Date: Sun, Jan 6, 2002 9:52 AM
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet/GIS.Servlets.HTMLTemplate?tf=tgam/search/tgam/SearchFullStory.html&cf=tgam/search/tgam/SearchFullStory.cfg&configFileLoc=tgam/config&encoded_keywords=winnipeg&option=&start_row=3¤t_row=3&start_row_offset1=&num_rows=1&search_results_start=1
Doughnut shop bans children to allow customers to smoke
Winnipeg bylaw prohibits use of tobacco in public
locations frequented by minors...
--------------------------
HEAR! HEAR! For once and HONEST law.
Why? Because the purpose of these DAMNED laws is NOT
to protect the non-smoker from smoke, but to OPPRESS
smokers! Finally, ONE city permits (probably
unitentionally) business owners to CHOOSE who THEY
want their clientele to be. And THEY CHOOSE SMOKERS!
And if NON-SMOKERS can't tolerate the idea of even ONE
restaurant out of a THOUSAND that PREFERS smokers to
THEM, then it is not the SMOKE that is the problem.
It is people who are ASSHOLES! And if you give a
business owner the choice between having customers who
are smokers and customers who are ASSHOLES, who do you
think he will go for?
And, to tell you the truth, if I owned a business and
it was *also* a choice between smokers and kids, I would
choose smokers, too. Why? Because kids are a pain
in
the ass with NO MONEY. Smokers buy stuff: the kind
of
people I WANT in my establishment.
But what about the poor people who want to take their
kids into my store with them? TOUGH. They can't take
their kids into a bar, why should they take them into
MY business which I WANT to be the equivalent of a
SMOKE BAR? Same difference. Keep the kids out. They
DO NOT BELONG here. You shouldn't want them in here
in
the first place!
Dang. Makes me want to open a smoking bar. If I could
somehow get an exemption from these DAMN oppressive
laws!
--
There is no nu-monet there is only Zuul.
In a year holding a three, or seven,
or five, or nine, or maybe not,
Two things, might be people, or armies,
or buildings,
Or anything really, blades of grass,
or stoats, or crapulous charlatans
spouting mimsy,
Might do something nebulous.
Insert made-up-bit here.
--Generic Nostradamus Quatrain from
"The Guardian"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>Dang. Makes me want to open a smoking bar. If
I could
>somehow get an exemption from these DAMN oppressive
laws!
I agree. I think while we're at it we should seriously
consider
deploying nuclear weapons in all parts of California
which have
enacted global "NO FUCKING SMOKING ANYWHERE"
laws.
They should stop fooling themselves. It isn't that
they're bothered
by -other- people's smoke getting to -them-. They're
bothered by the
-fact- that -anybody- would smoke. Avocado and mineral
water nazis.
Like most of the human race they just can't MIND THEIR
OWN FUCKING
BUSINESS. They consider YOU to be part of THEIR scenery.
I've always gone out of my way to stand away from other
people when I
smoke, I always did that, even before the Total Wellness
Nazis
appeared and decided smokers were pariahs and that it
was OK to
persecute us. Just common courtesy.
Total Wellness Nazis will make a point of coughing if
they are
anywhere within 500 feet of a cigarette. As if they
were choking to
death on the deadly fumes, or more just to make a nasty
little point.
Sometimes at a bus stop or something, I walk away from
the main mass
of people (I don't really like standing close to hyoomins
anyway but
at least this gives me an excuse), get downwind and
at least twenty or
whatever feet away and smoke. Some fucking birdbrain
will inevitably
go out of their way to walk over to where I'm standing,
where nobody
else is, and they decide that they have to stand right
there where I
am. And that's annoying but OK. But then after they've
gone
wandering off and the only place in the world they can
possibly stand
is precisely this spot where I am, they let out that
indignant little
cough.
*kaff* *kaff*
And then kind of flash me this little look like "hint hint".
I swear I'm going to just kick some fool's head in someday.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
I like my women same as I like my coffee...
