Austin. The people there, like in Berkeley, though they know
it not, are crying out for Slack in the form of a great big banana peel
they can all slip on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>

My favorite is exposing so-called "conservatives" who want to rewrite
the constitution to prevent flag burning and take away medical rights as
the "new liberals".

Hell, the old liberals are fighting tooth-and-toenail these days just
to *preserve* the status quo.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> >> Conservatives are the same way here when leftists want to speak.
> >
> >So what? They don't pretend to be "enlightened" or "informed" or "open-
> >minded",
>
> Yes, they do.

No, they don't.

--
America is a wonderful country. Where else could a young Black man like
Michael Jackson grow up to be a middle-aged White woman?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Philo at Hotmail" <philodrummond@hotmail.com>

Most of the true conservatives I know are too busy making money to give a
shit about gathering together for any reason that isn't profitable. You have
to remember, I'm out here on the LEFT coast. Normal Liberals are considered
to be conservative here. Extreme Liberals are middle of the road. And the
most radical, tree spiking, snail liberators sort of approach the actual far
left out here. But that's mostly everybody, myself included. There are no
true conservatives here. They packed up their guns and left to go to your
area years ago. Go figure.

Philo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: shinpath@gol.com (SPLR Ministries, Western Japan)

>I was asked by a junior contingent of the SF Cacophony Society to dress up
>in my best gray suit and 'pretend' I was a right-wing conservative
>businessman.

Now why do I think this would be believable in a very scary way?

>Along with Ed Holmes, also known as Bishop Joey of the First
>Church of the Last Laugh, and Puzzling Evidence posing as a media drone

as opposed to his real life identity as a media killer wasp

> I took 111 pictures, some of which I will post to A.B.S.. What a
>great day. Those Berkeley pinks are so extreme that they have lost all sense
>of practical reason.

Looking forward to seeing them!
Another hilarious prank would be to dress up Philo as an Enron
executive and send him to Washington to testify in the Congressional
Hearings. Unfortunately contempt of Congress comes with a joke on
this level.

Which all goes to prove 'Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

> > >So what? They don't pretend to be "enlightened" or "informed" or "open-
> > >minded",
> >
> > Yes, they do.
>
> No, they don't.
<snip>

Rush Limbaugh certainly claims to be.

John Starrett

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Arbane the Terrible <arbane@attbi.com>

""My god", we said, "the Left is every bit as robotic as the Right". (We
apologize for taking 20 years to figure THAT out.)"
-- Robert Anton Wilson, Cosmic Trigger (From memory).

"The world is actually divided into:
Liberals and conservatives on one side.
All the rest of us on the other."
--Joe Bob Briggs

"I quote too much."
-- Me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

> You guys desperately need to take that act to Madison Wisconsin, Ann
> Arbor Michigan, Northhampton Mass, Olympia Washington, Eugene Oregon,
> maybe even Austin. The people there, like in Berkeley, though they know
> it not, are crying out for Slack in the form of a great big banana peel
> they can all slip on.

Let me know if anything goes down in Olympia and we can bring the whole
clench down. Rev. Bevo makes a GREAT fake conservative. The way he
thrusts with his hips when he says "FUCK the poor!" is utterly
convincing.

Her Ladyship Lilith

--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sanfordandson40@hotmail.com (Kat Suit Model)

> You guys desperately need to take that act to Madison Wisconsin,

Hear hear. Madison is always slapping itself on the back about how
"liberal" it is, but having lived there for 4 months, allow me to
suure you it is NOT. It is a very priviliged little money-town where
looking or acting non-rich in any manner will get you scorned,
shunned, and escorted out the door by security. The collegiate scene
is dominated by frats and jocks in a sea of blood red (the school
color). It's as close to racially segregated as any town I've seen
north of the Mason-Dixon.

When asked to prove how they are liberal in any way, the locals
immediately pick up the hue and cry, "But we have a lesbian
congresswoman!" but get all confused or indignant when you try to
point out that the evil inherent in being allowed to advance to that
possession far outweighs any good done by having an "alternative
orientation". Anyone who has visited San Francisco (or anyone who
knows anything about human beings) can tell you in a heartbeat that
there are shallow, backstabbing sellouts amongst ANY tribe, color,
subculture, etc.

Olympia? HA! I've lived there too. It's a great town for Armchair
Anarchists, who talk big, "but don't dare do anything because of all
the feds around here". On my most recent visit, it seems that the riot
grrrl bit has gone back underground, and largely been replaced by the
K Records Clique's brand of 1950's-ism cutesy pop, setting up yet
another generation of Democrat voters wondering why nothing ever gets
better.

As an ex-boss at a web design job told me, "Stupidity is banging your
head against a brick wall over and over and expecting different
results."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> >> Yes, they do.
> >
> >No, they don't.
>
> When were you last here?

No, they don't.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> Rush Limbaugh certainly claims to be.

So?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> There are no true conservatives here. They packed up their guns and
> left to go to your area years ago. Go figure.

You really think? Maybe they're still there, too busy making money to
give a shit about what you all do...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

> As an ex-boss at a web design job told me, "Stupidity is banging your
> head against a brick wall over and over and expecting different
> results."

But you will! First, you get a concussion, then loss of blood, then
loss of consciousness, followed by your skull giving way and your head
going SQUOOSH against the wall like an overripe melon! Those are all
different results last I checked!

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Original file name: Pink Leftists Were Sorely Confu - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08