Date: Sun, Apr 14, 2002 2:32 PM
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
It annoys me in profound ways when well-meaning women
come up to me and
say, "Oh, I just *love* a man in drag!" Most
of the time I feel like
saying, "That's sweet; I hope you find one some
day." Instead, I often
find myself explaining the issues behind being a transsexual,
in
particular:
1) I'm not a man except by technicality, and even THAT
is going to
change as soon as I raise the $10,000 to do it;
2) I'm not "in drag" and have only a tiny
bit of common ground with the
drag queens they are surely thinking about.
One of the complications here is that the transgendered
have their own
"community" of sorts, with their own language
and concepts. For one, we
recognize our own gender dysphoria--a deep dissatisfaction
and
rebellion of the identity versus a socially constructed
gender
assignment. We transsexuals, crossdressers, and other
transgendered
certainly didn't ask to be this way, but there's an
inward voice that
speaks, for some in whispers and others in screams,
saying: "That
letter on your birth certificate isn't *you*. And you've
got to do
something about it." We're thus driven to not just
dress in clothes of
the so-called opposite sex, but to take on the role
of said gender to
whatever extent is necessary that the inward voice speaks
in more
peaceful tones. Someone with experience only with gender
norms and
maybe a few viewings of *Rocky Horror* therefore has
no concept that,
for most of us, "transvestite" and "drag"
are slurs. The former is a
medical term that has connotations of fetishism which
hardly applies;
the latter lumps us all with gay men who like to play
up the glamorous
life now and then as an homage or a parody, but without
identifying
with the female. Either way, the language does us a
disservice.
Speaking of gay men, another major point of contention
involves deep
confusion between the concepts of sex, gender, and sexual
orientation.
Sex is what the doctor sees between your legs at birth.
(And doctors
*have* been wrong.) Gender is what society tries to
saddle us with
after sex is determined. And sexual orientation is who
you wind up
sleeping with, anyway. Granted, there is interplay between
the concepts
of sex, gender, and sexual orientation, but it would
be a grave
disservice to confuse the three. Based on my physical
characteristics,
I am technically male but quickly changing into more
and more of a
female form; society tried to socialize me as a boy
and as a man, but
that didn't stick and I am now resocializing as a girl
and as a woman;
and frankly, women turn me on in ways men simply cannot.
I raise this point because it still amazes me how often
my
transsexuality gets discounted because I prefer women.
Worse, even now
I still hear comments like, "If you like guys so
much, why not just be
gay?" Apparently, some cannot fathom why I would
change my sex if I
didn't want to sleep with men; I could simply remain
male and have sex
with women, right? Conversely, if I want to change my
sex, I *must*
want to sleep with men, and I could simply remain male
and live as a
gay man. It's a lose/lose situation; either way, the
notion of changing
sex gets rubbed out on grounds of sexual orientation.
Talking about
missing the point.
No matter how one cuts it, I regard myself as female
so strongly that I
give myself expensive hormone shots and pills to alter
my body as well
as my emotions, and plan on having my genitals remoulded
surgically to
match. This isn't a weekend fling; I have changed my
name and started
living every moment as female as I can, and will do
so for the rest of
my life. I am going through a profound experience beyond
the scope of
being "in drag," beyond heterosexuality and
homosexuality, beyond
static notions of what it is to be a man or to be a
woman. My mere
existence smashes barriers and thumbs a nose towards
those who wish to
enforce society's norms. And I don't feel like this
is a choice either;
the alternative is to have that screaming inner voice
drive me to the
grave prematurely, and that is simply not an option.
No, I have no
choice but to be myself, no matter what confusion or
discomfort others
may have to face. Anything less would be irresponsible
to the world,
which has labored for centuries under the yoke of Western
Society's
delusions. I march for freedom, and that, friends, is
no drag.
Her Ladyship Lilith
--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Rockin' rant, missy.
There is a new M to F transsexual employee working at
the Eckerd up where I
live. And I thought, "you go girl", but I
didn't give her the Stare or the
Commentary, because she wants to live as a woman, and
the best compliment I
can give is not to look twice and just be another cheerful,
satisfied
customer. Staring at a differently gendered person
is like staring at a
tree in the forest and saying "why is this tree
here." Hell, the only thing
I require for communication is a brainstem, not a friggin
cultural gender
reference. But then, my mental gender is that of a
bull queer stuck in a
woman's body; I love men, but not the way most male
humans expect...and a
lot of them like it anyhow. So, when it comes to gender,
all I have to say
of any gender mental or physical, is, what's not to
like?
alliekatt
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
> There is a new M to F transsexual employee working
at the Eckerd up where I
> live. And I thought, "you go girl",
but I didn't give her the Stare or the
> Commentary, because she wants to live as a woman,
and the best compliment I
> can give is not to look twice and just be another
cheerful, satisfied
> customer.