...
anally.
--
Field Marshall Slack
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Kick the Little Bastards Out!
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sun, Jan 6, 2002 4:14 PM
Message-ID: <3C38BE3A.1131@succeeds.com>
Joe Cosby wrote:
> ...But then after they've gone wandering off and
the
> only place in the world they can possibly stand
is
> precisely this spot where I am, they let out that
> indignant little cough.
>
> *kaff* *kaff*
>
> And then kind of flash me this little look like
> "hint hint".
>
> I swear I'm going to just kick some fool's head
in
> someday.
>
(After I saw that, I dropped down to the end to see
your .sig...
> anally.
>
...and it seemed to be the answer right there!)
"Pardon me, Sir, but would you *kaff* *kaff*, not
mind
smoking when I am standing here?"
"Anally? YOU WANT ME TO FUCK YOU ANALLY!!! *NO*!,
I *WILL NOT* FUCK YOU ANALLY!!!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kevan <cuthulu@shreve.net>
I quit smoking six months ago. It's done wonders for
my health. You can smoke if
you want to, it's no skin off my ass. But you'll be
healthier and feel better if
you quit.
--
"hahahahaha ... that's it ... that tickles elmo
the most!"
http://home.sport.rr.com/cuthulu/ human rights =
peace
http://member.newsguy.com/~cuthulu/ alt.slack archive
clock lash the low and effective cannibals 3:28:21 PM
6 January 2002
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Tesla Coil <tescoil@devnull.ilbbs.com>
My favorite is: "Did you know that second-hand
cigarette
smoke is more unhealthy than first-hand cigarette smoke?"
Stock reply: "This your way of asking for a cigarette?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "LXIX" <post_replys_please@this.address.is.invalid>
Won't bother a smoker that is already there, but if
they light
up next to me, that is a different matter.
The local bar has outside tables/benches where people
can sit to
stay out of the smoke or just enjoy the outside. In
this case I
was on a bench outside when this insufferable little
prick sits
down across from me and asks if his cigar bothered me.
I said yes,
and he blows a great big puff of smoke in my face and
says,
"Too fucking bad."
Took the cigar out of his mouth, crushed it in my hand,
and replied,
"Why yes, it is too fucking bad, isn't it."
He left, and I had a good burn to remember it by. Thankfully
the
beer was cold and that helped.
--LXIX--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>My favorite is: "Did you know that second-hand
cigarette
>smoke is more unhealthy than first-hand cigarette
smoke?"
>
>Stock reply: "This your way of asking for
a cigarette?"
>
I have to remember that one.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
I was told by a Professor of Education in class once
that school
administrators cared about only two things: Image and
Damage control.
Any attempts to get their attention have to be translated
into those
terms.
Satyr
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>I quit smoking six months ago. It's done wonders
for my health. You can smoke if
>you want to, it's no skin off my ass. But you'll
be healthier and feel better if
>you quit.
Nobody asked you.
The only thing worse than born-again Xtians are ex-smokers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>...I was on a bench outside when this insufferable
little prick sits
>down across from me and asks if his cigar bothered
me. I said yes,
>and he blows a great big puff of smoke in my face
and says,
>"Too fucking bad."
>
>Took the cigar out of his mouth, crushed it in my
hand, and replied,
>"Why yes, it is too fucking bad, isn't it."
>
>He left, and I had a good burn to remember it by.
Thankfully the
>beer was cold and that helped.
I'm all for that.
Or you could have worked up a huge nasty greasy oily
fart, walked over
and farted in his face, then ask "that didn't bother
you, did it?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kevan <cuthulu@shreve.net>
>The only thing worse than born-again Xtians are ex-smokers.
Liek I said, I don't care if you smoke or not. We could
even be in an elevator
together and you could light up a whole pack of cigarettes
at once. I wouldn't
mind. All I'm saying is that you feel a whole lot better
once you give up that
habit. It's like getting a whole new set of lungs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "The Not Quite Sane One" <klyf_lists--spam--@yahoo.com>
> The only thing worse than born-again Xtians are ex-smokers.
