Lent and the other gods

Date: Mon, Mar 25, 2002 7:27 PM

From: iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east>

Today, on the suggestion board for my CON cafeteria, there was a note
"Please do not put bacon in the clam chowder during Lent on Fridays. I
so look forward to the clam chowder, but have been unable to eat it."

Make me understand this. Bacon is meat, but clams aren't? Meat is OK
except on Fridays during Lent?

She doesn't love Jesus enough to abstain from all chowders for about six
weeks?

When you die, you are presented with complete spectroscopic analysis of
everything you ate in your entire life, with an eternity to go over the
results to prove intent?

And how small a portion of mammalian protein qualifies as a sin?
Suppose they cooked beef vegetable soup in the same pot a week ago. One
molecule of beef protein got into next Friday's chowder and four hundred
Catholics are doomed to purgatory? Is that how it works?

Could she have just picked out the identifiable pieces of bacon and not
eaten them? What if she took it home and ate it on Saturday? Did it go
through some transformation that purified it?

In short, how many kittens have to die to support all the people who
deliberately ate meat on Fridays during Lent? I shudder to think...

[*]
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From: wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com (William Barwell)

Aren't clams sort of like fish?

Old joke...

A grizzled sailor walks into a ramshackle seafront
restaurant on a Friday.
He asks the waitor, "Got any shark?"
"No" says the waiter.
"Got any whale?"
"No" says the waitor again.
"Well then, serve me a steak well done. the good Lord
knows I tried."

I said it was an old joke.......

Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope of Houston
Slack!

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From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

The Lenten fast has an interesting history. Every one does
it differently, and definitions of food were changed
especially for the "fast". Catholics have been copping out
since the beginning:

Socrates observed:
"Some abstain from every sort of creature that has life,
while others of all the living creatures eat of fish only.
Others eat birds as well as fish, because, according to the
Mosaic account of the Creation, they too sprang from the
water; others abstain from fruit covered by a hard shell and
from eggs. Some eat dry bread only, others not even that;
others again when they have fasted to the ninth hour partake
of various kinds of food."

During Lent, birds were considered fish, especially if they
could be prepared with almond "scales" or other tricks to
make them look like fish. A legend sprang up about the
barnacle goose that it was, in fact, an adult barnacle and
therefore an edible sea creature. Otters and turtles got to
be fish for 40 days, too.

My favorite odd Lenten quote:

"Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and
railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish
and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters?
The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the
body of his neighbor."

Saint John Chrysostom, d. 407

John Starrett

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From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>In short, how many kittens have to die to support all the people who
>deliberately ate meat on Fridays during Lent? I shudder to think...

Puts Pudding Pops in a whole new light, don't it? I knew Jesus was keeping
track of my soul, but He's watching what I EAT, too?? Boy, I'm gonna hafta go to
Hell TWICE: once for the food, once for the women. Unless I refresh my Church
pledge. Sure hope the Saucers don't arrive before next payday....OOOoooooo!

Yeah yeah, I know "X-Day," but "Bob's" fickler'n hell, you know. Not a calendar
man, IF YOU KNOW WHUT I MEAN AND I THINK YOU DO.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
I have the body of a sedentary galactic potentate
and the mind of a chicken on speed.
I don't know what that totals.
Probably my odds of becoming rich & famous.

"I'll admit I've had better days,
but I'm still not to be had
for the price of a cocktail
and a salted peanut."
- Bette Davis

"Clearly, we are in a situation
where we'd normally find Rod Serling
talking to a camera
in the corner of our living room."
- "Baby Bob"

"You're a teacher...
and with that mantle, comes a burden."
- "Boston Public"

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From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>""

"You don't use your brain to think about your religion."

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Original file name: Lent and the other gods.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08