Good call! Most of us don't want to stand out and literally
go crazy by
the fact that there's no way they can avoid it. Not
even hormones and
SRS are enough. I'm fortunate in that I tend to pass
fairly well; some
have to have plastic surgery in order to "feminize"
their face. A few
have their floating ribs removed in an attempt to make
their chest
smaller. I once had a transsexual girlfriend who talked
about wanting
her hips cracked and spread apart, to give her a more
womanly pelvis.
Some TSs even get injections of silicone--not implants,
INJECTIONS--and
not just in the breats, but in cheeks and lips too.
Sad, but for many,
necessary.
> But then, my mental gender is that of a bull queer
stuck in a
> woman's body; I love men, but not the way most
male humans expect...and a
> lot of them like it anyhow.
I always got something of a bear vibe off you. :)
Her Ladyship Lilith
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
> It annoys me in profound ways when well-meaning
women
> come up to me and say, "Oh, I just *love*
a man in
> drag!"...
A deep and well-written description of what I have
heard called "The difference of the hair's breadth."
It is an expression used to describe the arrogant,
all-encompassing, and sharply deliniated borders of
"normality" that exist within cultures, and
to a
great extent, thoughout mankind. And how just the
slightest variation outside of these boundaries--the
"hair's breadth"--in *any* direction--would
render
one permanently "abnormal", alien, almost
unimaginable
to all who dwell within, in that particular direction,
on that given subject.
On any other topic, the hive would think of you as
their own, but just mention 'la difference', whatever
it is, and they become deaf and reject you and your
"new fangled" ideas.
That despite the universal belief to the contrary--
that peoples' 'worldview' or 'zeitgeist' is broad,
flexible, even all-encompassing--in fact it is small,
rigid and brittle. They cannot imagine *anything* that
is outside of their mind-set. It is incomprehensible
to them. (N.B.: often the self-described "open
minded"
are the most intellectually bigoted in this manner--
and the most offended if you suggest it to them.)
A good indicator is that only those who have "been
there", to that place outside the shell, have the
words and understanding of the words. You used the
example of "sex", "gender" and "preference"--how
many
people seem to confuse two of the three as having the
same meaning. (I actually knew an older lady who
didn't believe that lesbians existed--it simply
couldn't compute in her reality. For her, all three
words would be the same.)
So the best words of solace are the assurance that you
are not alone in drawing outside the lines, and no
matter how outre you may feel or act, rest assured
that 99% of what you do is "normal" enough
to make up
for it. If you keep at it, eventually they will learn
to integrate your perspectives, at least partway.
But they will prolly never really "get it", though.
--
Bill Gates will be remembered in 1000 years as
the man whose robots built the first building
on mars.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: iDRMRSR <alex.i.thymia@depression.org>
Damn, Lil, not only do you got a sweetie already (from
the earlier post)
but now you're chirping Sapphic songs. Well, I know
a couple of
Lesbians, (they are at least as far as I'm concerned
after "dating"
them) and you can have 'em. Doesn't give a single male
sociopath much
of a chance.
From what I saw on the Lawrence surgery site, though,
(and my s. o. is
perfectly in line with my gender), I wouldn't mind having
a cooter
installed. I'd just squat over a mirror all day and
prolly never leave
the house. They do pretty good work.
Well, you do gots my support. We have a Glen/Glenda
where I werke (she
is now known as Missy though en homme she went as Glen,
it's troo).
Thing is, she's actually prettier than some of the natal
females
crawling around the cube farm. Dresses better, too.
Sometimes I catch
myself giving her the eye, but then the old testosterone
kicks in and I
remind myself this WAS Glen. Then I start wishing the
real natal
females would take an extra five minutes each day primping
up, how nice
that would be.
Oh hell, but for them being female is not the gift it
is for Missy, I
reckon. She got it now, and knows what to do with it.
We should all
come out so well.
[*]
-----
---------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
> Damn, Lil, not only do you got a sweetie already
(from the earlier post)
> but now you're chirping Sapphic songs.
You didn't know? I've called myself a dyke for YEARS!
:) I experimented
with men some, but never took a shine to 'em. They didn't
smell
right--one reminded me of formaldehyde in fact! Euw!
And I didn't get
into phallocentric sex, or into demanding lovers. And
to be honest,
there are damned few guys that do anything for me; the
ones that DID
just simply had beautiful, expressive eyes. On the other
hand, it's
hard for me to find something not to like about all
but the most
morbidly obese of women.
> Well, you do gots my support. We have a Glen/Glenda
where I werke (she
> is now known as Missy though en homme she went
as Glen, it's troo).