Heh heh heh. I'm one now. Are those of us that quit
because it
really *is* killing us (asthma, bronchitis, impending
emphysema) and
could give a shit less about whether or not the people
around them
smoke rated any higher?
Is what apparently happened to Kevan going to happen
to me eventually
cause I quit smoking? *whimpers*
--
Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" the Not-Quite-Sane,
ESB
"Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?"
--Bumper Sticker
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "GenJerDan" <wojcik@genjerdan.com>
You *should* be asking how the smoker manages to not
inhale any of the
"second smoke" they're producing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
> And if NON-SMOKERS can't tolerate the idea of even
ONE
> restaurant out of a THOUSAND that PREFERS smokers
to
> THEM, then it is not the SMOKE that is the problem.
>
As Dr. Drummond put it, "Bullshit eats up way more
Slack than second
hand smoke does." And nobody can spew holier than
thou bullshit like a
non-smoker -- EXCEPT for a FORMER smoker. Those are
absolutely the
WORST.
I say that as a Smoker who has chosen not to Smoke for
the last 5
years.
You think those LAWS are oppressive -- FEAR of SICKNESS
is even MORE
oppressive. But that's no excuse for all these "it's
for your own good"
laws, which are nothing but the SNEAKIER side of the
oncoming
totalitarian police/TV state.
Since I stopped smoking, sure, smokers smell stinky
to me. But they
don't smell THAT stinky. The detergent aisle at the
grocery store is a
hundred times worse, and nobody outlaws public detergent
aisles.
Smokers are perfectly welcome to smoke their death sticks
in my house,
especially up in my office; I would never expect people
to be able to
do good work or be happy guests unless they were able
to cuss and smoke
freely. (I also offer medium-core pornography along
with all the other
fine books in the guest room.)
Now that I'm a "non-smoker," the only people
that I hear whining and
griping shrilly about smoking are the FORMER smokers.
They make me much
sicker than cigaret smoke does. They affect my health
by running up my
blood pressure with their invasive BULLSHIT. I happen
to have an
ENVIRONMENTAL ALLERGY CONDITION that makes me a poor
sad VICTIM -- I am
ALLERGIC to BULLSHIT from these thoughtless former smokers.
So, just because I don't smoke, DON'T MISTAKE ME FOR
ONE OF THOSE
NONSMOKER ASSHOLES. LSMFT!!
OR KILL ME!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
> They should stop fooling themselves. It isn't
that they're bothered
> by -other- people's smoke getting to -them-. They're
bothered by the
> -fact- that -anybody- would smoke. Avocado and
mineral water nazis.
> Like most of the human race they just can't MIND
THEIR OWN FUCKING
> BUSINESS. They consider YOU to be part of THEIR
scenery.
PREE-CISELY!
"IF YOU DON'T LIKE NUCLEAR WEAPONS, DON'T USE 'EM,"
that's my stance on
the issue.
> Total Wellness Nazis will make a point of coughing
if they are
> anywhere within 500 feet of a cigarette. As if
they were choking to
> death on the deadly fumes, or more just to make
a nasty little point.
A sign of social impotence is what it is. They are somebody's
slave all
day, which irks them, and they can't wait for an excuse
to act like the
"boss" over SOMEBODY, even a total stranger,
for half a second.
> I swear I'm going to just kick some fool's head in someday.
Me some too.
I have noticed that by being driven outdoors to smoke,
office-working
smokers have become generally healthier looking than
office-working
nonsmokers, ironically. They get more sun and fresh
air.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
> I quit smoking six months ago.
So my point is made.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
> Or you could have worked up a huge nasty greasy
oily fart, walked over
> and farted in his face, then ask "that didn't
bother you, did it?"
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? How do you "work up"
a fart when you need one?
Man, if I could learn to do that... my show biz career
would have the
"boost" it needs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
>It's like getting a whole new set of lungs.
And a new brain! That of an unbearably prim asshole.
The sour new brain goes away after another year or so.
Unless you were
a prim asshole to begin with. In that case, the change
is just a matter
of degree.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>
>They consider YOU to be part of THEIR scenery.
Actually, I just consider their AIR to be part of MY LIFE SUPPORT.
As soon as they want to don a space helmet to smoke
in, they can do
it anywhere and everywhere as far as I'm concerned.
I don't suck giant cocks as a rule, and I fail to
see why I should be
choked in similar fashion by someone's fashion accessory.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kevan <cuthulu@shreve.net>
_
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_W4Mt" ./_T"`b_J999M__, On
Mon, 07 Jan 2002 13:38:33 -0500,
M_AA__., ,M9t' MF"' , 7M, "Rev.
Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
S_M' /999MM____ ,t' _M] `JM from http://extra.newsguy.com
wrote:
/SMM__. 87999MMM99' _MM
"/SMMMMMMM_____ ____MMF9'> And
a new brain! That of an unbearably
`"!/999999999999999"' >
prim asshole.
>
>
> The sour
new brain goes away after
> another year
or so. Unless you were a
> prim asshole
to begin with. In that
> case, the
change is just a matter of
> degree.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "LXIX" <post_replys_please@this.address.is.invalid>
> HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? How do you "work up"
a fart when you need one?
> Man, if I could learn to do that... my show biz
career would have the
> "boost" it needs.
Scientifickle reasoich indicates a diet of cauliflower,
15 been soup,
pickled eggs, and Killeans Red produces not only quantity
but also
quantity of flatulant matter.
Or it makes you explode, I forget which.
--LXIX--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>
Replace all tobacco with frop. Then the kids can join
the smokers in Dickin'
Donuts and they'll all eat their way to Hebbin. Problem
solved the SubGenius
way.
HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
But Lord,
the planet was already stank when I GOT here
"When the next White House enemies list comes
out,
I want to be on it."
- Hunter S. Thompson
"How come YOU get a social worker?
I'M the one with stigmata!"
- "The Simpsons"
Huey is constantly being wearily represented by
Ozone, Patchouli, Cordite and Schnappes,
very tired Attorneys-At-Law
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>
>>> Or you could have worked up a huge nasty
greasy oily fart, walked over
>> and farted in his face, then ask "that
didn't bother you, did it?"
>
>HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? How do you "work up"
a fart when you need one?
>Man, if I could learn to do that... my show biz
career would have the
>"boost" it needs.
Not if you still smoked. BOOM!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
> I swear I'm going to just kick some fool's head in someday.
Damn, yinz should move yerself up to Pixburgh. We had
a hunderd and fifty
years of steel and coking mills, which in their heyday
turned a blue sky to
twilight and turned a white collar black in less than
an hour. Now after
six generations and a steel industry that died in 1979,
these purulent
paddypolackukrainian hunkys HAVE to smoke in order to
keep their lungs
"normal". They all are bred to manage a certain
level of toxic particulates
in the air and get sick when they DON'T have them.
Too much sun and too
much fresh air make for a sunburnt Pixburger with a
pollen headache. I
swear just about every yinzer chick here smokes Newports,
the worst. OH,
and we also consume more coffee per capita than Seattle.
The black oily
kind. Coffee and cigarette, bekfis o' champiums. Gimme
a Paddy diner with
smokestained walls to huff Camels and coffee and read
the paper in, and I'm
a happy gal. Eggs and sausage with a stick of butter
please. Make 'em
dippy. Forget the salt shaker, hand me the whole box
of Morton's. Thank you
miss.
That which does not kill me makes me stronger and Pixburgh
is the shining
example. Shit, a lot of the trees and grass died when
the mills were going
and the rest mutated so they could live in coal dust
and twilight and drink
kerosene. Now after the mills went, the trees and grass
grow so fast that
our grass stays green all winter. We have to mow in
January. That's some
crazy shit.