Fair warning--most transsexuals would kick your ass
for making that
"Glen/Glenda" comment. I don't mind, much,
but you might appreciate the
notion of not having one's life associated with one
of the most
legendary of badfilm auters.
> Thing is, she's actually prettier than some of
the natal females
> crawling around the cube farm. Dresses better,
too.
We often have to dress better just so we can pass better.
I'd rather
dress in a more androgynous fashion but I get called
"sir" more that
way. It's not worth it.
Her Ladyship Lilith
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>
> It annoys me in profound ways when well-meaning
women come up to me and
> say, "Oh, I just *love* a man in drag!"
Most of the time I feel like
> saying, "That's sweet; I hope you find one
some day." Instead, I often
> find myself explaining the issues behind being
a transsexual,
At least women talk to you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mumthra@yoo-ess-ay.net (Eureka Stench)
At least? Having an attribute that causes women come
up and talk to
you is waybigtime overrated. Getting them to talk is
easy. Getting
them to shut up is not.
When you have the THING that makes ANYBODY start a personal
conversation with you when you hold still for more than
30 seconds in
public is a CURSE.
Having the PHONE MAGNETISM that eventually requires
abruptly hanging
up on every phone call can be a REWARD, however.
Then there's the OTHER THING that causes any minute
act of
friendliness on your part to generate a primal predatory
situation
which leaves you wondering if you'll have to KILL or
just BE RUDE in
order to ESCAPE.
I haven't yet found the disguise that will cause everyone
to quit
mistaking me for their THERAPIST or their MOMMY, but
I suspect that
several gaudy noserings might do the trick.
---------------------------------------------------
This was probably posted by Mumthra
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
True! So many women seem to mistake gabbing for intimacy,
maybe because
it's the only intimacy they've ever had. "We talked
for 15 seconds--we
have a BOND!" It does make one pray for a universal
social solvent.
> I haven't yet found the disguise that will cause
everyone to quit
> mistaking me for their THERAPIST or their MOMMY,
but I suspect that
> several gaudy noserings might do the trick.
That'd work for the average Pink, but the alterna-Pinks
would think
you're hip and start showing you THEIR piercings and
tattoos and other
body modifications. Maybe if you got a rubber mask that
made you look
like you had leprosy or elephantitis. But that'd attract
SubGenius
males like crazy!
Maybe a SubGenius nunnery is in order. We could engrave
"SHUT UP" over
the gateway. And posters that say "LOOSE LIPS SUCK
DICK" and the like.
Racks of gags would be handy too, for the unrepentant
ones. That'd be
fun, too.
Her Ladyship Lilith
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>
>I haven't yet found the disguise that will cause
everyone to quit
>mistaking me for their THERAPIST or their MOMMY,
but I suspect that
>several gaudy noserings might do the trick.
One certain method is SubGenius doctrine. As I live
in a state infested...oh,
excuse me, predominated...by Southern Baptists, I can
testify that you'd be
amazed at the speed with which they can backpedal when
you begin waxing
enthusiastic about "Bob's" version of Eternal
Salvation, the evil Space God
JHVH-1 and the Supersonic Nazi HellCreatures from Beneath
the Hollow Earth. Its
like watching roaches run from the tuna salad when you
turn on the kitchen light
at 3 a.m. I mean boogity boogity.
Yea, verily, many and powerful are the tools of Dobbs.
HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Wonder how many Dumbland Offense
offal-istic oaf officals and their dawgs
sniff your mail each day?
There's no trick to being a humorist
when you have
the whole government working for you.
- Will Rogers
"Cool, Mom's on drugs!
If we turn her in,
we can get a form letter from Dick Cheney!"
- "The Simpsons"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus <tartarus@rome.com>
HellPopeHuey wrote:
> Yea, verily, many and powerful are the tools of Dobbs.
But not as many as the tools of frogs:
Associated Press
Washington- Male frogs exposed to even very low doses
of a common weed
killer can develop multiple sexual organs -- sometimes
both male and female --
researchers in California have discovered.
"I was very much surprised," at the impact
ot atrazine on developing
frogs, said Tyrone B. Hayes of the University of California
at Berkeley.
Atrazine is the most commonly used weed killer in North
America, he
said, and can be found in rainwater, snow runoff and
groundwater.
"There is virtually no atrazine-free environment."
Hayes said.
....and so on.
Bob was/is a salesman. Just what, besides the ridiculous
and holy bundle
of lies known as "church doctrine" did he
sell? If it included weed
killer, that might explain a few things.
--
Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus
Cathareuse Ordre de Frites
Salvian HP Synod
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
> At least women talk to you.
You know, if we shaved off any facial hair and dressed
you up just so,
you could pass as a little old granny. Then you'd have
no problems with
women talking to you, too!
Her Ladyship Lilith
Original file name: My latest gender rant.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08
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