Damn, I'm glad I live in Pixburgh. We ARE Gotham.
Looks like Dublin and
smells like a wet rock. Urban sprawl is frowned on
and the smoke Nazis are
laughed out of the tin-ceilinged shot-n-beer bars.
Anyone here who
_doesn't_ light up at a bus stop is rudely jinxing it
for everyone else
anyhow. Everyone knows that lighting up a cigarette
brings the bus faster.
alliekatt
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rev Priest <revpriest@dalliance.deletethis.net.invalid>
I quit cigarettes this Christmas just gone, since then
I've had a cold,
some kind of muscle strain in my ribs, an infected tooth
and
more headaches than you can shake a stick at. I wonder
if I'll
ever be healthy again and I never even used to smoke
all that
much.
Still, gives me something to complain about.
Rev Priest...........
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: fossil_1984@hotmail.com (The Anti-Reagan)
It's like sex: if you can't actually do it anymore,
the next best
thing is to TALK about it. Presumably the only way for
most of 'em to
talk about tobacco without giving in to temptation,
is to verbally
abuse any smoker who'll stand still for it.
Ironically, the worst offenders often just happen to
be wearing
pachouli, the most vile scent known to history.
"I'll quit smoking when you quit being STUPID."
--
Sri Chaos Israel, 1701st Living ACK Master.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: kconvery@ioma.com (The Bishop)
> I don't suck giant cocks as a rule, and I fail
to see why I should be
> choked in similar fashion by someone's fashion
accessory.
Kinda missing the point, aintcha, Chas? He went DOWNWIND
of them,
and they pursued him, just to put themsleves in the
line of smoke and
score a ticket to bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: thecompound@ispwest.com (Jillie)
> > As Dr. Drummond put it, "Bullshit eats
up way more Slack than second
> hand smoke does." And nobody can spew holier
than thou bullshit like a
> non-smoker -- EXCEPT for a FORMER smoker. Those
are absolutely the
> WORST.
Yeah. That's why I'm a kook's worst nightmare. I'm a
REFORMED kook who
is desperately fighting the relapse.
HeadMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Director of Programming & Keeper of the Seven Squeals
Branch Salacians
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>Is what apparently happened to Kevan going to happen
to me eventually
>cause I quit smoking? *whimpers*
Fuck it. Smoking -is- an idiotic habit.
But PREACHING is worse.
That's all I'm sayin
I remember one time when I was working 12 hour days
-and- weekends at
work for several months. It was fucking horrid. I
hardly had time
for pr0no and the finer things in life. So This Person
I know started
lecturing me about how MY WHOLE PROBLEM WAS that I didn't
tell my
bosses off and RAGGING ME AND RAGGING ME about how important
it was
that I establish the terms of my employment with them.
Which was a wonderful lecture although tempered somewhat
by the fact
that This Person had never held a job for more than
six months before
getting gracelessly fired (NOT quit like a noble subgenius,
but
canned) and had come over to borrow money.
I just think people should spend less time preaching in general.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but with a whimper.
T.S. Eliot
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
>HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? How do you "work up"
a fart when you need one?
>Man, if I could learn to do that... my show biz
career would have the
>"boost" it needs.
Well if all else fails, stick a half a box of alka seltzer
up your
anus, have somebody pour in a glass of water, and clench
your cheeks
desperately until the appropriate moment.
That might qualify as cheating though.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"If you ever fall off of the Sears Tower, I think
a smart thing to
do would be to let your arms and legs go really limp.
That way people
on the ground would think you were a dummy and try to
catch you, because
hey, free dummy!" -- Jack Handey
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
> I don't suck giant cocks as a rule, and I fail
to see why I should be
>choked in similar fashion by someone's fashion accessory.
Do you drive a car to work?
I don't.
*kaff* *kaff*
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"Today the business of business is becoming the
constant invention of new
business."
- Marshall Macluhan
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